Pushed the envelope to far with the wife

[Leonora]

Well I want go into all the details lets just say I took the cross-dressing to far. We got into a little argument and my wife said she understand if I found a man that I was in love with she would give me a divorce. I tried to explain I am not gay I don't know if she fully believes me or not. I think we are ok for now but I just have to be on my best behavior for a while. There was some other things said to I just don't want to air them out here.

[kimberly c]

What did your wife consider crossing the line?

[KatrinaK]

Full stop. Professional help is required. Get a couples counselor who specializes in gender issues. That person will be able to objectively assuage your wife’s concerns in a way you will never be able to. She is wildly misguided in her assumption that there is any correlation between gender and sexuality and you run the risk of talking yourself in more trouble.

[Di]

Full stop. Professional help is required. Get a couples counselor who specializes in gender issues. That person will be able to objectively assuage your wife’s concerns in a way you will never be able to. She is wildly misguided in her assumption that there is any correlation between gender and sexuality and you run the risk of talking yourself in more trouble.

Read above and do just what Katrina suggests . It sounds like your wife does not understand and has reached some wild conclusions.

[Lilith Moon]

I've been there and done that. Be very careful. These sort of misunderstandings can silently fester and corrode relationships. From the few details you gave I think that 'little argument' is a ominous sign. You will need more than 'best behavior for a while' to put things right.

[Confucius]

Sorry to hear about your problem. I understand that some wives consider crossdressing as a form of adultery. They believe your male side is getting sexual gratification from your female side. How can she compete with your female alter-ego? So the first order of business is to keep yourself busy telling your wife that you love her, you think she is wonderful, and remind her that she is beautiful.

What you wife needs to understand is that she is not competing with your female alter-ego. Your wife occupies a special place in your heart and she comes first in your life. You need to explain to your wife that your brain is just hardwired to release feel-good neurotransmitters when you feminize yourself. It is weird, but your crossdressing is a stress reliever by releasing dopamine which helps combat the effects of cortisol.

[Macey]

Aw, crap. I'm sorry Leonora! This is going to require pins and needles for a bit, extra attention for herself and reassurances, and I think Katrina has the right of it … counseling. There may be more here that needs to be addressed.

[Leonora]

I think you are right about it that way but that makes sense Confucius. And Kimberly I had put my school girl outfit.

[Patience]

I had put my school girl outfit.

A very poor choice for presentation to an apprehensive spouse. No wonder she's so perplexed.

You may have more luck incorporating your dressing into your married life if you present yourself with some dignity. That is, assuming you want to stay married.

[Lydianne]

I'm sorry to hear this too, Leonora. Hopefully after a cooling off period, your wife will be more receptive to a more accurate understanding .

But schoolgirl outfit(?) . Hadn't you only just broken through into jeans? . When did you get the schoolgirl outfit?

- Lydianne.

[alwayshave]

Leonora, I'm sorry to hear this. I'll second going to couples counseling that specializes in gender issues.

[Leonora]

I got the school girl outfit a few weeks ago but she had not seen it yet. It might have been the combination of those two things. I wanted to use the school girl outfit in the bedroom and it was just the final straw. I didn't want to mention that I didn't want to say anything that would be against site rules.

[Krisi]

I got the school girl outfit a few weeks ago but she had not seen it yet. It might have been the combination of those two things. I wanted to use the school girl outfit in the bedroom and it was just the final straw. I didn't want to mention that I didn't want to say anything that would be against site rules.

Not every woman has a lesbian fantasy that some men think they have. We've seen too much porn. It's difficult but you have to know your wife's limits and not go beyond them. Let her set the boundaries, especially in bed. And "school girl outfit"? Aren't you a bit old for that?

[Di]

School girl outfit .....well then I would explain you were not thinking just thought it would be fun it was really dumb and say you are sorry.
In the meantime concentrate on her instead of yourself it has to be about the both of you.
It is common for us to hear Ggs say they pushed and pushed and nothing was enough and they give up. Do not let this happen.
Our life was more of two females and Sher had a schoolgirl outfit I bought her as she envied all the outfits at school she could not wear when growing up. We took pictures and she wore it for Halloween and put it away.
I can not imagine why you would think she would enjoy that in bed .
It’s done/ please think of you both from here on out. It really has to be about you both.
Show her you love her

[Stephanie47]

The general public really has poor information concerning cross dressers. You wife is no different. She jumps to the conclusion men who wear women's clothing are homosexual. Nothing has changed. That was the consensus back in the 1950's and 1960's. Back then there really was no source of information. Now, there is plenty of opportunity to be educated. Counseling is always recommended. First, to educate your wife as to cross dressing. Second, as cross dressing relates to your relationship with your wife. Not mine. Not someone else's on this site.

I came to the conclusion or acceptance that my wife really wanted nothing to do with my desires to wear women's clothing. For me, to push my desires which at the time were rather tame (panties and nightgowns) was nothing short of spousal abuse. Marriages are not just a one sided affair. My wife told me it was alright with her for me to join a support group. That came after being educated that my desires had nothing to do with her period. I was not gay. I just had a quirk. Just don't push it upon her. That was in 1983 ish. Since then it is a private affair. I have my Stephanie time. She leaves me alone. I leave her alone.

I hope your wife gets educated. I hope you can reach a mutually acceptable accommodate. I would also recommend finding another outlet to explore Leonora.

[Macey]

Oh … that's probably not something to 'spring' on someone by surprise

[prene]

I have lost a few gf's to my cding.

I am seeing a therapist currently ... she is GREAT (my Therapist).

I agree with KatrinaK maybe you first and see where it goes from there.

Good luck

[Tracii G]

School girl outfits are a fetish thing so there is no telling what she is thinking.
You (her man) is dressed all sexy so therefore he wants a man seems pretty clear to me thats what she is thinking.
Can you blame her?
I don't see why guy CDers push things so hard, you really should have known better.

[Leonora]

You are right I know it was kinda dumb but I have used other lingerie in the bedroom with out any issues it my own fault.

[Tracii G]

I am sorry you are in hot water tho'

[JenniferR771]

You are going to have to be sweet to her.
However try to get her to join up and get involved in discussions in the "Loved Ones" section.
It might help to talk with other wives.

[DeeDeeB]

I'm afraid your wife is falling into a fairly normal misconception of crossdressing, that we are all gay men looking to attract another man. I believe this comes from drag queens who are performance artists, not necessarily crossdressers. They do have a reputation for being gay (watch Rue Paul's Drag Race). Fact is, we crossdressers are mostly heterosexual men who like dressing as women. So call the fashion police (sorry, couldn't help that). Seriously, I agree with the suggestion that you seek counseling (be careful who you choose), or both go to a trans convention (I like FantasiaFair in Provincetown, but there are many others) who have seminars to help the SOs (wives) to understand what is going on, as well as help you to understand yourself. Just suppressing your desires may be harmful to you and your relationship. What you have is a fairly normal condition that you shouldn't be ashamed of in any way, and I wish you the best in working it out.

Best,
DeeDee

[Leonora]

Yeah I am already seeing a therapist.

[DeeDeeB]

That is a good first step, how about your wife?

DeeDee

[nikkiwindsor]

My wife and I have had fair share of ups and downs during our more than years of marriage. Putting my wife first; continually expressing my love, admiration and respect for her; and listening to her has really helped. Over the past several months, a major point of contention has been my weight loss. So, I'm gaining some weight back which which will make her very happy. Understanding each other's needs, making sacrifices for each other, and growing with one another has also strengthened our relationship. I hope all the best for you and your wife.