Positive side of dressing A letter to the SO's

[Rochal Tukque]

With respect I write this note to the SO's. You heard the old saying. " To know me is to walk a mile in my shoes" in that, no more standing at the door tapping a foot saying " what's taking you so long?" Can relate to an hour in the makeup aisle only to get home and the color didn't look like that in the store. Or hours trying on clothes to leave in exasperation nothing seems to work or fit. Not all shoes are walking shoes and I can't wait to get home and take this bra off! That uncomfortable feeling when someone undresses you with their eyes or that unwanted remark from a stranger. Waking mile in your shoes has given a greater understanding and a deeper bond as to who you are. Thanks for being there.....

[MoGG]

With respect I write this note to the SO's. You heard the old saying. " To know me is to walk a mile in my shoes" in that, no more standing at the door tapping a foot saying " what's taking you so long?" Can relate to an hour in the makeup aisle only to get home and the color didn't look like that in the store. Or hours trying on clothes to leave in exasperation nothing seems to work or fit. Not all shoes are walking shoes and I can't wait to get home and take this bra off! That uncomfortable feeling when someone undresses you with their eyes or that unwanted remark from a stranger. Waking mile in your shoes has given a greater understanding and a deeper bond as to who you are. Thanks for being there.....

While I appreciate the sentiment I don’t think many mature women spend as much effort on their appearance and choose such uncomfortable clothes as crossdressers do. Certainly none of the women in the Ask A GG section. Also our presentation is only a small part of our lives as women, while for crossdressers it is clearly absolutely central to the fantasy of being a woman.

Sorry if this seems a dampener. I do appreciate you are being sympathetic. It’s just that I keep finding all these horrible clunky lists to wives about the benefits of having a cross-dressing husband that make us all sound as if we live in a 1950s sitcom.

[Teresa]

Rochal,
MoGG makes a good point and it's something I've learned that everday is not like that . Makeup can't take an age and choosing clothes is based more on practical aspects , they have to fit well and be comfortable all day . I guess it doesn't feel like crossdressing anymore , my bra stays on from breakfast till bedtime .

Sadly I found it's not a deep bond all women do wish to share but I'm not giving up on that thought .

[Stephanie47]

I do have to agree with MoGG. I don't try to justify to my wife. I told her "I do not know why I do what I do!" Sure, my wife at times just wants to yank off her bra. Other times she curses the fact she has to wear a dress and nylons. Forget the makeup except for lip color.

The ultimate from her when I was trying to come up with some lame reasoning for my cross dressing desires was "When you can have a baby, then you can tell me about your inner woman."

Don't give me any grief about not all women having the ability to have a baby. You and I know exactly what she meant.

[Rochal Tukque]

Ouch! Sorry I found YOUR bad day!

[Maria in heels]

Well Rochal, even though many of us have seen this type of a letter before, it brings up many thoughts and discussions that I have had with my wife. Everything that you list is something that we go thru because we were thinking the very thing when our wives or significant others did those very things that we didn't understand. I enjoyed reading it !

[giuseppina]

Like most others, I've seen these lists; I don't understand the point of some of the items. It looks to me that they are mostly composed with tongue planted firmly in the cheek with a side dose of empathy for genetic ladies.

[Rochal Tukque]

Seems I have inadvertently opened some very deep old wounds apparently started by many other people before me. Nor was it was my intention to write a complete book on all the everyday aspects of a CD relationship with a SO. To all that this subject has caused a discomfort to. Please except my humble apology.

[Beverley Sims]

I have never had to justify what I do, to my wife nor has she ever done it to me.

We both make our own decisions and will discuss some aspects of our lifestyle briefly, but there is little opposition with each other with what we do.

If we want to go into unknown territory it is a bit of try before we buy.

We always come to some agreement very quickly.

Idon't think you have to search very far or deeply for any solution.

[MoGG]

Hey, I’m not trying to come down on you like a ton of bricks. I don’t really think most CDers are trying to be much about the reality of GG women at all, as opposed to male fantasies of women. That is absolutely their prerogative, so I won’t comment except when we are being directly addressed or there is a post specifically about GG women. Even then I usually leave all the comments about how we should be more like CD versions of women alone. As you are specifically discussing how CD gives men insights into GG women I responded - and while I largely disagree, I genuinely think its great you want to be more empathetic to GG experiences.

