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Thread: Not a CD topic!

  1. #26
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    This is simply not acceptable. I suggest you leave the blood right where it is until it heals. Then let your wife see the result. You don’t have to say anything.

    Some wives have to put through a lot with their husbands. Drugs, alcohol, just plain jerks, whatever. Some of these wives even get beaten by said husbands. You're not laying a finger on your wife when you dress and she does this? No, that trait in her character is present regardless of your dressing. Your dressing is just the excuse for her to go there.

    I think the term “restraining order” should be introduced into your conversations with your wife. Other than that, marriage counseling, immediately.

    Sorry for your troubles.
    Last edited by Patience; 01-01-2019 at 11:47 AM. Reason: rhetorical.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  2. #27
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacy Darling View Post
    Thanks Girls,
    Guess I've been around this for so long that it's how I live, Awareness for the rest of the world is what I hope for!
    Stacy!
    It's time to stop living that way. Your rationalizations are those of most abuse victims, and no, you don't deserve it because you are who you are. Sorry, but that is the unvarnished truth.
    No better time to start making changes than right now.

  3. #28
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Hello Stacey

    That's assault with a weapon (the water glass) where I live. You're very lucky that no eye damage occurred.

    It's time to leave and see the police and a lawyer. I'd be looking very hard at a no-contact restraining order or the local equivalent.

    Her anger issues are hers alone. You didn't cause them. She's too dangerous to stay any longer. The opioids for back pain, while saddening, is not a relevant issue.

    A string of assaults and subsequent apologies is one of the hallmarks of an abuser.

    Get going, and good luck.

  4. #29
    Banned Spammer
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    I know I wouldn't stay in that situation.
    Sure she has back issues so do I but that does not give me the right to abuse a friend or loved one.
    I'm sure you love her in some way but her leaving may be whats best for both of you.

  5. #30
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    That kind of violence can not be tolerated. You need to deal with this no matter how hard it may seem. It is too late for police at this point. At minimum a councier should be seen. The next kevel is to talk with an attorney. I wish you all of the best. keep us in the loop.

  6. #31
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    I'm lost for words ...there is no excuse for anyone to be treated that way .I really feel for you and your situation

  7. #32
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Domestic violence is never OK.

    It is not your fault whatever your wife thinks of you cross-dressing.

    What makes it worse IMNSHO is that you are getting used to living with this.

    At the VERY least, file a police report - whether they act on it this time or not, it can be used as evidence of prior bad acts if there is ever a repeat.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  8. #33
    Member Trione's Avatar
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    Stacy, run this will only get worst. If you were closer i would offer you a room. Hope you have someplace to go. You are in more danger then you are will to admit. Get yourself some place safe.

  9. #34
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    Hi Stacy,

    So sorry to hear about this. As somebody said earlier, you are lucky not to have lost an eye, and as somebody said last time, the next might be even more severe. I don't think you should risk this escalating from here.

    I understand your sense of duty as a carer to her, but in my opinion, she has gambled with that obligation from you. The least you should do, as others have said, is get it formally on record.

    Heal well. I hope no scarring is left .
    - Lydianne.

  10. #35
    Member LeslieSD's Avatar
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    What happened is disturbing and wrong.

    The next step depends on your situation. How is the situation in general? What triggers it? You are dressed and meditating, that seems to suggest that the dressing situation is somewhat managed or at least DADT. Why the sudden down turn? Even if she found your dressing, a lot of women will be disappointed and turned away. Becoming violent all the sudden is a bit unusual. Did she expect that you are dressed before she open the door? Did she bring the glass, or simply the glass happened to be in her hands?

    Only you know the situation. And it seems the situation is more than your dressing. You need to man up and deal with that situation. It is not going away.
    Leslie's Advanture into the Unknown - http://lesliesd.weebly.com/

  11. #36
    Member DianaPrince's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear this. Be safe.

