Strengthening social conditions for transgender people - please share your stories

[nikkiwindsor]

I know there are transgender/CIS/non-binary (I use the term transgender/non-binary loosely to encompass the entire spectrum of transgender people) individuals working hard civically and corporately to make our world better for the transgender community. Please share your stories of engagement on the LGBTQ front. And I'd like to learn the many approaches for involvement on this important social front whether "out of the closet" or not. Hope I'm not putting Sheren on the spot too much here but she's engaged in furthering progress across so many LGBTQ areas (civic/corporate), that she inspired me to make this post. And if a similar thread is somewhere else on the forum, please let me know.

[mykell]

we all do if even if in a small way i would think, even while here in my private browsing setup, info is collected and sorted....whether or not i want it to or not.
just joining this forum, numbers are collected and im sure someone could print out a faily compelling list or two
i purchase in male mode with size 11 pumps for the mrs. .......yea right mr.
every outing one may take to the filling station for some petrol, i can make you look twice perhaps but my manly hands and voice shred all doubt. surely thier is some talk about me at someones dinner table after seeing or meeting up with me.
my favorite is calling folks out while disparaging us "so and so's" when working with them and reminding them that i have one of those "so and so's" in my family, happens to be me but they dont have to know and if they have the balls to press further on who ? its non of theyre business and have never been challenged thus far

as for myself i have recently met an assemblywomen and chatted with her about the bathroom issue for our state, feeling like the poster boy of the issue i talked with her of the younger FtM youngsters i know.
i have been trying to get folks here to come by and meet me at the social club in asbury where i advocate and would mentor any newbie's if they needed.
i make donations to organizations that need to get to the right people to speak for us and make positive changes.
i volunteer at the q-spot in asbury with a open drop in and meet and greet folks as they come.....we are as varied and diverse as a box of chocolate's, i never know who i will meet from week to week and feel blessed that i have a chance to bring a smile and educate even the folks who are part of the LGBT community.
many times i have thought of moving away from it just to be pulled back in.

not so sure about the sheren thought but if she is advocating its all good
so thats my thoughts on that.......we'll win

[Aunt Kelly]

There have been a couple of discussion threads along similar lines in the last week or so, but in different sections.

The consensus is that just being "out there" is perhaps among the most effective forms of "activism", if not the easiest. Every time a TG person interacts, in a positive way, with people who are less aware, or less understanding, the TG community as a whole becomes just a tiny bit more normalized. The imagined or more often, inculcated fears of TG people as "the other" are dispelled by letting the light of day shine on us. That kind of change is, admittedly, incremental, but over time such grass roots activity is what changes society. When enough people know a TG person as just another human being, or better yet, a model of kindness and civility, we become "normal" and the remaining haters stand out in sharp relief for the ignorant bigots that they are.

I have a TS friend who uses baked goods as catalyst to affect, on a small scale, this social change that I'm talking about. One might call that buying public favor, and to a certain extent that's probably true. Her pies are just that good. In the bargain however, her doctor, her banker, anyone she has more than a cursory interaction with, now knows her as pleasant, normal human being. Her visits are often eagerly anticipated, whether or not she comes bearing confections. To be sure, she is more of a conventional activist, serving the TG community more directly, but it is her everyday movement through "normal" community that has the greatest effect.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with everything that has been said in this thread. Every time one of us goes outside their house dressed or blended is making a statement for us. Shopping in the women’s department getting ones nails done at a salon a GNO it all says something positive for us. Yes change is so very slow but that should not stop us from trying however so small a step it is. It all counts and yes we are all in the same big boat here no matter where you fit on this wonderful spectrum.

