hit the glass ceiling so hard its killing me

[Jessicajane]

Well not sure what more I can do...I have to work, I love my wife and family and have stretched the boundaries of what those closest to me are prepared to give (and believe me they are very have been very patient and accommodating ) but what when its all just not enough...?

Fear not I will get over this ache in my stomach I always do but I feel I am on a downward spiral of despair at the moment....

I have grown out my hair , well as best I can , done my eyebrows ,I have done laser, ok I need to lose more weight which I am trying to do..and am on testosterone suppressants...but no estrogen (that is the deal breaker) but I am not finding happiness...just frustration which ever way I turn...I don't want to go back to being him, but I am not seen and would not realistically be able to function as her in my current life set up.

Just venting no dramas ..just venting

[Maid_Marion]

Time to talk to a therapist?

[alwayshave]

Jessica, I'm sorry that you have hit a plateau. The most important thing in my life is my wife, so I respect her decisions, but I know taking estrogen would be a non-starter.

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe Marion has it right here, it does seem that you are going through the rite of passage.

What you are endeavoring to do is very hard, maybe even talk to the girls on either the transsexual or non binary forums may help.

[GretchenM]

I agree with Marion on a need to seek some help. It sounds like you might be sinking into a depression episode. Please don't go there; instead go to a pro that can help you find a stable situation within yourself that is comfortable with what you have for the most part. Personally, I am not convinced you are venting; it feels like a lot more than that. Address it quickly before your brain starts adapting to desperation being the new normal. That road goes into the Land of Misery. A therapist can help you change your thinking in ways that help your brain find the right solutions to a really very favorable situation that is perceived as deficient and confining.

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes, go get professional help. You deseve to be happy. Therapy may be the way to that. Yes, gender issues make that more complicated, all the more reason to consult someone who can help you sort through everything.

[Diane Taylor]

I have to disagree with seeing a therapist as a way to "solve" these issues. If a therapist tells you that you need to suppress your feelings and dressing for the sake of the marriage, you will still be suffering in silence and that's not good for you. If the therapist tells you to go ahead and be who you are, then the SO won't be happy and there will still be friction in the relationship. The SO is the one who should seek some counseling with the hope that it can help her understand a little more about what YOU are going through. It has to be a two way street, but it seems as if WE are always the ones who have to make all the concessions when the SO doesn't like what we do.

[kimdl93]

I see no harm in therapy. Their function is to help you deal with reality in an effective way, not cure you or transform you....just help you live to the best of your abilities in whatever circumstances you choose.

[Ressie]

Sounds like this should be in the transexual or TG/gender non-binary section. From what you're saying, you are transitioning right?

Yes, it would be nice if we could all go to work en femme with no problems. I'm afraid of getting flack from getting my eyebrows done! I hate being teased for showing my fem side to people I work with.

[Tracii G]

You and your SO talk to a therapist perhaps ?
Your family seems to be the ones with the problem and they are causing you to feel the way you do.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I agree talking with a therapist would be a good idea. From your previous posts and you spoke othen of "pushing" your boundaries with others, the tone has recently changed to "stretching" at this rate you may be headed to "snapped".

One thing you have to keep in mind that in relationships others family,friends,co workers may feel "pulled" into uncomfortable situations, that is uncomfortable for them.

[Stephanie47]

I do agree with Marion concerning therapy. I went back and read many of your posts. As you progress or idle in place there are caring and loving observers. If you see that I guess you realize you do not live in a vacuum. Not only do you have to deal with yourself, you have to deal with others.

[LeslieSD]

Ladies, this is not a therapy issue. It is a society issue.

Being non-binary in a binary world bound to have its price. It is same way as being a female in a male dominated industry, or being a minority in a white dominated field. We have to deal with it, and there is no way around that. Therapist can give you strength in that fight. But it is going to be an uphill battle.

Personally that's what worries me and stops me from coming out at work (even that my company has a strict anti-discrimination law). It is the unspoken glass ceiling that is most fearful. I admire your courage.

[docrobbysherry]

Thots and prayers, JJ.

