Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 56

Thread: A dilemma what to do, because I was caught by a woman I know

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe, Slovenia
    Posts
    647

    A dilemma what to do, because I was caught by a woman I know

    I was never really bothered to be seen by random women when buying female clothes or shoes, but yesterday I was caught by a woman I know who lives just down the street where I live. I was buying clothes in a big department store in the city about 50 miles from my home where I never seen any familiar faces and I didn't expect to be caught by anyone I know, but this time it happened. A woman from my neighbourhood saw me in the fitting room on all female floor and I was holding bunch of female clothes in my hands and I was wearing female jeans and female boots with 1,5 inch fat heels, a unisex wig with longer hair and some light makeup, so she had to know what I was up to. She recognised me right away, even I changed my appearance a little. She said hello to me with a smile on her face. I was really confused, but managed to say hello back. Before I could say anything else, she left the fitting room and went towards the cash desk. Should I contact her since I know where she lives or just let it be and hope she won't tell to anyone who matters to me?

  2. #2
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SW Michigan
    Posts
    3,762
    That must have been a devastating shock! Are you sure she knew it was you? I'm thinking she will tell (or already has) at least one person, maybe more. There may be an unconfirmed rumor going around soon. I wouldn't say anything to anyone at this point but only you can decide what to do, as I don't know your entire situation.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  3. #3
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    1,451
    Thank goodness she left before you had a chance to dig yourself into a deeper hole. It takes a special kind of skill to spit in someone's face and tell them in the moment with any kind of success that it's raining.. Unless you're a Jedi, then yeah, you missed the opportunity to have used the force.

    When I got caught, I pushed the button and told the person flippantly to tell whomever they like. They didn't ( or at least, it appears so ). Anyway, two outcomes could happen:

    Either she tells everyone --and I assume it wouldn't be materially costly to you because you will have done your risk assessment--, and you'll be out and have your freedom, since you say you're not bothered about randoms..

    or

    She'll keep it to herself, and the status quo will remain.

    Regardless of what you do, the final decision is in her hands.

    - Lydianne.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,072
    Are you 100% sure she recognised you and didn't simply catch the eye of a random cross-dresser who happened to be in the same changing room? People do say hello to strangers. Alternatively she might have thought it was you but wasn't sure.

    Anyway, assuming you're 100% sure, I would think she's less likely to tell anyone if you ask her not too. No guarantees though and if she does tell, you can always deny it. Where's the proof?
    Last edited by Sarah Louise; 03-16-2019 at 07:25 AM.
    A girl can never have too many dresses

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe, Slovenia
    Posts
    647
    Yes, it was quite a shock. It made my knees go soft and shaky. I can't be sure if she recognised me or not, but it seems like she did. She said hello. I don't think she would said that to random stranger in the store. But I don't know her really. I only saw her in front of her house and in a local grocery store a few times in the past and we never really spoke about anything. She is always nicely dressed and wears heels, so I remembered her because of that.

    It wouldn't be materially costly to me and I don't think it would impact me at work, but it would be a big embarrassment for me and would probably impact my social life as well.

    Your suggestion is to wait to see what happens? Yes, it's her work against mine, if she tells.

  6. #6
    Junior Member ~Renee~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    US
    Posts
    72
    You are assuming she knows it's you. Perhaps that is true or not. You don't know.
    Does she know your voice? I know all my neighbors but I couldn't tell their voice as I'm not with them all the time.

    You have a choice say yeah and forever change your destiny or completely ignore the fact and don't react at all. It depends on your bravery and desires. Personally keeping quiet and saying nothing and outright dismissing any future comments keeps you in control. Unless she snapped a picture of you all she's got is a memory. It would be pretty easy for you over the next few days to grow out facial hair. Also if no one knew you where in the distant place how can they be sure it was you? I do not think people will blow you up on suspicion it was you. Even if they were "certain" it was you, how certain would they be if you say zip to them.

