Bucket list before the guy goes away

[Sarah Doepner]

Prior to going full-time did anyone try to build and work through a "bucket list" of a few last things that had to be done as a male? Examples might include elderly relatives to visit, work through the end of a career or one last set of activities or a trip with long-time friends. Or was it more the sooner I'm done with guy stuff, the better it will be?

I realize this may be seen by some as waffling on transition, others may see it as moving on with no regrets and still others might find it to be a last bit of verification that the correct choice is being made. I'm looking at it as moving on with no regrets.

[Sara Olivia]

No bucket list but pretty much the last thing I did before living full-time forever as Sara was to fly to Chicago with my then 15 year old son to see the MLS All Stars play Real Madrid. We couldn't really afford it but my wife thought it would be a great last father-son trip and we tacked on a few days to explore Chicago. It was an amazing trip and we had a wonderful time in Chicago. That was just over a year and a half ago. While it was a great trip and will be a wonderful lifelong memory nothing has changed between my children and I now that I'm Sara. We still do tons of stuff together and our relationship has not changed at all. While most of our friends teenage children no longer want to travel with their families, ours still seem to enjoy spending their vacation with us on family trips.

[shay]

That’s an awesome story Sara. It’s so good to here that all went well. I’m going to follow this thread for others ideas. My children seem fine with my transition so far however they don’t know that it is what I’m actually doing.

[pamela7]

i have to say, it never crossed my mind. I would use a different wording to express what I think you mean. Bucket-list to me implies a wishlist of doing a bunch of man-things that satisfies a male self. I know you don't mean this, and I can't find the alternative word.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I agree with Pam
to me as a practical matter, a male bucket list doesnt sound like a constructive idea and it should give you something to think about it if its more than a curiosity for you...

Frankly if you told me that I had to go on one last long hiking trip as a guy, I would have been miserable..

In fact, that kind of thing was forced on me in early spring of that same year, I had to go to Firestone country club for a golf outing... two night...three rounds of amazing golf...
but I HAD TO BUNK WITH THREE GUYS!!!! In a locker room...cigars, scotch and poker...and locker rooms showers... it was horrible....

[Devi SM]

No bucket list as a male. More than that. A lot of things that a male would do I do as me, a woman. I keep doing maintenance of our cars. Before I could get my hands dirt with grease, now i always wear mechanic gloves. My hair is in a pony tail and a hat.
Many of the things that had been in my bucket list I keep doing it just as me and not full time yet.
Even thought story of Sara is nice and touch me, the most i want is never see me myself again as a man.

[Sarah Doepner]

I see the confusion the language creates. I'm not looking for one last testosterone driven activity, I've had my fill of them, thank you.

It's more along the line of bringing some closure to relationships that may not have been supportive during or following transition but still have a long and mostly positive history. I understand this is playing to the fear of not being accepted, but in some parts of the family it could happen. I'm already "too damn liberal" politically for some of them, so gender change will probably be a little too much. My thoughts are not intended to delay something that's been years in coming, it's just managing my time before options and choices have evaporated.

[AllieSF]

I think that if the family, close friends, work acquaintances already know about that new you, then no final farewells are needed. You are just taking the next step in your life, one they probably already had an idea you might take. Also, it is not bringing closure to relationships, unless you do not plan on ever seeing them again. It should be a new beginning for you with some that stay with you, others that need time to catch up in the thinking department and whatever for those that oppose it all. You can always try to stay in contact, etc., but no farewell is needed and, in my opinion, even justified.

[pamela7]

so we could call it "closing activities", rather like dealing with a death (and resurrection)!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I would encourage you to keep it simple. Your life isn't going to disappear and reappear...

When I transitioned, I used the metaphor of death and rebirth and just speaking from my experience that's not how it played out.. it didn't feel like that to me at all...looking back it feels to dramatic and challenging for people..
it feels like I caused unnecessary drama and concern from people that cared about me..

If you truly just want some folks to accept you, it doesnt matter what you say, and I dont think its really important to go back to them "as a guy" one last time for closure. The way to get those people on board is to do what you say you are gonna do, and then thrive in your new role..

Just my thoughts... keep it simple...set a date...do it. everything else gets fit into that framework...if the date is coming and you want to reach out, you'll know what to do and you can do it..

[Sara Olivia]

Speaking to my own experience I found that the built up in my mind far exceeded the reality of my social transition. The sky didn't fall. Family, friends and colleagues accidentally misgendered me a few times the first couple of weeks then I was Sara and with few exceptions (as per my most recent post) I have been Sara to everyone ever since. In terms of who I am on the inside nothing really changed. I dropped some of the mannerisms I had adopted as a guy to fit in with the other guys. Aside from that I am and have always been exactly the same person whom I have always been though finally living in the proper gender. Yes I went on a father - son trip just prior to my social transition but the timing of that was pure coincidence. I agree with Kaitlyn and her response here. No bucket list needed. Nobody has died - you are still you just a happier more content version of you.

[Lana Mae]

So agree with Sara's #11 last sentence! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Sarah,
The whole situation is a gradual process, nothing happens overnight apart from the final surgical process , I'm sure most people will have made up their minds well before, leaving very little to cross off the bucket list .

Rather than dealing with last minute items , my bucket list is growing with people I wish to see and new places I wish to travel to . I may not fully transition but evenso none of this means the end of a life but an addition to it .

[Jeri Ann]

My transition was not gradual at all. She moved out, I stopped pretending to be a guy, just like that.

What I had been missing all of my life far outweighed in importance what I might continue doing by playing a role.

Looking back, after a year and a half, there is nothing I would go back for. Looking ahead, there is so much yet to experience.

[Sarah Doepner]

Thank you for all the comments. They have helped me clear some of the clutter from my thinking and focus a little better. I haven't made any hard decisions beyond the ones I've already made and the path remains the same.

However, it's clear to me that my original post is another example of my life-long practice of projecting my fears and expectations on others and ahead of my own needs. The same thing that kept me from sharing with my wife or friends or family, even knowing they would be supportive. Those that won't support me are too distant to have much of an impact on the rest of my life anyway. I'm happier now than before, I've not been shut out by anyone I've opened up to and the path remains the same.

This is why I've never left this forum.

[LeaP]

That particular bucket would best be simply kicked.