[Sheren Kelly]

OK, so I'm on the spot here. Nikki is referencing a post I made in the Ageing Out thread:
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...t=#post4316075

I wanted to find a way to make my femme expressions more of a normal (i.e. Socially Acceptable) part of my life and not restrict it to TG specific events. I started out working with other Queer folks through the Capital Area Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (CAGLCC) in DC and the Baltimore LGBT Chamber of commerce.
LGBT Success Dinner_cropped.jpg

From networking there I found a position as a volunteer at the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center (SERC) where I work 2-3 days a week. everyone at SERC pretty much knows about me and I am accepted as such. I don't worry about passing, because I am making this a natural part of who I am (note I have not transitioned, and still have a rich male life), and besides, it is hard to be glamorous when you are up to your elbows in fish poo or disassembling an electric driven pump! SERC also opens doors to other events I attend such as science lectures on the facility grounds and occasional field trips (we went kayaking on the eastern shore with our allies at the Chesapeake Environmental Center). As a volunteer, I have almost unlimited opportunity to work. With the US Govt shutdown, as an unpaid volunteer, I have been asked to continue to maintain our aquatic habitat displays, in addition the Wild Orchid Lab has asked me to cover their needs by watering their plants until the shutdown ends.

The networking has also led me to becoming a Board Member of Annapolis PRIDE, recently we hosted a LGBT delegation from Russia:
IAnnapolis_20181211_#3small.jpg

and through them, become more politically active locally:
Rich Mandalino_small.jpg

And while volunteering is fun, I also have fun socializing with the general population. I was invited to join a 9-Ball pool league at a local bar and am now the team's Co-Captain. Again, everyone there knows who I am and is accepting, and as it turns out, I'm not too bad at billiards.


I guess life is what you make of it. If you want to be involved, you have to get of the couch and Just Do It!

[Lisa516]

I agree "carry the message", today on the bus the person next to me had there nails done. Very nice. Mine are also done all the time. Today I'll be on the hover board in Leggins and my pink nails hovering around the neighborhood...
Lisa

[AllieSF]

Try looking for a local LGBTQ support center or clinic that offers support, to that community, especially the low income side of it where free and low cost assistance is really needed. I live in the San Francisco Bay area and in a suburban small city near me has a Rainbow Center where volunteers are always welcome to help out. You can go dressed however you want. It is the welcomed support from volunteers that they appreciate and need. Working in the background is a great way to participate, help others and to get involved.

[Teresa]

Nikki,
I've attended a pride week at Boston College ( UK ) once to help any student with TG issues and hope to do it again next month . I've also attended with two others from my social group a seminar held by the NHS to tell our story in relation to how well the NHS has helped us or not , that was the first time I'd spoken publicly not only that but also as Teresa .

From the comments made by members I feel the UK are ahead of the US in the LGBTQ situation . I do wonder if at some point soon the TG community may step out from the LGB umbrella as many of us don't come under those labels .

[mykell]

today while volunteering at my club i was surprised to see the door open when i arrived, assumed that the board was having a meeting in the back area.

emptied some of the trash cans and a women i had met from a democrat club came into the room, started chatting up my bathroom idea and she seemed really interested, they were having a caucus's meeting, she has the LGBT caucus, the black caucus, and some others were there, left me her email and card when she left.

[Tracii G]

I'm not totally going to go off on the LGBT but they could do better to shine a better light on trans people.
Promoting marches where half naked nuts in neon G strings and rainbow colored hair or rainbow clown wigs isn't helping. I will never attend another pride event because of people like that.
The public sees gay pride parades and all the whacked out looking people and assumes all trans people or CDers are part of that crowd.
I'm trans and a member of the gay community and I am nothing like that bunch and personally I feel they make me look bad the way they act in public at these events
I'm all for the equality and fairness for gay, straight and the non binary or whatever they call it these days so don't get me wrong its just I feel alienated around LGBT activists.

[Kandi Robbins]

We all tend to overthink this.

I am 100% non-passable, no question. I get complement after complement from people because they know who and what I am.

