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Thread: Irrational Fear of Shopping

  1. #26
    Member ChubbyLeahCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kay74 View Post
    Since I'm fairly new to this, I still find it really difficult shopping for female clothing and makeup in person if it's for myself. The strange thing, is that if I'm buying for my wife, I will confidently buy clothing, underwear, lingerie, tampons, whatever and not sweat it. I know its all in my head, as I've managed to buy a few things and the clerk hasn't made any comments or funny looks.

    Maybe it's a fear of coming out, as I'm still keeping CD to myself.

    Katy
    I totally relate! I’m closeted so I feel self conscious if it’s for me, even though I’m in my male clothes.
    I usually start shaking and get flushed. It feels all eyes are on me. I’ve shopped online and shipped to store. I’ve also looked up items and written down the SKU and go in and ask one of the SAs and say it’s for my wife.

  2. #27
    Twisted Sister Patience's Avatar
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    I think it’s normal to feel some butterflies in one's stomach when one finally decides to act upon one's impulses. Part of it is due to the amount of variety in women’s clothing. I was pretty terrified when I started buying clothes for myself.

    Now I've been doing it over a year it's the most natural thing in the world.
    ...and though she feels as if she is in a play, she is anyway...

  3. #28
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TracyT View Post
    No offense, Macey, but this is exactly the wrong thing to do: it perpetuates the idea that crossdressing, and a man shopping for women's clothing for himself, is somehow shameful and must be disguised by acting "manly, awkward, and confused." That's going backward. We need to go forward.

    Kay, pick a store where you know you'll feel comfortable, and a time when it won't be super-crowded. I recommend Sephora. Figure out exactly what you're shopping for. Dress as feminine as you're comfortable with in public. Walk in, smile, and tell the salesperson confidently what you need. Ask to try it out in the store. I guarantee you will be treated with kindness and courtesy and it will be one of the best CDing experiences of your life. You will find that shopping openly in women's outlets is a huge boost to your confidence and your enjoyment. And you will lose your fear.

    Good luck!
    No offense taken, Tracy. My advice is not for someone looking to forward the 'cause', but for a person who's scared and looking for a way to move forward. Some folks can dive in head first to an irrationally fearful situation, some would rather dip their toe in and test the waters until they feel more comfortable. Fortunately, there are infinite ways for each of us to move through the world as the individuals that we are, rather than a mono-static ideal of how a CDer should behave. And, fortunately, there is a myriad of advice for a nervous individual to choose what is right for them.

  4. #29
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    Kay, first, you have to know your sizes of various female things, regardless how you shop. In brick and mortar stores, I've always shopped for my girl-self while dressed as a guy!! Many times I've bumped elbows with females at sales racks and have even asked them their opinion on a garment or a question about one.I've never had a negative reaction. It's easy to shop in drab for female things, even lingerie! Over the last few years I've bought over 50 bras and 100 panties, many dresses, tops, skirts ,camis, stockings, etc. Never had a problem or a challenge. You just have to man-up and do it. Once you do, shopping is a snap!

  5. #30
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    I've been shopping for women's clothing for years and from time to time, I still get butterflies. One thing you can do is shop in stores where there are minimal to no sales staff like Walmart. In places like those, you can browse around and truth is, no one will bat an eye. Most if not all go about their own business.

    In the US, stores like Target are perfect. There are barely any sales staff so you can browse at your leisure.

  6. #31
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TracyT View Post
    No offense, Macey, but this is exactly the wrong thing to do: it perpetuates the idea that crossdressing, and a man shopping for women's clothing for himself, is somehow shameful and must be disguised by acting "manly, awkward, and confused."
    I agree with Tracy on this. But it has nothing to do with wanting to "further the cause" or whatever.

    Instead, it has to do with just respecting a fellow human being during a one-on-one, face-to-face interaction.


    I'm sure anyone who's been working some kind of retail job for any length of time can recognize when someone genuinely needs assistance, versus being told some BS-story that they've already heard a thousand times before, that insults their intelligence & that they're now forced to play along with once again. Because when the latter happens, part of them probably resents you for that (even if they don't appear to show it at the time).

    IOW, no one likes a BS'er.

    If you're not actually buying something for your GF/wife/mother/some-other-GG, then please don't pretend that you are. To me, that's so far down on the list of various ways of going about this, that it's not even a valid option. (Again, no offense to Macey.)


    Now, I'm not saying you should hop onto the PA system & voluntarily announce to the whole store that once you get home, you'll be jumping into this skimpy little outfit that you're buying.

    In fact, no one has to know anything, if you don't want them to.

    The overwhelming majority of my in-person purchases were pretty neutral & ho-hum on *both* sides, to be honest. Maybe think of it as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"? Besides, I'm sure I wasn't the first guy who was *possibly* buying something femmy for himself there -- and I'm sure I wasn't the last.


    If an employee asks if they can help you find anything -- but you don't want to be bothered? A simple & polite: "Not right now, thanks" is more than sufficient. And they'll be on their way, leaving you to shop on your own. That's it, easy-peasy.

