Since I'm fairly new to this, I still find it really difficult shopping for female clothing and makeup in person if it's for myself. The strange thing, is that if I'm buying for my wife, I will confidently buy clothing, underwear, lingerie, tampons, whatever and not sweat it. I know its all in my head, as I've managed to buy a few things and the clerk hasn't made any comments or funny looks.
Maybe it's a fear of coming out, as I'm still keeping CD to myself.
Katy
Yes, it is the fear of being "outed."
I can't buy stuff at VS when they are having a busy sale day.
Too much of an overload. Better for me to find stuff online.
I have a much easier time at Target and Kohls, which I can easily combine with my grocery shopping run!
Last edited by Maid_Marion; 01-21-2019 at 06:33 PM.
If you're buying things, not trying on … write out the things you want on a list. Look manly, awkward, and confused as you scan the aisle up and down prominently holding your list out, scanning it again and again. Look confused and troubled. Everyone would see you as a man shopping for his wife and hoping he doesn't bring home the wrong thinga sales assistant may even take pity on you and you can ask where this or that is located.
No offense, Macey, but this is exactly the wrong thing to do: it perpetuates the idea that crossdressing, and a man shopping for women's clothing for himself, is somehow shameful and must be disguised by acting "manly, awkward, and confused." That's going backward. We need to go forward.Originally Posted by Macey
If you're buying things, not trying on … write out the things you want on a list. Look manly, awkward, and confused as you scan the aisle up and down prominently holding your list out, scanning it again and again. Look confused and troubled. Everyone would see you as a man shopping for his wife and hoping he doesn't bring home the wrong thing
Kay, pick a store where you know you'll feel comfortable, and a time when it won't be super-crowded. I recommend Sephora. Figure out exactly what you're shopping for. Dress as feminine as you're comfortable with in public. Walk in, smile, and tell the salesperson confidently what you need. Ask to try it out in the store. I guarantee you will be treated with kindness and courtesy and it will be one of the best CDing experiences of your life. You will find that shopping openly in women's outlets is a huge boost to your confidence and your enjoyment. And you will lose your fear.
Good luck!
Thanks for the suggestions and support, everyone!
I do know that it's all a head game thing, and agree like with anything else it's just a matter of practice, practice, practice!
What recently worked to fake out my head was to buy an item for me, and an item for my wife, along with some other items I needed.
Also, the self checkout is generally pretty great, but there was a time when I crashed the POS software trying to buy a pair of clip on earrings. This required the cashier to come over and help out, and when they were scanned on a second unit, it crashed too! For a $5 pair of earrings, it was quite an ordeal! Eventually, it was sorted out and was able to get through it.
Then just shop for your wife, but buy your sizes ...
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I think it’s normal to feel some butterflies in one's stomach when one finally decides to act upon one's impulses. Part of it is due to the amount of variety in women’s clothing. I was pretty terrified when I started buying clothes for myself.
Now I've been doing it over a year it's the most natural thing in the world.
When haters hate, I celebrate!
I once had a cashier at a grocery store say in as sarcastic a tone as she could muster "so you just ran out of lipstick" when I mixed a small purchase for Aneline with a grocery shopping trip. I guess I should have shown her my list...
So yeah, I hate buying stuff in stores.
Once, I was shopping for girls stuff in Sports Authority. I noticed a tall girl (who was definitely a GG) shopping in the men's department. Nothing so unusual, but just from watching her, I got the impression that she was actually buying something for herself that she couldn't get in the women's department because the women's clothes wouldn't fit her.
My wife somehow arranged a surprise all-girl 30th birthday party for me. One of the GGs got me some "sexy" men's bikini underwear. She told me that she was very embarrassed shopping for that. I didn't really understand being embarrassed; as a GG she could be shopping for her husband, son, BF or any man without any suspicion on her. It was all in her head.
Moral. Be confident. Convince yourself that you can shop for anything on the pink side of the store.
As a backup plan, be ready for some funny banter from the SA, like, "I think than will look great on you."
Have a response ready, like:
Oh, you really think so? I do too.
Thanks, but I think it's way to small for me.
or my favorite:
It's for me, but it's not for me.
If the catch the double entendre, this is where they become flustered to talk to you.
And if they're not flustered, then you can talk to them more, providing "Too Much Information."
I've never had to go that far, but I have my script memorized just in case.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
No offense taken, Tracy. My advice is not for someone looking to forward the 'cause', but for a person who's scared and looking for a way to move forward. Some folks can dive in head first to an irrationally fearful situation, some would rather dip their toe in and test the waters until they feel more comfortable. Fortunately, there are infinite ways for each of us to move through the world as the individuals that we are, rather than a mono-static ideal of how a CDer should behave. And, fortunately, there is a myriad of advice for a nervous individual to choose what is right for them.
