Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 64

Thread: Irrational Fear of Shopping

  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    4

    Irrational Fear of Shopping

    Since I'm fairly new to this, I still find it really difficult shopping for female clothing and makeup in person if it's for myself. The strange thing, is that if I'm buying for my wife, I will confidently buy clothing, underwear, lingerie, tampons, whatever and not sweat it. I know its all in my head, as I've managed to buy a few things and the clerk hasn't made any comments or funny looks.

    Maybe it's a fear of coming out, as I'm still keeping CD to myself.

    Katy

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    833
    Yes, it is the fear of being "outed."

    I can't buy stuff at VS when they are having a busy sale day.
    Too much of an overload. Better for me to find stuff online.

    I have a much easier time at Target and Kohls, which I can easily combine with my grocery shopping run!
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 01-21-2019 at 06:33 PM.

  3. #3
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    United States, East Coast
    Posts
    3,212
    If you're buying things, not trying on … write out the things you want on a list. Look manly, awkward, and confused as you scan the aisle up and down prominently holding your list out, scanning it again and again. Look confused and troubled. Everyone would see you as a man shopping for his wife and hoping he doesn't bring home the wrong thing a sales assistant may even take pity on you and you can ask where this or that is located.

  4. #4
    Seňora Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    3,728
    We all have that fear, but honestly nobody cares. You will not be the first guy to buy woman's clothes and you won't be the last.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    2,895
    Well, you said it yourself. It’s illogical. Unfortunately emotions are rarely concerned with logic. The only way to get over it is to confront it head-on.

  6. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    259
    Nobody cares. They just want to do their jobs and sell stuff. It’s much more fun of course going dressed and presenting as a woman.

  7. #7
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    If your fear of being seen as gay its called homophobia.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 01-29-2019 at 08:32 PM.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  8. #8
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,155
    I think that fear is the child of ignorance.
    When I say ignorance is not an offense but a description of your actual state of knowledge on women's stuff.
    As Macey say you could make a list.
    Another thing is shopping on internet first, learning name on things, etc.
    Educate yourself and then you'll find out that nobody cares.
    One time I was in drab and got into the womem's fitting room. The clerk didn't see me when I came in first time but when leaving, then I come back again and show how many items I carry inside. She gave me the proper card with a number and walking inside.
    I don't know if is the trust I gaming with the time but nobody says a word. So know your task.
    Last edited by Devi SM; 01-22-2019 at 01:47 PM.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  9. #9
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,683
    Back in the day, I used to do my shopping in-person. Pre-internet days, so no other options, really.

    And for a few years, even too young for a credit card, heh. So, the catalog thing was out of the question, too.


    Yeah, I suppose I could have went with a GG-friend or GF?

    I always shopped by myself. Sucked it up & put on my big-girl panties. All you could do, really.


    Honestly don't recall if I ever did the "only-GG" stores. Probably a few along the way?

    Though going to a place that carried both men's & women's was easier & more typical for me. Women's on one floor, men's on another? Ah, well!

    Of course, this was also before those self-checkout thingies.


    Hate to admit this, but when I was a poor teen, I may or may not have gotten some make-up at a "5-finger discount."
    Bad, ellbee... BAD!

    Imagine if I had ever been caught??



    Anyway, shopping in-person really depends on your confidence. You have to convince yourself that it's no big deal.

    Yeah, sometimes you might feel a bit more nervous or whatever. And depending on who you get as an SA or cashier, that could make-or-break things, too. Honestly, just have fun with it, if you need to... If done properly, it puts the other person at ease, too.

    Of course, *what* you're buying plays a role, as well. A couple basic tops in neutral colors? No big deal. A full face of make-up, pink lace panties & a pair of 6" patent heels in a size 15 EEE? Yeah, bit of a difference, LOL.


    Call me a wuss, but these days, I just buy everything online.

    I do it out of convenience, for selection, and for pricing.

    Granted, I also buy like 95% of my *guy* stuff online, too... So, it's not really much of a stretch.


    Hey, some prefer doing the in-person thing! And I don't fault them for that.

    But if you have issues with it, either work on getting over it, or do the online thing for some/most/all.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    898
    It is interesting that you can buy stuff no problem when you know it's not for you, so the only thing that's different is your state of mind, presumably. I would guess it's setting off guilt or shame or some such over the CD, because evidently you're not worried what people will think about you buying this stuff if it's not for you. So the fear is not of being seen buying women's clothes... you have no problem doing that when it's for someone else.

    So all I can say is... you're not weird, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Chant that to yourself before going to the register next time and see if that helps LOL

  11. #11
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    7,029
    The people working in the stores don't care what you buy although they sometimes are a little "chatty" so you'll want a smart comeback if someone says "Oh that will look good on you." The real danger is that you'll be trying on those heels when your next door neighbor or co-worker comes around the corner and sees you wearing them or ends up behind you in the checkout line. One thing you can do is to shop as far as practical from where you live or work. I have run into people I know when shopping in the ladies department but fortunately, my wife and I were together.
    Krisi

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    10,866
    With Valentine's Day coming up soon perhaps that will give you a little more confidence to buy for yourself. One thing I always did was to inquiry about a gift box. Pretending the clothing is for a wife on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas always helped me in my early years of buying clothes.

