Does the public really acceot us more now?

[susan54]

In Scotland everything is fine. I feel totally comfortable going out dressed as a woman. The increased media coverage of transsexuals has improved things a lot for them but it has rather confused the issue for crossdressers. Lots of people now believe that any man wearing women's clothes has gender issues. I don't. I am acting. I have no confusion over my gender. Any boy who wants to wear a skirt to school will be drawn into this whole gender thing and welcomed as such - maybe he just wants to wear a skirt. So we need a bit more PR for crossdressers.

[phili]

I present genderqueer- i.e. beard and a dress, and I experience exactly what all the transformation dressers experience- same range of quizzical or disapproving frowns to friendly looks and warm chats. The range of ages reflect their upbringing - from those of my generation who were taught to harass anyone veering slightly off the expected roles for males and females, or who have been steeped in religious rationales for those roles, to those who recently grew up- on modern media in which genderbending is shown every 10 minutes and simply is part of popular culture- representing the idea of free thinking.

Transgender is now mainstream, but crossdressing without claiming to be transgender is not understood because it is not clear why- what do we want?

That said, put yourself in the shoes of an observer- you see a man who is to some degree or other adopting the dress and manner of women. You try to understand what he is doing- is he transgender and just living his life, like Teresa or Kandi? If Teresa or Kandi talks to you, it will feel weirdly normal. Weird because of the gender bending, but normal because they are normal. Because it is weird you will be cautiously polite at first, but after the first few minutes you will forget the dress and think about how you relate as people.

If you see me, you will feel a terrible tangle of sensations- conflicting emotions driven by years of training in how to react to the visuals of men and women. But as soon as I speak to you, you will suddenly come back to reality and feel yourself more at ease as we talk. same transition from weird to normal. Weird because I am obviously not trying to look facially female, but my clothing is very feminine and normally only found on females. Sometimes there are traces of femininity showing in how I move, or how I am observing, -but then again I feel to you a lot like a man and reliable in that way. And there are no danger signals, I am not drugged, or flirting, I am not nervous or hiding, I am not pretending, ... so well there is really no problem, and ........anyway, what were we saying?

Then the question arises - do you want to be friends with this crossdressing man? What will others think, etc? Do I want to support trans people or have it be a problem?

As others have said, I make friends when in a dress the same way I always do. Some people like me and want to be friends, and they are relating to me as a person and clothing choices, after the initial shock where they are 98%, drop to just about 8% of the picture, and 0% of the actual relationship. Anyone who wants to have me or anyone here as a friend has plenty of cover- 'he is transgender/gender fluid/gender non-conforming"

[DMichele]

I agree with Allie. I believe there is increasing acceptance of the transgender community by the public.

While dressed in obvious but appropriate for the occasion female attire, carting a purse and wearing light makeup, I have experienced that acceptance while encountering several work colleagues and other acquittances at the grocery store. We carried on conversations without any issues.

In addition, I have been to the dentist and the hair salon while wearing all female attire, purse et al and had complements on my top and or booties from the GGs.

These experiences have helped me become more comfortable with my identity, and hopefully will help the public overcome their reservations about the transgender community.

[sometimes_miss]

Tolerate is a better word. They still don't accept us, and the NIMBY attitude is still widely practiced. While there are fewer assaults and murders of transgendered people, it still happens, and as always, we still need to be very careful when going out alone, especially at night. Just like REAL women. So enjoy THAT almost universal feminine experience; fear. Because the real haters just might not give you any warning that they want to hurt you, and you can't defend yourself from a surprise attack. It's the one thing that none of the martial arts places can teach you how to fight against; a stealthy assault with a deadly weapon from behind, when you're not expecting it. No one is on alert and has perfect situational awareness 100% of the time.

[foxy bartender]

I can only speak for myself, as a full time femme, non binary person, out and about, living in the southern US. I’ve found that even though Tennessee is in the Bible Belt, people here are more accepting. In the last year, I’ve not had one bad experience out dressed, and I go out all the time. I’ve definitely noticed more acceptance from the younger folks, and more tolerance from the older folks, and if tolerance is all I can get, I’m very good with that. I just want to go about my life. I never thought I’d feel comfortable enough to go out at all, never mind live full time. It’s a brave new world.
Just a sign that people are becoming more accepting, Tennessee just passed a new law, adding trans and gender non conforming people to the classes that are protected under hate crime laws. It’s one of the first states to do so, at that level. Our metro police force has even taken a step further and created a department with a specific liaison to the lgbtq+ community, to help make it easier and more comfortable for us to interact with officers, as well as offering training and continued education for on duty officers to help them be more sensitive and understanding of us. Things like that would have never happened 20, even 10 years ago.
That’s just like, my opinion, man

[Taylor186]

I've lived for 45 years in a Midwest 30,000 population red leaning city, in a 120,000 population definitely red county.

