The ZZTop test

[SaraLin]

Well - my first reaction would be shock, since she hasn't shown ANY inclination before this.

My second reaction would be "H-m-m-m. Maybe we can switch roles. (s)he can be the man of the family and I can be the lady of the house. Win-win!"

After that, I'd consider various combinations. We could also have girls' time, guys' time, and even regular "normal" time... options that don't even exist in most relationships.

About the bedroom, I don't think I could do the male to male thing. I'm just not turned on by that (but that's just me). I'm pretty sure though that I could be the girl with my partner as either one. But a ZZ top beard would probably get in the way.

Of course, the OP question is somewhat invalid with me, since I'm already gender non-conforming. Ask that same question of a non-T* person and the answer would be a whole lot different.

[Mermaiden]

Can’t see it happening, but if it did, then I echo Chrissy, “everybody loves a sharp dressed ‘man’”, so sure, I’d put on a “pearl necklace” and go for it.
More seriously, I mostly want to her to be happy and to share as much of our lives as we can. Everything else can fit around that.

[annecwesley]

I don't think there is a symmetry between male and female crossdressing. Women can and do wear men's clothing in public without having to disguise their gender - men cannot do so quite as easily. Nobody cares if a woman is wearing a plaid shirt, and work boots. And women who do "guy stuff" are admired these days. A woman doesn't have to wear a fake beard to wear guy jeans, a plaid shirt and work boots, but if a guy goes out shopping or shows up to work in a dress, stockings and high heals he's going to get attention, even unwanted attention.

[Lydianne]

+1 to what Tracii said. I'll take it further though. We don't even need to think about your very obvious flipped scenario. Just ask those within our community who do not require the full makeup transformation to fulfill their gender expression needs how welcome they feel among the rest of the majority here. That will tell you everything you need to know about the values we hold.

- Lydianne.

[Ressie]

I would pretend to be completely accepting for a few months. Then I would bring her to divorce court and tell all of her friends what a freak she is!

[Maria_mtf]

Well first I would ask her why it took so long to come out to me. I came out to her a long time ago. What was she waiting for? Then I would ask her if she’s gay, repeatably. I had to listen to it from her and she was hiding this. So she can listen to it until it’s really irritating. In the middle of allThat I would ask her what her end game is. Where does she want to be and does she plan on becoming a man. After I was really annoying about it. THEN I would ask her if she wanted to go anywhere? Like to a bar. How do you see this man that you present? Is he a macho man? A hipster? A lumbersexual? Woodsman, sportsman. What. And what would you like to do with this and the two of us? Do you see me as the lady in the man’s arm? I expect you to hold open doors and the like if that’s the case. And hand over your credit card. I’m going shopping.

Cheers.

Personally I thought that was hilarious :-)

I actually thought about this question the other day and surely the answer has to be we would be supportive, since that is what we crave in return.

[GretchenM]

I assume I would be understanding because I am a type of trans person and therefore understand that such things happen - happened to me so why not her? That said, it would still require an adjustment and a bit of adaptation. However, to keep the switch around in this question valid we need to assume that we are not the way we are and are solidly cisgender. The answer to the equation is very different in that case. I think it is important for us to consider this question very seriously to achieve some empathy with the SO.

[Krisi]

The real question is, Why do men dress as women but women not dress as men (with the exception of some lesbians)? We have web forums, we have specialty stores, we have transformation services. Women have nothing.


Now to answer the question, It would be unfair for a crossdressing husband to forbid his wife from dressing as a man. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. It would be interesting.

[Maria in heels]

Wow that is a really good question. Would I like it...honestly, yes because she allows Maria to be around, so why wouldn't I give her the same treatment? IN the bedroom, I wouldn't be 100% the first time, and it would be different, but if I were Maria I get to notch one off right?

