Interesting Conversation

[April Rose]

Last night my wife and I were talking over some of her issues with my cross dressing. Something she brought up, which surprised me, was that when I am dressed(as on most days) and someone rings the doorbell, that I go upstairs and let her answer the door. "as if you were ashamed of it" she said.

I explained to her that I did so mostly for her sake, because I thought she wanted me to be discrete. I told her that I would start answering the door, dressed or not, if that was how she felt about it. She agreed, and we went on to other issues.

This morning I double checked, just to be sure, and she affirmed that she is on board with me answering the door dressed.

I am surprised and a little excited about this extension of the freedom I already enjoy.

There are only about three neighbors in the entire neighborhood who have ever rung our doorbell, and even with them it's a rare thing. In the age of cell phones people call before they come over. So, most likely, it will be the postman, a delivery person, or someone soliciting for politics or religion. Still I am anticipating it, and I hope I don't get panicky when it happens.

[Patience]

Maybe your wife's just tired of being lumbered with opening the door all the time?

[Majella St Gerard]

My post woman asked me why I was dressed like that, I said "because I like to".

[RebeccaV]

For the sake of devil's advocate maybe she's pulling a mama bird and is coaxing you to be more comfortable. Someone waiting at the door while I'm dressed is still a fear for me I'm glad you have thr courage to do it.

[Diane Taylor]

Go for it.....you have your wife's blessings and when you do it, it will be another load off your shoulders. The more people that know, the less you have to hide from. I've answered the door dressed a number of times and nothing happened. My next door neighbor and his wife have seen me outside dressed and nothing was ever said. Before my neighbor bought the house, my previous neighbor was a single woman and she not only saw me dressed but we spoke to each other in the yard as if everything was business as usual.

[Krisi]

How do you feel about answering the door dressed as a woman? Are you ready to come out to the world as a crossdresser? If it's a neighbor or someone else you know, what will you say? How about your boss, your preacher, a relative, etc.?

Think about this because you can't "un ring the bell".

[Beverley Sims]

I can always check before I answer the door, video monitoring is a wonderful thing. :-)

[Micki_Finn]

Technology not required Beverly! Peepholes have been around forever. :P

[Leslie Langford]

Last night my wife and I were talking over some of her issues with my cross dressing. Something she brought up, which surprised me, was that when I am dressed(as on most days) and someone rings the doorbell, that I go upstairs and let her answer the door. "as if you were ashamed of it" she said.

I explained to her that I did so mostly for her sake, because I thought she wanted me to be discrete. I told her that I would start answering the door, dressed or not, if that was how she felt about it. She agreed, and we went on to other issues.

This morning I double checked, just to be sure, and she affirmed that she is on board with me answering the door dressed.

I am surprised and a little excited about this extension of the freedom I already enjoy.

There are only about three neighbors in the entire neighborhood who have ever rung our doorbell, and even with them it's a rare thing. In the age of cell phones people call before they come over. So, most likely, it will be the postman, a delivery person, or someone soliciting for politics or religion. Still I am anticipating it, and I hope I don't get panicky when it happens.

With all due respect, April, something does not compute here. On one hand, you mention "talking over some of her issues with my cross dressing" as if this is causing some real tensions between you and your wife. Then you go on to say that she appears to be of the opinion that you should not be ashamed of your crossdressing proclivity, and that you dress in front of her most days. Even better, she is actively encouraging you to reveal yourself to the world at large by having you answer the doorbell "en femme" in future.

What other "issues" and/or remaining boundaries pertaining to your crossdressing could possibly exist in your household when your wife is not only accepting of it, but evidently even highly encouraging of it. Many of us here should be so lucky!

[Stephanie47]

April Rose is a pretty name combination. I went back and perused your prior postings. You're a sixty-eight year old retiree. That eliminates any potential downsides of being revealed in a work environment. Your wife is accepting. You do attend meetings en femme. I suppose you're doing some self restrictions, i.e., not being totally open to revealing yourself to neighbors. Forget the letter carrier or UPS person. They are only transients in your life. Your wife did pose a valid question. And, your response is probably correct. If your wife is ready and willing to accept any negativity from revealing oneself to friends and neighbors, then I see nothing wrong with being more open. Of course, you also have to bear the potential consequences of lost friendships.

Leslie does raise a valid question. Given what you have posted on this thread and others are there issues of contention between you and your wife? Your wife could be making a challenge to see if you are really ready to bear the consequences of revealing yourself to others.

