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Thread: Do X-wives & X-girlfriends keep our Cross dressing a Secret

  1. #26
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    From my experience, they do not keep it a secret. Quite the opposite.

  2. #27
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Hell hath no fury as the saying goes, both of my ex'es when wound up could really have a go, having said that when it comes to splitting up I dont think any secret would be kept, it all comes out in the end whether used malicously in a divorce or intended to damage friends whichever way it gets messy.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  3. #28
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    It depends on the woman and the reason for the breakup, but you can never be sure she won't tell. You can deny it of course unless she has photos. In general, I would assume that an ex wife will tell.
    Krisi

  4. #29
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    My ex listed it in the divorce papers as a power move. She told some people, they discussed it in email. I know because I was a better IT person then her. Eleven years later, no one has ever said anything about it to me.

  5. #30
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    None of my exes know, But my wife's friends know, and seems like most of the women have told others and none of the men from what I could tell.

  6. #31
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    I don't have any personal experience with ex-wives spreading knowledge of my cross dressing. Maybe, decades ago she may have confided in her cousin. If so, nothing has been said or her actions towards me changed. My wife around the time we had "The Talk" told me she would spread the information if we ever got divorced. For what it was worth she was using that information so we would not get divorced. She wasn't going to let her husband go off. Later, she said if we were to get divorced she would not tell anyone. So, in actuality she was using this personal information to keep her husband. She also said it would be "two faced" for her to dump me for cross dressing when I openly accepted her with a somewhat sordid past. She also said she wished she had not owned up to her past even though I did not ask her about her past. And, after almost fifty years of marriage have never asked her about it. If it did not mean anything back then, it certainly does not mean anything since.

    She asked me once why I did not tell her about my interest in wearing women's clothing or past experiences which were minimal; kid messing around in his mother's lingerie. My interest was rekindled years later after we were married. I asked her if she remember the conversation she had with her cousin about the married couple who lived down the street. Nice couple. No kids yet. Had designs to build a dream home on a large lot in the immediate neighborhood. The wife worked with my wife's cousin. Well, turned out he liked to wear women's clothing. Dumped him. Obviously used that information against him. The conversation at the kitchen table made it sound as if any man who wore women's clothing was a pervert. I asked my wife why would you expect me to tell you after hearing the two of you talk. They were not filleting a fish. But, it was obvious a man wearing women's clothing was not normal. Years later when we had "The Talk" I asked my wife if she remembered her talk with her cousin. Nope! Did not even remember the married couple. I definitely remember.

    I always considered it "The nuclear option" to be held over the guy's head.

  7. #32
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    My Ex told her new husband and try to black mail me for more money. Told her to go ahead and try and I'll have everything she owns in a law suit.
    GLENDA
    I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

  8. #33
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    My ex-wife told several people after our divorce but even today, after 25+ years apart and living in the same small town, no one has said anything to me. If others know (and I'm sure some do) and/or care they have kept it to themselves. I will add we share almost no friends today. Not by design, it's just how different we were as a couple.
    Last edited by Taylor186; 02-18-2019 at 01:22 PM.

  9. #34
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    DADT isn't just between you and your spouse. I'm sure a few of my friends (and possibly family members) have been told by one ex or another. They just haven't chosen to ask me about it and I have no reason to tell.

    1. Women have a hard time keeping something like this a secret.
    2. If they feel hurt or slighted about the relationship ending, they're very likely to make your dressing part of their rant. And who knows how many people they might share it with?
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  10. #35
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    My first wife told about every one she could, I bet she would have put it in the News Paper if she could.
    After a while, it all back-lashed on her. Nobody saw me dressed, so they did not believe her.
    Rader

  11. #36
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    I think the answer is definite yes

  12. #37
    Member Happilymarriedguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robbiegirl View Post
    Do you happen to remember why you even replied to this strange guy and then what his response was ?
    For some reason my ex-wife gave this guy my phone number. I think I stunned him when I admitted to it

  13. #38
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    I only told one of my old girlfriends that was over 25 years ago and far as I know she took my secret to her much too young grave.

    I don't plan on ever finding out if my wife tells anyone
    Last edited by Robertacd; 02-27-2019 at 12:22 AM.

  14. #39
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glenda58 View Post
    My Ex told her new husband and try to black mail me for more money. Told her to go ahead and try and I'll have everything she owns in a law suit.
    This is when narrow minded people learn how little anyone cares about crossdressing and their malicious slander is judged harshly.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Bobbi Lynn's Avatar
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    One of the things I have learned in my 75 years on this planet is that crossdressing is almost never the root cause of a divorce.
    In my case CDing was exactly the cause of my divorce. As I found out later on my first wife could not stand it but didn't really let me know that. As it turns out she really "messed me over" fill in your own words for that. And as it turns out now my present wife has had a change of heart and doesn't like the CDing now either. But...as I have been on this mud ball for the last 75 years too it looks like stuck here till the end.
    42

  16. #41
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    This is an interesting topic and depends on the SO.

