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Thread: Dealing With Male Attention...

  1. #51
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetdreams View Post
    I'm dressed like a girl so I need to sit down in a stall.
    Unless the need is wardrobe related, those two things don’t really follow.

    As for the incident itself,I think you had that guy fooled until you went into the men’s room.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  2. #52
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desiree2bababe View Post
    I still love women but also enjoy being the woman with a nice man.
    I'm intrigued. Can you elaborate?
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  3. #53
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
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    My opinion on this:

    The more you try to look feminine and present near 'perfect' as a woman, the more likely it is that you attract guys, CD/TS admirer or heterosexual men.
    It's a little contridictionary, so don't start complaining about male attention.

  4. #54
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
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    When I get out I am usually just going for a girl next door look.
    The last time I was in Las Vegas I had a nice conversation with this guy until I noticed he was looking at my boobs more than my face.

    That got me a little scared and I soon left.

  5. #55
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Try being so fish in a gay bar that none of the guys hit on you because they think you’re actually a woman. :P

  6. #56
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    I cant imagine that being a common occurrence. I mean, a person cruising for gay guys would fare better if they themselves looked like a guy, no?
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    If I don't get hit in I'm slightly annoyed.

  8. #58
    Junior Member Lara A's Avatar
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    I am good with getting attention from men and/or women, as long as it is respectful. After all, I take a lot of trouble to look as good as I can when I head out! If someone is attractive and generally cool, I will always give them the time of day, male or female. I have seldom had any issues with unwanted male attention, altho often it is the ones you think are OK or not OK that surprise you. I was once at a Harmony weekend in Scarborough in the UK with a tgurl friend, and we were in a club that was hopping. A guy who was well dressed and an off duty cop was starting to get a little tipsy, and very handsy with me. I pointed out that what he was doing was almost certainly against any law, both of the land and of decency, and he pulled back and was rather chastened. My friend and I left soon after, and being about 1am after a long evening, we were hungry. We passed a late night takeout pizza joint on the way back to the hotel, and went in to order some slices. My friend was quite passable, but I am a tall gal and would probably not fool anyone up close. As we were waiting, a few very rough looking biker types came into the place, and we were both extremely nervous. But, as it happened, they turned out to be just fine, very much the gentlemen, and we had a great laugh and chat with them while we were all waiting! No problems at all...Then more recently here in Tucson, I was in Barnes and Noble one evening after dark, and was just leaving to walk back to my car. A man and his teenaged son were leaving at the same time, and he held the door for me to go thru, and smiled. I smiled back and said a quiet thank you, and then walked back across the lot to my car. All the way across I could hear them walking behind me, and I got very nervous for some reason. I got into my car, and they got into an SUV behind me a little way. I waited for them to leave, because for some reason I thought he might follow me, but he did not move. Then I caught sight of a shadow behind my car, and realized he was crouched down there trying to look into my car! God knows what his son thought he might have been doing, but I was terrified and started up and drove away. I looked behind and saw the SUV start to follow me around to the other side of the Mall, so I pulled over and parked, thinking he would drive off. Nope, he drove over and parked not far away from me. I was really getting freaked out then, so I drove back to the busier side of the place, followed again by the SUV, and luckily saw a cop car parked there as they do after dark sometimes. I wasn't quite ready to chance an encounter with the cops dressed up, so I pulled in just up close to them, and the SUV continued on and didn't stop. I waited for quite some time, then went home, but it was very unnerving. You can never tell, and the best advice is to be in company if you're somewhere that could be dodgy.

  9. #59
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faltenrock View Post
    My opinion on this:

    The more you try to look feminine and present near 'perfect' as a woman, the more likely it is that you attract guys, CD/TS admirer or heterosexual men.
    It's a little contridictionary, so don't start complaining about male attention.
    Well, I like being contridictionary!

    And let's be honest, some fellas will chase anything in a dress.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  10. #60
    Member josie_S's Avatar
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    Lara's story is frightening...and illustrates some of what's possible to encounter out in the world. Someone else here said it, but this thread shows how much privilege men have in this world. As a man, if I go to the store, the mall, a bar, etc, i never have to think about predatory men. But the few times I've been out dressed as a woman, I've had to think about all sorts of things I never had before, like knowing where my drink is at all times and how lonesome and scary it can be simply walking to and from my car at night. So while it can be very affirming and even exciting to receive male attention, it can also be frightening. I've had men paw at me at a bar in a way that they would never (I'm assuming) do in a different setting. It's gross. And it can feel very vulnerable. Then I remember I can bench 225# and have been in fights before, so I feel less so. But many GGs can't, and so they can be left feeling just as vulnerable.

