The Sexual phase of CDing has...

[Wildaboutheels]

come and gone for many here.

Per admissions.

Mostly (it seems) due to "advancing age". Maturity might be a better word for some? Very very few (per numerous threads over the years) NEVER went/passed through that phase. Many seem happy to be done with it. Put it behind them.

If that is the case for anyone, did NOT utilizing dressing as a "tool" anymore, help aleviate any guilt or shame associated with "dressing"? Did it free you in any way?

Or did any guilt or shame never come from how many minutes you spent dressed?

[Alice B]

Not sure about ever feeling any guilt about dressing and never any shame. But, with time and age the sexual phase is greatly reduced. It is no longer necessary to fully dress (make up, wig, etc) to express my female side/feelings. Bra/forms with a female blouse will satisfy. And ocassionaly do the full thing.

[Shayla]

I have been wondering about the sexual side- it seems for many of us that erotic part of CDing started in our youth, when, well practically everything is sexual. Did we just condition ourselves to make it sexual (through repeated actions...)? And then as the strong sex drive starts to wane, we see it as more gender expression? Could it have been gender expression all along that was hijacked by our hormones, guilt, etc? I know for me it was easier to think about dressing as a fetish than as some sort of gender thing. And it didn't need to leave the bedroom.

[Devi SM]

My case is different but similar to many.
Similar in the sense that for years was sexual.
I actually began having sex (with me )and that took me to dress. So I was very promiscuous and it was always sexual.
When I start to transition I discover many things, some of them:
As Richard Novic says in his book Alice in Genderland, a psychiatrist bisexual while crossdressing, we crossdressers, independent of the age, are like teenager girls expressing our gender and at that age gender and sex are one and the same thing. That's was my case.
Later I learned I'm trasgender so sex with men was wrong but it was just hormones that show me that and more. Now I have sex just with wife, in a mixture way arabians or man and women, depending on our moods.
But the most overwhelming thing is the huge guilt and shame I have now for had being so promiscuous just with men.
Now I'm not even into dressing as a hobby or fetish ecause is my life to live a woman.
I always looking for people is back in the experience to show them mine, may be I can save some souls...

[Robertacd]

When I was teenager the sexual aspect was defiantly there. In my 20's being on my own with plenty of time to dress, I wanted it to just be a "sexual thing" really really bad. But I found that the need to dress did not go away after I masturbated like it did when I was young.

Now dressing has no influence on anything sexual, except making me feel sexy when I am dressed sexy.

[Diane Taylor]

In the book "Aspects Of Gender" which was written by Lesley Gordon, a psychologist and crossdresser, the subject of sexual desires and crossdressing is discussed. Simply put he says that when we first have the opportunity to dress either partially or fully there is an element of excitement which becomes sexual in nature. As we dress more often the excitement diminishes and the sexual desire lessens at the same time. For me, I fit that description to a "T" and when the sexual aspect finally disappeared I was relieved because I didn't want dressing to be tied to sex cravings.

[Gillian Gigs]

In my early teen years the dressing was totally a sexual thing. Even after marriage it continued to be that way. After the deed was done, I couldn't get out of the clothes fast enough. Things got more difficult after my wife became a stay at home mother. It was during that time that I came out to her. She was very understanding and other than a few conditions, she was accepting. Dressing was a means to an end that I wanted to change in my life. The first step in changing my outlook regarding dressing was to wear panties all of the time. The next step was to work at removing the guilt and shame. Then it was to accept myself for who I was, realizing that there were just some things that I just couldn't change about me. This site has been very helpful for me to see things more clearly, and look at the more important issues in my life. To be free of guilt and shame is very liberating.

In the last 10 years, I have come to dress regularly in the way I choose. Today, 90% of the time it seems to be just the clothes, but the other 10% still lingers with the sexual side like the old days. I have asked myself if I would be happy to be done with the 10%, and have it behind me. My first thought has been yes, but because this has been such a large part of my life, I fear losing that 10% and have nothing in its' place. At times it can be like a long slow burning foreplay that runs for several days which builds up a sexual tension. If that 10% was gone, would my interest in the clothes be gone also?

[RADER]

Well at 71, the Sex thing has long since passed. I dress because I like wearing a dress or a skirt.
I do not go out dressed, however, I am under dressed every day.
Rader

[Rochal Tukque]

Two completely different paths. I'm sure this started from my birth defect not corrected till late puberty. Leaving me large breasts a miniature version of the average male equipment and a very much male body. After sixty plus years the "little brain" is still very much turned on by lingerie and the wife 10 years my senior encourages me to have my own fun! But while in full feminine dress the " big brain" is all to happy to be that girl that got started in there years ago and sex is not on the radar it is totally a head trip to be the best girl I can be without regard to the male body.