[Sara Olivia]

I agree with the comments that its perhaps time to see a therapist,one knowledgeable with transgender issues. I obviously don't know you but from this and other posts you've written I don't think this is just a crossdressing hobby to you. I say that because I see much of myself in you. Over the years I did more and more to appear more feminine. It was never enough. I came to a point in life where I could not imagine how I would get through the rest of my life as a man. Like you I have a wife and children and I was not going to risk losing them. We did go through counselling for almost a year and it has made a big difference. We are still married and our relationship has never been better. Same with the kids. Yet for the past year and a half I've been living fulltime as Sara and will for the rest of my life. PS. I think you could benefit by visiting the transsexual forum. There are a lot of women there who have been through similar situations as you and are wonderful at providing helpful advice - or just a sympathetic ear though that can be found here too. I learned a lot from these ladies over the years including courage.

[Jean 103]

Well not sure what more I can do...I have to work, I love my wife and family and have stretched the boundaries of what those closest to me are prepared to give

I have grown out my hair , well as best I can , done my eyebrows ,I have done laser, ok I need to lose more weight which I am trying to do. And am on testosterone suppressants...but no estrogen (that is the deal breaker)

Just venting no dramas...just venting

You’re transitioning and your wife is not prepared to live with a women. Am I right?

You could see whoever you want I don't see how it is going to help. That is unless you are looking for a green light to go ahead.

I am curious, did you think that at some point everyone would change their minds and support you? I'm sure some would but what about the one person you most need, your wife?

[Kas]

Sounds like this should be in the transexual or TG/gender non-binary section. From what you're saying, you are transitioning right? .

Unfortunately the TS and NB sections are basically dead on this site. There are many better sites for TS and NB around.

[abbiedrake]

It sounds like you are geniinely dysphoric. In which case bottling things up with the occasional venting will likely not be enough. Some professional help is definitely needed.

[JulesLynne]

It’s ironic that some of us are even discussing that “this belongs on the TG/nonbinary site” and not the CD site. Gender and sexuality are wide open spectrums, and even though I’m a heterosexual CD who has zero desire to make any full time transitions, I can completely relate to Jessica’s “plateau” even though the 2 of us might be pigeon-holed into different sub forums.

Jessica - like I said, I can relate. A year ago I came out to my wife and she supports me being a MIAD occasionally at home, as long as there’s no wig, makeup, forms, and the kids are out. Initially it sounded great, but now it’s a year later and I found that it doesn’t meet my needs and the kids are always around to the point that I only get a chance to dress just a few days per year. My head has been spinning... why do I need more than just shaving my legs and wearing a dress? Why do I care about hair and makeup? Why do I want to go out dressed? What’s this going to be like in another 6 months or year?

I started seeing another therapist recently and she has been a great help! Just talking out loud helps me get my thoughts together. Her asking me what my therapy goals were really forced me to think. On one hand, I have needs that aren’t being met. My needs are real! But on the other hand, my wife also has her needs that I need to understand. One of my main goals was for my wife and I to be able to better communicate to ensure that we both understand each other’s needs and limits. I’m fearful that we might reach an impasse but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Getting back to your specific situation - I suggest finding a therapist for both you and your wife. I don’t see how it could hurt either of you - in fact, it can only help. Maybe estrogen is a medical necessity for you. Maybe it’s not - I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to encourage you to jump to any conclusions by yourself. But if it is a medical necessity, withholding treatment in your case might be comparable to withholding insulin for a diabetic.

[Ressie]

It’s ironic that some of us are even discussing that “this belongs on the TG/nonbinary site” and not the CD site.

I'm the only one who brought this up Lynne. And I don't see any irony in bringing it up.

I agree that there is a continuous spectrum between CD and TS for some of us. But talking about talking hormones and getting laser treatments is talking about transitioning not dressing up on weekends. Many of my CD friends are also talking about transitioning and some are having similar problems at work or with the wife. Who knows? It's possible that I'll be making similar posts sometime in the future. That would be ironic.