    Of course, if you're feeling brave enough, and actually do need help finding something, or not sure about something? Let them know! That is their job, and it's the reason why they're there. Of course, at that point you can volunteer as little or as much info as you want. And if they then ever ask you something like: "Is this a gift for someone, or... *pause*?" A simple "Nope!" is more than fine, leaving it at that. Or, if you're feeling a bit more open & confident? Reply with: "Nope, this is for me." See the difference?

    And the latter reply also potentially opens up a further dialogue. The employee is getting more of an idea of where you're coming from, and they'll now be able to assist you better, ya know? Seriously, some GG's are *good* at this fashion stuff, for example. They ENJOY it. And they enjoy helping potential customers become happy & stylish customers. Will *every* GG-employee be jumping at the chance to help out a guy pick out something cute for himself? No. But probably a lot more than you think. (Of course, they also want to sell you a lot of stuff, too, so, you know... )


    Anyway, *you* are pretty much in control of what you want to disclose, what you don't want to disclose, and how & when you go about doing it. And if at any time you start getting too nervous or uncomfortable? You can always politely "back out," so to speak. Just thank them for their time, and inform them that you'd like to just browse around a bit more on your own. I'm sure they'll more than understand, and they'll say something like, "Okay, no problem... Just let me know if you need any more help!" Again, easy-peasy.

    Of course, if you start getting too nervous or uncomfortable? You could also go another route, one that makes you *gasp*... a bit vulnerable!

    Straight up tell them: "Listen, I'm not gonna lie, here... I'm shopping for myself, but I'm a bit nervous & overwhelmed by it. A little scary for me, ya know?"

    BOOM! Odds are, that will "trigger" something in her, and at the drop of a hat she will *totally* change her demeanor. She will get super warm, super friendly, super helpful, super empathetic, etc., etc. She will want to put you in a much better emotional state... And she'll probably grab you by the hand (figuratively and/or literally, LOL) & lead the charge!

    Trust me, she will definitely appreciate your openness & honesty -- and your willingness to show your vulnerability to her.

    (Unless she's a total bitch, of course! But odds are, she wouldn't be.)



    I dunno, enough rambling for now.

    And you know what? Jeez... I think I've almost convinced *myself* to start going shopping in-person again!

  7. #32
    Member Brandiaztv's Avatar
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    Like the other girls are saying, every time you shop it gets easier, I usually shop at Goodwill for the prices and have never had any issues. I will select a few colorful men's/androgynous tees as camouflage, usually from the other guys that are shopping as the women pretty much ignore me. I am always dressed in guy mode, but I always have women's underwear on when shopping for girly clothes, kind of a morale booster (Or is that a morale 'bustier' )… I've tried things on with no issues (with my feet in nylon showing below the door!) and have never had an issue with the clerks. For makeup & stuff the self checkout at Walmart is great too! Just be careful, eventually you'll have too many girly outfits & too much makeup! (as if that is possible ...)

  8. #33
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Another thing, not sure if it has been mentioned yet, I have been told by a couple of SA’s that they absolutely know when a guy is shopping for himself. I guess when you are good at your job you know how to read people. Don’t let this scare you off but the point is just enjoy yourself and relax.
    Crissy

  9. #34
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    For me, the biggest fear is running into someone you know. But outside of that, I think it can be fun just telling the SA it's for you, and asking for help.

  10. #35
    Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    While shopping for bras, if an SA asks, What size does she wear?, I reply: She wears 42DDD, but I wear 38B. This is followed by a quick change in demeanor, but that had never been negative. I've always felt like I receive special attention as soon as the SA knows I'm shopping for me.

  11. #36
    Member Brandiaztv's Avatar
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    Sort of on a related topic, I was at work doing a job at a Macy's yesterday and always make it a point to walk through the makeup area, and there was a male makeup artist (in a very good make up job I might add) that I was just dying to ask if it would be possible to come in and get a makeover, for now it's one of my fantasies, but someday...

    Of course I'd never ask while in my work uniform though...

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    I stopped dressing for a few years. Yeah it was a purge lol. Anyway before I stopped I would go out regularly and shop dressed. I never had a problem. When I started dressing again, a few months ago, I felt very nervous. I just have to get my confidence back

  13. #38
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Kay,
    the way I conquered my fear of shopping was to go shopping; now I find it hard to stop.
    The one thing I learnt was that Shop Assistants are trained to be interested in your money, so they cannot afford to miss a sale by judging you.
    luv J

  14. #39
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    I think Vanessa hit the powder puff directly on the nose with:
    Quote Originally Posted by Vanessa Grandy View Post
    I think that fear is the child of ignorance.
    When I say ignorance is not an offense but a description of your actual state of knowledge on women's stuff.
    As Macey say you could make a list.
    Another thing is shopping on internet first, learning name on things, etc.
    Educate yourself and then you'll find out that nobody cares.
    One time I was in drab and got into the womem's fitting room. The clerk didn't see me when I came in first time but when leaving, then I come back again and show how many items I carry inside. She gave me the proper card with a number and walking inside.
    I don't know if is the trust I gaming with the time but nobody says a word. So know your task.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Belle.

