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Thread: A scary incident. And a reminder to always be on guard for your safety.

  1. #1
    Junior Member SexyErica's Avatar
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    A scary incident. And a reminder to always be on guard for your safety.

    A gurl friend and were walking to my car Saturday night after a drag show at a club and as we approached the car I hear someone call out hey you girls look gorgeous tonight. Too which at first I was flattered but then I turned to look where the voice had come from and acknowledge the compliment. I then realized there was a creepy looking guy in a hoodie with the hood up and his hands were in his pockets. I didn't know if he had some type of weapon or not but I sure didn't want to find out! As he approached closer I was just opening my door when he called out hey you know I've got fantasies of being with girls like you! And then too our horror and I swear to god he actually asked if I'd like to give him oral sex. I said no thanks not interested and quickly got in the car and shut the door and locked it!! It was the scariest experience I've ever had while out en femme. I just wanted tell the story to remind all the women here to be careful and always be aware of who's around you and your surroundings. Luckily I was close enough to my car I was able to get in and drive off. I don't know if he was actually going to cause harm or not but I didn't want to find out that's for damn sure!

    Ps this is what I was wearing.
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    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-21-2019 at 02:53 PM. Reason: slight change of wording

  2. #2
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    It's true; any woman, trans or not is vulnerable when out at night. Especially in heels. Please be aware ladies.

    As for the guy; with social skills like that I bet he has never gotten a that lucky in his life that he didn't pay for.

    Lookin' good, by the way, Erica.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-21-2019 at 02:54 PM. Reason: slight change of wording
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Got to watch out for those parking lot pervs, I have been approached several times while walking from and then to my car at gay bars.

  4. #4
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    There is a dark side to being treated as a woman, as you unfortunately experienced. So did I, long ago. In January 1982, I rode the train into Boston on my very first femme experience out and about, interacting with people. It was a bitter cold, snowy day. I wore a wool peacoat and scarf, a knee length pencil skirt, tights, and tall boots. After doing several hours of shopping, meeting and interacting with many people with no trouble, I took the Green Line back to North Station. There were only two college age boys and me in the car. As I was exiting the trolley, one of them said loudly to me, "Hey, Baby, wanna have sex?" I calmly kept going out the door and into the station at the same pace, completely ignoring him, but plenty frightened behind my poker face. He did not follow me. Like it or not, there are risks en femme. As my wife told me, "You look convincing as a woman, you get the whole deal that women get, for good and ill!"
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-21-2019 at 02:55 PM. Reason: keep it clean

  5. #5
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Some things that women take with a grain of salt can terrify us because we aren't used to men approaching us!

    I think u should calmly explain in no uncertain terms u aren't interested in men, period! That will usually send them packing straight away!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Honey, my wife has had a guy grab her by the arm, shove her up against a wall, and tell her that she was going to “perform” on him. Some guy asking for a bj in the parking lot when you were with your friend is nothing. Not to say that this behavior is normal or justified, but you’re talking tip of the iceberg. You have to be ready for that sort of thing ESPECIALLY if you’re going to go out to clubs.

  7. #7
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I have run into a few guys like him only one actually toughed me but he got a painful answer.
    Its always good to scan your surroundings and know whats going on around you.
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  8. #8
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    It's always good to be aware of your surroundings. I see many people who are oblivious to what is happening around them. There are a lot of pervs out there. I was in a suit going to a job interview on the NYC subway. You would think vulgarity would not be found in a crowded subway car. Nope. Some slime/guy offered to give me a BJ. GG's encounter this all the time. One of our neighbors one time had just left a beauty shop in a shopping center and was waiting for her husband to pick her up. You'd figure with she be left alone. Nope. Some half ass security guard accused her of being a prostitute. She was livid. Too many men seem to think women were created for their sexual satisfaction. From the top on down.

    Sorry to hear of your scary encounter. Unfortunately, too many people believe transgender women and cross dressers are some sort of sexual object.

