MIAD explorers/and female counterparts for crossdressers

[phili]

Crossdressers participate in the enforcement of gender style enforcement, feeling strongly that one needs to have the complete look of a female or male, as the case may be. But there are men and women everywhere who don't see a conflict between beards and dresses and makeup, or an hourglass shape and otherwise the look of a man.

I searched 'queer fashion' and just one example was Qwear- as an example- celebrating those who make it a fashion statement!

The site is for all gender expression benders and blenders. At the upper left the menu allows search, which I did for 'beards'- giving this page
https://www.qwearfashion.com/home/?tag=Beards as an example. but the site features crossover dressing by both sexes in jubilant variety, and tons of search terms.

Females in the 'queer' group are in my experience completely at ease with m2f crossdressing whether transformation style dressing or casual MIAD approaches.

Each of us has a particular investment in the MF gender duality and how binary the world should be. Generally we suffer because crossdressing in any form is looked at sideways. But the 'queer' term is meant to capture the idea of freedom now.

My question: after considering some examples of queer fashion, and thinking broadly in the light of the Golden Rule,

How would your life change if you were living in a place where lots of people dressed like this?

[Beverley Sims]

Probably not a lot now, maybe just find it easier to dress as there would be more tolerance about the subject.

[Shayla]

I think I would feel more comfortable going out en femme, but my presentation would not change much, either in male or femme mode.

[Allisa]

I don't throw stones and my high horse is a pony. I still see the term as offensive but I'm just an old coot.

[Jenny22]

What Beverly and Shayla said.

[Maria in heels]

I would definitely dress more and hopefully my wife would be ok with me going out daily!

[Rayleen]

Would dress and go out often.

[DeeDeeB]

Gratefully, I now dress as I please when I go out. It might add a level of comfort if there were others around who were also out, but I've always been on the fringe so no big deal there.

As to the labels folks try to put on anyone not in their universe of "normal", I say put it on. I don't care if I am considered a crossdresser, transvestite, queer or whatever. I am also left handed which makes me gauche and sinister. Regardless of the names, I can only be myself to the best of my ability. And I'm lovin' it!


Dee

[GeorgeA]

DeeDee wrote:
Regardless of the names, I can only be myself to the best of my ability.

I would like to add that we are the same person whether in a military uniform, swim trunks, tennis shorts, trousers or SKIRTS. What we have on or not have is irrelevant. The person stays the same. Being nude in a shower or in a tuxedo at a gala party does not make you a different person. At least it's true for me. I'm the same no matter what I wear.
Hopefully the world will accept this notion sooner rather than later.

[Rochal Tukque]

I think it would be a nicer world if men were encouraged to explore and present their feminine side in whatever that form maybe. Maybe there would be a few less wars.

[GretchenM]

Good question, Phili. For me, the discomfort comes from living in a world where deviating from the traditional and stereotypical gender division is tolerated but not really considered proper by most people. As a transwoman I knew a few years back said, people are generally on autopilot but they do notice us and usually will not say anything even though they disapprove. Acceptance is very, very different from tolerance and it is a mistake to confuse them or consider them synonymous. Large scale social acceptance of gender expression that deviates from the traditional is way off, assuming it ever really takes hold. That binary concept is so deeply embedded in not only our consciousness but also our genetics and our brain structure. However, large scale tolerance of gender variance does seem to be taking hold and at least that can feel almost as good as full acceptance. And it is actually achievable. And perhaps some places may arise where that is the norm. Problem I have with that is that it sounds too much like the reservation in Huxley's Brave New World. That would not be healthy for social purposes.

I think the kind of world you describe is possible in this world except for one thing. The population of people who are gender variant is really tiny, maybe 1 or 2 percent. If all restrictions were removed there might be a lot more that come out of the closet on occasion but not enough to really establish the society you describe.

That said, a good deal more widespread tolerance would really be nice. And even in a world that is half of the world you describe would be a dream come true. It would sure change the situation for me as I rarely do the full dressing event and often find it to be a bit outside my personal comfort zone. I don't go out fully dressed, but about 90% of the time there is something about me that says, "I am not exactly your garden variety guy." Men tend to look away or give me the evil eye, but women rarely do that. In fact they smile and say hello with a facial expression that says, "That's OK." But here in Denver I doubt adding a beard would produce such nice reactions from the ladies. That could change and may actually do so in time. However, I have gone beyond the question which predicates "a place" where that is done. Again, a good and thought provoking question.

[Teresa]

Phili,
I wonder how many different sets of answers you would get depending on the age group you posed the question to .

We are the same age I don't know your upbringing but mine obviously has some bearing on my thoughts now . If I answered I'm perfectly OK with a " Queer /Qwear World I would be lying . I know my brain still has the values drummed into me by the age group I grew up in .

Everyone should be entitled to dress as they choose as long as it doen't offend or cause embarrassment but then that's the rub why do people have those feelings ? Is it wrong for them to think why can't you conform with society ? The one point I feel very offensive is when some members here or on social web sites say clearly they don't give a **** what the public think . Having been out in that same public for a year now I don't feel the public deserve that attitude . I'm sure if I went out with that abrasive attitude I wouldn't achieve the acceptance level I have and yes I much prefer not to show any male traits I'm much happier being Teresa and it appears the people I meet feel the same way . It's not a matter of me conforming it's me dealing with and achieving with how I feel inside .

