Do you want to be a Women?

[Maria_mtf]

Firstly to clarify I do not mean to transition, I want some points of views from CDs who always plan to keep being a husband/dad/man.

Basically my Wife is trying to understand more and asked me if I want to be a women, I said no. After watching first dates, there was a CD on there, wife asked do I want to be like him, I don't. He mentioned they are just clothes and in my opinion his look was more androgynous. Wonder if he is on here? (He was great by the way, fair play to him)

I want to present as a women, full wig makeup and all. But do I want to act like a women too, I guess so. So essentially I want to impersonate a women. Or is it I actually want to be one temporarily. But of course wig/makeup doesnt make you a women.

I always figured if you want to be a women that means you will probably end up transitioning or living full time en femme. This of course is rubbish as I know gender is a spectrum.

I think the root of my problem if my wife hears me say I want to be a women she will freak. So can you impersonate a women without wanting to be one? But if you did why would you if you don't want to be one.

Hopefully at least one person will follow where I am going with this.

Maria x

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. So many of us want to present the best possible facsimile of a female without any intention of ever transitioning. There's a huge difference between those who feel they need to transition, folks born in the wrong body, to those who have feminine traits.

When I dress to go out I suppose my aim is to "look the part". I feel good about myself, I am comfortable in my own skin. Forms, padding, corset, all help me present well. I suppose I fall somewhere in-between male and female but more towards female. I count myself lucky, I can exist in two worlds and be comfortable in either.

[Michelle1955]

Yes, started at roughly age 5 or younger. Wanted to be a girl, as older yes a woman. Will I ever have surgery more than likely not. I’m 63 years old, married for nearly 40 years would have to have 100% acceptance from my wife. I manage my fog by dressing or underdressing. Currently a 42A bra / nearly B cup naturally.

[Stephanie47]

Maria,

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

Many women will tell you a man wearing women's clothing is demeaning and in no sense flattering. Decades ago my wife and I had "The Talk." Yes, the same questions. I said something that upon reflection was totally stupid. I mumbled something about 'my inner woman." She shot back something to the effect, "When you can have a baby, tell me about your inner woman." This was way before transgender issues were ever thought about in current day context. I had to tell her "I do not know why I do what I do!" I wished I did not do it. It has nothing to do with her. Long ago I gave up trying to make sense of it.

The best I can come up with is what a counselor I know said to me. She feels each man or woman has some degree of dna of the opposite sex within their dna. In some it is stronger than others. That may explain a lot. Maybe she's wrong. But, that's the best I got to offer my wife.

Now, when Stephanie arises within me for whatever reason, she wants to emulate her ideal woman. It is a lot more than a man in a dress. It is also personna.

Why would a man risk losing family, friends, job, church, neighbors, everything by wearing women's clothing? There is no rational to it.

You could answer your wife by saying what I would say, "If I was not a man, I would want to be a woman."

[sometimes_miss]

As a kid, I was told that god had made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl. This was initially a shock to me, but as he gave his reasons why he believed this, it sort of made sense. And then, once believing it, I started to see other things about my life that pointed in that direction as well. By the time I got to high school, I truly believed that I was supposed to be a girl, and I had thought that god would 'fix me' at some point, and I would someday wake up as a normal girl. I had prayed and prayed, but of course, god never answered. But apparently the damage was done. After growing up and believing that I was truly a girl for so long during my developmental years, it was stuck in my brain. Despite learning the differences between males and females personality, as well as all the differences in how we behave, communicate and how we see the world differently, there's always this lingering feeling that I'm in the wrong clothes, and in the wrong role in life, as if I'm a young teen female waiting to become a woman.
But I have never had any plans to transition, as there is no way I could ever have had a normal female life, even if I had gotten testosterone blockers at a young enough age, female HRT, and SRS. My body is simply in no way feminine at all. So I'm lucky that my GID isn't severe.
My only real regret is that I cannot have a normal relationship with a woman, as none that I have ever known would accept me once she knew about my past, my predeliction for female behaviors and feelings, especially my strong desire to wear clothes that are currently reserved for females only.

My own personal belief is that women have always been reliant upon men for protection and as providers, so anything that brings into question that they might not at some point be all that for her, makes us unacceptable as a potential mate. It's simple insecurity. I understand. It's been bred into human females for so many thousands if not millions of years, that I think it's a genetic predispositon for them to not want anything to do with feminine men. Even though I understand, and have to accept it, it does leave me very lonely sometimes, when I have to face that I will never have a long term relationship again. Oh well. Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all, I guess.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes Miss. i can relate some, and sadly you are right. I may never have commitment or intimacy with a woman either, only non sexual non romantic friendships at most. It is better to be alone, than with a wrong person, though. I will always have this conflict in my life, in this world, too.

[Katherine L.]

No, I’m content to be a crossdresser.

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

Many women will tell you a man wearing women's clothing is demeaning and in no sense flattering.

Stephanie,

I don't want to stray off post but your observation intrigued me if only down to the number of positive interactions those who go out, including me, report when encountering GG's one to one. Add to that the number of supportive SO's, okay there's those who are less that supportive, but I don't think that's because they view it primarily as demeaning to them.