  9. #9
    Junior Member LucyDarlene2018's Avatar
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    Situational awareness is something we should practice whether en femme or as a regular guy. Someone may just want what they think you have in your wallet or purse, but the physical experience can be bad either way. Know where you park; stay near lights; clutch keys between fingers. Even a cup of hot coffee pitched straight into the face can stun or slow an attacker.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Alexis00's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abby054 View Post
    There is a dark side to being treated as a woman, as you unfortunately experienced. So did I, long ago. In January 1982, I rode the train into Boston on my very first femme experience out and about, interacting with people. It was a bitter cold, snowy day. I wore a wool peacoat and scarf, a knee length pencil skirt, tights, and tall boots. After doing several hours of shopping, meeting and interacting with many people with no trouble, I took the Green Line back to North Station. There were only two college age boys and me in the car. As I was exiting the trolley, one of them said loudly to me, "Hey, Baby, wanna have sex?" I calmly kept going out the door and into the station at the same pace, completely ignoring him, but plenty frightened behind my poker face. He did not follow me. Like it or not, there are risks en femme. As my wife told me, "You look convincing as a woman, you get the whole deal that women get, for good and ill!"
    Doesn’t apply to your situation but I never ever ride the T en femme after Bruins or Celtics games. Many packs of intoxicated young men.

    Been catcalled but from a distance out in Back Bay, annoying but not threatening.

  11. #11
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Alright, I'll be the one to throw this out there, for better or worse...


    Sometimes in situations like these, yeah, they may have legit been looking for a "little fun," if you know what I mean.

    Maybe not the best approach, to say the least... But as a potential "admirer," perhaps without a ton of experience, he's not sure how to go about it in a better way -- you know, other than being upfront, direct & honest. Hey, I'm sure some of these types internally struggle with this, just like some of us can have a difficult time coming to grips with our "condition."

    Heck, who knows... Maybe this actually *does* work for him every now & then?


    Anyway...

    At other times? In situations like these, they're actually *not* looking for a little fun, but instead intentionally harassing some sort of "gender-bending" person -- as their way of showing their dislike/disapproval, in order to humiliate/shame them.

    They may not want to "have to see that kind of stuff," so they hope this bad encounter may make one think twice before stepping out the door like that again next time.

    Yeah, pretty crappy. But, there you have it.



    In the OP's case, obviously I have no idea which it was. Wasn't there, and wasn't inside the guy's head.

    But, regardless... This can be reality sometimes, when out in public.


    Thanks for sharing!

  12. #12
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    THE ANSWER IS to this type of club or where ever. The club needs to provide a uniformed security guard or moon lighting (second job) uniformed police officer to walk each person leaving the club to their car. And a well lighted parking lot with security camera's and signs saying the cameras are on. Low life's shouldn't be allowed to stop you from going out.

  13. #13
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    This is part of the reason women seldom go out alone at night and especially late at night. You have to watch where you are and who is around you. And it's best to park where there are lots of lights.
    Krisi

  14. #14
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    I realize that this was a traumatic experience for you but the fact that a man would approach a crossdresser and express his indiscreet sexual fantasies with her is not all that shocking or unique. I'd say it happens all the time. It's not right. It's not appropriate. It just is what it is. Now, if I or any other woman, cis or not, we're to be terrified by the words of every idiot or perv out there, we wouldn't leave our homes. It is what it is.
    Last edited by Di; 01-22-2019 at 08:38 PM. Reason: Removed the sex toy reference/ per the rules

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    My eyes are always looking in all directions. I have gotten to the point where I can do this and not look paranoid lol. Always better to be safe than sorry.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    You always need to be aware of your surroundings and this can be done without drawing attention.
    Crissy

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I have been fortunate in my travels, I am always aware of where I am going before I have to tackle trouble.

    I have had a couple of loud mouthed comments, leaving Disneyland in Orange County and down at the Queen Mary wharf.

    Of course there is a lot of activity in both places at nine or ten o'clock at night.
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  18. #18
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Erica,

    Whether you were read or the moron thought you were a female unfortunately it's a fact of life these things happen.

    This is why when members ask about going out for the first time advice about checking out your intended location, especially at night, is readily given. In the past when visiting somewhere I'd not been before beforehand I used Google street view to get to know the area. Where the car park was in relation to the venue, most direct route, what other venues would I have to pass. This had the effect of when I actually got there I felt more comfortable. I knew my way around and that gave me further confidence.

    When out and about you want to feel relaxed but only as far as you would be if out in drab. I'd argue that while women are targeted so men can be as well by some drunken hyped up he-man looking for a fight. Staying alert is just good common sense. So whatever mode you're in, don't get engrossed in your smartphone screen. Eyes up, ears turned on.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  19. #19
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    In all honesty, I think the "admirer" has probably done this more than just this one time.