    As to trying to figure women's clothing out every major retailer has a website with information about sizing in general and sizing specific to particular clothing. Learn about fabric types. Some fabrics have not stretch and are very form fitting. Men have wider shoulders than women and certain fabrics will not stretch. All this information is also used by women when choosing clothing.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    1,347
    Irrational but pretty common. Usually it gets easier with practice

  14. #14
    Junior Member JulieB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    58
    I go to stores Im unlikely to run into someone I might know. Then I go when they are unlikely crowded. Self checkout is awesome... and the internet makes it simple, long as Im getting the mail,, Ha!

  15. #15
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia USA
    Posts
    4,172
    We all were nervous the first few times but as said it does get easier. Pick your times in the beginning when you feel the store will be less crowded. Shopping for yourself is to me very exciting, I’ve never met a lingerie department I didn’t like.
    Crissy

  16. #16
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    One tip don't be looking around and hiding it only makes you look guilty of something and security will be watching you.
    Best thing is get over it because it is irrational.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  17. #17
    Member Leelou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Spokanistan
    Posts
    478
    This is always a fun topic. Yes, it can be awkward, but just go out and shop! You'll gain confidence quickly when you learn that no one cares.

    As soon as I was out of the house and left my own desires, I was out shopping.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member DanielleDubois's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    Gold Coast , Australia
    Posts
    546
    This all comes down to what you personally are comfortable with and not what others are comfortable with. I do most of my shopping online especially once I have found a store which is consistent in their sizing. Self serve checkouts are great until when the checkout machine refuse to acknowledge you put an item in the bagging area and the clerk has to come over and override the system. I will still slip a pair of pantyhose or something into a big grocery shopping with the backup plan if the clerk says anything I can just tell her my wife put it in the cart or that I simply pick up whatever has been put on the grocery list. But I haven't had to implement that plan and my self checkout experiences have gone smoothly. One thing I have learned after 6 decades of doing all of this is never feel pressured by what others say they are comfortable with. Things have been much less stressful as I have realized what I am comfortable with.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,355
    Katy,
    That irrational fear will dissipate with time, you work out ways to suppress that timid feeling.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    3,530
    I don't think the fear is completely irrational. There is a chance that someone that knows you will see you in the lingerie dept. If that were to happen, they might approach you to talk or they may pretend they didn't see you.

    So, if that person comes up to talk, you naturally will feel uneasy about the situation. You might have to lie and say you're shopping for your wife. This could turn into an episode on Seinfeld, you being George. That's where one has to lie more as the situation unfolds.

    The fear of being outed is justified unless you don't care if you're outed. So do your shopping in other cities where no one knows you until you feel less nervous or embarrassed about it. I personally would die if my brother caught me in a store looking through a rack of dresses. But I'm at the point where I don't think about that while shopping in my home town. Which means someone I know will eventually see me.

    When that happens I'll probably just come out to that person rather than making up a story.
    Last edited by Ressie; 01-22-2019 at 10:05 AM.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  21. #21
    Member Diane Taylor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    343
    Each time you buy things that are for you the fear will lessen until it's mostly or even completely gone.

  22. #22
    Junior Member JennykBailey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Hertfordshire
    Posts
    83
    Look at it this way, women are always looking through the menswear, so strike a blow for equality and shop in the women's wear section. As I often say to my wife, I'm never happier than when I hang around in Ladies Lingerie!

  23. #23
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Santa Rosa, Cal
    Posts
    81
    Quote Originally Posted by Macey View Post
    If you're buying things, not trying on … write out the things you want on a list. Look manly, awkward, and confused as you scan the aisle up and down prominently holding your list out, scanning it again and again. Look confused and troubled. Everyone would see you as a man shopping for his wife and hoping he doesn't bring home the wrong thing a sales assistant may even take pity on you and you can ask where this or that is located.
    No offense, Macey, but this is exactly the wrong thing to do: it perpetuates the idea that crossdressing, and a man shopping for women's clothing for himself, is somehow shameful and must be disguised by acting "manly, awkward, and confused." That's going backward. We need to go forward.

    Kay, pick a store where you know you'll feel comfortable, and a time when it won't be super-crowded. I recommend Sephora. Figure out exactly what you're shopping for. Dress as feminine as you're comfortable with in public. Walk in, smile, and tell the salesperson confidently what you need. Ask to try it out in the store. I guarantee you will be treated with kindness and courtesy and it will be one of the best CDing experiences of your life. You will find that shopping openly in women's outlets is a huge boost to your confidence and your enjoyment. And you will lose your fear.

    Good luck!

  24. #24
    New Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    4
    Thanks for the suggestions and support, everyone!

    I do know that it's all a head game thing, and agree like with anything else it's just a matter of practice, practice, practice!

    What recently worked to fake out my head was to buy an item for me, and an item for my wife, along with some other items I needed.

    Also, the self checkout is generally pretty great, but there was a time when I crashed the POS software trying to buy a pair of clip on earrings. This required the cashier to come over and help out, and when they were scanned on a second unit, it crashed too! For a $5 pair of earrings, it was quite an ordeal! Eventually, it was sorted out and was able to get through it.

  25. #25
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    NEPA
    Posts
    8,258
    Then just shop for your wife, but buy your sizes ...
    Can you see the REAL Me?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State