    One unexpected result of crossdressing and going out in the world is how it has made me a much more empathic and aware of the things women face. I think, weirdly, it's made me a better man.

  11. #61
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    Actually learning how to deal with Male attention
    to me is a part of going out enfemme .
    Now you know what it is like for the GGs
    You learn a lot about how to treat a Lady when viewing it from the other side

    JAS

  12. #62
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience View Post
    And let's be honest, some fellas will chase anything in a dress.
    And some fellas will chase guys who wear dresses even more than they would chase a GG in a dress.

    Honestly, I think that guys might be cruder with CDers than they are with GGs, because they know the CDer is a man and so the CDer understands what men want.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-05-2019 at 05:24 PM.
    Reine

  13. #63
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    Josie mentions always knowing where your drink is. Back when I was married I'd travel about 150 miles away about once a month to do my girl thing for two or three days. On just about every trip I went to the same Mexican restaurant. I'd always place my drink order, read the menu, then after they took my meal order I'd go to the bathroom. That left my drink sitting on the table. At the time I probably had never even heard of the date rape drug, or at least not given it any thought as it applied to me. I returned to my table and sipped my drink without noticing anything out of the ordinary. Even before my food arrived I started feeling drunk and dizzy. I had probably only drunk a couple of ounces. I went ahead and waited on my food, thinking that I just needed to eat something. I took a couple of bites and felt like I might get sick. I asked for my check, paid, and left. I felt very drunk, but managed to make it to my car. I sat there for a while and tried to collect myself and eventually drove to the hotel, which was nearby.

    For years I thought it was just because I hadn't eaten anything and that I just had a quick reaction to the alcohol. Then I talked to a girl who had had a similar experience, and she knew what it was. I was sitting at a booth across from a table with two men. I never had any interaction with them, but they were the likely suspects. I don't know what they would have gotten out of it unless it had gotten bad enough that they would have offered to take me to my room. Glad I didn't find out.

  14. #64
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    I think you're right Reine. In my limited experience there's a type of guy who thinks that once he's realized you're a CDer it automatically means you're desperate for sex and have no self-esteem and therefore if he's "prepared to sleep with you anyway" then he doesn't even need to bother with the minimal "niceties" that he'd grudgingly give to a GG to keep her from walking away.

  15. #65
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience View Post
    I cant imagine that being a common occurrence. I mean, a person cruising for gay guys would fare better if they themselves looked like a guy, no?
    Makes sense to me too. It's why I can't understand GAY guys who want to dress up as WOMEN themselves.---------Do they wanna attract STRAIGHT men? WHY? A true Straight man wants nothing to do with Gay sex.

  16. #66
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    I have to disagree with you Marina.

    It's been my experience that more straight guys hit on T-girls, than gays do.
    Most gay men seem to see us as competition.
    Whereas, and this is just my opinion, from observation, straight guys will hit on us for the 'forbidden fruit' angle, and because they can indulge in a little homo-erotic behavior while still maintaining their 'straight' rep.

    "Hey, it isn't gay if "she" looks and acts like a woman"
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  17. #67
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    Whereas, and this is just my opinion, from observation, straight guys will hit on us for the 'forbidden fruit' angle, and because they can indulge in a little homo-erotic behavior while still maintaining their 'straight' rep.
    I totally agree with this. I've come to realize over the years that to many straight guys, sex is sex no matter the object, especially if they want sex with no strings attached. Some guys are just more flexible than others. Their definition of gay sex is a man who actually wants a relationship with the guy he's having sex with. And so he feels that since most men are just like him (wanting sex no matter with who), the ones who dress like women are easier to score than any GG who might actually want a relationship to go along with the sex. lol
    Reine

  18. #68
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean. Ann View Post
    Actually learning how to deal with Male attention
    to me is a part of going out enfemme .
    Now you know what it is like for the GGs
    You learn a lot about how to treat a Lady when viewing it from the other side

    JAS
    Ain't that the truth, although we don’t get the full experience either.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  19. #69
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    I don't mind male attention at all if he is good looking and buying the drinks.

