What were you like as a teenage crossdresser?

[Katie Russell]

Hi

I was wondering if there is a typical crossdressing path. Whether there are certain characteristics we share that may not be as common in the general population.

I was always a shy child. Painfully shy at time although I was no different in the way I behaved to the outside world. I played football, cricket and went to cubs. I climbed trees and rode my bike. All typical for a young boy. I had close friends but was always quiet at school.

I know that not all shy children will grow up to be crossdressers but it did affect my childhood. I found it difficult to talk to girls in my teens even though I so wanted a girl friend. I loved girls / women. I think that maybe my crossdressing was a substitute for my lack of a girl friend. In effect I became my own girl friend who I could dress in the way I found attractive.

I had a girl in my class who I fancied. My sister had a skirt which was identical to the one this girl wore to school. I used to love to wear that skirt because in someway I could feel what it would be like to be with her. I was substituting myself for her. I could be close and intimate with her by being her.

I was wondering if others here had similar experiences of being shy and not having girl friend. Whether your dressing was a substitute for this lack of intimacy. It would be interesting to see if there is a pattern or if that was just my experience.

Katie x

[Myra Thomas]

I was also a very shy child, who didnt mix very easyly, and when it came to girls i was so shy that i didnt have many dates, but i always envied them from afar.
As for sport etc. i wasnt interested or good at anything, looking back it was quite a sad and lonely time, with me constantly just hoping and praying that i would change into a girl. Ah well.

[SaraLin]

I was wondering if others here had similar experiences of being shy and not having girl friend. Whether your dressing was a substitute for this lack of intimacy. It would be interesting to see if there is a pattern or if that was just my experience.

I was painfully shy throughout most of my life (I'm not done yet, so who knows?) - BUT for me it seems like I was shy because I was terrified that others would reject me. I somehow thought that If I spoke to others or let them get to know me, they'd figure out my secret and then I'd be in real trouble. My secret? Why, that I should have been a girl, of course.

Funny, but my teen years are about the only time in my life that I DIDN'T dress. I was trying so hard to be 'normal' and fit in that I suppressed that part of myself. Of course, it didn't work long term.

I don't think that dressing was (or is) a substitute for anything. It's just been me - being me.

[Megan Nicole]

Probably like many here I lead two lives as a pre-teen, and a teen. 100% boy on the outside, and 80% plus girl on the inside. Lots of guy friends, sports, outside activities, and fishing, cars & trucks, girlfriends, etc. Yet, when at home I would dress every chance, and just wished I had been born a girl. I was extremely envious of many of my female classmates in school. So many pretty dresses, shoes, makeup and such. I just wanted to be like them. Tough time for a kid in this situation. Inter struggles were tough, especially trying to figure this all out. Glad that’s over! Much more at peace these days. Still envious of pretty ladies tho! -Meg

[JaniceP]

Megan, you and I could have been clones.

The most enjoyable times I had was when I interacted with the girls on my block. They would include me in their various games during the summer months,
in fact, it was like I was just "One of the Girls."

[MsEva]

Probably like many here I lead two lives as a pre-teen, and a teen. 100% boy on the outside, and 80% plus girl on the inside. Lots of guy friends, sports, outside activities, and fishing, cars & trucks, girlfriends, etc. Yet, when at home I would dress every chance, and just wished I had been born a girl. I was extremely envious of many of my female classmates in school. So many pretty dresses, shoes, makeup and such. I just wanted to be like them. Tough time for a kid in this situation. Inter struggles were tough, especially trying to figure this all out. Glad that’s over! Much more at peace these days. Still envious of pretty ladies tho! -Meg

Same here. Pretty outgoing but the femme side of me has always been there as long as I can remember. No sisters to get clothing from. Had to make due. I found a trunk with some basques and merry widow corsolettes in my attic left by former owner, I took possession of then quickly and never looked back.

[leotard fan]

When i was a pre-teen, i get inlove by girls and leotards more than before, seeing the girls in gym classes and ballet classes. Until today i didn´t stop wear leotards, thights and more... I was very shy. At street and school i was a regular boy, but at home alone (and i spent lots of time home alone) i was always enfemme, and when my mom arrives i wear female lingerie... i never know if my mom know about my cd (i had female cloths inmy closet), if she know it, she never talk to me about it. Big hug to you all.

[sara66]

It seems like there is a theme. I was also very shy. I had a few blind dates when I was in my early 20's and didn't have a girlfriend until I was 28. however I don't think crossdressing was a substitution for not having a girlfriend. Mostly because I started when I was 4 or 5. Did crossdressing make me more shy? I don't know. But it has help me though some tough time.