    If this is a relatively close neighbors, like next door, your options are a bit different regarding their certainty.

    You basically have three choices, if asked confirm or deny. If never asked then there is no need to say anything. Silence is your best option from what you've said.

    Good luck.

  7. #7
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    3,208
    No much you can do one this. If she were close, I suppose you could talk to her, but since you hardy know her and she hardly knows you then at worst she'll tell her family. "oh, guess what, know that guy that lives down the street? … "

    At worst, I'd think you'd get an odd look or two and nothing more.

    I suppose you could 'pre-emptively' tell everyone in your social circles and all, but you may be spilling info that wouldn't otherwise comes to light, so that would really be about you wanting to 'come out' anyway.

    Anyway, it's not any one else's business. You dress how you want to dress, and tell whom you want to tell.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe, Slovenia
    Posts
    647
    She didn't take a picture, I'm sure. She had clothes in her hands. Phone was probably in her purse. My voice was shaky and more like a loud whisper than a normal voice, so she probably wouldn't recognised it even if she knows it. I guess keeping quiet and waiting what happens is best for now. I'm not ready to come out right now, so telling everyone by myself is not an option.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    I'd let it go for a while...see if anything at all happens. I wouldn't contact her unless she reaches out to you
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  10. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,781
    Hi Karmen , The ball is in her court now, The next move is up to her. >Orchid ..OO..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  11. #11
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Southern Illinois
    Posts
    3,042
    Yes..one never knows. It’s a small world. We had a similar experience. Living in a small, nosy town, we often go to places far away. A few months ago, we were leaving a restaurant and saw a couple we knew. Unlike your experience, we were not seen, but it shook us up...a lot. Getting caught would be a personal, social and possible economic disaster. We’ve cooled our heels ever since...frustrating, to say the least.

  12. #12
    New Member Catherine_B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Nottinghamshire UK
    Posts
    10
    At the end of the day, you were doing nothing wrong / illegal / criminal, YOU were being YOU, personally I think you are over thinking this one X

  13. #13
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,443
    I would wait and see...
    Next time you see her be cordial and see if she broaches the subject. Otherwise I would just chalk it up to circumstance.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  14. #14
    Member Lux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    296
    Based on what I read I completely feel she did not recognize you. Especially when I later read where you wrote; “I don’t know her really” and have only had a few brief encounters with her. Also given the fact that you were far from home, had make up and a wig on, she would have extreme difficulty placing you there. My best guess is that she is open minded, made you out as “Trans” and gave you a big hello since she was happy to see you there (not recognizing you). That would also explain why she left without further conversation as she had given you her ‘support’ and moved on. I think you’re good!

  15. #15
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Do nothing and if she did tell someone the burden of proof is on her.
    Had that happen a long time ago with an old high school friend and she told her husband who I do know.
    I was not out at the time and he asked me about being dressed as a woman.
    I acted like what he said was a joke and passed it off and went on to another subject.He asked again 5 minutes later and I said you were being serious?
    He said yeah Betty told me she saw you in womens clothes and a wig.
    I responded with "Oh yeah I dress in drag all the time". He laughed and said yeah right she must have been drinking.
    I never heard another word.

    I'm betting she didn't recognize you because if she did she would have not left the store.
    Women are too inquisitive and have to find out all the details.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 03-16-2019 at 09:57 AM.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe, Slovenia
    Posts
    647
    I hope you're right about that and it was not more than a friendly hello to a stranger. I will definitely follow your advice and do nothing and wait what happens. When I see her next time in the store or on the street, I'll definitely be prepared if she approaches and starts a conversation about this matter.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,301
    I find many women are cordial to other women when shopping. Men tend to ignore those around themselves. The 'hello' may have been nothing more than a cordial acknowledgement of her encounter with you. If you have noticed her in the neighborhood because she dresses smartly that does not mean she has noticed you. If you run off to her and introduce yourself to her, "Hey, I am the cross dresser you met at the mall," then you eliminate all doubt. Even if she did recognize you that does not mean she is going to start knocking on the doors in the neighborhood and spreading her assumptions about "The guy down the block wears women's clothing."

