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Thread: Losing the desire to dress, anyone else deal this Help?

  1. #1
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
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    Oct 2009

    Losing the desire to dress, anyone else deal this Help?

    I’m losing the drive or need to dress, and I miss it. About 10 years ago when I turned 50, decided to lose the weight and start working on my feminine image. I went further then I ever thought I could. I got to the point where I went everywhere as a woman, shows, shopping, dinner and travel.
    About three years ago my back went bad and got worse, along with it I gained weight. Before I went into surgery, I purged, incase I didn’t make it back.
    Now a year after surgery my back is better, and I am 60 lbs overweight. I am losing weight and confident I will be successful.
    I used to spend so much time anticipating and preparing for a day out. Now it all seems like a too much bother. Mind you I still fell have those feelings, but just can’t get motivated enough to do it.
    This makes me even more depressed.
    Anyone else have this trouble with getting older?

    Me in happier days
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    Member Shayla's Avatar
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    Nov 2017
    Nor Cal
    Paula for me the desire to dress has ebbed and flowed over the years. No real trigger either way that I can pinpoint. I have learned to just go with it, knowing that it will come back at some point. Lately as I give myself acceptance and permission I am dressing more than ever. But I expect it will wane again soon. Could it be that you felt better about your appearance when you were dressing and want that feeling back?

  3. #3
    Member Davinnia's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    South Australia
    If you have lost motivation & feel depressed it sounds like you may need professional help to deal with this. Have you lost motivation in other areas of your life ? I myself have recently undergone major surgery & don't feel up to dressing fully. I do dress in fem. jeans, top & sandals plus lipstick & I feel good that I can do this. As with many things in life, time & patience are required to get back to normal. You have obviously succeeded in the past to lose weight & become the attractive woman in your photos. Bear that in mind & slowly aim to reach that goal bit by bit.
    Try discussing your depression with your doctor, he doesn't need to know it's affecting your dressing.
    I wish you well in your recovery.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Hi Paula:
    I love to dress, but keep it simple, I do not go out dressed, so around the house it is a simple shirt dress or a skirt and top.
    I do have several wigs, but only wear them on occasions. I am retired and over 70, so anything further than what i am doing
    is just not in the cards now. I love under dressing every day, even wear Fem Jeans when I go outside. But with a POLO shirt.
    Keep the faith;

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Girl, I feel your pain!

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Quote Originally Posted by Shayla View Post
    Paula for me the desire to dress has ebbed and flowed over the years. No real trigger either way that I can pinpoint. I have learned to just go with it, knowing that it will come back at some point. Lately as I give myself acceptance and permission I am dressing more than ever. But I expect it will wane again soon. Could it be that you felt better about your appearance when you were dressing and want that feeling back?
    Hi Paula, yes, as others have noted, and my own little addition to that point, getting older can suck in some ways!
    I fully hear you about back problems and surgery...
    Not easy!
    In my world, getting older means things don't fit as well as they used to and it can be much harder to "make it work"...but I would say, throw the mirror away and don't judge yourself to hard!
    If it still feels good and somewhat rewarding in the end, then let THAT be the ruler, and NOT the reflection in some stupid, blasted mirror!
    Personally, I know I don't look anywhere as good or as refined as I would like to be when I see the reflection looking back at me...but who does????
    If I could recount all the times I see my gorgeous wife looking at herself and twisting and turning and self analyzing herself in that same stupid mirror...and I say WOW, she's all there but self-doubting???
    In short, go with your instincts.
    I wish you all the best!

  7. #7
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Glad to hear your back is better.
    Don't let your weight hold you back if that is something you worry about because they make clothes in your size.
    I know how it feels because I have put on 100+lbs in 4 years due to medication for seizures.
    I still dress and go out and enjoy life because why not ?
    I could feel guilty and depressed but what good would that do me? I refuse to be miserable.

  8. #8
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    Paula, I'm sorry that you had issues with your back. My need to dress ebbs and flows, I'm sure when you loose some weight it will come back.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    Sep 2005
    N. Ireland
    I will be 67 this year and the desire to dress is as strong as ever. I dress 24/7 sometimes at week ends but what feeds my desire is that I don't want to emulate women and I spend my daytime in male clothes. I think if I dressed full time I would lose some interest. I like the difference between both sets of clothes and changing every evening keeps dressing interesting.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    It takes time to recovery from tough times. Wishing you the best!


  11. #11
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    May 2016
    North Carolina
    Glad the surgery went well! I have very few male clothes! Women's jeans and tee shirts are my usual clothes on any given day with my go to flats! It seems that it is normal for an ebb and flow thing with dressing and it varies with each individual! They make women's clothes in all sizes! Start with some thing simple and let it grow as it will! Enjoy the journey! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    Health issues can sap your energy both physically and emotionally. Be patient with yourself, recover to the fullest extent and I bet your desire will recover too!