[andreanna]

I don't think the sexual aspect actually leaves us, as we get older our hormones do change a bit. Am I my mid 60's and enjoy my crisscrossing. I still enjoy the sexual aspect with or without my alter ego. As I am sure most single men do, I still have sexual thoughts and enjoyment from dressing, many have just put those thoughts out of their minds.

[Stacy Darling]

I'm @49 and am sure of who I am and my sexual preference. Will things change as I age or lose the sexual desire? Possibly!

Yet I dress and have love for myself and so will be quilted nicely!

Never be ashamed!
Stacy!

[phili]

I went through a big change over the past few years which leaves me in agreement with Shayla that

" as the strong sex drive starts to wane, we see it as more gender expression? Could it have been gender expression all along that was hijacked by our hormones "

Sex drive stage: erections starting with first thoughts, or maybe just starting, and then I picked sexual thoughts- but relief was the objective. I was feeling driven by my body. Orgasm was a way to break the spell and get back to the things I was supposed to be doing. But my identity was split and I felt hollow. I don't think there was any chance of living a different life considering the cultural and family environment.

Fast forward through childrearing and career decades.

Gender expression stage: I am now not driven by sexual tension, but rather by my feelings of wanting to express my fundamental sexuality and place in the cosmos. I feel like a whole person, and at peace. I feel a low level of arousal that is not visible, but extends throughout my body. Orgasm is nice but not something I feel I need or even want anymore. The energy drop is a little depressing, and it really doesn't have anything to do with anything important to me.

Sexuality is built into dressing- but it is implicit under most circumstances. I fantasize about having a partner who would find me as alluring as I feel- and with whom I could wear my super sexy things, but I am old enough that I regard that as one of the many things we don't always get in actual life. I'm content with the imagination.

[Teresa]

Wild..,
It was a very sexual start for me at the age of 8-9 , as I started dating GFs in mt teen years I found the ones I chose were OK with the dresssing and associated sex angle . Any guilt and shame I stated with went away . The problem I have now is there is a still a sexual component , it's never fully gone away , I do find it at times more of an annoying issue , I just have to accept I'm still fully functioning sexually . I also admit I would still like to find a female partner to still embrace all my feellings , I don't feel we should feel guilty or ashamed , if we are still fit and healthy and not breaking any laws .

Like many of these questions do we really need to bring age into it , to me we are only on this Earth once there is no second chance we should make the most of what we have .

[Julie Gaum]

End game: Pushing 94 so what happens with age is covered in my final Blog (#78 Part 4). Fastest way to find is to go to www.neverclimbedhismountain.com and then click on
"Blogs" at top, then go to that last blog.
Many of the responses to this thread have a common denominator so feelings of guilt should be discarded.
Julie

[Beverley Sims]

The sexual phase with me was encouraged by my girlfriends who taught me how to seduce a boyfriend.

Because I had these girls to encourage me, guilt was never an issue.

I did experience some guilt and shame in my early teen years.

None before when I used to play with the next door neighbours in dressup and mothers and fathers type activity.

[Stephanie47]

Any teenage male by definition is horny and lusting after females. Yes, there was a sexual aspect to wearing women's clothing. One can peruse all the articles you want on the internet about male masturbation. It seems the aging process does not totally negate those sexual urges. Of course, various medical conditions and drugs may hinder the ability, but, that does not mean the will is lost. When I was growing up I heard of male 'circle jerk(off)' parties. Wha? That always seemed gross or some sort of urban myth. How often did the guys in high school complain their Saturday night date did not "put out" and they had a case of "blue balls" in need of relief. According to the studies women also "self pleasure.' What's the big deal?

The shame, guilt and self loathing I felt as a teenager was because I was doing something that was going against societal norms and expectations for a man. I wasn't suppose to be wearing women's clothing. I enjoyed wearing women's clothing while wearing the clothes. After removing the clothes the self loathing came. I would conjecture, if I only wore women's clothing to enhance the self pleasuring I maybe would not have felt all those negative feelings. Wearing women's clothing helped satisfy or moderate the inner struggle of the part of me which was inconsistent with my outward physical appearance.

[Asew]

If I want my dressing to be sexual, I can do that and have fun. When i was a teenager, most of my dressings were sexually driven. Regardless of being sexual or just lounging around the house it was always full of guilt and shame.