Sara

[Diane Taylor]

I was quite shy as a young boy but was comfortable when I played with the girls on occasion. I still did all the boy things which occupied most of my time but always liked when the chance came to mingle with a girl or two. A girl that lived next house from me was a year older and quite cute and I always had a crush on her and we did hang out together a lot. As a teenager I was still quite shy and didn't date until after high school. My shyness only started to disappear after I got my first job and even more so after spending time in the army. As a young adult and to this day I'm not shy at all...….quite the opposite. My dressing style has always been geared to the type of clothing I find attractive on women......

[Katie Russell]

Hi

Thanks for the replies so far.

I used to swop clothes with my sister when we were really young as part of a dressing up game. There was nothing sexual involved. It was at that age I was told it was wrong and I shouldn't do it. That in effect drove my future crossdressing underground.

I had friends who were girls but never a girl friend at school. It wasn't until I was 18 that I started to date girls which really coincided with me going to work.

I am a lot more confident now and happy to speak in pubic something that would have filled me with dread in earlier life.

The clothes I wear now are those which I find attractive on women. The same as when I was in my teens. If I look in the mirror I wanted to see an attractive girl / woman - somebody I'd find attractive.

Katie x

[Beverley Sims]

When I played with the girls I was always one of them.

When with the boys I would chase girls.

What a mixed up life.

But oh so enjoyable when I think back on it. :-)

[Crissy 107]

It does seem like a theme here that shyness was part of us early on until getting out in the working world. I also wished I was born a girl and definitely enjoyed playing with the girls more then the boys. I dressed up in my mothers things and of course was worried about being caught. As far as I know my Mom did not ever find out.

[ElianaFrozenflame]

I wouldn't describe myself as shy in my teens, but I sure would have retreated into my shell if I had ever been caught.

[penny lace]

In my teens I was always the outsider I was not shy but was always angry (way to many issues to go into here) I cross dressed extensively, even going fully dressed to school including dress under my school clothes one winter. I was caught several times by my parents or relatives stealing or trying to steal girls things but nothing stopped me. I did have girl friends and I don't think dressing was an alternative for me it was more of an escape.

[RebeccaV]

This is a super interesting thread. Tons of similarities across the board.

[BrendaPDX]

I was small and shy, not too many girlfriends. First time I truly crossdressed and saw myself in the mirror, I thought wow, who needs the risk and effort of a girlfriend?

[Ressie]

I was also shy and I'm still introverted unless I force myself to be otherwise. Friends use to try to set me up with girls which hardly every worked out. I only ended up with promiscuous, assertive girls because I was shy and ignorant. I also had a fantasy of temporarily switching bodies with a girl so I could please my friends sexually.

[Asew]

I have been quiet all my life. I had a few girlfriends in 7th grade and not again till college. I dressed from 8th grade to 12th grade then purged all my stuff going to college. I definitely think not being with a girl was a small part of my drive to dress. I definitely dressed like the girls I was attracted to (though I never felt like them or wanted to be them). And I was not out, so 100% male on the outside (though I did grow my hair out starting in 7th grade and had for a few years). And most of the times I had the house to myself I would dress. I was confused by it and ashamed of it. I didn't want to become a woman (like you saw on the talk shows back then) so I felt like the only way to be with a woman was to stay a man and suppress any desire to dress. It worked for nearly 15 years (with only a few instances of falling off the wagon into the pink fog).

[Katie Russell]

I am glad that so many of you found the thread interesting. Whilst I appreciate that the answers do not prove anything in particular, i.e. that shy boys will be crossdressers, it does show that there are a lot of similarities in our early years. I also appreciate that not everyone said that they were shy but I'd never expect 100% agreement. If we plotted responses on a gaussian curve I'd guess we'd find a consensus around the middle with various outliers. Again I appreciate that this is not a scientific experiment and people may not be totally truthful but I believe the anonymity of an online forum allows us to be more truthful than a face to face situation. I also do not understand why people would 'lie to fit in with the crowd' if 'being shy isn't a positive attribute'.

Personally I don't see a problem in exploring why we want to crossdress 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnd we have another on the search for the one, true cause of crossdressing'. Whilst I agree that we are all unique there are still certain things that we all have in common and for a certain type of crossdresser i believe tat there is a common theme as to how it progresses. It maybe at different speeds, ages and final outcomes but there is a commonality.

I have spoken to loads of crossdressers with a similar story to mine, too similar to be accidental. We were of a similar age when it started, we did use it for sexual gratification in our teens, we did stop or at least it was drastically reduced when we left our teens and started dating girls, only for it to return in middle age at which point for many it was no longer sexual to the same extent. Does that sound familiar to many? And if I find a million who do follow the same path doesn't mean I have to find a reason why 10 million don't. They will have their own reasons and maybe they will have something in common with others who don't follow my path.