    Hangs around the parking lots of LGBT clubs, awaiting those all dolled-up to be exiting, who are perhaps a bit tipsy & a bit more uninhibited after a night of fun, with him thinking that this may increase his chances of having a little fun, himself.


    Obviously I'm just speculating, but I could very well see that happening sometimes.


    Am I faulting him for this, if this is the case? On some levels, no.

    I believe he may have been speaking the truth, that he's "got fantasies of being with girls like you."

    Now, let me ask you: Do you think most "otherwise hetero" cis-guys have an easy time coming to grips with this sort of attraction, should they have it? I'd wager no. Particularly if they're still fairly new and/or inexperienced with all this.


    For those of you who have done so: Do you remember your first time you stepped into an LGBT club, all dolled-up? What was it like? A bit scary? Nerve-wracking? Did you go alone, or did you go with someone else who was understanding & supportive and/or experienced?

    Well, an admirer probably has similar apprehensions. If he steps foot into that club, what would that now mean, to him? It's one thing to be around a parking lot... But to actually pass through the entrance threshold? Suddenly, things just got that much more "real" for him... And maybe he's a bit scared & confused about it. Maybe he's afraid that someone will recognize him. And whatever else.


    Anyway, hopefully you get the picture. What I'm saying is, try to put yourself in this guy's shoes.

    Hey, maybe he is a bad person, lurking in the night, preying on unsuspecting "trannies."

    Or, maybe he's an otherwise decent guy, but is struggling with his own sexuality & identity?



    Up to the OP, but if you ever see him again, and you're feeling brave enough & have the time? Ask him to go back inside with you & your friend(s). Hang out a bit with him, let him see what it's like in there, let him get a bit acclimated to it. Ask him how he feels about all of it, etc., etc.

    And after a while, tell him you have to get going, that it was nice meeting him, that maybe he'll meet someone nice here sometime... and take off.
    Last edited by ellbee; 01-22-2019 at 03:27 PM.

  20. #20
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    I had not thought about how often women get hit on about sex. The other day I was talking to two very pretty young waitresses 19 and 22 years old. one said she was hit on 4 time so far tonight and she has a wedding ring on, the other said about ever other table she waits on. Both said they were tired of it. My one and only time I thought some one was hitting on me, was at the same restaurant very late at night and it startled me very much. I feel very sorry for these women that have to get this all the time. Marshalynn

  21. #21
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    i ran a meet-up, admirers were always trying to join. once had an encounter with someone who claimed to be lesbian, wanted to touch my legs and asked i i would like to feel his boobies, disheveled santa look, trouble negotiating the steps, midday didnt smell liquored up, after i explained what the club was about and how inappropriate he was behaving he settled down and we had a conversation. i never got lesbian from the looks but thats how he/she said they identified.
    i had slid something into my pocket to protect myself when i excused myself from the front room for as moment. so yea times like that are scary and we get to share that life lesson that real women experience.

    stay safe out there, even though hiccups like this remain its really safe to be out in the wilds, anybody can get mugged or hassled leaving a establishment at night, not just us.
    ....Mykell
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  22. #22
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    A guy that I knew (through work), told me that he only hit on women that he thought were married. His reasoning was that married women had a vested interest in keeping their fling a secret. I told him there was a special name for him but he didn’t care.

  23. #23
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marshalynn View Post
    The other day I was talking to two very pretty young waitresses 19 and 22 years old. one said she was hit on 4 time so far tonight and she has a wedding ring on, the other said about ever other table she waits on. Both said they were tired of it.
    Likewise, there have been instances in my life, particularly when I was that age, where I thought a GG was flirting with me.

    Turns out, in reality, that she was just being nice/friendly/making conversation, that how I perceived the situation was simply all in my head.


    Believe me, I got tired of that, too.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    That's why I never go to gay bars. It happens to both men and women there.
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  25. #25
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    This is part of the reason women seldom go out alone at night and especially late at night. You have to watch where you are and who is around you. And it's best to park where there are lots of lights.
    Exactly right Krisi!
    Women have to be on guard and think of everything to be safe it’s just a way of life for us.
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