Can't throw anything out.

[Maria 60]

Yesterday was cold and my wife suggested we did some mid winter clothes clean up, that's my favourite we try on clothes and everything from her side comes to my side. At one point she went to make coffee and brought it into the bedroom and she laid on the bed and asked me if she could ask me something. She asked me why I wasn't throwing anything out, that I have clothes I never wore and yet I still keep them and even though I get new stuff I never remove anything and now it seems it's getting out of control. She told me that I'm in my mid 50s now and I have pantyhose, bras and panties for a life time and for some reason I wear the same things and mostly the cheaper stuff and the nicer stuff I'm saving for she doesn't know for what.
One thing about my wife is the day I told her about my dressing instead of freeking out she found it interesting and her last words were "Let's see where your going with this" and that's what she has been doing for the past 30 years sitting in the wing and observing.
I told her I don't know why, I just can't throw anything out and asked her since she's been observing me all these years if she can explain to me why it feels like I'm a hoarder.
She started explaining and to my surprise she really was observing, she told me that I need selection because she notices that when we are at the mall or somewhere and she sees something catches my eye the next time I dress I try to duplicate that look and I have to make sure I have the stuff to do that.
If I see a women's green bra strap and that triggers something I want to make sure I have a green bra, and she knows when I get home from work what I seen during the day on the choice of clothes I choose to wear and knows a lot of my dressing involves role playing. But then she said the way I'm collecting so much stuff if I'm holding back and not telling her something, it seems like I'm getting ready for a evolution or am I planning a big coming out one day in the future and I want to make sure I'm well stocked.
She said it seems like Maria is like a hurricane, you can almost predict its path, but it can change its direction very fast and cause a lot of distruction along the way, very unpredictable.
WOW! what a crazy theory I looked at her speechless and I didn't know what to say, everything she said sounded about right. I told her I feel as if I collect soo much because when I want to dress I want to make sure I have the stuff to whatever I'm craving. I told her I believe I mostly collect because when I was younger I could have only imagined finding a accepting wife and owning all this fem stuff, almost like I don't want to take it for granted. The person who starved though the war will never throw out food and that's how I feel. She told me if I do remove some stuff I will be more organized and to maybe enjoy my nicer stuff because not that I'm getting old but I'm not getting any younger.
I do appreciate my wife's opinion and believe she is my therapist at times, always seeing my dressing in a positive light and having someone seeing things from the outside looking in.
I'm just wondering if anyone else here can relate with my collecting and give me your theory on why we can't throw or donate anything.

[mykell]

this is easy, because we are hoarders, i do it, from the sound of other posts we tend to do it without even realizing it...... ive sold shoes and such on ebay, mine and others.

and it is not just my female stuff, their are pockets of other aspects of my interests through the years, basement, garage, back yard.....for me it stems from not wanting to waste anything.

[foxy bartender]

I used to be just like you, and kept every piece of clothing I ever got, feminine clothing anyway. Then, I picked myself up and moved clear across the country, and got rid of almost everything, because it was easier than to try to pack it and transport it. It taught me a lot. It showed me, that I didn’t need drawers and closets full of things, I was so not likely to wear again, ever. I Marie Kondo’d myself, before she had a Netflix special, lol. It helped me to really appreciate what I do have, and now, my drawers and closet are so much easier to deal with. At this point, I’ve also gotten rid of my male clothes too, so there’s even less cluttering up my space. My suggestion, get some storage bins, and some space bags, and go through your older things. Take what your not wearing, space bag it, and store it in a bin. Put it somewhere safe. If you don’t open it for 6 months, you probably don’t need it. I think once you have an organized closet, you’ll realize that your other half is right. And if you do go back to some of the old things, you’ll be happy you didn’t just donate it all.
Just my two cents lol

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm also having a very hard time trying to get rid of stuff.
One reason is that over the years I threw out some dresses that I really wish I kept.
Two years ago I threw out 80 dresses and last month I came across a photo of me in a nice gold gown I loved and wish I still had it.
I'm up to 120 dresses now and I know I'm out of control. ARRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Angie G]

I do that somewhat so. I've got to lat it get really worn for me to get rid of it.
Angor

[Beverley Sims]

I feel that I am a hoarder, but one thing is for sure, some of the retro clothes are irreplaceable as is the quality.

