Recently my ex wife contracted a sever form of Cancer, that seems to be responding well to treatment.
However; it scarred her enough that when I went out to California to attend our daughters wedding my ex arranged for us to have dinner together so that she could talk to me.
What you should know is that during our marriage crossdressing was not really an issue. It had all the usual hiccups at the beginning, but truth be told my ex seemed to find it exciting. She only got mad when I bought myself a new outfit and she didn't get one!
We were married for 14 years and never really had any serious problems till work took me out of state and away from her Mom. All three of her children moved out of state in the same year and she moaned and groaned till all three split up with their respective spouses and moved back home. At the time she also had the ex go into narcotics anonymous, which I thought was a good thing. It was there that she met the man ( who was a friend of her Moms) who broke up our family for good. He was incapable of having children and wanted to find a "ready made one". These are the facts that we all agree on. One year into trying to decide who she was going to be with she out of the blue told me "You are a great father, a great husband and lover, and I do love you. I just love him more". And that was it.
Fast forward 23 years, our baby is getting married and she had a brush with possible death, and we sit down for dinner.
I had no idea what she wanted to talk about. She knew I had lived as a woman 24/7 for a number of years, and about 3/4 time for another 10 years.
This is what she said: " Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. When I got home I went and partied with my friends and came home drunk one night and told Mom about Michelle. Just the once, but it was enough. She told me in no uncertain terms that my marriage was over and I was to find a "real man". She introduced me to James, who very strongly resembled my step father. It was fun at first. I had given up drugs but the high I felt when I was "falling in love" with him replaced getting high with pot or alcohol. I knew I was not in the right place in my recovery to begin a relationship but he kept paying attention to me and my Mom kept pushing us together. When you came out to get the family together, I was split. I loved you but he made me FEEL like I was young and single again. Mom and Dad were on his side, but my sister and brother were on yours. ( to this day friends of mine). Eventually I chased you away and back to Ohio so that "I could breath and think" . In reality so that I did not have the guilt of you being around. ( there is more of this but to the point of this forum): ......and I really missed Michelle. She was my best friend. The only woman who never judged me for my past or sexual desires. The only woman who could never judge me. When I heard that "he" had serious girlfriend, it bothered me; alot, but not enough to matter. When I heard that Michelle was in a relationship with a man I flew into a furious rage that lasted months. No one could understand why I was mad all the time. The truth was Michelle was MY WIFE, and I had never divorced her. I only talked to her a couple of times after that I was so hurt and let down that she would cheat on me with a man. Then I would think of silly that sounded. It didn't help that my husband only had sex with me twice a year on our anniversary and my birthday...for two to three minutes...if I was lucky. While I KNEW just KNEW that she was getting it every night. Just like we did. For years I hated both of you. I know you never knew why I was always mad at you two. Partially it was because every time I saw you I was reminded of the life I had to give up for my loser husband that I dont' love and haven't loved in years. But mostly because seeing you reminded me of losing Michelle who was my soulmate. I was ready to leave my husband for her and you when I called her and found out she was living with a man. That call broke my heart. And it only started to get dull recently when I thought I was going to die. At this point in my life I have to settle for my husband. He's not going anywhere and there is security of a sort even if there is no love or real happiness."
I have no idea how I feel about this. Other than we both agreed that if her Mom had stayed out of our lives we would both be married still. We did spend a day together, meaning Michelle and her. It was very nice, very nice. Her husband got pissed, but neither one of us cared.
And there you have it. A supportive wife who left not because she wanted to but because she outed me to her Mom and let other people decide her happiness.
Btw no one on her side has ever mentioned that they knew about Michelle. And I sat with them at the rehersal dinner. Her Dad and Mom both told me that the leaving me was the worse thing she ever did. Without of course mentioning her part in it!