It’s just that CDers tend, unsurprisingly, to have a very male perspective on what it is to be a woman. And a perspective that reads as somewhat limited if you are actually living as a woman. Publishers claim that most men avoid books written by women, even serious non-fiction books, because of their beliefs about what women are and how they think. Beliefs they don’t want challenged by actually reading books written by women. (And of course, men are often advised to use female pseudonyms for “female” genres - it’s not like women are immune to stereotypes.) I’d like to think the publishers are just being conservative and judgemental, but they sadly seem to have some good evidence.

Obviously women are as varied in their viewpoints as men are, but there are cultural differences that can emerge. For example, I’m reading Anne Applebaum’s excellent Pulitzer prize winning history of the gulag, which is very quite a conservative book, but does discuss the experiences of women, children and even things like aging more than other male books did. I think men are starting to include these perspectives more and more, it not some genetic incapability, but diverse upbringings bring diverse insights. It’s clearly not necessary to actually care at all about the perspective of GG women to crossdress, but if you do want some insight into us it might be worthwhile to buck the trend.

[Connie D50]

It’s just that CDers tend, unsurprisingly, to have a very male perspective on what it is to be a woman. And a perspective that reads as somewhat limited if you are actually living as a woman. Publishers claim that most men avoid books written by women, even serious non-fiction books, because of their beliefs about what women are and how they think. Beliefs they don’t want challenged by actually reading books written by women. (And of course, men are often advised to use female pseudonyms for “female” genres - it’s not like women are immune to stereotypes.) I’d like to think the publishers are just being conservative and judgemental, but they sadly seem to have some good evidence.

MoGG I have to admit I like reading some of the list we make to a our wife's lol. But I would never think for a minute that I could but myself into the real shoes (heels) of a women. I do try very hard to but myself into those shoes (heels) but it hard to get into the heart of being a women. I'm so jealous of how women interact, communicate, and of course get to dress. My wife try's to help and did come up with a great idea. She joined a book club about six months ago. I would get to hear about the book every month and in fact in long car rides she would play it as we drove. We would discuss it and after the meeting I would get too hear about the others inside to the book. Well two months ago I started read it on my own( I have to admit I'm dressed reading it more then not). We talk about as we read and then she brings home the meeting discussion questions and we have are own book club. Here is just a couple of books Big Little Lies (which I loved the interaction of the characters) book much better then show, and The Storytellers Secret. Now please don't misunderstand This doesn't mean I'm sayin that I now can but myself in your shoes (heels). I can only hope it gets me closer to a women heart and feelings. I always enjoy when GG give us insight on this site.

[MoGG]

@ConnieD50
I think that sounds an amazing isea, and really enjoyable.

[foxy bartender]

I think that y’all are probably right, about most cross dressers having a mostly male centric view of their cross dressing, and only partly understand the feelings of gg’s. That’s also what’s made me realize, that I’m not really a cross dresser, anymore. It’s taken a long time to understand, that I’m at least partly trans, and why I’ve begun to identify as non binary.
Rochal, I’ve heard trans women say something’s very close to how you said you feel, because it’s true, once you start to live your life as a woman, you get to see things about that world, that you’ve never seen before. If your mind is open, you can absolutely see another perspective. Idk, it’s just my perspective. I’ve been here a long time. I’ve seen the world change a lot, and this forum changes too. It’s good to have empathy, and look at things from a different perspective.

[abbiedrake]

Empathy can only ever be a good thing. I agree with Mo however that us men can't be taken seriously if we ever attempt to compare knowing what it is to wear heels or bras to the full experience of being a woman. Nor should it take wearing of said bra to engender sympathy in us men. Ideally...
That said as stated above empathy's a good thing.
Now if only more men could try on lower pay, right GGs? 😉

[Rochal Tukque]

To Mogg and all the rest. I belong to a trans support group and have many trans friends. One of them bless her keeps telling me I have to own it I don't I can't I just rent it! Cross dressing is nothing more than a masquerade for me. I know the pain these girls go through to transition that is exactly why I'm not on their forum. My wife and I have an excellent relationship because she is secure in the fact that I'm not trying to become a woman or dress like a street walker. It is all tongue in cheek, we shop do makeup and clothes and have fun. Come on how serious can this site be? With 60 year olds talking about dressing in mini skirts and 4" stilettos and other going goofy because they got away with going out dressed for a night. Yet I have been cut to to quick for posting something that the tribal elders have seen to many time before or dated sarcasm for being light hearted and superficial. Ever wonder why so many are watching on here and so few participate? I know as a newbie I don't know the pecking order but truly I mean no harm and just looking for some girls that want to have fun. Hugs Rochal