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Thread: A dilemma what to do, because I was caught by a woman I know

  1. #26
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Karmen , First of all you were not caught. You are only caught when you are doing something wrong. I'm not sure whether to contact the women. I'd let sleeping dogs lie.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  2. #27
    Twisted Sister Patience's Avatar
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    Quiet dignity is the way to go. You owe nothing. No apologies, either.
    If all else fails, lower your standards.

  3. #28
    Member Eemz's Avatar
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    You'll just have to wait it out. She could also be a nice person and decide to respect your privacy. They do exist
    I'm guessing nothing will happen.

    The main thing, as Patience said, is that you need to carry on behaving exactly like a person who hasn't done anything wrong. Because you haven't. If she meets you and you're freaking out like someone who was caught with their pants down while robbing the till, then she will follow that cue and the whole thing explodes. And if she didn't know she certainly does now. But if you're a perfectly normal person, well that's a different dynamic entirely. You can either brazen it out - wasn't me, never happened, as others have suggested - or go with the truth - yes, that was me and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone because a lot of people would not understand (you're also telling her you believe that she's a good person and therefore will understand). I don't know you so I don't know which way will work for you. But the truth is an option, and you could make a friend.

    But yes. Sit tight and see how it plays out.
    Last edited by Eemz; 03-16-2019 at 05:30 PM.

  4. #29
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    I found out a long time ago that when someone sees you in a position /wearing something you are not supposed to be wearing ...to just say or do nothing .
    The next time that you see them act like saw they nothing out of the ordinary the last time that they saw you and do not even mention it.

    Chances are, they have a few things to hide themselves and and often have live and let live attitude..... and are somewhat relieved that you dd not bring it up.

    Human nature being what it is, if you act like you are doing nothing wrong, they will think the same thing .
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 03-16-2019 at 08:16 PM.
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.

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  5. #30
    Gold Member Diane Smith's Avatar
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    I once bumped into a business acquaintance and her husband in a local store. This was someone I worked with closely on an annual project for a few days each year, but who worked in a different department in a building across campus, so I didn't often see her in between those times. Despite my being completely dressed and made up, she recognized me immediately. We had a brief conversation about work and her family, completely normal and cordial. Surprisingly, I managed to stay completely calm. I didn't say anything to her about keeping my secret, but absolutely nothing ever happened as a result. We continued to work together from time to time for two or three years until she moved out of state, and nothing further was ever said about that meeting.

    So for Karmen, I think the odds are with you. I'd advise just staying quiet about the whole incident, but don't lie if it ever comes up in the future. The longer time passes and the meeting fades into both parties' memories, the less damage it can do.

    - Diane
    Last edited by Diane Smith; 03-16-2019 at 10:40 PM.

  6. #31
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Karmen...I too am from the "wait and see" crowd. Maybe it was just because you were looking at her that she countered with a "hello" as she went past? Since you don't really know her except for a couple of passings locally, and you say that you remember her because of her "heels" it may be just that. I think its best to just wait and see, and short of a few whispers there may not be anything said even if she did recognize you...
    A new link to a sample of my shoe collection

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  7. #32
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    I wouldn't bring it up. I've lived in several places and been caught in all of them. Including where I live now. While the person/people had seen me they didn't spread it or treat me any different. I do have one neighbor who told someone about me, but he told them didn't bother him. I've been buying lingerie when I ran into someone I knew. I just acted like it was an everyday thing. I did have a girl I wanted to date that introduced me to her dad that we met at the women's store where I bought all my clothes. Took her out several times after that.

  8. #33
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    My opinion : you were doing nothing illegal or wrong .
    With all the crazy bad things going on , who would really
    care what you. choose to wear ?
    Just ignore it and go on !

    JAS

  9. #34
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    My advice: Do not engage her about the incident. There's a very good chance that she will not tell anyone. If she does, consider this: She is going to tell people that she was in a store 50 miles from your hometown and saw you dressed as a woman! If someone told me that they were at a store in a whole other city and saw my father or brother or uncle dressed as a woman, and no one knows them to be crossdressers, my automatic reaction would be, "Highly unlikely. You must have seen someone who looked like him". That's the end of it. If you engage her and she turns out to be a jerk, now you just added a whole new element of credibility to her story. Ignore. Deny, if asked. Move on.

  10. #35
    Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Just a thought...

    You recognized her, and were probably giving her a more than a casual glance.
    She might have just picked up on that and just politely said "hi" to the woman who was looking at her.
    There might have been no recognition at all.

    I'd let it pass. Odds are you're safe.

  11. #36
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    "But I don't know her really."....
    Then why assume she's a gossip and wants to ruin your life?
    Assume instead, she thought you looked great wished more men were as brave and modern as you. : )

    What's your alternative? Asking a woman you don't really know to forget what she saw and lie for you?

    Don't worry so much.
    They/Them
    I love dressing as a woman.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Just let the matter slide and see if there is any reaction later.

    I have thought that people recognised me at times but nothing has ever happened and when meeting up later there was not a clue of any recognition.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  13. #38
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Karmen,
    Been in this sitaution a couple of times , the best thing is to let it go .

