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Thread: Dealing with our dysphoria

  1. #1
    Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Dealing with our dysphoria

    Hi ladies. I've been on and off this forum for several years. Like a lot of you, I guess, I tend to drift away when life is good and sneak back when things go a little sideways.
    There are a lot of common threads that always seem to be on the forums and a ton of great advice from a wonderful community.

    So, right now, you are wondering, where is Shelby going with this. I know that because I am thinking the same thing.

    I am just wondering, what else do you do to help with the gender dysphoria we are all dealing with to varying degrees. I mean, that is why we're here, right?

    I am asking not just out of a real interest for myself, but in an effort to share ideas and perhaps help others find a little more peace. Like I just said, that is why we're here, right?

    I'll use myself as an example, Lately, I have really been struggling with the big 'T' question (transition).
    I know at 62, it is probably not ever going to happen. Not just because of my age but of other personal reasons that make it highly unlikely. So, If I can't act on it, how do I process the feelings?
    I dress to some extent every day and that helps, but it is often not enough. I got a catalog in the mail today and was browsing, admiring all the pretty dresses and outfits, but found that just as much as I was picking out things I thought were cute, I was thinking how much I wanted to look like that model or 'be' that one.
    I have found that writing about my feelings really helps process the emotions and keep me centered. I have started writing transgender fiction and publishing it on a web site that deals i that kind of stuff.
    I'm not here to push other sites, so I won't mention it by name. I really want to know, what do you do besides come here to this wonderful community, to deal with stuff?

    I think others might benefit as well.

    PS. If you are interested in reading some of what I have written, you'll have to PM me. Like I said, I'm not here to push other sites.
    PPS. And, I do have an appointment with a therapist on the 20th.


    Shelby

    ... I have about as much "choice" over being a crossdresser as I do in deciding my shoe size...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Shelby , What I do is just enjoy having the et of BOTH WORLDS. >Orchid ..OO..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  3. #3
    Seņora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Other than dressing, I don't always deal with my dysphoria in any healthy way and would like to read your writing.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 03-15-2019 at 08:02 PM.

  4. #4
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    For me, one of the huge things that helps, is wearing a long hair wig. Because even more than the clothes, long, pretty hair to me simply spells 'girl'. No matter what I'm doing, I can see and feel the hair cascading down my shoulders, falling forward when I lean over in any way, etc.. Once drawn attention to itself, that captures my eyes as well to the appearance of the clothes, then that keys in all the other little things as well.

    So for me, everything sort of starts at the top, and flows down, from there. I actually almost dread the summer when it's too hot to wear a wig, as a lot of my own hair sort of said 'goodbye' over the years, and the rest is gray.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  5. #5
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Processing feelings is where you are going astray.
    Feelings are just that feelings and they are going to constantly change due to life and situations.
    Reality helps people stay grounded or centered.
    I try to deal with the things I personally can have an affect on and don't worry about things beyond my control.
    I cannot transition and I know that so worrying or obsessing over it would do me no good and cause more problems.
    Constantly worrying about every little bump in the road of life is not healthy.
    Be flexible and ride the bumps. Be flexible like a tree in the wind.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 03-15-2019 at 04:18 PM.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  6. #6
    Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    My hair is now long enough to feel against my back.

  7. #7
    Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Thought about doing that but, you kinda have to have hair... LOL

  8. #8
    Member Chloe St Clair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShelbyDawn View Post
    I am just wondering, what else do you do to help with the gender dysphoria we are all dealing with to varying degrees. I mean, that is why we're here, right?

    I'll use myself as an example, Lately, I have really been struggling with the big 'T' question (transition).
    I know at 62, it is probably not ever going to happen. Not just because of my age but of other personal reasons that make it highly unlikely. So, If I can't act on it, how do I process the feelings?
    I dress to some extent every day and that helps, but it is often not enough. I got a catalog in the mail today and was browsing, admiring all the pretty dresses and outfits, but found that just as much as I was picking out things I thought were cute, I was thinking how much I wanted to look like that model or 'be' that one.
    I have found that writing about my feelings really helps process the emotions and keep me centered. I have started writing transgender fiction and publishing it on a web site that deals i that kind of stuff.
    I'm not here to push other sites, so I won't mention it by name. I really want to know, what do you do besides come here to this wonderful community, to deal with stuff?
    Wow! Have you been spying on me? LOL.

    How do I deal with it?

