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Thread: Workplace hostility...

  1. #1
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Workplace hostility...

    Hey, ladies.

    As I have mentioned before, I am pretty open about my gender nonconformity at work. I’m usually wearing nail polish and sometimes I underdress wearing my breast forms, as well as wearing my clip on earrings and occasionally even lipstick.

    I never felt I was being given a hard time for presenting myself in such a way, but the other day a coworker told me that an outside contractor (one of many we work with, as they are integral to our business) was in the habit of asking him where the “guy with the nails” was, saying it in an effeminate, jocular tone. Apparently, this happened enough times to the point that my coworker mentioned it to a supervisor, who in turn had a stern word with the miscreant, with a warning to stop behaving that way. I learned all this after the fact and never learned the identity of the person, but it’s clearly someone I know.

    It feels good to know one works in an environment so accommodating. Just thought I’d mention it, as I only learned about it a couple days ago.

    Does anyone else have similar experiences?
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Patience,

    Much kudos to your colleague. When I worked we had a saying relating to things such a bullying that if you see it and doing nothing to stop it, you're part of the problem and not the solution. I suppose it's not that different than the saying, "For evil to prosper all it takes is for good (wo)men to do nothing".
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  3. #3
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    good for your company, when my clothing proclivities caught up to me at the work place it was always the opposite....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  4. #4
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Patience, Good for your company to take your side with this issue as they should. Garbage like that being spewed needs to be stopped immediately. I get riled up hearing these things.
    Crissy

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Patience,
    It is good that your employer has taken your side and supported you.

    A lot of companies still buckle under to the customer for all sorts of reasons.

    Mainly money.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  6. #6
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    Patience;
    You are a very lucky person to have a Employer that is a very friendly person.
    So many are worried about some one who will show the Company in a bad or different way.
    They should get an award for their positive thinking.
    rader

  7. #7
    Seamstress of Skirts Asew's Avatar
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    My workplace prides it self on its LGBTQ+ pride. They even have a step by step guide about how to come out at work. I followed it and one of the steps was to contact your local support person so they can have a head ups and answer any issues. I asked about a local unofficial dress code. Well they never got back to me so I skipped to the next step of telling my manager. He said if anyone had an issue with it let him know and would take care of it. I only ever had one issue wear on my first day in a skirt a contractor outside smoking said "oh jesus" to the contractor next to him. Not a great start, but not an issue since.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Some work places will back you if you are a desired, knowledgeable, key worker, that they need, but will try to find reason to let go a new hire for any reason If they do not conform to the company's unwritten social codes.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Belle.

    "For a lump of coal to become a diamond, it takes a lot of pressure, heat, and time."
    "The question is, can I, as a lump of poor coal, survive that heat, pressure, and time."

  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    That could be a homophobe or just "locker room talk". But, neither r acceptable in this day and age!

    Your company handled it well!
    You're lucky to work with such open minded people, Patience!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    I go to work dressing much the same and my work is very open to diversity so I’m ok in that respect but I do know from
    others that things are said about me out of ear shot. For me I don’t care and honestly I dont get why people even care, I’m
    just me.

  11. #11
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    The company did the right thing.
    As an employee I stood up for a whse worker that some had found out had dressed as a woman for Halloween.
    I also stood up for two others that were gay but not totally out.
    The boss thanked me for standing up for those people and their rights as employees.
    I caught hell from some employees ( truck drivers) and I told them if they had a problem contact me away from work and we can hash it out.None stood up to my offer.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 02-21-2019 at 08:45 PM.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    It good they stand up for you. I pretty sure that they by new laws cant go against the way you dress.
    Angie

  13. #13
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    The company did the right thing.
    I caught hell from some employees ( truck drivers) and I told them if they had a problem contact me away from work and we can hash it out.None stood up to my offer.
    That's because they were afraid of getting their behinds kicked by a girl!

    Good work standing up for your co-workers!
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  14. #14
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Hell-o Patience,
    Having just finished our mandatory workplace sexual harassment training...
    Your employer is obligated by law to take all appropriate steps necessary to provide an harassment free workplace.
    If they had done nothing after this had been reported they could be held liable for any claims brought in a hostile workplace lawsuit.
    Title VII of The Civil Rights Act of 1964.
    Regardless, it is nice to know they did the right thing.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Pumped's Avatar
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    You are fortunate to have supportive employers. I don't believe mine would be supportive at all, regardless of any law that said otherwise. Things that have been said over the years, gay comments and the like seem to prove so.