    I was in a costume /fancy dress shop , the SA told me she had a jacket that had been left for alterations and never been collected , I was just checking it out in a full length mirror when a very good family friend and also one of my wedding couples I had photographed saw me with her daughter . She immediately asked what was I doing wearing a lady's jacket , I told her straight I was TG and was born like it . She started to say I really must tell my husband , he will think it's funny , with that she left the shop . The SA just shook her head saying , " Hasn't she any common sense ?" I never did hear anymore but I certainly didn't contact her . The outcome was I did buy the jacket .
    The real me ,no going back.

  14. #39
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    Just let it go, bringing it up could just turn a nonissue into an issue. About a year ago I was shopping at a mall about 20 miles from home en femme. Walking through the mall I walked past a friend’s wife, yes she knows and would recognize me in male mode. As I walked pest her she looked me and smiled, not sure if I was clocked as a cross dresser or if she recognized me. I’ve seen both of them many times since them and nothing has come up.

    Lynn

  15. #40
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I agree with Lux! This lady, if she remembers you, knows you as a male, right! Well, with the wig etc. you don,t exactly look so much like you! I would do nothing and let it pass by! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  16. #41
    Member ambigendrous's Avatar
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    In truth - you weren't "caught" by a woman you know; you may have been seen by a woman you know...
    Ambigendrous
    Wealth should not be measured by how much you have, but by how little you need - anon

  17. #42
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Contacting her could only make things worse. If you see her in the street, I would wait for her to make the first move. If she does approach you, then be friendly, see what she says, and respond accordingly.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  18. #43
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    With a wig and makeup, and being in a dressing room, you are kind of busted. If she recognized you, game over. If you need to keep your secret, I wouldn't mention it to her, and hope she didn't recognize you. If she did recognize you, hopefully she will let it go and not mention it.

  19. #44
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ressie View Post
    Do nothing. Pretend it didn't happen. If she confronts you in the future about it, deny it was you.
    ^best way at current moment. Now, unless you WANT to be out to her, you're going to have to remove ANY other evidence that you're a crossdresser. That means no underdressing, no nail polish, no manicures, no stockings, NOTHING that might confirm what she suspects.

    If (for some odd reason) she really insists that it was you, Just say, "yeah it was me, so what?"
    Coming on aggressively won't work in this situation UNLESS you want an enemy.


    Quote Originally Posted by Maria in heels View Post
    Karmen...I too am from the "wait and see" crowd. Maybe it was just because you were looking at her that she countered with a "hello" as she went past? Since you don't really know her except for a couple of passings locally, and you say that you remember her because of her "heels" it may be just that. I think its best to just wait and see, and short of a few whispers there may not be anything said even if she did recognize you...
    ^this. PLUS, it all depends on her tone of voice and behavior when she approached you. An innocent 'hello' said in different ways means different things. Only you know what that smile meant. Remember, women almost instinctively smile as a response to others, where as men usually just nod as acknowledging another person's presence when they recognize them.

    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    My advice: Do not engage her about the incident. There's a very good chance that she will not tell anyone. If she does, consider this: She is going to tell people that she was in a store 50 miles from your hometown and saw you dressed as a woman!
    ^this could be a perfect way out for you, if you insist on going the route of denying you were ever there.
    The fact that it was 50 miles away helps, especially if you are of common height, build and weight. Plenty of people look similar to someone else, and you WERE en femme, so you definitely looked different from how you normally appear. Did you talk back to her? And if you did, are you sure that she knows what your voice sounded like BEFORE that incident?

    All of this will depend upon if she approaches you back in your own neighborhood, and then, it will all depend on how she does so. It will be up to you to interpret what her motives are, all by the way she approaches you and how she speaks when it happens.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #45
    Member Pumped's Avatar
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    It is very possible she did not even recognize you. She might have seen a familiar face, but did not connect it with anyone she knew. I have had it happen myself, run into someone without their work uniform on, cap or no cap, just wearing something different than what I normally see them in and I just can't figure out why I know them.

  21. #46
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    If (for some odd reason) she really insists that it was you, Just say, "yeah it was me, so what?"
    Coming on aggressively won't work in this situation UNLESS you want an enemy.
    Depends on how you say it, tone of voice etc. I didn't intend for that to come out sounding aggressive! But to me she would be abrasive by insisting that she saw me in the store. If it came down to that I would own up to it and make light of it. The message would be that crossdressing isn't a big deal.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  22. #47
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I would say just do your best to enjoy the ride, of life!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  23. #48
    Member Karmen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    ^best way at current moment. Now, unless you WANT to be out to her, you're going to have to remove ANY other evidence that you're a crossdresser. That means no underdressing, no nail polish, no manicures, no stockings, NOTHING that might confirm what she suspects.
    I don't understand why should I stop underdressing or wearing pantyhose? She is just a woman who lives down the street and occasionally sees me on the street or in local grocery shop. She can't tell me to take my clothes off to prove I'm not a crossdresser, especially somewhere in public.

  24. #49
    Señora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karmen View Post
    She is just a woman who lives down the street and occasionally sees me on the street or in local grocery shop.
    Exactly, so it's time to move on. I am willing to bet she has already forgotten about it.

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