A total 360

[EmilyJade]

Long story short, I opened up to my wife a few years back. I can say I committed some if not all the classic mistakes you read on here everyday. With all that plus average life stress let's say it ended badly but managed to get through it. Now almost 3 years later, after not so much as a whisper about dressing the whole time. She came to me and expressed how she felt upset about how it ended up and it wasn't that bad to stop completely! I had already PURGED everything and pretty much resigned to the fact I would probably not dress again. Uneasy in the conversation at first but made a lot of things clearer to both of us. I'm now moving forward again... But this time no mistakes 😍 thoughts or suggestions?

[Leslie Mary S]

glad to hear this, Please please go slow. You don't want to upset this delicate balance of events and cause it to start t swinging away from acceptance by the wife.

[Connie.Marie]

Hello Emily,
So glad that you & your wife are at least talking about this again.
And I agree with Leslie, go slow. Discuss new steps with her before acting.

Hugs, Connie

[Valery L]

So... Your relationship is as bad as it was...

[Beverley Sims]

Go by the suggestions that your wife puts forward.

Do not push the issue.

[Patience]

Yes, respect your wife's boundaries.

Btw, a “360” is a full circle. A turnaround would be a “180”.

[EmilyJade]

Patience lol 🤦

[alwayshave]

Emily, I'm sorry that you had already purged when your wife changed her mind. Just keep a low profile with your dressing.

[Krea]

Emily, it's good that you have had an unexpected change in fortunes.
Best advice i can think of is to not rush ahead and get carried away. Take your time and still respect her boundaries. Best wishes!

[GretchenM]

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Make it a habit to discuss changes in what is done. Both need to be open to discussions that do not demand this or that. Make sure she knows that it is not just about you but it does involve her just as many other changes in marriages involve both even though primarily desired by one or the other.

Take it slow and consider things carefully. Discussion should begin with "What do you think about ..." rather than "I am going to do this. What do you think?" The first keeps her fully involved in the process; the second makes it like she is just an outsider looking in on what you are doing. Remember that women communicate differently than men. Men tend to make statements; women tend to ask questions so a relationship is formed with respect to the particular subject.

[Stephanie47]

Emily, hopefully your wife has been able to resolve all those issues/questions it seems every woman brings up when she finds her husband likes to wear women's clothing. To me that's the big issue. The wife always carries the burden of the husband's secret. If she cannot come to terms with it I think it just gnaws at the relationship. In DADT, if that is what's happening with your relationship, I would not push the envelope. If you're wife does not wants to see any of your cross dressing, then don't start any body modifications which would be a reminder. I read many threads/comments on this site of men shaving their otherwise hairy body which a wife obviously is going to notice. It's best to establish boundaries and adhere to them unless modified by mutual agreement.

[Jenny22]

Emily, good advice given, so far. Heed it. Did she say why she did the 180 or what brought it on or had she been reading up on CDing, or etc.?

[Teresa]

Emily,
You manged to do something I could never do and that was to stop CDing at the request of another person . I'm sorry I do feel strongly about another person having this control , to expect someone to suppress feeling and needs is mental cruelty . I've lived through this situation and it nearly ended my life , I wonder how your wife would have felt if it affected you so severely ? My wife thought it was a childish whim , something that could be turned on and off like a tap , counselling was a cure !

I'm so glad your wife has done a 360 , OK I do agree with others to take things one step at a time but don't fall into the trap of making promises you can't keep , if you enter into a DADT situation just because something isn't talked about doesn't mean it's gone away .

Many comments say that the wife/partner suffers for these issues , I had to tell my wife clearly in the end that my actions weren't simply to upset and embarrass her , these issues were tearing me apart , I was suffering deeply inside without anyone to turn to .

[Bethany38]

I'm glad to read this. I often feel guilty when I post about my wife ascend her acceptance

[Lexigurl]

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Make it a habit to discuss changes in what is done. Both need to be open to discussions that do not demand this or that. Make sure she knows that it is not just about you but it does involve her just as many other changes in marriages involve both even though primarily desired by one or the other.

Take it slow and consider things carefully. Discussion should begin with "What do you think about ..." rather than "I am going to do this. What do you think?" The first keeps her fully involved in the process; the second makes it like she is just an outsider looking in on what you are doing. Remember that women communicate differently than men. Men tend to make statements; women tend to ask questions so a relationship is formed with respect to the particular subject.

I agree with Gretchen. This is great advice. You probably can't communicate enough, but you should listen to what your wife wants to know, when she wants to know it, not necessarily what you want to tell her when you want to say it. Having been down this road a few times, it's very difficult to remain patient and let things unfold on her timeline. I also agree with suggesting something to her and having her get used to the idea, and get her input before proceeding.

[Tahoegurl]

Emily, it is terrific that you had a conversation with your wife about the past. I do agree with Gretchen. I wish you all the best on your journey together. Cheers.

[Pumped]

Communication! Talk to her and see what her limits are. Take your time getting to that limit, and once you have reached it, give it some time, then give her a little nudge. If she pushes back, give it some time and try again later.

My wife found out the usual way, when she found a pair of panties! It looked like the end for a while, but we talked and got through it. I under dress, wear women's jeans and shorts and my big hook, lingerie and heels. I love garter belts, stockings and heels. Some days I roam the house in a odd mix of jean shorts, stockings and heels. I wear skinny jeans and heels most every night. I have a skirt and dress she knows about, but doesn't care to see the dress. For some reason the skirt is ok. Once in a while she tells me I need to cut back and she wants her man back, then I get the guy jeans, biker t-shirts out for a couple days then ease back into it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Emily , Have a good talk with yourWife about a workable DA/DT and your boundaries .

That has worked great for Me. >Orchid ..OO..

[RADER]

Yes, go slow and set some boundaries that your wife can live with. Do not push the limits unless she says OK.
You will be much happier, and so will she.
Rader

[Teri Ray]

Another vote for communication. Once your door is open for communication about your dressing desire I believe its best to air out your feelings with open honest dialog. This is (for me) not easy and veru awkward. Telling the truth is not easy when it comes to explaining your crossdressing. It is however necessary. If you do not provide your answers to your wifes questions she may come to conclusions that are not representative of your real situation.

Best wishes for open communication and improved understanding between you and your wife. As others have suggested this communication is not something to rush. Each couple has their own pace. Find your limits and boundaries and stick to them. Compromise is not all bad.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Beware that sudden acceptance can go away real fast. Don't push it. She may just feel guilty that it hurts you not to do it, not that she really accepts it (or wants to see it.)

[giuseppina]

Glad to hear this, Emily.

I agree with the posters above that pushing the issue too hard and too fast is asking for trouble in a big way. From what I've seen here and on other forums, prosthetics, wigs, and makeup alone or in combination are some of the biggies.

Maybe requesting and respecting your wife's feedback when things get to be too much for her is a good idea.

[Sherrii]

Advise? Go slow, ask her opinion/advise and take it, Don't look better than her. Glad things are going well for you and hope you have fun. Sherrii

[ClosetED]

My wife had a short period of a few months where she suddenly did the 180. I thought it was so I would out myself and make divorce easier for her.
But in the end she went back to DADT. She had not seen Ellen and did not believe my statements I looked as good as a catalog model. She asked to see pictures and went catatonic. She also imagined I was horribly disfigured in an accident and was left pretty instead of ugly-could she still love me? She had me do the full Ellen and come to her dressed and makeup. She said she would prefer to be raped.

So go slow, communicate, and expect some pulling back at times. Show your great appreciation of her efforts.
Hugs, Ellen