  16. #16
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I work with a person who has been on hormones for 12 months now and is trying really hard to pass as a female.
    We get out of town occasionally as a dynamic duo, and the surrounding branches are getting to know just how smart she is to such a point we are getting more requests than ever before to assist.
    Some clients find it a bit of a surprise, but she soon has them wrapped around her fingers.
    It's all in the approach
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  17. #17
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It is such a joy to hear about these kinds of protections are actually being implemented in the workplace so that those of us who happen to be "a little different" are protected from the worst. Those of us who have been around since the 40's and 50's are well aware of how terrible it was in the past. You had to be as careful as a spy on a really dangerous assignment or, like the spy, you could end up dead. That is still a problem in some places, but it is so beautiful to hear of the success stories. It shows the world really is changing, step by step. Still have a long ways to go, but when I think back it blows me away how far society has come in recognizing people don't come out of behavioral molds like toys from a plastic injection molding machine.

  18. #18
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Patience, its great that your fellow employee and management support you.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  19. #19
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Your companies response was textbook perfect, as well as your coworker. You are very fortunate to have such a good and healthy work environment. Thanks for sharing.

  20. #20
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    Whether the Civil Right Act of 1964 covers transgender men and women is an open question. There is currently before the Supreme Court a case where a transgender employee was fired; R&G & G.R. Harris Funeral Home vs. E.E.O.C. The DOJ filed an amicus brief stating the law does not protect transgender men and women under the Civil Rights Act of 1964. You can follow the case at www.scotusblog.com.

    There are some stats, including mine (Washington State) which afford more protection than others when it comes to sexual identity. This is not settled case law yet.

  21. #21
    Seamstress of Skirts Asew's Avatar
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    And there is problems with jobs that are more person to person rather than corporate affairs. My wife does daycare at our house, and she just started watching 2 new kids and wanted me to not wear a skirt around the daycare kids or parents for a few weeks since she is afraid of losing the job over it. And she says once they like us we can let them know. I tell her it is best to be upfront but she marches to a different drummer. But it is very in their right to be able to discriminate and not pick her if it truly bothered them.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Patience,
    It is good to hear you have the support from management and colleagues .

    As I was self employed I never had a problem with my boss telling me how to dress , he always said it was OK !!
    The real me ,no going back.

  23. #23
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    Thanks, everyone.

    Teresa, I'd love to be self employed, but the particular skill I have to market is usually farmed out overseas.

    I want to share a couple other stories from work. First, you'll be interested to know I'm not the only gender variant in the company. There's a woman in my shift whose presentation is pretty masculine, even if she doesn't really go out of her way to sound or act in a manly way. Anyway, about three months ago we had a big hiring event in the company (I recounted the event at the time on this post ).

    Anyway, one of the people hired actually confronted my co-worker, asking her what her gender was. She told him that was irrelevant, but the guy wouldn't let it go. So she told management and the company let him go. As in this instance, I learned about the whole thing after the fact, when my co-worker asked me if that guy had ever hassled me in any way, which he didn't. I expect he must have found me too terrifying to engage in conversation.

    Second, while there is an all-gender restroom in the building (which was what prompted me to be more open about my gender expression in the first place), it had no mirror for the longest time. As there's a public suggestion board in the staff area, I requested that a mirror be added (a girl needs to do her makeup somewhere, and the men's room isn't exactly ideal).

    Lo and behold, two weeks ago, this appeared in there:

    mirrora.jpg

    Unfortunately, now there's no water. Oh, well, can't have everything.

    Thanks for reading.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    That's really great Patience. My company is good like that, except the bathrooms I guess. It's actually been so great to have such freedom in that part of my life. I don't do hair or makeup or underdress at work, but other than that I wear whatever I like. I looked at myself in the mirror after coming home one day and realized all I'd have to do is put on makeup & wig and I could go straight back out again. I don't always dress as "femme" as that at work, but it's great to know I can when I want to.

    There's 700 people in the building and I'm hoping that me being so open will bring others out of the woodwork, but it hasn't happened yet. Early days I suppose. I'm OK with being the only one if need be, but it would be nice. And everyone has been great, I actually can't believe how easy it's been.
    Last edited by Eemz; 02-22-2019 at 05:46 PM.

  25. #25
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    My company has ethics training about diversity. In the training, done online, there is a video segment of someone that is transitioning from male to female and how one of the co-workers give the person a hard time. The video then goes into how this behavior is unacceptable. It is nice to know that the company welcomes transgendered individuals. For me, I would love to wear my 5" heels to work, but working in maintenance would make that difficult.

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