Two years ago an Ulta opened in our busy commercial district and when my wife and I visited an attractive, well groomed trans (MTF) was serving customers at the main checkout counter. A year ago our biggest and most upscale grocery added a trans (MTF) at the checkout counters and customers seem to take her line just as much as any other. Two weeks ago I stopped at a local Italian carryout I frequent to find a trans (MTF) taking and filling orders. None of these would have happened here five years ago let alone 10, 20 or 30 years ago. All were in their 20s, obviously trans, dressed appropriately for the job and interacted easily with customers.

I'm not saying a 6", 190 lb, 50+ crossdresser (like myself) would get the same reception. I tend to agree with Phili that trans (particularly younger trans) are generally more accepted, where crossdressers and gender variant dressers still raise a non-understanding eyebrow.

[Teresa]

Phili,
If I might relate a story that only happened today . I had to meet up with my daughter's mother in law to spend some time with my 6 year old granddaughter . I may have mentioned she is mildly autistic . We decided to take her to a lovely garden to show her the snowdrops the car park was full, she wasn't on good form. We had to find ways to entertain her, the pair of us really were treated like two ladies caring for her, there was no feeling of apprehension or weirdness or suggestion of gender bending , yes it did feel totally normal . In fact a group of ladies with a child came and sat with us for a while and chatted while the children played .

I can't thank this lady enough for the opportunity she's giving me to integrate so much into society , she's just grateful to have some help with the little girl as she has her most weekends .

I know it's becoming an old record now but days like this really do bury all our labels , it just feels normal being Teresa .

[Alice B]

I do believe that public perception is changing,as are legal standards. But as they have said - you have a long way to go baby

[Eboni Robinson]

At large, I think so. There are a lot of societal shifts, some good and some bad. I think we are more accepting and tolerant as a whole. There will always be those individuals who won't be accepting or tolerant. And that's their right as long as they don't try to bring any harm towards you or your person.

[Shirley Anne]

In Scotland everything is fine. I feel totally comfortable going out dressed as a woman. The increased media coverage of transsexuals has improved things a lot for them but it has rather confused the issue for crossdressers. Lots of people now believe that any man wearing women's clothes has gender issues. I don't. I am acting. I have no confusion over my gender. Any boy who wants to wear a skirt to school will be drawn into this whole gender thing and welcomed as such - maybe he just wants to wear a skirt. So we need a bit more PR for crossdressers.

I cant agree more Susan, like yourself I am purely a crossdresser with no confusion about who I am, but any kid who shows any sign of wearing clothes of the opposite sex is now automatically transgengender. Another example of politcal correctness gone mad.

[Jason+]

Overall I think the needle is slowly shifting. A lot also has to do with where your particular "public' happens to be. A friend of mine from TX insists I'd have no issues in his town but his state joined a group of 16 or so asking the supreme court for the right to discriminate against trans people. It's great not to worry I'd catching a beating but the current law there would absolutely allow an employer to fire me for a dress even if it wasn't on company time. Here by the letter of the law and company training not only won't they fire me for it they aren't even supposed to laugh at me about it. Reactions to me locally are a lot like today when I went out to pick up Chinese food. A lady was walking out the door past where I was sitting and stopped, turned around and said "I love your shoes!" There are laughs and stares and people not quite a slick with their camera phones as they think too lol .

[ellbee]

Younger generation more accepting?


Yeah... No, not particularly.

Thinking of the guys at work, for example, in their 20's & 30's?

I'd get absolutely roasted by them. Would never hear the end of it, and they would never look at me or treat me the same again.


All set with that, thanks.


Fortunately, I live in the opposite direction of them, from work. So, we don't really share the same stomping grounds, and I feel pretty comfortable out & about in my neck of the woods, knowing that the odds of running into them are pretty minimal.


Am I "chickening out" by "hiding" this part of me? Eh, to be honest, throughout the years I've tended to keep my personal life separate & private from my professional life... None of my co-workers' business what I do outside of work, really. I don't really share much -- of *anything*!

Only exception was one job where I worked with a lot of GG's... And not only did some of them know about this part of me, but they also hung out with "her" outside of work!