When my dressing came back a little over a year ago it was sexually driven half the time and half the time comfort based (lounging around and sleeping in a skirt). But once I accepted this part of me, the guilt and shame started going away and the sexually driven dressing waned. I was now dressing in more regular clothes for regular activites, though occasionally I still dress sexy for fun so I guess I am not totally past the sexual phase. It wasn't the waning of the sexual phase that affected guilt and shame, it was accepting that caused a wane in the sexual phase since I could see a future wearing skirts most of the time.

[Jaymees22]

As a teenager it was all about sex. Then when I decided to try dressing again at 67 hoping for something sexual, I found something better "myself".

As far as feeling guilty I always go with "Life is too short to feel guilty."

[docrobbysherry]

At 75 my sexual functions aren't what they were when young. Back then, I could enjoy my morning quicky in the shower and still perform fine with a date/wife that nite!

These days a morning quicky means I'm pretty much done with sex for that day!

I do everything backwards! When I began dressing in my 50's it wasn't sexual. At least, until I became happy with my looks. Which took nearly a year. Since then sex has been an important part of my dressing. And, probably will be until I pass on or lose all sexual function!

[BeccaB]

The sexual side had definitely subsided more now that I've gotten older. It was only a few years back that I dressed one morning and found it wasn't sexual in nature at all - it was more for comfort and relaxation. It actually surprised me.

[MonicaPVD]

In my case there was a very strong sexual component to dressing. I am what you would call a heterosexual man yet when I dressed I always sought out the attention of men. This led to a endless and constant stream of meaningless sexual encounters with men. Basically, they saw me as a sex novelty or toy whose only purpose was to bring them to orgasm. I bought into this and made it my mission to bring every single man I encountered to orgasm, regardless of whether or not I was enjoying the moment. What I realized over time is that I wasn't really attracted to men at all. Instead, I was obsessed with the validation that came with being found attractive and desirable by them. After I came to terms with this fact, which took a lot longer than you could imagine, I began to focus more on how dressing made me feel. How it completed a part of me that I had buried years ago.

[TheHiddenMe]

My first urges to dress happened when I was around 7, long before any sexual impulses.

Around 14, I tried on my sister's pantyhose for the first time. Without being indiscrete, an unexpected big time reaction.

These days, generally getting dressed is not a big turn on.

Thinking about getting dressed, however, IS a big turn on.

[sometimes_miss]

From the beginnings of puberty on, males are almost constantly horny. Doesn't even take any conscious thoughts, and we're sitting in a math class, erections carefully hidden by our desks.
So it's no surprise that sex is part of almost everything we do. Some believe that we think of sex every 7, or 10, or whatever seconds. And I don't think that's far from the truth.

So it's hard to get to the bottom of what we're feeling, without also having to consider the sex drive underlying EVERYTHING.

Advancing age usually only sees a difference in testosterone levels, So while we may not always be as horny, we're still always noticing the pretty women around us, just not given the extra 'push' to actually try to get to have sex with them.

I never felt shame in relation to how long I remained dressed. Early on, it was just BECAUSE I dressed up at all. Most boys back then grew up with this, having been told by everyone around us that being girly was the worst thing that we could possibly be. Once I realized that I was harming no one, most of the guilt and shame went away. But a touch of it still lingers...... some of us never completely escape some of the things that we were imprinted with, early in our lives.

Still, just because we don't crossdress, doesn't mean we're completely free from the knowledge that we were thinking what we were told, were 'forbidden' thoughts. After all, we must still be aware that in western societies, crossing the gender lines is still considered by most to be unacceptable. Sure, most of us aren't being beaten or hunted down and tortured or killed, but we're still not treated as acceptable by most. Otherwise, this forum wouldn't even exist.

[Moe]

While being 75 also, my physical ability to have intercourse has been removed by prostate surgery. But now more than ever the motor that drives my feelings of being a sexual person is running almost as fast as when I was much younger. Read where there is a "hint" that the prostate helps control hormones and now with it gone, my female side and my sexual side are coming to the forefront.
Moe

[Rachelakld]

I started dressing at the age of 4, it wasn't sexual.
By 17, I used to imagine a pretty girl dressed the same way as me (stocking, bra etc) and yes it was a turn on, just like the girls in Penthouse were.
Probably some sort of empathetic projection.
by 40, I was getting lazy in bed and wanted the female to do 50% of the work (very unlikely to happen) so my back decided it needed more rest than workout.