    "For a lump of coal to become a diamond, it takes a lot of pressure, heat, and time."
    "The question is, can I, as a lump of poor coal, survive that heat, pressure, and time."

  15. #40
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    I've been buying women's clothes since the 1980s, both for girlfriends or wife, and for myself. In all that time, I can only remember about 3 times when an uncomfortable situation arose.
    1) When buying panties for myself and for my girlfriend, I bought 2 different sizes. The SA pointed this out when I went to pay, so I said "yes, they are for 2 different people". By the look on her face, I think she was thinking "wife and mistress'.
    2) I bumped into a work colleague in a store when I had a basket full of women's clothes and had to explain. I just said I was buying reduced-price bargains for my girlfriend. Luckily the item on top of the pile did actually have a reduced price tag on it.
    3) In a supermarket, I was buying panties for myself. The woman at the checkout picked them up and said "I'm saying nothing". I said "Can I not buy things for my wife?". She said "Really?"
    So I replied with. "Yes. They're not my size". That shut her up.

  16. #41
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    That twinge of fear is a part of what. makes shopping
    so exciting

    Jean Ann

  17. #42
    Junior Member Alexis00's Avatar
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    A woman who works for Nordstrom’s told me in passing that 10-15% of their sales of women’s clothing is to crossdressers. I had a lot more questions to ask. When are the best sales? Do these jeans make me look fat?

    I’m also a scaredy cat shopper, Target is manageable. Hopefully I’ll have enough courage and budget to go to Nordstrom’s, I probably look better!

  18. #43
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    Throwing that fear out the window may seem to be a reckless comment!

    It's how I went forward though!
    Stacy!

  19. #44
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Alexis, I like the 10-15% # the salesperson at Nordstrom told you. Pretty interesting.
    Crissy

  20. #45
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    I recently ordered some shoes online and picked them up in store. I was super nervous.

    I was the only man in the store, and when I went to the desk to collect them, people were looking at me like they had never seen a man before. It was quite embarrasing. Even though the shoes were boxed up.

    Doubt I'll ever do it again.

  21. #46
    Junior Member Aneline's Avatar
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    I once had a cashier at a grocery store say in as sarcastic a tone as she could muster "so you just ran out of lipstick" when I mixed a small purchase for Aneline with a grocery shopping trip. I guess I should have shown her my list...
    So yeah, I hate buying stuff in stores.

  22. #47
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    Miss V - oh that's so stressful. But I guarantee it was at least 90% in your own head. Women send their partners in to collect stuff for them all the time so there's no reason anyone would assume anything else. Half the time we create the stress in these situations ourselves... if people were looking at you they were probably thinking - why is that guy sweating? he looks terrified, what's all that about?

    Unless you were in the nip or wearing a gorilla costume, in which case yes fair enough

    Next time - just walk in like you own the place, collect your shoes and walk out. Nobody will bat an eye.

    If you need to psych yourself up, just role play in your mind while you're doing it "I just have to collect this stuff for the Mrs then I'll go drink beer with the boys, get some chewin' tobacco and cuss a lot". LOL
    Last edited by Eemz; 01-25-2019 at 06:29 AM.

  23. #48
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Once, I was shopping for girls stuff in Sports Authority. I noticed a tall girl (who was definitely a GG) shopping in the men's department. Nothing so unusual, but just from watching her, I got the impression that she was actually buying something for herself that she couldn't get in the women's department because the women's clothes wouldn't fit her.

    My wife somehow arranged a surprise all-girl 30th birthday party for me. One of the GGs got me some "sexy" men's bikini underwear. She told me that she was very embarrassed shopping for that. I didn't really understand being embarrassed; as a GG she could be shopping for her husband, son, BF or any man without any suspicion on her. It was all in her head.

    Moral. Be confident. Convince yourself that you can shop for anything on the pink side of the store.

    As a backup plan, be ready for some funny banter from the SA, like, "I think than will look great on you."

    Have a response ready, like:

    Oh, you really think so? I do too.

    Thanks, but I think it's way to small for me.

    or my favorite:

    It's for me, but it's not for me.

    If the catch the double entendre, this is where they become flustered to talk to you.

    And if they're not flustered, then you can talk to them more, providing "Too Much Information."

    I've never had to go that far, but I have my script memorized just in case.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  24. #49
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
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    I have recently been working on that fear. Encouraged by the wisdom and experience of people from this site I have pushed myself in “baby steps” and purchased female clothes as part of a a larger collection of items using th self checkout line, and worked myself up to buying a dress at a busy store and a checkout clerk. No one blinked. Give it a try and stay cool.

  25. #50
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Steffi, Double entendre, just another interesting thing you can learn about on this site. I love it!

    The first time I bought nail polish at Walmart, a red and a pink, the checkout lady said, oh those colors will look nice on you. I was embarrassed and thrilled at the same time. I had other things also, just smiled and left.
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 01-25-2019 at 08:36 AM.
    Crissy

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