Anyway, just my opinion, but I think it's important to keep in mind that just because you don't get your butt kicked, or the general public doesn't call you names to your face, or anything else in that vein, does *not* necessarily mean that they're suddenly now "cool" with it all, ya know?

Also, the young person (especially a GG) at their job who may be serving you, as a paying customer, in some capacity... And they seem pretty friendly & accepting & whatever? Again, I wouldn't necessarily automatically assume they are giving you a full "thumbs-up." In reality, they may just care more about their job -- or more to the point, of not losing that job.


A bit pessimistic view on things? Perhaps, arguably.

But it's also okay to sometimes take things with a large grain of salt, when dealing with the reality of people.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Some nuts in the media claim to

Why do you think the media is wrong?

but "real" people continue to joke about Bruce/Caitlin Jenner and others as well as crossdressers in general.

Who are you calling "real"? And where are these people? Perhaps, those "real" people are just a few loudmouthed bigots. Perhaps you need to find better people.

I tend to agree with Krisi. In the midwest areas i have lived the past almost nine yrs, nothing has changed much/

What? Did you just time travel from the 70's or something? For goodness sake.. Illinois! You know the state where gender identity has been part of the Human Rights Act since 2006! Maybe like Krisi, you keep company with the wrong kind of people?

Yes, unequivocally the public is more accepting.

I have real life, actual experience.

While my sitation/identity is different, I never had any real negative experiences when I was out in public back when I identified as a CD. Downstate, Suburbs, didn't matter.

Veronica

[syome]

I dont think more accepting is really the right word tbh, its more that people are less likely to confront you or make a scene about it. People are far more centered on themselves and while they might comment if you get clocked, they are not going to really do anything and will simply move on. But i dont really think they are more accepting in terms of being ok with it, they just dont want to have that argument.

I have dressed up in multiple states and havent really had too many issues, what i have noticed though is that people will simply avoid us if they can. I have dressed up in Kansas City a few times and its kind of a missed bag in terms of how welcoming people are. People will generally just ignore or avoid me. I have never had anyone confront me about it or be distasteful or threatening in the midwest. Interestingly enough shopping in Kansas City has been a really positive experience, i have never ran into any store person who has refused to help me or given me push back. I have only gotten pushback in terms of dressing rooms in Los Angeles and NYC, which you would think would be the more welcoming places.

Now, in terms of work, people there dont really have a choice. While i dont dress up for work, i do have my nails painted and manicured occasionally and maintain my eyebrows shaped. No one at work will every say anything becuase my employer has a zero tolerance policy for any kind of bullying like that. I have spoken with my HR team about the possibility of dressing up for work and they welcomed the idea as long as my presentation remains professional.

[Maid_Marion]

The young Kohls cashier congratulated me on my great bargains. I bought three very nice long sleeve T shirts at 80% off. About as feminine as you get, a cheery paisley, pink, and mint!

[Periwinkle]

I don't go out dressed as often as I did before, but over here, nobody's said anything to me about it. Though, I don't typically do a ton of talking to people when I'm fully dressed up.

I do present myself as being pretty androgynous almost every day, though. I've been wearing makeup a lot more and getting more creative with my outfit choices. Most of the time I just get compliments if anything. Maybe an awkward stare from time to time. But that's the worst of it! I am living on a college campus though, so that might have a lot to do with the generally positive attitude from my peers.

[Glenda58]

I've driven from Tenn. to Mich. dressed. Stopping for gas using the restrooms, going to eat. and shopping. I've never had a problem.

[Stephanie47]

All is not rosy in the good old USA. This past month some lawmakers in Tennessee introduced legislation (again) to adversely affect gays and lesbians and transgender men and women. Yes, more people, especially younger men and women, are more accepting. However, there is a core group, who will never accept anyone not like themselves. They may not get in your face about it, but, they will not give you a big hug too.

Washington State laws protect gays and lesbians, transgender men and women, and, freedom of expression of sexual identity. Violations are also characterized as a hate crime. Some municipalities go further than the state law in protecting their rights. Not so in many states. And, certainly not with many national political figures.

I have seen more and more transgender men and women openly presenting. I have also seen many more same sex couples freely acting as other married couples do.

[Ressie]

I see where Krisi is coming from. Sure you can go out dressed a lot without any problems. But does that mean those that see you dressed are really more accepting than they were 10 years ago? Some of them, yes, but some are also laughing behind your backs.

Guys that have done a lot of male bonding through sports or the military are more likely not accepting. Even if they are, they still have to laugh about TGs when they're with their drinking buddies. How many thousands of guys on the golf course laughed at Caitlin Jenner for example?

