This is a question I’m still trying to answer.

Do you have one?

Are you there?

Maybe I’m just in a holding pattern?

I basically started down this path a few years ago. At the time I wondered if this was just one of my obsessions that will fade away in time, and I’ll be off on something else. This is something only I can answer for myself.

So I went out into the real world. I’m not getting any younger. I need to figure this out now, not ten years from now. Not knowing what I was doing, just looking for the answer, well I ended up creating this new life.

I work in guy mode, well my guy mode. The only men’s clothes I have or wear are tee-shirts.

The rest of the time I’m Jean. I’m out and not hiding. My friends all know where I work, I can’t hide. You think that’s funny. One of my boyfriend’s left a message on the answering machine at work for Jean to call him, he lost my number. Yes he knows where I live, he could have just come by the house. Anyway No big deal, the secretary handed me the message and we had a good laugh.

So back to the question, I can stay where I am now, not that I really have a choice.

Here it comes, but I actually do. I have two offers to go to work where I could make enough money to transition physically. The problem is it would be seven days a week for a couple of years, maybe more. I did this before for ten years. Almost no time off and no vacations. This is what killed my marriage. I just can’t go back there.

I’m ok with the way things are now. That’s why I say maybe I’m in a holding pattern.

Oh my latest obsession, sewing, I don’t think this one is going to fade away either. I just finished a dress with a matching purse, which I wore for my birthday. My roommate and I went out to dinner, where I ran into a friend and his family. I have been to his house many times in both modes, as I said I’m not hiding.