Once in Kohl's I had an older women, maybe mid 70s give me the dirtiest look while I was sorting through panties on a rack. Other than that one incident, years of emotion free shopping.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
I'm not out. I found a way to avoid discomfort when shopping in drab. In Walmart, or other store with self checkout, I fold my purchases in my cart, with the barcode tag on top. Then all anyone sees is me scanning folded items which dissappear into the shopping bag. As yet, I do not own any big girl pantiesAnd that's ok by me.
Ineke
I agree with Tracy on this. But it has nothing to do with wanting to "further the cause" or whatever.
Instead, it has to do with just respecting a fellow human being during a one-on-one, face-to-face interaction.
I'm sure anyone who's been working some kind of retail job for any length of time can recognize when someone genuinely needs assistance, versus being told some BS-story that they've already heard a thousand times before, that insults their intelligence & that they're now forced to play along with once again. Because when the latter happens, part of them probably resents you for that (even if they don't appear to show it at the time).
IOW, no one likes a BS'er.
If you're not actually buying something for your GF/wife/mother/some-other-GG, then please don't pretend that you are. To me, that's so far down on the list of various ways of going about this, that it's not even a valid option. (Again, no offense to Macey.)
Now, I'm not saying you should hop onto the PA system & voluntarily announce to the whole store that once you get home, you'll be jumping into this skimpy little outfit that you're buying.
In fact, no one has to know anything, if you don't want them to.
The overwhelming majority of my in-person purchases were pretty neutral & ho-hum on *both* sides, to be honest. Maybe think of it as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"? Besides, I'm sure I wasn't the first guy who was *possibly* buying something femmy for himself there -- and I'm sure I wasn't the last.
If an employee asks if they can help you find anything -- but you don't want to be bothered? A simple & polite: "Not right now, thanks" is more than sufficient. And they'll be on their way, leaving you to shop on your own. That's it, easy-peasy.
Of course, if you're feeling brave enough, and actually do need help finding something, or not sure about something? Let them know! That is their job, and it's the reason why they're there. Of course, at that point you can volunteer as little or as much info as you want. And if they then ever ask you something like: "Is this a gift for someone, or... *pause*?" A simple "Nope!" is more than fine, leaving it at that. Or, if you're feeling a bit more open & confident? Reply with: "Nope, this is for me." See the difference?
And the latter reply also potentially opens up a further dialogue. The employee is getting more of an idea of where you're coming from, and they'll now be able to assist you better, ya know? Seriously, some GG's are *good* at this fashion stuff, for example. They ENJOY it. And they enjoy helping potential customers become happy & stylish customers. Will *every* GG-employee be jumping at the chance to help out a guy pick out something cute for himself? No. But probably a lot more than you think. (Of course, they also want to sell you a lot of stuff, too, so, you know...
Anyway, *you* are pretty much in control of what you want to disclose, what you don't want to disclose, and how & when you go about doing it. And if at any time you start getting too nervous or uncomfortable? You can always politely "back out," so to speak. Just thank them for their time, and inform them that you'd like to just browse around a bit more on your own. I'm sure they'll more than understand, and they'll say something like, "Okay, no problem... Just let me know if you need any more help!" Again, easy-peasy.
Of course, if you start getting too nervous or uncomfortable? You could also go another route, one that makes you *gasp*... a bit vulnerable!
Straight up tell them: "Listen, I'm not gonna lie, here... I'm shopping for myself, but I'm a bit nervous & overwhelmed by it. A little scary for me, ya know?"
BOOM! Odds are, that will "trigger" something in her, and at the drop of a hat she will *totally* change her demeanor. She will get super warm, super friendly, super helpful, super empathetic, etc., etc. She will want to put you in a much better emotional state... And she'll probably grab you by the hand (figuratively and/or literally, LOL) & lead the charge!
Trust me, she will definitely appreciate your openness & honesty -- and your willingness to show your vulnerability to her.
(Unless she's a total bitch, of course!But odds are, she wouldn't be.)
I dunno, enough rambling for now.
And you know what? Jeez... I think I've almost convinced *myself* to start going shopping in-person again!