    1. I come here as often as I can.

    2. So when I can't be Chloe
    - 2a. I wear women's night shirts to sleep in every night.
    - 2b. I wear Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda Jeans
    - 2c. Women's New Balance Athletic shoes
    - 2d. Laser cut ICE silk bikini underwear that look and feel remarkably like panties.
    - 2e. I keep my finger nails long, manicured and coated with a glossy nail strengthener.
    - 2f. I've had all of my body hair removed by laser
    - 2g. I use Estee Lauder and Oil of Olay face cremes every day.
    - 2h. I've recently started giving myself a facial every Weekend.

    3. I browse Women's Clothing, Jewelry and Accessories on the Amazon App on my tablet every day and, to my wife's reluctance, occasionally place an order.

    4. I have four TG fiction novels in process, one I have been working on for more than 10 years and is mostly complete. It's just needs a couple more chapters. In the most recent novel, the main character gets hired to be a model by Amazon after her TG fiction novels become best sellers.

    Hey, you think we could be twins?

    Cheers
    Last edited by Chloe St Clair; 03-16-2019 at 07:47 AM. Reason: Removed a comment which could have been deemed as insensitive. I apologize if I offended anyone.
    My Flickr page is at https://www.flickr.com/photos/156828173@N07/

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    As we get older we look for different ways to find peace with ourselves.

    At eighteen we had a very different way of satisfaction than we do as we age.

    Our relationships and surroundings have changed to accommodate this as well.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  10. #10
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    I think Chloe has the right idea. It is a matter of searching and finding that which has an effect to reduce the dysphoria even though it may not totally remove it. Called adaptation. In part, I have found that adjusting my expectations and staying on that line of thinking until it sinks in helps quite a bit, especially when combined with finding those things that tend to satisfy my brain's desire to have verification of the identity generated by my brain. Dysphoria is produced, in part, by a mismatch between the idealistic expectations generated by brain functions and what the senses are "seeing" in the expression. But I have found that some things are more effective at providing that confirmation than other things. And a few things in the feminine gender expression actually increase dysphoria because it doesn't fit the ideal picture generated by those parts of my brain that generate my gender identity. This effect is neurologically sound and reflects the way the foundations of expectation the brain generates interfaces with sensory input that is compared to expectation and subsequently generates a reaction that hopefully has a match that is more consistent. That is why Chloe's approach, although not ideal, works pretty well. So, I suggest you experiment to find what generates the most comfort, even if not total comfort, and when you find those things start combining them.

    Odor and taste are powerful sensory inputs along with vision. I find that even a dab of fragrance on my upper lip does wonders for a mild dysphoria attack. Lipstick also does that if it tastes really good. That also satisfies the visual input. That probably also is why Sometimes' long hair wig generates a lot of comfort - it matches some expectation the brain has generated. Same for Maid Marion.

  11. #11
    Silver Fox Sheren Kelly's Avatar
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    I have been working on integrating elements of my femme life with my male life. I have reduced/eliminated my body and facial hair, and now use regular skin care; albeit at 60, it is a little late for any major effect. I will also wear jewelry (necklace or other items) that complement my presentation. The demarcation between these sides of me has grown thinner, so that for me to go out as a lady requires only a wig and some light makeup to enhance my features. I also do a lot of "regular" activities in my femme mode (usually in jeans). Because of that, my gender expression is less impulsive. I now approach my choice in clothing within the context of what is appropriate and pleasing to me, allowing me to express who I am, and not someone who I wish to be.
    Warmly,
    Sheren Kelly

  12. #12
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    it's a challenge. I suppose the biggest thing is to acknowledge the feelings to yourself and accommodate them as best you can. In that respect, it's like any person facing a limitation or challenge...you find a way to get along.

    At 62 (or in my case 66) one has a lifetime of experience in getting along. But prior to the advent of the internet, we got along in solitude, without knowing anyone else who was dealing with the same things.
    Finding my way to a real life!

  13. #13
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShelbyDawn View Post
    Thought about doing that but, you kinda have to have hair... LOL
    AMEN Sister!

    What I wouldn't give to be able to have my own long hair again...bring back the 60's....
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  14. #14
    Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloe St Clair View Post
    Wow! Have you been spying on me? LOL.
    ...
    Hey, you think we could be twins?

    Cheers
    I think it would be so much fun to try, unfortunately, I have a terminal case of MIAD.
    You, on the other hand are super cute. I love your hair.


    Shelby

    ... I have about as much "choice" over being a crossdresser as I do in deciding my shoe size...

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