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Thread: Irrational Fear of Shopping

  1. #1
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    Irrational Fear of Shopping

    Since I'm fairly new to this, I still find it really difficult shopping for female clothing and makeup in person if it's for myself. The strange thing, is that if I'm buying for my wife, I will confidently buy clothing, underwear, lingerie, tampons, whatever and not sweat it. I know its all in my head, as I've managed to buy a few things and the clerk hasn't made any comments or funny looks.

    Maybe it's a fear of coming out, as I'm still keeping CD to myself.

    Katy

  2. #2
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Yes, it is the fear of being "outed."

    I can't buy stuff at VS when they are having a busy sale day.
    Too much of an overload. Better for me to find stuff online.

    I have a much easier time at Target and Kohls, which I can easily combine with my grocery shopping run!
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 01-21-2019 at 06:33 PM.

  3. #3
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    If you're buying things, not trying on … write out the things you want on a list. Look manly, awkward, and confused as you scan the aisle up and down prominently holding your list out, scanning it again and again. Look confused and troubled. Everyone would see you as a man shopping for his wife and hoping he doesn't bring home the wrong thing a sales assistant may even take pity on you and you can ask where this or that is located.

  4. #4
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    We all have that fear, but honestly nobody cares. You will not be the first guy to buy woman's clothes and you won't be the last.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Well, you said it yourself. It’s illogical. Unfortunately emotions are rarely concerned with logic. The only way to get over it is to confront it head-on.

  6. #6
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    Nobody cares. They just want to do their jobs and sell stuff. It’s much more fun of course going dressed and presenting as a woman.

  7. #7
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    If your fear of being seen as gay its called homophobia.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 01-29-2019 at 08:32 PM.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    I think that fear is the child of ignorance.
    When I say ignorance is not an offense but a description of your actual state of knowledge on women's stuff.
    As Macey say you could make a list.
    Another thing is shopping on internet first, learning name on things, etc.
    Educate yourself and then you'll find out that nobody cares.
    One time I was in drab and got into the womem's fitting room. The clerk didn't see me when I came in first time but when leaving, then I come back again and show how many items I carry inside. She gave me the proper card with a number and walking inside.
    I don't know if is the trust I gaming with the time but nobody says a word. So know your task.
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  9. #9
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    Back in the day, I used to do my shopping in-person. Pre-internet days, so no other options, really.

    And for a few years, even too young for a credit card, heh. So, the catalog thing was out of the question, too.


    Yeah, I suppose I could have went with a GG-friend or GF?

    I always shopped by myself. Sucked it up & put on my big-girl panties. All you could do, really.


    Honestly don't recall if I ever did the "only-GG" stores. Probably a few along the way?

    Though going to a place that carried both men's & women's was easier & more typical for me. Women's on one floor, men's on another? Ah, well!

    Of course, this was also before those self-checkout thingies.


    Hate to admit this, but when I was a poor teen, I may or may not have gotten some make-up at a "5-finger discount."
    Bad, ellbee... BAD!

    Imagine if I had ever been caught??



    Anyway, shopping in-person really depends on your confidence. You have to convince yourself that it's no big deal.

    Yeah, sometimes you might feel a bit more nervous or whatever. And depending on who you get as an SA or cashier, that could make-or-break things, too. Honestly, just have fun with it, if you need to... If done properly, it puts the other person at ease, too.

    Of course, *what* you're buying plays a role, as well. A couple basic tops in neutral colors? No big deal. A full face of make-up, pink lace panties & a pair of 6" patent heels in a size 15 EEE? Yeah, bit of a difference, LOL.


    Call me a wuss, but these days, I just buy everything online.

    I do it out of convenience, for selection, and for pricing.

    Granted, I also buy like 95% of my *guy* stuff online, too... So, it's not really much of a stretch.


    Hey, some prefer doing the in-person thing! And I don't fault them for that.

    But if you have issues with it, either work on getting over it, or do the online thing for some/most/all.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    It is interesting that you can buy stuff no problem when you know it's not for you, so the only thing that's different is your state of mind, presumably. I would guess it's setting off guilt or shame or some such over the CD, because evidently you're not worried what people will think about you buying this stuff if it's not for you. So the fear is not of being seen buying women's clothes... you have no problem doing that when it's for someone else.

    So all I can say is... you're not weird, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Chant that to yourself before going to the register next time and see if that helps LOL

  11. #11
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    The people working in the stores don't care what you buy although they sometimes are a little "chatty" so you'll want a smart comeback if someone says "Oh that will look good on you." The real danger is that you'll be trying on those heels when your next door neighbor or co-worker comes around the corner and sees you wearing them or ends up behind you in the checkout line. One thing you can do is to shop as far as practical from where you live or work. I have run into people I know when shopping in the ladies department but fortunately, my wife and I were together.
    Krisi

  12. #12
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    With Valentine's Day coming up soon perhaps that will give you a little more confidence to buy for yourself. One thing I always did was to inquiry about a gift box. Pretending the clothing is for a wife on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas always helped me in my early years of buying clothes.