[Teresa]

Jessica,
This problem hit me hard at Xmas , I did the Xmas meal for my daughter and her family as Teresa which was lovely . We then handed the presents round , as usual I received a photo story book for 2018 showing the year for my 6 year old granddaughter who is slightly autistic , I treasure it because I can see how she is improving but when it came to seeing me in male mode I hated it . I had a few minutes with my daughter and broke down and admitted I hated seeing myself in male mode , I added I didn't want her to stop giving the annual book but realised I had posed a problem with my pictures appearing in it .

My difference is I had to separate to go full time as Teresa , I'm not on any medication but I'm totally happy and comfortable in my new lifestyle , the downside for me is still having to do male mode for some of my family , I'm finding it harder and harder now I am realistically living my life as Teresa .

I appreciate you venting because I understand why .

Lynne,
I can't see why it's a problem with discussing it in this section , sooner or later many will go through these problems .

Diane,
I don't think any counsellor will tell you to suppress your feelings to accomodate the family . My gender counsellor couldn't understand how I'd manged to live with my suppression . All my counsellors wanted my wife to attend so the problem could be sorted but everytime she refused .

[Shelly Preston]

Moderator Note

If this thread needed moving to another section it would have been done.

Jessica chose to put it here and I see no reason to change that

Please keep to the topic

[Jessicajane]

Firstly ladies thank you one and all for your thoughts and replies...

I was very tired and quite emotional when I wrote this post, I have been having some issues with insomnia recently which is unusual for me, and although the gender issue is always there, I am sure that this is not causing my sleep problems, but more some weight loss medication that has documented possible side effects related to insomnia.

Problems magnify when you are tired, but I cant escape from the facts that I am concerned with how I feel.

I have absolutely had the support of counselling for many years , initially relating to gender but this has extended out to help in my work, physical health and some anxiety issues, and look its been great, and has given me some coping strategies when I feel things are getting out of hand.
I moved away from the gender issue because ultimately I had reached an impasse with where I could go, my therapist and I established that the way I felt would be
best resolved by moving forward to living as a woman, but whilst sense of self is so important, without work and without the close bonds of the one I love by my side each night, it just all seems pointless. Maybe I don't have the courage required to walk away from what I have and love , I have concentrated, or at least am trying to concentrate, my efforts on what I HAVE rather than what I can't have , I have just never been great at doing that, it is a fault I am aware does me no favors.

I have gone with my wife to therapy once,(about 5 years ago now) she really did not want to go, and after intense pressure to do so she reluctantly agreed, it was incredibly uncomfortable, ...my therapist was sure it was going to be the end of my road for the marriage, it very very nearly was, but in the end we found a way to used it towards finding a way forward...basically sitting staring at the abyss of divorce and loosing each other and the amazing life we had, proved to be catalyst we needed to find a way but that level of brinkmanship is not a place I want to revisit or rely on to solve problems going forward.
I am please to say marriage wise we are as strong as we have been for a longtime

Baring my soul on a keyboard for some strange reason feels therapeutic, I am not looking for people to solve the issue or find some miracle way forward although I do read reply's, it just seems to help me expressing how and why I feel as I do....that really probably doesn't make sense , but hey what else in our lives do!!..just thank you againxx

P.S To leave on a positive note I got a much better nights sleep the night of my rant.. YEY...!! and , yesterday I went out for a night out with friends, to help raise my spirits, I went to get my hair coloured, trimmed and styled..It was two hours of pampering..but got rid of all those pesky grey hairs and left me feeling like a princess, and even now the day after the curls have dropped some but it gives such a soft feminine look, just loving it xx

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[kimdl93]

I’m glad things look better after a nights sleep. And I’m glad you and your wife have managed to recover from a near miss. It’s really important to focus on and express appreciation (to yourself even) for the very good things you possess, rather than dwell on what one does not have.

Ive heard that depression doesn’t really exist in subsistence level cultures. It seems to be a 1st world problem, perhaps precipitated by obsessing about what one lacks, rather than simple appreciation for what one has.

[Genifer Teal]

I once heard it said that a relationship is like a shark. When it stops moving forward it drowns. I think that can be said for many things in life. Progress keeps us going. When the progress stops it's easy to lose interest. This is not something that's going away. So when the progress stops all the concerns flood in and that's what brings on the depression. I don't think anyone here has the specific answers for you. Getting outside help is probably the best bet.