I could understand it being more the case years ago when men dressing up on TV comedy programs created more a caricature, a stereotype, of women. Perhaps it's a measure of change in society.

[Sabrina133]

What a great question. From my perspective, while I am not a female, I am, by every other measure, a woman. I dress like woman, my mannerism are that of a woman, and my wife says i think like a woman. The fact that I have not taken the final step to become a female doesn't make me any less of a woman. It is how I see myself, how my wife sees me and how my colleagues see me.

I will admit that as I grew up, that was not always the case. Probably like many here, i struggled with who I was when i realized that something wasn't quite right. I didn't like to play sports, i had an eye for what girls my age were wearing, and i had a definite effeminate way of acting. I struggled with both my sexuality and gender identity through my college experience and in the time I spent as an officer in the Army. Due to friendships and mentorships i recieved from many in the drag community in Austin TX, i realized that while i might be a male, I am a woman. This point of view has been reinforced and encouraged by the wonderful person who i met and married when i moved to the midwest.

So, do i wish I had been born a woman - I was. Do i wish I would have been born a female - certainly would have made growing up easier but, frankly, no. I am glad I was born a male.

[Roxy_legs]

I love to dress like a woman to present myself as best I can, but I will not ever be a woman.
I live in two worlds. I enjoy "man" sports etc. I express my true personality and creativity when dressing en femme though.

[CarolBrown]

Yes, I want to be a woman and have started to come out as Transgender in the last couple of months and mostly dress in a feminine manner, complete with daily make up and jewellery...

[Samm]

Hi Maria! My wife and I just had this same conversation about 20 minutes ago. Every now and then she needs a little reassurance that I'm not going to want to transition. She asked tonight how I identified. She said I'm not trans because I don't want to be a woman. And I'm not gay....? Which I'm not lol. I told her I'm perfectly happy being a little bit of both (male/female) I actually had a similar conversation last night at a meet up with 7 other ladies.
Like I told my wife:
To me, its more than "just the clothes"
Do I want to transition? No
Do I feel I'm in the wrong body? No
Do I feel I'm more male than female? Absolutely. But there is some "girl" in there.

I'm still, and always will be, the same guy she married. But that doesn't mean I don't like to get pretty once or twice a week

But hey, that's just me

[Alice Torn]

No. For a while I thought about it,, but i can never be one. i can never have a baby etc, so can never fully be one. i also realize i will need all my guy side just to survive, in the things just ahead in our country and world, when mere survival will be the big issue. A very old wise man who is no longer with us, made it very clear to me long ago.

[Judy-Somthing]

I love being a guy and have no interest of being a woman but, I definitely am addicted to dressing up like one.

[Danielle_cder]

I love being a guy and have no interest of being a woman but, I definitely am addicted to dressing up like one.

yep this!

[KymG]

I love being a guy and have no interest of being a woman but, I definitely am addicted to dressing up like one.

Yep, thats me.

[Leonora]

No I don't, I only under dress at the moment but would love to full dress but I don't think my wife would go for that. For to dress and do feminine things it is just thrilling it just a feeling I get I guess. It a sense of naughtiness I guess is best way for me to explain it. But no I am happy being a male.

[Diane Taylor]

Can't speak for everyone, but I've never had any though to being or becoming a woman. I'm perfectly happy dressing like one.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Whatever you decide to tell your spouse, try to remember that if it's not true, changing your mind and telling her something different later will just cause misery.

[Rayleen]

I have always wish and think I was born in the wrong body. My mind is wired female and I guess I could have liked to be coupled with another female, In those early days, we did not have information to transitioned at a young age.

It makes for memories and wondering what it would be like.

[DeeDeeB]

Absolutely, but I think the stork was confused, so now I am too.

DeeDee

[Lana Mae]

Maybe! My "male" mode is getting more and more feminine! I was macho male with all the sports and rough and tumble activities! I am gender "me" right now! Taking hormones but not so sure about the SRS! I am just sailing along on my journey and will go where it takes me! I guess I am just Transgender! Not much male clothing left! Women's clothing 24/7 except at work! I am still dad and grandad, but I will be that always regardless of appearance! (Thanks, Pat!) Hugs Lana Mae

[Asew]

As a teenager I had a hard time accepting my dressing since I didn't want to be a woman. And to me at that time it seemed like dressers should become drag queens or transition. I continue to not want to be a woman, but have accepted I am non-binary and can mix both male and female aspects in a way that works for me.

[Laura28]

This is a tough one. I would say yes if it wouldn’t effect anything in my life. (Family friends work etc) but it would so I guess no. I would love to have bigger breasts mine are a 38 full B. Would like them bigger. Wife says she would to. I have done something to get them bigger but seem to be stuck at B.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Maria,
I once told my wife it was like an acting role and I wanted to play a woman the best I could , but when the role is over I’m still me. I think we’re lucky if we can embrace and be both. For a while when I wasn’t feelin it, it was pretty depressing.