    As to trying to figure women's clothing out every major retailer has a website with information about sizing in general and sizing specific to particular clothing. Learn about fabric types. Some fabrics have not stretch and are very form fitting. Men have wider shoulders than women and certain fabrics will not stretch. All this information is also used by women when choosing clothing.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    Irrational but pretty common. Usually it gets easier with practice

  14. #14
    Junior Member JulieB's Avatar
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    I go to stores Im unlikely to run into someone I might know. Then I go when they are unlikely crowded. Self checkout is awesome... and the internet makes it simple, long as Im getting the mail,, Ha!

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    We all were nervous the first few times but as said it does get easier. Pick your times in the beginning when you feel the store will be less crowded. Shopping for yourself is to me very exciting, I’ve never met a lingerie department I didn’t like.
    Crissy

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    One tip don't be looking around and hiding it only makes you look guilty of something and security will be watching you.
    Best thing is get over it because it is irrational.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Leelou's Avatar
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    This is always a fun topic. Yes, it can be awkward, but just go out and shop! You'll gain confidence quickly when you learn that no one cares.

    As soon as I was out of the house and left my own desires, I was out shopping.

  18. #18
    Senior Member DanielleDubois's Avatar
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    This all comes down to what you personally are comfortable with and not what others are comfortable with. I do most of my shopping online especially once I have found a store which is consistent in their sizing. Self serve checkouts are great until when the checkout machine refuse to acknowledge you put an item in the bagging area and the clerk has to come over and override the system. I will still slip a pair of pantyhose or something into a big grocery shopping with the backup plan if the clerk says anything I can just tell her my wife put it in the cart or that I simply pick up whatever has been put on the grocery list. But I haven't had to implement that plan and my self checkout experiences have gone smoothly. One thing I have learned after 6 decades of doing all of this is never feel pressured by what others say they are comfortable with. Things have been much less stressful as I have realized what I am comfortable with.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Katy,
    That irrational fear will dissipate with time, you work out ways to suppress that timid feeling.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I don't think the fear is completely irrational. There is a chance that someone that knows you will see you in the lingerie dept. If that were to happen, they might approach you to talk or they may pretend they didn't see you.

    So, if that person comes up to talk, you naturally will feel uneasy about the situation. You might have to lie and say you're shopping for your wife. This could turn into an episode on Seinfeld, you being George. That's where one has to lie more as the situation unfolds.

    The fear of being outed is justified unless you don't care if you're outed. So do your shopping in other cities where no one knows you until you feel less nervous or embarrassed about it. I personally would die if my brother caught me in a store looking through a rack of dresses. But I'm at the point where I don't think about that while shopping in my home town. Which means someone I know will eventually see me.

    When that happens I'll probably just come out to that person rather than making up a story.
    Last edited by Ressie; 01-22-2019 at 10:05 AM.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  21. #21
    Member Diane Taylor's Avatar
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    Each time you buy things that are for you the fear will lessen until it's mostly or even completely gone.

  22. #22
    Junior Member JennykBailey's Avatar
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    Look at it this way, women are always looking through the menswear, so strike a blow for equality and shop in the women's wear section. As I often say to my wife, I'm never happier than when I hang around in Ladies Lingerie!

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Macey View Post
    If you're buying things, not trying on … write out the things you want on a list. Look manly, awkward, and confused as you scan the aisle up and down prominently holding your list out, scanning it again and again. Look confused and troubled. Everyone would see you as a man shopping for his wife and hoping he doesn't bring home the wrong thing a sales assistant may even take pity on you and you can ask where this or that is located.
    No offense, Macey, but this is exactly the wrong thing to do: it perpetuates the idea that crossdressing, and a man shopping for women's clothing for himself, is somehow shameful and must be disguised by acting "manly, awkward, and confused." That's going backward. We need to go forward.

    Kay, pick a store where you know you'll feel comfortable, and a time when it won't be super-crowded. I recommend Sephora. Figure out exactly what you're shopping for. Dress as feminine as you're comfortable with in public. Walk in, smile, and tell the salesperson confidently what you need. Ask to try it out in the store. I guarantee you will be treated with kindness and courtesy and it will be one of the best CDing experiences of your life. You will find that shopping openly in women's outlets is a huge boost to your confidence and your enjoyment. And you will lose your fear.

    Good luck!

  24. #24
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    Thanks for the suggestions and support, everyone!

    I do know that it's all a head game thing, and agree like with anything else it's just a matter of practice, practice, practice!

    What recently worked to fake out my head was to buy an item for me, and an item for my wife, along with some other items I needed.

    Also, the self checkout is generally pretty great, but there was a time when I crashed the POS software trying to buy a pair of clip on earrings. This required the cashier to come over and help out, and when they were scanned on a second unit, it crashed too! For a $5 pair of earrings, it was quite an ordeal! Eventually, it was sorted out and was able to get through it.

  25. #25
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Then just shop for your wife, but buy your sizes ...
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

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