At least if I have some understanding then I can prepare and at least speak to my wife with some sort of answers. Just shrugging my shoulder and saying I don't doesn't really help which is why I'm trying to discover my 'truth'. And I appreciate that I am forecasting the future but at least I know where I may end up if I follow the path to the nth degree. It seems to be a well trodden path and many of us stop at different points. If we sit on a trans spectrum then at least we can judge ourselves against others to give us some comfort and our wives.

I have searched the web for answers and sometimes what I have read is uncomfortable but it doesn't stop it being relevant to me. I was interested that one member posted about AGP. I have read about this and I know that it is controversial but a lot rings true in my journey. Maybe I am using cognitive bias in looking for similarities as opposed to difference but when the results are uncomfortable I cannot understand why I would want to accept the theory. I try to challenge any theories and if it helps me to better understand myself then I think it is valid that I explore why I crossdress.

Katie x

[Stephanie47]

Katie, I realize you're trying to find answers to a question your wife may ask. It's the big "Why?" I've read the answers. I don't know if you can arrive at a consensus of opinion. Yes, there are similarities which can be pointed out. Time when most seem to have been attracted to experimenting with women's clothing. The fear and angst surrounding wearing women's clothing. Dealing with non-conformity.

When I read the endless threads of the results or questions arising during "The Talk," there is a common element from the woman's perspective. Are you gay? Do you want to transition? It becomes a can of worms because the cross dressing man also has to deal with a wife's feelings brought on by social norms and expectations.

I've stated many times I told my wife that I do not know why I need to wear women's clothing. I may be able to tell her how I feel. It calms me. My experience with telling a woman I am exploring my feminine side really gets a lot of blow back. If a male feels there was some gender misalignment that is a totally different story. Most people with any knowledge seem to accept the premise this can happen. It's natural for a woman to ask her husband all those upsetting questions. I can answer all of the questions. I can tell my wife how I feel when en femme. I still cannot point a finger at a reason.

If you point to this thread as a basis of determining some sort of commonality you're running into a problem. Any woman who may have taken a basic logic course or statistical analysis will immediately tell you your survey is flawed. Why? Where is the control group? Where are the answers from men who do not cross dress? Teenage shyness with girls always seemed to be a natural affliction. Social awkwardness is not a trait limited to cross dressing boys. Yes, you may be able to show a commonality within the group, but, it still does not answer the "Why" question.

I told my wife I do not know why I need to wear women's clothing. That is the plain simple answer to a simple truth. Remember there are always two people in a marital relationship. Perhaps you should also be prepared to confront her negativity to you wearing women's clothing.

[erinna]

I was not shy nor an extrovert, not a hypermasculine kid though, more intellectual, played soccer, worked on cars, into the mountains on the weekends. Not that girls did not do those things, sometimes we all did these things together. I had plenty of guy friends, friends that were girls, and quite often had a girlfriend. I was probably lucky to have a pretty good time in high school and college. Our parents left us all alone a lot and we got in our fair share of minor trouble and mischeif! Most of the time the people I hung out with were pretty good kids and took care of things on our own without anyone watching over us.

For a cis gender male as myself, I think CDing, is just something that is part of us. Growing up before the internet, without any outside influence that I am aware, I just had a fascination with certain girl things at a very young age. Nobody showed me or told me to try on my mom's or sisters underwear. I just wanted to. When I saw women in magazines and catalogs, I liked the look, and wanted to have that look too, if just for a moment. Those sexy underthings had some sort of power over me, being intimate to femininity, and that was exciting. For years I thought I was the only one and had some stress about keeping it a secret.

[deebra]

As a teenager bras, panties and slips hanging on the close line did get my attention. Did the close line get me started in CDing?

[lingerieLiz]

I was not shy, but did enjoy my fem side. With 2 sisters that encouraged my CDing and being passable I enjoyed it.

[annecwesley]

My father was mentally ill, so I tried to keep quiet and to myself. I was bullied by the other boys. Some of my best friends were girls - I wish now I had confided in them that I wanted to dress like them and be "one of the girls". I was ashamed of my crossdressing and terrified about getting caught or of some adult even suspecting. I was almost paranoid about it which made acquiring clothes very difficult.

At the same time I had a nice slender figure with unusually wide hips for a boy, so the clothes I had fit me well. It was the 70's and I had long curly hair. I could have passed easily, but never tried back then.

[wendy]

I was half shy yet half outgoing, depending on who I was with. People I was comfortable with, very outgoing, but with people I wasn't familiar with, more on the shy side.

As a teen, I preferred quiet times at home, while some friends preferred to party non stop.