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  1. #1
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    Dealing With Male Attention...

    I guess there comes a time in every type of female's life where she has to come to terms with the fact that, for better or worse, she might be considered attractive by some type of male; and that being attractive can have consequences.

    As most of you know, I've only been going out dressed for the past six months. Over that period of time, I am happy to say I've made some good progress (with considerable help from the ladies here, btw). I've had a couple makeovers (third one later this month) and am slowly gaining some confidence in my makeup skills, such as they are. Add that to my expanding wardrobe and other bits and pieces falling into place here and there, I have to accept the fact that I may end up looking somewhat attractive. In fact, I'm getting the occasional ogle and fella hovering about me already.

    Let me be clear: I dress to express my femininity. Other men's feelings don't really come into consideration when I dress, but at the same time, as the saying goes, for every action there is a reaction. Thing is, I have no idea where this is going or what to expect, and because I realize others might interpret my dressing quite differently, I'm beginning to feel a bit concerned (dare I say vulnerable?).

    So ladies, do you have any insights into dealing with male attention, in general? Any experiences that stand out, good or bad?

    Thanks...
    Last edited by Patience; 01-05-2019 at 04:10 PM. Reason: copied too much from word doc.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  2. #2
    Member Diane Taylor's Avatar
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    Over the years, I've had many instances when there was male attention directed my way. Some of it was simply a hello or someone holding the door for me. A few times it was the negative or even creepy type. One example of the creepy type was when I had gone clothes shopping and as I was heading toward my car a family of 4 was walking toward the store. I noticed the "male" started to lag behind the others and once he was far enough behind that his wife and kids couldn't see him he leaned over to me just as I was about to pass him and his reaction to me was "OoH ! Baby !!! I really like you ! I just kept walking but was tempted to turn around and let his wife know what her husband just did. On a few occasions when I had gone out dressed to a pub for a drink (not the sleazy kind) I've had men offer to buy me a drink which I always politely refused. No matter what the male responses were I always considered it as "part of the territory" and it didn't bother me.

  3. #3
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    Forty something years ago when I went out with friends it was fun and not a problem.
    But when I would venture out late by myself I was harassed on three separate occasions
    Twice very persistent men tried talking me into their cars and once I was chased by a group of older teenagers.
    My wife won't dress to fem because of some things guy have yelled out to her over the years.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
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  4. #4
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    As I've previously posted I've only been out a few times to LGBTQ friendly bars during Halloween holidays. Each time I was approached by men and each situation was different from down-right creepy to great dancing to great conversation. I'm not into men but I enjoy people. I would say to be cautious when approached by any strangers. I always felt particularly anxious when walking to/from the clubs from my car. I made sure there was plenty of lighting and other people around. Dressing en femme has given me a true understanding about how my wife feels going out in public at night. You really need to have friends with you, particularly at night, when your presenting your femininity.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
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  5. #5
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    If you look attractive you will get the same sort of attention as any woman. I don't want to attract men but it's nice to be considered attractive when dressed.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    It happened to me tonight. I am literally just home, still dressed (it's midnight here). I decided to break the taboo of going out in my home town with a mini pub-crawl of 6 pubs in the city centre (if alcohol-free beer counts as a pub crawl). I have gotten a lot more confident in my presentation and makeup lately, a bit like Patience, and I'm also very happy and smiley all the time now that I'm "out" to my immediate family and therefore have much less to lose if I'm spotted. Anyway, I'm doing something right because for the second time in two weeks, at the end of the night some guy started hitting on me. It was a noisy pub so I made a strategic exit before he heard too much of my voice. It was nice though. Well this week anyway. Last week's was a bit sleazy.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Also please be aware a guy might try to pick you up on the street.

    One night while walking to my car in the city centre this guy attempted to pick me up as I left the bar.

    To be fair to him he was polite and after about 5 mins he got the message I was not interested and walked away.

    I can hear you all thinking, "why did you walk on your own" well I wasn't on my own.

    I was with my friend so it was a bit of a shock to find this guy trying to pick me up.
    Shelly

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  8. #8
    Member Veronica4me's Avatar
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    My advice would be to deal with the attention graciously, smile politely, nod gently, and look away without another glance, whether you are dressed or in drab. Best not to ignore the attention, but to signal clearly that it is misdirected at you. My two cents.
    Veronica

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  9. #9
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    It depends

    If I received male attention on a regular basis, I think I'd be flattered. I am not in those situations very often so I really don't know how I would react.