[Jean 103]

Yes, it is because you have an emotional attachment to each item. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, I’m sure it is a collection of feelings. I totally get it.

I don’t see a problem, unless you are trying to limit your collection due to space.

I’m attempting to limit my wardrobe to the storage space I have in my bedroom. Currently a small closet, two dressers, 3 shoe racks each holds 50 pair.

So I have come up with a few hard and fast rules.

If I will not wear it, out it goes.

I try and limit each item to the space I’ve allotted for it. Like tank tops I wear all the time. The drawer is so full. So I’m not allowed to buy anymore till I let some go. A hard rule to stick to when you find something cute marked down 90%.

My style has and is in a state of change. I will take one item, last one was hanging tops and dump them all on the bed and go through them one by one. If they don’t make the cut in the donate bin they go.

I’ve learned to look at it as a collection and not just a lot of individual items. The challenge as the collection changes, is to shop to fill the holes and part with the ones that no longer fit in.

[Tracii G]

I have no problem placing old clothes on to the donate pile.
I actually just got done going thru my guy and girl closet and have quite the pile of clothes that I will take to Goodwill in the next few days
Now guitar parts I have a ton of and never get rid of the smallest spring or screw that I may need in the future.

[DanaM64]

Guilty here too... Though a few years ago I went on a binge to get rid of everything that was too small or large, which the small was easy thinking I'd never shrink down again. However the larger, I know wish I had 2nd thought it and just stored it in the basement.
Live and learn on that one! I will say I went from 5/6 closets and 2 dressers down to 2 closets and 1 dresser... Yeah me!
I will admit though, my collection is slowly expanding again, but the good news is I'll have to downsize so my girlfriend who is moving in with me will have room, thank goodness she's a minimalist! lol

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

I used to keep things, the logic being that I'd have enough to wear if I ever went full time. I then came to the realisation that even if in the highly unlikely event of that happening I'd have so much freedom to shop that I'd buy new things that were more up to date fashion wise. As it stands I only need a relatively few items to fulfill my dressing needs. I do have bras in different colours and knickers to match, I do like to colour co-ordinate with what's on top.

Anyway, since deciding that I'd rather have a relatively small number of items that I enjoyed and felt good wearing, as opposed to some old slightly worn or faded things the charity shops have received a number of visits from me donating stuff.

Another factor for me was I do my out and about dressing away from home. This limits just how much I can take. This has had the effect of making me buy things that will co-ordinate with things I already have. If say I bought a skirt that I didn't have something to match it with then I'd find something to buy that did but in general the separates I have can be interchanged to create an outfit.

I found that the highest hurdle to climb is filling that initial bag that's destined for the charity store. Once you begin it gets easier.

[Julie MA]

I think it is because each item we buy, and wear, has an emotional memory associated with it. From the thrill of seeing it for the first time, to the comfort and sensual feelings we sometimes get when we try them on, to the excitement or acceptance we crave when wearing them in public. Throwing out an item is like throwing out good feelings.

[Stephanie47]

I have a word document listing the 162 dresses I own. I know I'll never be able to wear them all. Some no longer fit. Some are out of style (padded shoulders). They do not get donated because I have too much emotion invested in them. Sure, if I was able to freely buy and wear and rid of the old stuff, then it would be like my guy clothes. Wear it out, toss it out. How do I wear out 162 dresses? Call it retail therapy. Since I have a non accepting wife I have to satisfy my inner self by buying. I do not call this hoarding. Hoarding is usually keeping things of no value like old newspapers and dirty pizza delivery boxes. Keeping dresses accumulated over the decades is "collecting" a representative of old styles. Now, what about all those panties?