    In all seriousness, there is no real answer to the question until you have answered for yourself where is the boundary and how far are you willing to go to defend it? Where is the line that does not get crossed? Is that line concrete and steel or is there flexibility to work with?

  20. #70
    Member Karmen's Avatar
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    I don't mind if it's a positive male attention. Either just a smile or few nice words or even something more. I'm only afraid of unwanted male attention, like harassing me on the street while they're drunk and usually in a group.

  21. #71
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    I don't mind the attention....mostly older men....but its fun and I enjoy the conversation.

  22. #72
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karmen View Post
    I don't mind if it's a positive male attention. Either just a smile or few nice words or even something more. I'm only afraid of unwanted male attention, like harassing me on the street while they're drunk and usually in a group.
    No kidding. At my very first outing during last year’s pride, one drunken-ish college kid told me a couple times to “show my fat boobs”. I guess they must have been pretty convincing. Ironically, it was just a bikini top with no padding at all.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  23. #73
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women. My guess is, they perceive that a guy will dress as a woman for sexual reasons and because of this, the guys who dress are more apt to "play" than random women or random guys who don’t dress. The guy Diane Taylor described seems to fall into this category - I don't imagine he behaves like this with every GG he sees, especially with his wife and children nearby. I saw evidence of this when my SO and I used to go to trans/alt clubs. As soon as the "admirers" (the male patrons) figured out I was a GG, they’d make their excuses and walk away. lol

    This comment fits in with my personal experiences. When I'm out in Drag I know that I can pretty much blend with the surroundings if I have female or male companion, but a single person presenting as a woman gets more scrutiny. Under those circumstances it wouldn't be difficult for someone to put 2 + 2 together and conclude that I'm CD'ing. And, as you say, there are guys who very much have their radar attuned for crossdressers. It happens occasionally that I've been approached by men who wouldn't have come on to me if they thought I was a genetic woman. On a few occasions I've even had a cup of coffee or glass of wine with the fellows who have been polite, clean-cut and made a pleasant presentation.

    Regarding Diane Taylor's experience, I've never experienced anything like that, where a guy has come-on to me out in a situation where it's totally inappropriate. On the occasions when I've been hit-on there has always been some sort of a social context, and usually alcohol was being served nearby.

    I have also been propositioned when I've been in Drab, and I presume other members of this forum have been, also. To my personal sensibilities those occasions have been more jarring and upsetting than the ones where I've been presenting as a woman. The venues for those have been much more varied, including but not limited to the usual suspects such as public urinals, airports, locker rooms.

  24. #74
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    Fantastic thread and first up I've never gone out dressed . And when I'm out and spot a TS or CD I always want to go up and talk to them as I have never talked to a fellow CD . But I'm afraid they'll consider it as I'm hitting on them or I'm a creep . So I haven't done it yet .

  25. #75
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    Approaching a CD to talk to her about the fact that she is a CD is beyond creeper. Don't do it. That would be like going up to a woman who has a shapely body with the sole intent of letting her know that you dig her rear end. Sure, people do it but it's wrong. If you can't find a reasonable excuse to engage in conversation with a person who happens to be a CD, just admire from a distance. Don't be a creeper.

    Quote Originally Posted by Georgia K View Post
    Fantastic thread and first up I've never gone out dressed . And when I'm out and spot a TS or CD I always want to go up and talk to them as I have never talked to a fellow CD . But I'm afraid they'll consider it as I'm hitting on them or I'm a creep . So I haven't done it yet .
    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    As someone who interacts regularly with men, I have heard more than a few say that they are attracted to CDs primarily because we are lovely women with no expectations about relationships and no hangups about sex. The allure of scoring with an attractive "woman" who is OK with casual sex outweighs whatever discomfort they may have with me being male under it all.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I totally agree with this. I've come to realize over the years that to many straight guys, sex is sex no matter the object, especially if they want sex with no strings attached. Some guys are just more flexible than others. Their definition of gay sex is a man who actually wants a relationship with the guy he's having sex with. And so he feels that since most men are just like him (wanting sex no matter with who), the ones who dress like women are easier to score than any GG who might actually want a relationship to go along with the sex. lol

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