    I have to somewhat chuckle at these chance encounters because they do occur. All the planning in the world goes out the window. Six decades ago when brother went on a class field trip he met our cousin from another state in the head dress of the Statue of Liberty. Another time my son-in-law was sitting with me and our family at the ball park, Safeco Field. Two rows in front of us was his next door neighbor from Chicago. You never know!
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 03-17-2019 at 11:10 AM. Reason: spelling

  18. #18
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Twin Cities, MN
    Posts
    3,500
    I would not initiate any contact with her. Just let be as an encounter that happened.
    Hugs, Carole

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe, Slovenia
    Posts
    647
    I guess sometimes we just don't recognise the constant danger of getting outed when we go out dressed and think we are safe in foreign environment.

    But what is safer option when we go out shopping? Going in drab or slightly disguised and hope you don't get in the situation I was yesterday or go out fully dressed, full makeup and a wig? At least I can't bled in when dressed and would be spotted as a crossdresser instantly, but probably I could avoid being recognised by people I know when wearing full makeup, glasses and a female wig when they're passing by me. But on the other hand, with all the cameraphones out there, what is the chance some random teenager takes a photo or video of you fully dressed and post it on the internet for everyone to see? In a good photo someone could recognise you after all.
    Last edited by Karmen; 03-16-2019 at 11:43 AM.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    11,033
    I agree with others and just let it go. Deal with it if something ever comes up, I do think it may have been a random hello.
    Crissy

  21. #21
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    4,410
    You said it was a woman you know. Are you friends?

    It would appear that you are not that close of friends if all she said was "hi".

    So you might have been the subject of that evening's gossip, she has probably moved on, you should too.

  22. #22
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SW Michigan
    Posts
    3,762
    Do nothing. Pretend it didn't happen.

    If she confronts you in the future about it, deny it was you. If (for some odd reason) she really insists that it was you, Just say, "yeah it was me, so what?"

    That's the way I would handle this anyway. Good luck.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    682
    Karmen,

    I feel your concern. While I can't tell you what to do in your case, I will share that when my ex and I divorced, she told everybody she could about my dressing. I opted to take the high road and just kept on being me.
    I was a scout master at my son's troop and several of the other adults quickly distanced themselves from me and I knew word was spreading.
    Many of those relationships are still fractured, but I decided I was there for the scouts and kept showing up and doing what needed to be done.
    I left them with the choice of believing a very bitter ex wife, or looking at my performance.
    In the final analysis, to this day, none of them know for sure. The ones that are still my friends, have probably forgotten and decidedly do not care if its boxers, briefs, or panties.
    The ones that aren't, never were in the first place, and who cares what they think anyway.

    Hang in there.
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

  24. #24
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    1,095
    Karmen, did she indicate that she knew you, or did she just say "hello"?

    I ask this because because of something that happened to me, just a week or so ago. My neighbor moved in next door about a dozen years ago. I have borrowed a power tool from him a few times, and I once signed off on a zoning variance he needed. Our relationship is cordial, but other than that we don't hang out or socialize, and we have very different schedules so I seldom see him around. So when I ran into him at the grocery store I almost didn't speak to him, because I didn't recognize him out of the context in which I usually see him. He didn't appear to recognize me either, until I spoke to him by name.

    She may not have recognized you. A wig plus fifty miles distance may well have kept her from putting two and two together.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  25. #25
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,842
    Yet another reason to not try on things in thrift stores! Besides the long waits for try on/rest rooms.

    I was caught once with a basket of women's things in a nearby Goodwill by a family friend. I simply said they were things for our girls.

    As long as you're not wearing them, u could just as easily say they were for; a friend, aunt, comedy show, out of town relative, etc., etc.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State