Another thread about Owning It

[Allison Chaynes]

When I think how far Allison has come over the years, I'm actually amazed. Tonight, in drab mode... including an old army jacket... I went for retail therapy at a Catherine's in Knoxville. Years ago it would have taken every ounce of courage just to look in the window... and then when I finally went in, it was always about "shopping for my wife." So there I am, two pairs of floral briefs on clearance in hand, looking around for other deals, when an SA smiles and asks how I am? I said great, thank you. Her next comment was, "I can help you find her size if you want help... I MEAN, HER SIZE. If we have it in stock..."

I told her thanks but I know my size, and yes you do. I showed her the briefs and she looked at the size and said, I'm not sure. I told her the one I bought last week in this size fits perfectly. She was very nice and asked if I needed more.

Then I went to check out. The SA at the register asked if "she had a Catherine's card." I told her that yes I do, but I will be doing cash. She then explained the return policy, to leave tags on and keep the receipt if they don't fit HER. I told her they will fit me just fine but thanks.

[Tracii G]

Thats how its done so kudos to you !!!

[Beverley Sims]

I got past owning it like that some time ago, these days it's dressed and owning it.

I just don't notice any more.

[docrobbysherry]

Now, THAT'S what I call owning it, Bev!

Anything less from me would be more like renting, borrowing, or practicing!

I do a lot of practicing but still don't own it!

[Lydianne]

Nice! Sometimes people go to even greater lengths than you were prepared to make claim to to treat you in line with your presentation, and sometimes they sound unnatural in their efforts to avoid doing so. I've had one of each. In view of your openness about who the briefs were for, it sounds as though she was avoiding acknowledgement for her own benefit. Nothing more you could have done for her .

Good job!
- Lydianne.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Allison , That was a great story, Thanks so much for sharing it with us. >Orchid ..OO..

[Crissy 107]

Owning it is such a learned thing we do. It’s natural to be very nervous when you first walk into a lingerie department. I would think/expect everyone I know seeing me there. If you find a good SA that has been around a while it makes it much easier and a very fun experience. I have two go to SA’s at Macy’s and love to see them. Recently I was looking to pay our credit card bill and one of them was working and I got the nicest hello.

Allison, I’m still new here, I like this thread.

[alwayshave]

Allison, while I always shop en-drab, I'm honest about who the clothes are for.

[Stephanie47]

I'm somewhat amused the sales associates were insistent on using an improper pronoun. I don't know if they were using "HER" meaning your alter ego/state of mind or "HER" meaning your wife. Lately, I've read some really discouraging articles about Tennessee being somewhat discriminatory toward gays and lesbians and transgender men and women. Was it their way of not acknowledging your preferences? Just wondering.

My experience with Catherine's has been a mixed bag over the years. Everything from "Yikes, we are being invaded by space aliens" to a cordial and friendly "May I help you" and really meaning it. Catherine's use to carry a very lacy and beautiful line of Velrose full slips and half slips. That's what I always stopped in for.

[abby054]

These days, owning it is almost always an easy way to stop the naysayers and get on with my life. That is true regardless of what I am owning.

As for your Catherine's SAs, it sounds like they are trying to be nice. Be nice back to them and they will become all the more helpful. I have my best stuff from a carefully built relationship with a nice SA / personal shopper who contacts me when she gets something in the store that she thinks I will like.

[Beverley Sims]

Sherry,

It takes lot of practice and the adrenalin rush is overwhelming to start with, but it all settles down.

I feel that the way you get out and noticeable, getting publicity, your dioramas and other activities also takes a lot out of you and just meeting people like you do needs a lot of stamina.

Yes it's good practice and you must own it.

I feel you own it too.

Allison,
Likewise in your own way you own it also.

[Gillian Gigs]

From the days of being so nervous that you would crap yourself if someone said boo, too now is a long distance. I don't really care what other strangers may think about what I might be wearing. I shop, take my time and enjoy the shopping experience. If they giggle at the thought of what I am buying, that's their issue, not mine. Whether it be panties, bras, camisoles, slips, pantyhose, or skirts, I have found that when I say that the items are for me, the SA usually continues to be very helpful. Some hold back a smile, others smile and they just continue to do what they are paid to do, which help customers.

[Allison Chaynes]

I think they were trying to be very nice and accommodating, not knowing at first if I was shopping for myself or SO. My experiences with Catherine's, both here, Memphis and in north Mississippi, have always been positive. The store manager at the store in MS was always smiling and quick to share new stuff she thought I was interested in, and always asked how I was doing. She wanted to hire me as assistant manager but at the time I could not work weekends.

I don't think my comfort level would be where it is without reading the stories you ladies have shared here. It's partially knowing we're not alone, and partially seeing the success of others.

[suzanne]

If you're not owning it in the store, it affects how you talk, move and act. It makes you look like someone who's covering something up, and not something benign like crossdressing. People who work in retail are very perceptive and can spot BS in a hurry. Maybe the Catherine's SAs in TN are not as progressive as they are elsewhere?

I am able to walk into any shop, dressed or drab, and be up front about anything to any sales person with no negative reaction whatsoever. In fact, this rarely ever happens, but when female customers have questioned my presence in the fitting rooms, I got defended by the SA who is helping me. I am not saying all this as a boast, but as an encouragement to you and everyone else. No one should fear shopping in person for themselves, and no one should be giving anyone a hard time for it. And I believe we are getting closer all the time to that ideal. I hope it's that way for you in TN as well.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I almost always shop in male mode.

Lately, I've been owning much more than I used to.

I used to say something like, "Is it OK if I try these on?"

Now I say, "I'd like to try these on."

In one sense, it's just a slight change in wording. In another sense, it's the difference between hoping for a "Yes" vs expecting a "Yes".

This was the conversation when I went to Dressbarn last Friday.

SA: Is there anything I can help you with?

Me: I just wanted to see if there is anything good on the sale rack.

SA: These are all $9.99, and these others are 1/2 off the lowest price posted.

I went through and picked out four items. I was on crutches, so I asked the SA if she could help me with these.

The SA took them Up to the register.

Me: I'd like to try them on first.

SA: OK, no problem.

She opened a changing room and brought the clothes there.

Me: Could you check in on me now and then in case I have any questions about fit.

I bought a blouse, a skirt and a dress for about $60.

As I was checking out, I noticed that pantyhose were on sale. I had a different SA help me out with sizing. (I was on the line between two sizes.)

[Crissy 107]

I don't think my comfort level would be where it is without reading the stories you ladies have shared here. It's partially knowing we're not alone, and partially seeing the success of others.

That’s one of the great things about this site, if not for that where the heck would we all be?

[Brandie.n]

knoxville is a very accepting city years ago read some where that knoxville is among the top friendliest city for the lgbtq community

[foxy bartender]

Good for you, Allison! It’s always best to just own it, and be your authentic self.
I can’t speak for anywhere else in TN, but here in Nashville, people are mostly very progressive. I’m in female presentation nearly 100% of the time, and never get anything but kindness as I navigate the world. In fact, I’m very close to getting a job in a big lingerie store, with my fully feminine presentation. It may be slowly, but even the south is getting more and more accepting and progressive. Of course, rural areas are likely to be different, but I have very little experience with that. I’m definitely a city girl!

[Ressie]

I love saying "it's for me" but I don't always. Of course, I wasn't always able to do that!

[Allison Chaynes]

knoxville is a very accepting city years ago read some where that knoxville is among the top friendliest city for the lgbtq community

Good to know, because I haven't had much like meeting fellow souls in that area via the Interwebs, or finding active support type groups.