    I know there are admirers out there--likely several or more on this board--but we all have our own unique issues (who am I to criticize an admirer when I go against the grain by wanting to present as a female?).

    But there is another issue, aptly put by Courtney Barnett in her song "Nameless, Faceless".

    I wanna walk through the park in the dark
    Men are scared that women will laugh at them
    I wanna walk through the park in the dark
    Women are scared that men will kill them…
    If you are out presenting female, you are more likely to get unwanted negative attention from men than if you were presenting male.

    So is the attention flattering (and harmless), or potentially harmful?

  10. #10
    Banned Spammer
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    Please don't fall into that victim mentality.
    If you feel vulnerable don't show it because guys sense that.
    I have had my share or oogles and hey baby lets get to know each other types letting me know what they had in mind.
    I don't enjoy it at all but it goes with the territory and you have to deal with it.
    Going out with friends is always a safer way to be out. Better yet don't go to areas where you are likely to be subjected to things like that
    Last edited by Tracii G; 01-23-2019 at 10:06 AM.

  11. #11
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    If you enjoy the attention, show your appreciation by saying thank you. If you don’t, tell him you’re not interested. Really, it’s no different than a married man dealing with a woman who is flirting with him. He can encourage it or politely let her know that he is not interested.

    One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women. My guess is, they perceive that a guy will dress as a woman for sexual reasons and because of this, the guys who dress are more apt to "play" than random women or random guys who don’t dress. The guy Diane Taylor described seems to fall into this category - I don't imagine he behaves like this with every GG he sees, especially with his wife and children nearby. I saw evidence of this when my SO and I used to go to trans/alt clubs. As soon as the "admirers" (the male patrons) figured out I was a GG, they’d make their excuses and walk away. lol
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-05-2019 at 10:49 PM.
    Reine

  12. #12
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women.
    Thank you, Reine. I was thinking about them when I started this thread, but didn't want to single them out. I wouldn't mind humoring them (or any other man, for that matter) to a point, as long as boundaries are observed by all parties involved.

    I have to admit sometimes I hate being so alluring. It's a curse, It really is.

    Thank you all for your replies.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  13. #13
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Unless you’re going to bars or clubs or some other similar “social” venue, you won’t get hit on nearly as much as you think you will. If you really want to deflect male attention just keep a ring on your left ring finger and point to it and tell the gents you’re taken.

  14. #14
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    This is one fear that keeps me in the closet. I do like to look good, and like compliments from people, but don't want the risk of physical contact. My FB account gets requests from males that I turn away. I would likely only venture out with someone who would support me.
    My wife hates that all you genetic males on the site (and a few GGs) look at my clothed body. She considers it hers alone to admire. Pointing out that clothes catalog models get admired by both genders didn't help - she says they get paid to do that.
    Hugs, Ellen

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women. My guess is, they perceive that a guy will dress as a woman for sexual reasons and because of this, the guys who dress are more apt to "play" than random women or random guys who don’t dress. The guy Diane Taylor described seems to fall into this category - I don't imagine he behaves like this with every GG he sees, especially with his wife and children nearby. I saw evidence of this when my SO and I used to go to trans/alt clubs. As soon as the "admirers" (the male patrons) figured out I was a GG, they’d make their excuses and walk away. lol

    This comment fits in with my personal experiences. When I'm out in Drag I know that I can pretty much blend with the surroundings if I have female or male companion, but a single person presenting as a woman gets more scrutiny. Under those circumstances it wouldn't be difficult for someone to put 2 + 2 together and conclude that I'm CD'ing. And, as you say, there are guys who very much have their radar attuned for crossdressers. It happens occasionally that I've been approached by men who wouldn't have come on to me if they thought I was a genetic woman. On a few occasions I've even had a cup of coffee or glass of wine with the fellows who have been polite, clean-cut and made a pleasant presentation.

    Regarding Diane Taylor's experience, I've never experienced anything like that, where a guy has come-on to me out in a situation where it's totally inappropriate. On the occasions when I've been hit-on there has always been some sort of a social context, and usually alcohol was being served nearby.

    I have also been propositioned when I've been in Drab, and I presume other members of this forum have been, also. To my personal sensibilities those occasions have been more jarring and upsetting than the ones where I've been presenting as a woman. The venues for those have been much more varied, including but not limited to the usual suspects such as public urinals, airports, locker rooms.

  16. #16
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    Male attention is top of my not like list!

    Possibly worse when I'm in drab and some male says that I'm an attractive MAN? not my scene dude!