Like the other girls are saying, every time you shop it gets easier, I usually shop at Goodwill for the prices and have never had any issues. I will select a few colorful men's/androgynous tees as camouflage, usually from the other guys that are shopping as the women pretty much ignore me. I am always dressed in guy mode, but I always have women's underwear on when shopping for girly clothes, kind of a morale booster (Or is that a morale 'bustier')… I've tried things on with no issues (with my feet in nylon showing below the door!) and have never had an issue with the clerks. For makeup & stuff the self checkout at Walmart is great too! Just be careful, eventually you'll have too many girly outfits & too much makeup! (as if that is possible
...)
Another thing, not sure if it has been mentioned yet, I have been told by a couple of SA’s that they absolutely know when a guy is shopping for himself. I guess when you are good at your job you know how to read people. Don’t let this scare you off but the point is just enjoy yourself and relax.
Crissy
We all have that fear, but honestly nobody cares. You will not be the first guy to buy woman's clothes and you won't be the last.
Well, you said it yourself. It’s illogical. Unfortunately emotions are rarely concerned with logic. The only way to get over it is to confront it head-on.
Nobody cares. They just want to do their jobs and sell stuff. It’s much more fun of course going dressed and presenting as a woman.
If your fear of being seen as gay its called homophobia.
Last edited by Tracii G; 01-29-2019 at 08:32 PM.
I think that fear is the child of ignorance.
When I say ignorance is not an offense but a description of your actual state of knowledge on women's stuff.
As Macey say you could make a list.
Another thing is shopping on internet first, learning name on things, etc.
Educate yourself and then you'll find out that nobody cares.
One time I was in drab and got into the womem's fitting room. The clerk didn't see me when I came in first time but when leaving, then I come back again and show how many items I carry inside. She gave me the proper card with a number and walking inside.
I don't know if is the trust I gaming with the time but nobody says a word. So know your task.
Last edited by Devi SM; 01-22-2019 at 01:47 PM.
HRT 042018; Full time 032019
Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
Breast augmentation surgery 012022
GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION
Back in the day, I used to do my shopping in-person. Pre-internet days, so no other options, really.
And for a few years, even too young for a credit card, heh. So, the catalog thing was out of the question, too.
Yeah, I suppose I could have went with a GG-friend or GF?
I always shopped by myself. Sucked it up & put on my big-girl panties. All you could do, really.
Honestly don't recall if I ever did the "only-GG" stores. Probably a few along the way?
Though going to a place that carried both men's & women's was easier & more typical for me. Women's on one floor, men's on another? Ah, well!
Of course, this was also before those self-checkout thingies.
Hate to admit this, but when I was a poor teen, I may or may not have gotten some make-up at a "5-finger discount."
Bad, ellbee... BAD!
Imagine if I had ever been caught??
Anyway, shopping in-person really depends on your confidence. You have to convince yourself that it's no big deal.
Yeah, sometimes you might feel a bit more nervous or whatever. And depending on who you get as an SA or cashier, that could make-or-break things, too. Honestly, just have fun with it, if you need to... If done properly, it puts the other person at ease, too.
Of course, *what* you're buying plays a role, as well. A couple basic tops in neutral colors? No big deal. A full face of make-up, pink lace panties & a pair of 6" patent heels in a size 15 EEE? Yeah, bit of a difference, LOL.
Call me a wuss, but these days, I just buy everything online.
I do it out of convenience, for selection, and for pricing.
Granted, I also buy like 95% of my *guy* stuff online, too... So, it's not really much of a stretch.
Hey, some prefer doing the in-person thing! And I don't fault them for that.
But if you have issues with it, either work on getting over it, or do the online thing for some/most/all.
The people working in the stores don't care what you buy although they sometimes are a little "chatty" so you'll want a smart comeback if someone says "Oh that will look good on you." The real danger is that you'll be trying on those heels when your next door neighbor or co-worker comes around the corner and sees you wearing them or ends up behind you in the checkout line. One thing you can do is to shop as far as practical from where you live or work. I have run into people I know when shopping in the ladies department but fortunately, my wife and I were together.
Krisi
Irrational but pretty common. Usually it gets easier with practice
For me, the biggest fear is running into someone you know. But outside of that, I think it can be fun just telling the SA it's for you, and asking for help.
With Valentine's Day coming up soon perhaps that will give you a little more confidence to buy for yourself. One thing I always did was to inquiry about a gift box. Pretending the clothing is for a wife on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas always helped me in my early years of buying clothes.
As to trying to figure women's clothing out every major retailer has a website with information about sizing in general and sizing specific to particular clothing. Learn about fabric types. Some fabrics have not stretch and are very form fitting. Men have wider shoulders than women and certain fabrics will not stretch. All this information is also used by women when choosing clothing.
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