Furthermore, most people want to appear to be nice in public. Most aren't gonna laugh right in your face.

The way that muggles become accepting is to actually spend a little time with a transgender person to see that we are just (for the most part) regular folks. My ex always thought CDs were weirdos, but she's been meeting a few at the LGBT church she's been attending.

I'm sure we've come a long way but consider where you are too. If you're in the Middle East for example you should probably stay inside if you cross dress.

[phili]

I think we can safely say that things are better, even if some people crack jokes. We can breathe now, go shopping, go out for lunch or a walk, do volunteer work, etc. [Thankfully, we are not in the Middle East, or other similar hostile, controlling countries.] Men and women in groups my make jokes or negative observations, as a way of bonding- and clinging to old norms in the absence of any real reason to feel inclusive about trans folk. But I saw my family's values and conversations change overnight after some of the kids turned out to be gay or married someone outside our ethnic group. There was some muttering for a few years, but now it is seen as part of the massive cultural change. I would assume now that anyone around me was likely to have a trans person in their lives- so it just doesn't make for good conversation anymore.

It isn't very practical anymore for most people to easily maintain an objection to someone's identity. They will have to try to explain it to others, but even in a small town, if your grocery clerk is trans, then you know the owner has decided it is ok, or it is simply the law, and therefore you will find it difficult to complain to others about the clerk, since it reflects on the owner, and their friends and family, one of whom is in your wife's cardplaying group, and another the star pitcher on your kids' team, etc. Live and let live just works a lot better.

THe kids we see coming out are helping everyone understand that gender is not simple, and it is private, with people simply being respected as fellow citizens, really. That includes all cds who dont have an explicit rationale, don't identify as trans, etc. It doesn't matter, IMHO- it is obvious that we need to crossdress enough that we do it, or that we are trying to communicate or feel something. No one needs to know anything more about us, just accept us as another type of citizen.

[SamanthaToday]

I cant say whether the general public views have changed or not, since I didn't start my journey until later in life, im 57, soon to be 58 UGgggg..

It would take someone who's gone through all the pain and tribulations that go along with being outcast and crapped on during the early years of the 60's 70's 80's 90's to say whether that's true or not, im thinking today is better.

Earlier tonight I sat at an island bar in my home drinking wine chatting with my wife while she was making dinner.

My daughter came down from upstairs(homework, She's 24) and asked a question that only Dad seems to be able to answer, this while im sitting in a dress, with makeup on.
Now granted I hit the lottery for acceptance, but would this scene even happen for any of us even 30 years ago?

I do go out, in fact I just went out last Saturday to a Pub, this was to a avenue I have never been to and a City I have never dressed in.

I met 4 other girls and had drinks and danced, this was just an everyday Pub that had a live band.

As usual I stressed for hours before going out, I always do, only to find no one cares, and I mean shockling so.

Not one person gave a weird look , in fact most went out of there way to converse...

I did get some looks from 2 males at the bar, but that's another story

Im still a rookie at going out, but I can say I haven't had one bad experience yet, they do happen though, you hear stories from friends, recently a girl friend had a horrible experience with a taxi driver... Its the total flip side to my first experience with a taxi drive.. but that's ancient history..

Right now all the fear is from within, and not from those around me.

Samantha

[closets]

your presentation and where you cd matters. blending in and pleasant attitude helps. trans awareness leaves a lot of people assuming you're mtf trans. numbers are still small. it's weird when people are just happy to see someone out, and trying. I have had more positive experiences then bad.

[faltenrock]

My personal experience over the years is, people seem to be much more tolerant these days.
I've been out hundreds of times to all place you might go to, might it be restaurants, McDonalds, museums, ferry rides, movies, bars, clubs - whatever.
The last negative comment on my dressing must be more than 10 years ago.

People also start conversations with me, and 50 % of those conversations are not about my dressing and appearance.

[MonicaPVD]

After more than a year of presenting in public with no issues at all, I went to an ethnic restaurant recently and had my first unfortunate experience. The two employees were clearly uneducated and unsophisticated recently-immigrated peasants and they couldn't stop pointing my way, joking and laughing. I didn't mind it because, well, they are idiots and I am a fairly confident person. However, I would never go back to that place. I present in public nearly on a daily basis and this was the first time that I was not treated as a woman with dignity and respect. Such is life!

[BrendaPDX]

I think it has gotten better. I still get clocked every time I go out, but no comments, just a few wide eyed stares. I don't worry about getting the crap kicked out of me, but I am more aware of where I am. Thanks for asking.