    What can we do if we look nice though?
    Just work with it!
    Stacy!
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

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    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
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  17. #17
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    JaytoJillian, what a creepy story. Glad the bartending staff had your back.

    Thank you all for your replies.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  18. #18
    Junior Member Lara A's Avatar
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    I am good with getting attention from men and/or women, as long as it is respectful. After all, I take a lot of trouble to look as good as I can when I head out! If someone is attractive and generally cool, I will always give them the time of day, male or female. I have seldom had any issues with unwanted male attention, altho often it is the ones you think are OK or not OK that surprise you. I was once at a Harmony weekend in Scarborough in the UK with a tgurl friend, and we were in a club that was hopping. A guy who was well dressed and an off duty cop was starting to get a little tipsy, and very handsy with me. I pointed out that what he was doing was almost certainly against any law, both of the land and of decency, and he pulled back and was rather chastened. My friend and I left soon after, and being about 1am after a long evening, we were hungry. We passed a late night takeout pizza joint on the way back to the hotel, and went in to order some slices. My friend was quite passable, but I am a tall gal and would probably not fool anyone up close. As we were waiting, a few very rough looking biker types came into the place, and we were both extremely nervous. But, as it happened, they turned out to be just fine, very much the gentlemen, and we had a great laugh and chat with them while we were all waiting! No problems at all...Then more recently here in Tucson, I was in Barnes and Noble one evening after dark, and was just leaving to walk back to my car. A man and his teenaged son were leaving at the same time, and he held the door for me to go thru, and smiled. I smiled back and said a quiet thank you, and then walked back across the lot to my car. All the way across I could hear them walking behind me, and I got very nervous for some reason. I got into my car, and they got into an SUV behind me a little way. I waited for them to leave, because for some reason I thought he might follow me, but he did not move. Then I caught sight of a shadow behind my car, and realized he was crouched down there trying to look into my car! God knows what his son thought he might have been doing, but I was terrified and started up and drove away. I looked behind and saw the SUV start to follow me around to the other side of the Mall, so I pulled over and parked, thinking he would drive off. Nope, he drove over and parked not far away from me. I was really getting freaked out then, so I drove back to the busier side of the place, followed again by the SUV, and luckily saw a cop car parked there as they do after dark sometimes. I wasn't quite ready to chance an encounter with the cops dressed up, so I pulled in just up close to them, and the SUV continued on and didn't stop. I waited for quite some time, then went home, but it was very unnerving. You can never tell, and the best advice is to be in company if you're somewhere that could be dodgy.

  19. #19
    Member Alexis00's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacy Darling View Post
    Male attention is top of my not like list!

    Possibly worse when I'm in drab and some male says that I'm an attractive MAN? not my scene dude!

    What can we do if we look nice though?
    Just work with it!
    Stacy!
    Teenage girls are top of list for me. Observant, noisy, usually have no place to go. It’s like being followed by a pack of monkeys. (No, I’ve never actually been followed by a pack of monkeys).

    I prefer to go out with my own posse of friends when possible.

  20. #20
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I've been hit on while en femme by a dude a couple of times and a chick a couple of times. I don't think I'm all that attractive so I chalk it up to beer goggles.

    I'm not sure what I would do if someone made a serious attempt to woo me. If it was a guy alone, I'd flash my large (faux) engagement ring and/or tell him I was only into chicks. If it was a guy from a group of men, I'd try to get rid of him, but give him a story he could tell his guy friends and save his dignity.

    If it was a chick, I'd be thinking, "Where have you been my whole life?" But I'd still be very careful to make sure that she wasn't "procuring" me for a guy friend.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  21. #21
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Attention from men can be exciting or scary. Depends on whether or not the guy is attractive to me.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  22. #22
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    If I don't get hit in I'm slightly annoyed.

  23. #23
    Member Periwinkle's Avatar
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    The only person who shows me any romantic attention is my boyfriend. Aside from that, I just get complements on my outfits from girls. In fact, the only time men have approached me while dressed, they were Mormon missionaries. They were nice, though!

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Yinlingyen's Avatar
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    I have been at the end of both wanted and unwanted attention by men.
    The wanted attention no doubt left me feeling all smug, sexy and great.
    In fact I am dating a gentlemen I met for over 1.5 years now and I am deeply enjoying his company.
    The unwanted attention has occurred on several occasion and I have posted one of these nasty experiences here, if you search my posts you'll see it (Crude comments from a man).

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    When I was young and single I would act friendly and engage in conversation with others in a group.

    They rarely knew my true gender.

    Mind you neither did I sometimes. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

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