I volunteer significantly, for both LGBTQ as well as more "mainstream" causes. I work at two art museums, two community theaters, I am part of the event planning committee for The Prom to Remember (teens with cancer) and a local Transgender Job Fair, held by a local hospital system. I work for a gay Men's Chorus (arguably one of the biggest and most successful nationwide) and am a member of Plexus, our local LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce. I work high-end wine tasting events for The Arthritis Foundation and am getting involved with the Alzheimer's Association. I have worked huge local events for The Diversity Center and Providence House. I would conservatively estimate I have interacted with 10,000 people last year in my volunteer activities, ranging from simply a smile to extensive conversations (a summer long weekly shift with 500 visitors per shift contributing significantly to that total).

It puzzles me why we all tiptoe into volunteering. There is simply no better way to get out, be yourself and give to others. The probability of a negative experience in a volunteer situation is negligible. The charity wants help, you provide such.

Stop overthinking it and do it! You won't regret it.

I guess life is what you make of it. If you want to be involved, you have to get of the couch and Just Do It!

Sheren, what you do is unbelievably admirable and has provided a road map for my activities. Thank you for the inspiration!!

[Aunt Kelly]

I was thinking of Kandi, among others, when composing my forgoing post. Way to be out there and represent. And Tracii is so right about the impact of aligning ourselves with the LGB community. Don't get me wrong, they are important allies, but their issues are only tangentially related to those of the TG community.

But my main reason for this additional post is to thank Nikki and all who have contributed to this, the most positive and meaningful thread I can ever remember reading in this section of the forum. Thank you, ladies.

[Rogina B]

And Tracii is so right about the impact of aligning ourselves with the LGB community. Don't get me wrong, they are important allies, but their issues are only tangentially related to those of the TG community.

I don't need another pride parade for sure. "L" "G" and "B" labels are settled and like Tracii,I believe outlandish behavior does not further a thing. The only connection to "T" is that we are all on the same playground[different corners for sure] and what is common is that "we are not what others expect us to be". Jax ,Fl has the "Coming out Monologues" each year and that has been my takeaway...We are different...to parents,family.friends,etc...

[Sheren Kelly]

I'm not totally going to go off on the LGBT but they could do better to shine a better light on trans people....

Perhaps you are in the wrong crowd. I have found that the LGB part of the "queer" community is more that willing to advocate for the Trans people. In the forums I participate in, it is the striking LACK of trans participation that I notice most, but I will concede that it has been improving slowly. I was asked about this by the Russians delegates who visited. I noted that the Trans world still remains behind the gay world in terms of public advancement, however we are ourselves to blame if we don't stand up and advocate for ourselves publicly. As for separating the branches of the LGBT community, that is exactly how we will fail. The social conservatives would love to "divide and conquer" any group that challenges their dominance.

Like you, I find men in G-strings distasteful, but no more so than people who publicly wear other fetish gear. There are sub groups in the trans community that I avoid for the same reason.

Note I intentionally embrace the term: "queer", even though I am neither L,G or B.
I believe we (and I mean EVERYONE walking the earth) are queer in that we all diverge in some degree from what would be absolute normal behavior.

[Tracii G]

My trans group here locally is just full of the younger trans types that thinks they are at war with the "establishment". Everything has gotten to an "in your face" attitude kind of thing.
I have been trans longer than some of them have been alive and I always got by being me in public because I blended into the crowd and treated like anyone else.
This bunch wants to shock people with their looks,scream for equality and generally be a pain in the ass in public.
The LGBT here in my area are all behind it and stoking the fire sometimes.
Most of the gay fellows I know don't want anything to do with the LGBT. Its easier to just go it alone.
As far as equality the law already states all are equal be it race creed ,color,sex and sexual orientation are we not?
Why force the public or demand they do this or that just because you are trans?
You want equality and fairness try being a solid upright citizen and not always demanding special treatment just because you want it and discounting others opinions around you.
All my neighbors have known about me for years and its not been a problem because I am a good neighbor,willing to help when they need it be it dog sitting or house sitting while they go on vacation, cut their grass if they are gone longer or not feeling well things like that.
Be the best you you can be is my motto. Respect others and they respect you generally works but many people lack respect for others these days.