[Aneline]

I wish I had that problem. But, no I always have an unpink urge to purge at random times and everything goes. While I'm dressing I accumulate things that I don't like or can't wear because they just can't stretch as far as they'd need to, but they go in the next purge.

[closets]

I don't like to let go either. It would be nice to keep everything, but what do you do when you run out of closet space?

[Asew]

I do this too. A year ago I had one jean skirt my wife tried donating twice. Now my closet and dresser are getting unruly. Sometimes I think well my closet and dresser are so little compared to the walk in closet my wife took over (so much so that all my clothes are downstairs in my home office). And other times I feel like it is too much stuff. At least it has limited my purchasing and made me pickier in getting new things. But I have a hard time parting with my femme clothes I overbought early on in my shopping sprees at thrift stores (I things I bought and figured out I didn't like as much as I thought). And it is compounded in that I make my own skirts, so even if I decide to not keep something in my closet, it usually gets added to my sewing material pile which is overflowing also.

[Jenny22]

I've been an amazing amasser of girl stuff. My closet was so full I couldn't slide the hangers anymore! My sister's visit changed all that. We did an "on a 1 to 10 scale", keep or not. I couldn't believe how many dresses, tops, skirts and shorts I opted to clear out for the Salvation Army. Now the hangers slide freely. Thanks, sis!

[Beverley Sims]

Maria,

I used to keep things, the logic being that I'd have enough to wear if I ever went full time. ....


I found that the highest hurdle to climb is filling that initial bag that's destined for the charity store. Once you begin it gets easier.

Just like going out ........It get's easier too. :-)

[BrendaPDX]

As I read this I am laughing to myself, I am a hoarder too. I have way too many clothes, it kind of sneaks up on me. Now I want to through my stuff and get rid of a bunch of it. Thank you for this thread!

[t-girlxsophie]

Guilty of the same,I have lofty ambitions of getting rid or donating unwanted clothing to charity shops,but when the time comes theres only a few items on the pile,thinking of getting my wife to help me next time,she would be ruthless and chuck plenty out,I know there's a lot of my clothes she doesn't like me in or think suits me.Nothing like ripping the plaster straight off

Sophie

[krissysSecret]

This is a great thread regarding hoarding to purging and everything in between . I have had a humongous collection of swim dresses,swim wear ..over 300. I decided that it was a huge distraction and took up a lot of closet space as they were all on hangers. I realized that it was time to reclaim some space and pare down the collection to a much smaller number. That took 2 days and I would up with about 25 in different styles that I really liked so I was happy with the results. I gave some away to friends, donated some, sold a few on eBay. The result was a great feeling of accomplishment. It felt great to be free of that which had become a burden. I decided to do the same with other types of my female wardrobe and that felt even better. I still have a nice ,much smaller and manageable selection of my favorites in every department. If you want enjoy a wonderful feeling....try going through your wardrobe and find new places for it for someone else’s enjoyment...AND.. enjoy some newfound space in your closet and dresser drawers.
Now...if I can just find a home for this beautiful wedding dress I have..I’d be thrilled!

[susan54]

This thread could be aimed at me. I am in my 60s and have 1000 skirts, 2000 tops, about 300 pairs of shoes & boots, and am only 2 dresses short of the 1000. Even though half the clothes are in the loft my house is crammed with them. I simply have no room for any more. I do occasionally get rid of stuff that will never fit me again or which has fallen apart but if it is high quality I get it altered and have had dresses changed into skirts. I am never going to go full time but I do spend most of my time in these clothes. I have kept some very old stuff because when I try it on before throwing it out I realise I rather like it. I love my clothes and have paid a lot for them - why would I get rid of them if they still fit, still suit me, and I enjoy wearing them. This way I have a huge choice and I love it. I mighty not get through all of them again before I pop my clogs but I will have great fun picking my outfits for the next 20-30 years.