[phili]

I think the array of answers points to the dilemma of crossdressing- the internal aspirational part gets linked to the external symbolic part. We are trying to 'look like' in order to be 'treated like' , but this actually means we want others to 'feel attracted to us as'- and that last part is not something that we can accomplish unless someone is objectifying us [tranny chasers].

We can pretty much all be fine with staying attracted to our wives if they want to role reverse - because we imagine them as they are being attracted to us as we want to be. But as the costuming becomes ever more artificial- we find it obstructs our emotions- we can't touch their beard and nuzzle because it is fake- unless we suspend our natural emotions or enter far into the drama and pretend it is real. Pretending and feeling authentic in relationship are mutually exclusive- so we have to multitask!

And in a sense perhaps we do that for ourselves as well-. Perhaps we have to multitask when looking at our gorgeous smile and perfect make up [while checking for beard traces or minimizing our adam's apple, or admiring our glorious head of hair and not seeing a wig, or in my case, reacting with desire by seeing my muscular man's legs or exaggerated [fake] hippiness from my flared skirt as if female and ...

So I can understand my wife simply does not want to substitute the fake appearance aspects for any part of the real. I am sure my disguising my male physique and communicating with symbols of femaleness simply seems like a weird workaround for a problem she doesn't understand. She is a real woman- it is not magic- why do I think it is- she asks? And she is right- I am trying to solve a problem with how I feel in the world- and my solution is symbolic- and needs to mature into something more real in my emotional state with others who are- in their view- rooted in the real world where males and females just do the best they can with the cards society deals- with the help of friends and SOs.

So if my wife wanted to role reverse and CD- I would be happy- we could compare notes on how it was working and how to find our authentic selves without props. Props are a huge part of life- so maybe there isn't a way !

[Julia Welch]

Apart from the beard, don't they already do all of that already?
Yeah … they do

[Meghan4now]

The real question is, Why do men dress as women but women not dress as men (with the exception of some lesbians)? We have web forums, we have specialty stores, we have transformation services. Women have nothing.


Now to answer the question, It would be unfair for a crossdressing husband to forbid his wife from dressing as a man. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. It would be interesting.

Hmmm, interesting thought, but the whole premise is really apples to oranges, or is that melons to bananas?

Anyway to a point, there is some speculation on the concept that men, driven by testosterone, have a higher incidence of sexual interests including "fetish" which may be true for some crossdressers. Additionally, acceptability in variance of presentation, clothing and hair style for women is wider, so if a woman wants to look a little more Butch, it is not controversial. Therefore, the "need" or desire for female to male crossdressing is much smaller market.

Now to the OP posit, if my wife felt very compelled, I would have to learn to adapt a bit, and yes there could be a challenge or two. However, I think presentation would be a driver. I don't like an unkempt male presentation anyore than a sloven female presentation. You won't catch me looking like something from a people of Walmart video, and I would expect the same of my mate.

[Krea]

This is a very good question.
Honest answer, i could be ok with her wanting to CD FTM, but only to a point. Clothes yes, but not something really masculine-looking like a ZZ Top chin-warmer. That just wouldn't appeal to me.
Coincidentally, this is a similar level of tolerance that my wife shows to my MTF CDing. She doesn't mind the clothes but makeup, wig, forms would be too much for her. (Fortunately i do not want these anyway.)
How would i feel about her wanting to CD if i wasn't a CDer? I dunno, because i am....

[Micki_Finn]

A lot of you seem to be fine with the clothes and a fake beard. What if she wanted to stop shaving her legs and armpits? Or wanted to grow a beer-belly? Or even more dramatic, go on hormones so she could grow her own beard? Or have her breasts removed?

[Mickitv]

I do love the question because it challenges our inner feminine soul. I would have to say that although I am not a fan of the ZZ top kind of a man I would let her be whom she wants to be. The real question since I am still DADT would I now bring out my feelings and tell her about me. Although I do believe she has very large suspicions oabout my femininity.