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Stacy. My heart goes out to you. My wife and I were both in abusive (in more ways than one) relationships before.
    It's not ok. It never is. It's not normal, even if it is your everyday existence. Please seek some help. Even an ear or some advice is better than trynna deal on your own. This is not something to be all 'man' about (oh the irony! �� ). 3 times as many men as women kill themselves, usually because they can't/won't talk and end up hopeless.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences in hope of raising awareness in others. But please, Stacy, I'm begging you, don't become another statistic.
    Btw I'm a full-time carer for my disabled wife so I get your extra pressures. It's hard with all the extra stuff you have to do. You have to do not just the work of two but more. Most people will never have a clue how much it can wear both of you out.. And then there's the difficulty of trying to be husband and wife, not carer and cared-for. Throw CDing into the mix and yeah, fireworks and guilt.
    But in the thread of yours that was closed ElianaFrozenFlame was SO right. Go back, read her post. But mostly take care of you.
    Hugs, A

    PS. There's more I could say that's more directly relevant but it's not for public. Yet.
    If you wanna PM me that's cool.

    PPS. If painkillers were the problem I'd be 6 feet under. If my wife could walk she'd sound like maracas. Don't make or look for excuses for her. Nor for why you both can't seek help.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-02-2019 at 05:14 AM. Reason: Sending Pm

  13. #38
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    It makes me VERY ANGRY when ANYONE puts up with abusive behavior, Stacy. I think u BOTH need professional help! NOW!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    In fairness I see an awful lot of where Stacy's coming from. But I also wholeheartedly agree both need help.

  15. #40
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    Awareness must start with yourself, I know it's probably hard hearing us all say you should leave her, report her etc but It's not going to stop and goodness knows how much worse it could be.There is no place for such abuse whether commited by a man or a woman, there's absolutely no difference. I'm sorry but please think of getting yourself out of this hurtful relationship. I wish for better times for you

    Sophie
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire

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    A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
    A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose
    Facebook:Sophie Johnson

  16. #41
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    I can't imagine how scary it must be for this to happen. I know that this is a decision only you can make but please consider what people are saying.

    Everyone here and out in your non-internet life cares about you, Stacy. Please, please, please try to stay as safe as you can.
    I kicked the habit/Shed my skin/This is the new stuff/I go dancing in/Won't you show for me?/I will show for you.

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  17. #42
    Aspiring Member Tahoegurl's Avatar
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    Stacy, abuse is unacceptable. Period. No behavior justifies being assaulted. Period. What ever your situation is, you both need to get counciling and work on it from there. Set healthy boundaries and be willing to stand up for them. If this happens again you are not a victim , you are a participant. I pray that you stay safe and get the help you need. I wish you all the best.
    Life is too short to be boring...Alexandra

  18. #43
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeslieSD View Post
    You need to man up and deal with that situation.
    Speaking as someone who has supported victims and survivors of domestic abuse, that is the last thing that you should be telling the victim.
    You are blaming the victim for not taking action when (in this case) he has been conditioned to accept what is happening.

    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    It makes me VERY ANGRY when ANYONE puts up with abusive behavior, Stacy.
    I believe you mean well, doc, but until you have been there and have worked to change a victim into a survivor, you are only pouring oil onto the fire.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  19. #44
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    Thirty-five years about the 1st 5 years of marriage my wife and I would have fights mainly over trying to control each others lives.
    Quite it got physical, hitting, breaking things, name calling, even food fights which made some big messes.
    A few times I would sleep in a room and push furniture in front of the door because I thought she would hit me in my sleep.
    Luckily we both decided we were out of control and we stopped 98% of the craziness.

    Well good luck on your relationship!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Well said Rianna!

    And Judy, boy can I sympathise! But that's a story for another time.
    It is possible to mend these situations but it's hard and it's raw. But as painful as the solution may be it's still better than being abused. Be well, Stacy. We're clearly thinking of you.

  21. #46
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    Stacy, put a lock on the door. Protect yourself.

  22. #47
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Stacy my heart goes out to you, my question is why are you hanging around? can't you leave?
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  23. #48
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    To all those asking why Stacy doesn't just leave, respectfully, when you're a carer for a loved one the situation is not so black and white. If I had taken such simple advice my marriage would likely have ended over 10 years ago. I didn't. Nor did my wife. And we're both relieved it never came to that. We fought WAY too hard to be together.
    And that's not even touching the mild disrespect for Stacy as an adult, capable of making her own decisions.

  24. #49
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    If you think it is the drugs she is on, can you consult with the doctor who prescribed them that they are making her violent (and if they have any suggestions on to mitigate that drug inducing violence).

    I hope you can figure out a way to fix this.

  25. #50
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    It is abuse. You don't have to get police involved. Could you move out and let her live on her own means, while starting down a formal separation path? Live at the temple?
    Hugs, Ellen

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