    My ex-wife knew about my dressing before we married and was intermittently supportive, mostly not. I was closeted and she knew that it was my deepest, darkest secret (then). Our marriage broke down for far worse irreconcilable differences. Once the attorneys got involved, it started to go a little south. Her attorney sprung it on me, threatened to put it out in open court, and put it in the newspaper (um, OK, I'm sure they'll print that as news). The open court part was real enough though. My attorney was appalled but not surprised and said she had defended many crossdressers. It was unexpected and shocking to me. My secret was now known by two people I had only met one other time, and one of them had it in for me. I was livid with my soon-to-be Ex for that.

    The only thing I could think to do or felt like doing is to own being the one to tell others in my life so that it wouldn't consume me with anxiety about trying to keep a lid on it.

    Within a few days, I told my immediate family, my very closest male friends, and a few close female friends at work. My girlfriend at the time already knew. Everyone was angry at my soon-to-be Ex, and was supportive of me. What I found was, no one cared. It wasn't the major issue I thought it would be and was hardly ever mentioned again.

    Thankfully, we settled the case so the threat didn't go any farther. My Ex is a co-parent and we are cordial, but because of that, she will never be a trustworthy friend to me again.

  17. #42
    naughty nurse Billie Jean's Avatar
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    Not really sure if my ex told anyone or not but then I don't care. Billie Jean

  18. #43
    Member JenX's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if the ex g/f ever told anyone as we no longer communicate.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I have three exes who knew I had an interest.

    One I haven't talked to in over 25 years. I have no idea what she might have said.

    A second lives locally and we went to a ball game together last year (we hadn't seen each other for at least 15 years but got connected via Facebook. She didn't ask me when we got together and I didn't volunteer.

    A third is now a FB connection too. I accidentally sent a picture of me as a story, instead of Messenger, and she saw it. She immediately wanted to see pictures and so I have sent many to her since then (the last 6 months), including the pictures from my outing two days ago.

    One of my GG friends (who I met as Dee) has shown her mom pictures of Dee, and another GG friend has shown pictures of me to her daughter's.

    As time goes on, I worry less and less about people finding out.

  20. #45
    Junior Member Lara A's Avatar
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    I am sure my ex told people over the years, but so be it. I cannot change that, so I have gotten over it! We still talk sometimes, and she already told most people when we were together anyway!

  21. #46
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I really have no idea. Upon the divorce 20 years ago, I changed jobs, paid her blackmail, and moved out of the area. I can only hope that there is honor in living up to an agreement; after all, she took almost everything I had. Saw her once 17 years ago, conversation was limited to two sentences.

    Years later, I met one of her close personal friends once at another job, we spoke for a while, she gave no impression that she knew.

    I learned my lesson. Never again. The number of people it takes to keep a secret? ONE.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  22. #47
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    My ex-wife wanted the divorce and found a new husband. Anyway, I went over to see my son and met her new mother-in-law. I was very polite, but she looked at me and said, "I've heard some very interesting stories about you." OK, whatever.
    "You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful."
    --Amy Bloom, American novelist

  23. #48
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny22 View Post
    Beverly, your "years later and swap mamories" made me wonder if they were foam or silicone. Sorry! I couldn't resist.
    Jenny,

    N.A.S.A. had not invented silicone adhesive at the time, well actually they had but it was still a secret.

    I did have a couple of pairs of foam forms with a fomed nipple on them and these caused a sensation as they were new even then.

    I had them from a movie prop and they soon dereriorated, crumbled to dust.

    They cost twenty dollars in 1970.

    Cotton wool was all the go then and later fiber fill insulation was good as it did not compact like cotton wool.

    If you copped a feel with cotton wool it would eventually compact down, so lots of fresh cotton wool was needed to combat the feeling and squeezy hands you had to endure.

    Maybe that is why I always seem to have cotton wool in my mouth these days if I am caught out. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  24. #49
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I think it depends on whether the breakup was friendly or not. When things get ugly, people behave in an ugly manner. But if the couple remain friends, I can see where an appeal for continued privacy would work.
    Reine

  25. #50
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    I just recently told a old girlfriend (hs times) about my dressing, we have stayed in touch over all the years. She says and seems she is supportive so I trust her to keep the "secret" I confided in her.

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