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  13. #13
    Junior Member JulieB's Avatar
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    Dec 2018
    My desire has come & gone so many times in the years of dressing, but you know what, it has always came back to be en femm.And I am 59 but not for much longer.

  14. #14
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Jun 2008

    I too have periods where the dressing desire wanes. I believe that that is a normal cycle of some sort. I also suffer from periods of overeating and gaining undesired weight. But in the end I find that the older I get the cycles seem to be smaller, less pronunced, and over time less frequent. If I were you I would not worry about the desire to dress waning. If I am a betting person it will return and likely stongly. My opinion for what it is worth.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  15. #15
    susie evans susie evans's Avatar
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    Dec 2006
    Boise ID
    Hi Paula
    It is good to here from you it has been to long , about 10 years ago I went through some serious heart issues spent almost 200 days in the hospital it was real rough Susie didn’t get out for almost 2 years and when I did get back out it was a slow process but when I finally got out it was do do some volunteer work as Susie since then things are getting back to normal, you can get there just be patient with your self

    Hugs Susie

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    After serious health problems and other changing activities in life the desire to dress does take a back seat for a while, maybe you are in this stage now.

    I have every belief that it will come back as you adjust yourself to your weight and other problems.

    You do not need to force the issue by worrying about it time is a great healer.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Aug 2018
    Maryland, USA
    As others have said it is an ebb and flow thing but the additional weight may be part also. I would recommend dropping some weight and maybe going to a gym and getting a trainer to help get you going on an exercise program. It really is easier then you may think. Just my 2cents

  18. #18
    California Dreamin Michaelasfun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Seattle, WA.
    I've lost the desire for months at a time, but to be honest, it's like a Tsunami wave going out to sea leaving desolation...then it crashes over me when it does come back...

    If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Rush

  19. #19
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    Aug 2006
    Down River Detroit
    My desire left me for a few years after my wife passed. But it came back and yours will to. When you loss the weight and see yourself in the girly figure you'll want to dress again.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Paula, my experience may help you. Becky only arrived in my early 40s, when she did arrive it was with considerable force and presence. Within a months I was going out and had assembled a really nice wardrobe etc. etc... after nearly 4 pretty intense years, she disappeared as quickly as she had arrived. For over 3 years I felt absolutely nothing, no desires to dress no interest in anything F... then slowly she started coming back..

    Since then (2012 approx) i can go weeks where dressing or anything is as you say 'too much bother' what I have found is that if I arrange an outing even if I don't feel like it at the time, when the day gets close I start really wanting to. There are other times these days when the urge to dress and be Bec is very strong... these last 2 years has been very ebb and flowing.

    I hope your back continues to recover and hang in there, its probably a phase you are going through.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  21. #21
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    Recovery from something as life altering as you've been through often involves much more than physical rehab. You're doing the right things. Don't stress about things too much while you work on getting yourself healthy. My hunch is that many things that formerly gave pleasure will do so again, once you're in a place to appreciate them more fully.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

  22. #22
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    We have had a really hot summer and I just can't be bothered to be my girl self.
    It's one of those things with multiple personalities, sometime they don't want to show up for a while.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  23. #23
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Michigan USA
    Take each day as it comes - I wish you well in your recovery and share your frustration at having to lose weight again

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado

    Getting older is stressful enough but when combined with some significant health issues and surgeries it can really pull you down. Your body suffered a shock as a result of the surgery and it takes time to recover from that and often the psychological recovery takes longer than the physical recovery. In my opinion, you may be suffering from the depression of Loss. Getting older can do that, gaining weight can do that, body ailments can do that. And perhaps you are feeling resentful of what has happened in the last years that you are viewing as having taken away from a very happy time. Of course, I am basing this on what you have said and may be off base in some ways.

    But please, if you feel depressed so much that it is affecting other areas of your life and your sense of joy about being alive, seek out a therapist who can help you and guide your thinking back into a better frame of reference. I liked Tracii's suggestion as she has dealt with a lot of adversity and the weight gain due to medical issues. Yet she adapted and still satisfies that inner need to express who she really is. I recommend seeing a therapist who also has some experience with gender issues, but not necessarily a gender therapist.

    I have suffered from depression all my life, but I got on top of it several years ago. Life can be beautiful again, but you may not be able work this out by yourself. Remember that depression is caused by imbalances in the brain chemistry and therefore your brain is not performing the way it should. As a result, if the depression is severe enough, you can't think your way out of it because your brain isn't working correctly. Therapists and sometimes medication can help guide you back to the real you and to a point where your brain is functioning correctly so you can actively manage the depression and enjoy your greatest joys again.


  25. #25
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    I agree with Gretchen 100%.
    If you feel depressed talk to someone because its nothing to be ashamed of.
    I have friends that deal with it and they know they can always call me.

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