[April Rose]

Thanks to all for your thoughtful responses. Leslie and Stephanie, when you have been married as long as I have (40 years next august) you come to accept that there will always be issues of one sort or another. Talking them over when they come up is, in my view, the key to domestic harmony. My wife has known about my gender issues since before we were married and has accepted that it is a part of me. That doesn't mean she is an enthusiastic fan of it. I long ago gave her permission and encouragement to talk it over with anyone who she wanted to. At this point I don't even really know who knows and who doesn't. I have always been reasonably discrete about it, as far as the neighborhood is concerned, but I have no idea if any of them suspect. I did have a Yes On 3 sign (trans rights) for months prior to the recent State election.

But from time to time issues are bound to come up. Make-up, a wig or forms for instance are for TCNE only. She is quite militant about gender stereotypes. When issues come up it is a great relief to me when she speaks her mind. I love my wife with my whole heart and soul, so I am willing to work with her, whatever the circumstance.

[Gillian Gigs]

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Quote, "Your wife could be making a challenge to see if you are really ready to bear the consequences of revealing yourself to others." So, the question is, are you ready for the reaction. Most of the "in the closet" crowd are usually wondering, "what will the reaction be". The answer then leads a mental response... , she doesn't seem to care anymore, where are you?

[April Rose]

Well, Gillian, I guess I am going to find out.

[Stephanie47]

"Make-up, a wig or forms for instance are for TCNE only" does indicate a modest restriction or mutually agreed upon boundary. In essence if you do open the door to people they'll only see a man wearing women's clothing and not a man trying to totally emulate a woman. Being totally en femme away from the home is a good compromise. I've been married almost fifty years and I will never achieve anything close to wearing women's clothing. That is something I do accept because I only feel myself when fully en femme and not half way. I think my neighbors would be taken back if I was to open the door wearing what I am wearing right now; the full ensemble, boobs and a wig. That is totally different than wearing women's jeans, top and unpadded bra.

Do keep us abreast if you do answer the doorbell wearing women's attire. Not so much the reaction of the doorbell ringer, but, your wife.

[Asew]

Early on my wife said anyone coming to our home I wouldn't need to change into drab (this has been revised that a few people I have to change for). But I had a similar concern that since my wife didn't want me dressing in our town so I would change to let the dogs out, get the mail, put the kids on the bus, etc. She could see I wasn't a fan. So she suggested I get the mail without changing, and then later on telling me she didn't care about the dogs either, so just change for the kid's buses and any chores outside that aren't quick.

[Cheshire girl]

I never answer the door when dressed but usually go out once I’m ready so am not often at home dressed. Neighbours are likely to suspect. One of ours saw me driving out dressed. Whether he recognised me I don’t know but he has been fine with me afterwards. Xx

[Bobbi46]

April, if things are as open as they are between you and your wife as I understand there is nothing to hold you back, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel guilty about at all, I have been going to my door dressed to all and sundry with no kick back at all, if you read some of my older threads you will see i am out to all of my neighbours, ex pat friends, the local mayor and village councill all know about about me and my life in that respect has not changed at all.
Also it comes down to courage, but if you have been out and about halff the battle has been won and the only one left to deal with is the front door.Go for it!

[t-girlxsophie]

I have the benefit of being 10 floors up in high rise with door entry system, but tbh more and more I'm getting comfortable with answering the door dressed, after all asy wife says, "It's our house what can they possibly do"

Sophie

[April Rose]

I started this thread a week ago. Last night my wife told me she had changed her mind. Now I am NOT to answer the door dressed.

[Krisi]

Until you (and your wife) are ready to reveal to the world that you are a crossdresser, you shouldn't answer the door dressed in women's clothes. That is unless you're fully dressed and made up and passable as a woman and the person at the door is a total stranger.

[lingerieLiz]

Some years ago I was checking out clothes and put forms in. I NEVER wear forms, but was curious how the top would fit with a large DD projection.
Just as I walked in front of our glass door my neighbor started pounding on our door in panic. She knows I dress so I opened the door to let her in. She tells me I have to come over to her house right away. I started to remove the forms, but she is saying you've got to come now.
So I go walking across the yard to her house. The emergence was that a bird nest had fallen out of the tree. The new young chicks were near death. And did die the next day. Anyway on the way back to my house another neighbor drove by. The interesting thing was the DDs felt like I had a shelf out front. I prefer my C cup for sure.