The bottom line is why do you feel you need to present in that way , yes you have that right but do you feel totally comfortable knowing people might give a bad reaction , would it be better to take a second look at your presentation and ask do I want to live the rest of my life with this lifestyle or will it change with time ? Clothes do make obvious visual statements but ask yourself why I'm making that statement do I feel truly happy and comfortable as I am or is it just circumstances outside my control why I can't honestly be the person I truly wish to be ?

I guess once youv'e made your statement and it's not worked out how you wished the damage is possibly done , perhaps you've made it harder for yourself and harder for other members of the TG community .

[Jean 103]

It would make my life a little easier.

I have to put on makeup to go to the corner market.

I like wearing makeup and being girly, just saying.

I dress like that now around the house. I don’t live alone, and people coming and going. The thing is they know me. That and I’m use to it, it’s become normal.

Still I have found that people are quicker to accept me if I’m wearing makeup. Besides I look better with makeup, I’ve been told so by one of my littlest friends.

I have gone out shopping, dinner, without makeup and been treated the same. Well not completely the same as you, I have long hair and don’t have a beard. I was with my roommate(GG), who besides attracting way more attention than I do with her purple hair, is disabled.

I find that with acceptance there is a bit of a snowball effect. That when people see others accept you they follow suit. It continues to grow, the next thing you know you have this whole community that’s accepted you. Isn’t this what you want?

[foxy bartender]

I’m already going out and about every day, in various forms of mixed gender representation. I don’t usually sport a beard, but sometimes I don’t have time to shave my face, and still want to go out in a dress. That being said, I definitely dress to fit in, usually fairly conservative. If more people were out doing the same thing, it would make it more comfortable for me, at least for one. I’d definitely prefer not to stand out. It’s hard not to stand out when you’re a guy in a dress, but if you just own it, and fit in, the world will mostly happily continue.
There’s a bit of acid in here, about the moniker they chose. I get why they did. It’s the same reason William Burroughs used it as the title of his novel about his own experience. I prefer to bring a bit less attention to myself, personally, but I’m all for the punk rock approach they’re taking.
It’s just like, my opinion, man

[Sallee]

That is a fun site what exciting fashion. "How would life change?" It would I am sure I would certainly get more compliments,well at least mention of my clothing style. But I think after a while it would be accepted a the norm at least for me . I'm the guy that dresses weird would be how I was probably thought of. Like my cross dressing now when I am out and about, I don't dress flamboyantly, but I do get noticed and no one for the large part really cares.
So have a good time enjoy yourself and to hell with everyone else who may find themself offended by your fashion statement

[docrobbysherry]

It's hard to say isn't it, philli? Because this is one of those, "What if", threads.

At present, I'm an all or nothing dresser. And, so r most of my dresser friends. Many of whom r a bit freaked out MIAD dressers!
So, if they and I were around more non binary dressers, would I be tempted to just throw on a few things and go out? Would my T friends become more accepting of having MIADs around? Would the President openly CD with no one commenting?

Maybe. Who the heck knows!?

[Brenn]

I probably would not change much. I might wear skirts out in "MIAD" mode more often, but I already regularly incorporate some feminine attire in my regular wardrobe--ballet flats, leggings, etc.

[Kelly DeWinter]

" How would your life change if you were living in a place where lots of people dressed like this? "

It would depend. I generally am not a fan of 'sloppy' dressing in any form, either male, female or in-between. As someone who has seen men wear skirts on both coasts, its not what someone wears but 'how' someone wears it. In general most men who wear skirts or dresses in public tend to wear them rather sloppily . Most of what you see online are either fashion houses or the occasional celebrity.

[phili]

...we are the same person whether in a military uniform, swim trunks, tennis shorts, trousers or SKIRTS. What we have on or not have is irrelevant. The person stays the same..

I tell my wife this- in the sense that the me- the person who loves her is the same person who crossdresses. It is 'just clothes' but I don't think what we wear is irrelevant- we are all here because it isn't- at least to us! And the fashion industry, which includes even the plainest utilitarian wear and the queer fashion online platform, is built around the importance of what we are saying by our dress.

GretchenM's point on the increased tolerance of gender expression is why Qwear is more or less mainstream- the outfits are borderline and modest and speaking to non-binariness generally. I think among teens you see more of this, during the experimentation phase. I wanted to know if you felt heartened and invited by seeing more of this around, as i think we will see more around. I feel it helps a lot not to be the only genderqueer person around.

I also wanted to know if you felt your own transformation crossdressing as welcome in a queer fashion social environment. I think it is welcome.

That said, Gretchen is sadly likely to be correct that the depth of binariness in our culture and psychology is more likely just to keep our reception at neutral and polite tolerance rather than actual warm acceptance. Warm fuzzies from others depends on them identifying with us to some degree, which, of course, they won't- since they feel loyalty to the binary. But I think her point is right that tolerance feels like acceptance in the general public arena, and I feel safe and good out and about- even if seen as a little strange. It is with family or friends that I seek true acceptance- which is reciprocal, and the foundation of intimate relationship.

We do that here for each other.

[Asew]

I have no problem going out as a MIAD. But I think such a world it would change my wife's views and possibly remove or lessen her limits on my dressing.