[Asew]

I would accepting of most everything except maybe kissing her with the beard would be something I would probably avoid. I feel like those on this site would be more accepting or at least tolerating because we selfishly want the same thing for ourselves. If we weren't CDers, would we feel the same? I feel like there would a lot less acceptance and tolerance from non-CDer husbands if their wives choose this ZZTop path.

[Leslie Langford]

OK so here's a fun idea I had recently, based on a comment someone else made elsewhere in this forum.

It's a role reversal game to try and get a better perspective on the other side of CD in a relationship.

Let's suppose your wife/SO came home one day and told you that when you're out of town she likes to put on a plaid shirt, work boots and a ZZTop beard and go about her daily life. Not only that, but she's being doing it secretly for years and now she wants to dress that way more often, and ideally with your help. Maybe even go for beers, trucks, fishing, guy stuff. Actually she has an assortment of beards and other stuff she's been hiding all these years. At some point she'd possibly like to introduce it into the bedroom, maybe dressed as a lumberjack, but we don't have to go that far yet.

How would you feel about that?

Well...maybe...O.K. with it...

As long as "She's Got Legs..."

[Gillian Gigs]

I have known many women that have dressed in mens apparel. For many of them, they were thought as just being "one of the guys". They usually wore there hair very short, a flannel type shirt, regular fitting jeans and hiking boots. The ones' I knew were very into the out doors, adventure, and for the most part very athletic. They dressed that way 95% of the time, but when they went out to a wedding, or fancy party, boy did they turn a lot of heads. I believe that they were dressing for their own comfort, and life style that they were living. They also seemed to know how to get a guys attention when they wanted to!

I guess in looking at this thread one has to ask themselves what is their motive for dressing the way that they do. There are too many motives for CD'ing, so I'm not going any farther!

[Ressie]

A lot of you seem to be fine with the clothes and a fake beard. What if she wanted to stop shaving her legs and armpits? Or wanted to grow a beer-belly? Or even more dramatic, go on hormones so she could grow her own beard? Or have her breasts removed?

This is a more realistic scenario. There are transmen that go thru those changes and it's possible that someone's wife didn't realize she was trans before getting married. If I had a wife that suddenly realized she was trans, I would be OK with it. Whether or not I stayed with her is another question that would be answered down the road. But I wouldn't hold her back from transitioning is that's what she wanted.

[Meghan4now]

A lot of you seem to be fine with the clothes and a fake beard. What if she wanted to stop shaving her legs and armpits? Or wanted to grow a beer-belly? Or even more dramatic, go on hormones so she could grow her own beard? Or have her breasts removed?

Two very different scenarios. Transition vs CD. And I would be really concerned if she wanted a beer belly, most guys DONT want that, it just happens.


Hair, I guess I could get used to. Full transition, maybe not, unless we both did? Hard to say, as people often find their response to reality differs from speculation.

[Lux]

Great topic, made me apprecite how much my wife has accepted me unconditionally over the years. Thanks for the post OP

[Leelou]

Well...maybe...O.K. with it...

As long as "She's Got Legs..."

And she's wearing "Cheap Sunglasses"

[Macey]

C'mon now, unshaved legs and armpits are a problem? I can't imagine dictating to a loved one what they must, or must not do with their own body hair. Aw heck, my first wife was the 'granola' type who at times let her leg hair grow. A-Okay with me.

[susan54]

I like to think I approach everything from first principles. Sauce for the goose and all that. I would have no problem seeing a female partner in that sort of outfit - I would still see HER. False beard fine - real one a real turn-off. But a real one would be more than cross-dressing. I genuinely believe there is more to a woman than how she looks and her body hair - I still prefer to see a woman in a dress or skirt and looking femininely elegant - I just wouldn't insist on it because I don't think I have that right.

[erinna]

I think I would likely draw the line with the beard in the bedroom thing. We would have to reach a compromise on that if she wanted my participation.

Now with that being said, if she were good on the guitar then we could form a really great FTM-MTF rock band as long as the only zz top song was "heard it on the x".