[Teresa]

Kandi,
That's very inspirartional . I have done a great deal of charity work in the past and can't see why being TG shouldn't be an obstacle to getting involved .

[DeeDeeB]

In a seminar I attended a couple of years ago there was a report of a survey of the general public, and the number of people who admitted to knowing trans folks was surprisingly low, like 1%. (don't quote me on the percentage) Anyhow, I am doing my best to boost that number by being out and about. I am proud to be a crossdresser and while I do my best presentation, I don't presume to fool everyone, or anyone for that matter (was it PT Barnum who said you can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all the time, but not all of the people all the time?). Anyhow, all I'm saying is that to be out in public, and being comfortable as yourself, is a huge contribution to the trans community. And when I get that questioning look, I look them in the eye and give a big smile.

DeeDee

[t-girlxsophie]

I agree getting out there and showing yourself in public goes a long way to show our "activism".My girl friends from work are supportive and I've always told thrm if they want to know anything just ask.

The last few years my friends and I have attend the Sparkle TG Celebration in Manchester every July and one noticeable side effect of that is the number of Curious locals/tourists who come along just to see what's going on,it's a safe and welcoming environment and it allows them to see were just as normal as anyone

Sophie

[GretchenM]

Tracii: I very much agree with your perspective. It is a sensitive time for the trans community and to keep the growing acceptance growing we need to show the world that we are just like everyone else except for some variability in our gender identity. It may not be as fun as making a big splash in the pool, but, the fact is, to some of the muggles we are still not very welcome in the pool. That is because of a lack of understanding and one does not gain understanding by offending others that are wary of you. So, in my opinion, your perspective is very close to how I view it.

Sheren: I think what you are doing is fantastic. It is exactly the kind of thing that more of us, including me, need to do. It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. Of course, different cities and towns have different attitudes and D.C., with its high abundance of TG people, is a little easier than other places that may be accepting but also limited. And I agree that the trans need be more active in the overall LGBTQ efforts. But I also have to agree with Tracii in that I don't find that community to be very accepting of trans people, at least around here, and what I see happen can get a bit offensive to the TG folks. Geography and local culture does matter and it varies widely.

I think both of you have very honest and truthful perspectives and perhaps that is a reflection of the state of acceptance of TG into the broader community. Population wise, of the LGBT groups, clearly the T folks have the smallest population and is therefore a minority in the LGBT world and a tiny part of the general population. We just have to work harder.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm closeted and intend to stay that way, for one reason being that it seems to carry more weight supporting the LGBTQ folks if my opinions aren't coming from someone who would benefit from that agenda. Being seen as one of the 'straights' and professing to support the LGBTQ people, 'giving up' the rights that were previously ONLY for us 'straights', I feel makes a bigger impact for equality than if I were making the same statement while wearing a dress and heels.

One of the interesting things that I've noticed, is the assumption by my gay staff members to automatically assume that any guy coming into our department post accident/ healthcare problem and is wearing anything fem, is automatically gay, as well. I guess this is just part of their belief that we're all just homosexuals in denial.

[GretchenM]

Miss,

I like your perspective and I share it. I am not one to go out in femme and preach the gospel, but I appreciate that others do. My efforts are as a mildly trans person, hardly noticeable as that, speaking strongly in favor of trans rights and teaching people the fundamentals of why trans people are the way are and that in most people it is no choice they made. A large majority of trans people are just like everyone else with the same difficulties and joys as everyone else. I think it has a bit more impact, but what would really have impact is for an apparent straight person to stand with the trans people and support them. Of course, in a public meeting that would be deceptive because you and I are not straight. But in one to one conversations or in defense of a trans person who is hassling a trans person and trans people in general, a little deception to make the point may well be in order. I get your point and I agree with it.