A dilemma what to do, because I was caught by a woman I know

[Karmen]

I was never really bothered to be seen by random women when buying female clothes or shoes, but yesterday I was caught by a woman I know who lives just down the street where I live. I was buying clothes in a big department store in the city about 50 miles from my home where I never seen any familiar faces and I didn't expect to be caught by anyone I know, but this time it happened. A woman from my neighbourhood saw me in the fitting room on all female floor and I was holding bunch of female clothes in my hands and I was wearing female jeans and female boots with 1,5 inch fat heels, a unisex wig with longer hair and some light makeup, so she had to know what I was up to. She recognised me right away, even I changed my appearance a little. She said hello to me with a smile on her face. I was really confused, but managed to say hello back. Before I could say anything else, she left the fitting room and went towards the cash desk. Should I contact her since I know where she lives or just let it be and hope she won't tell to anyone who matters to me?

[Ressie]

That must have been a devastating shock! Are you sure she knew it was you? I'm thinking she will tell (or already has) at least one person, maybe more. There may be an unconfirmed rumor going around soon. I wouldn't say anything to anyone at this point but only you can decide what to do, as I don't know your entire situation.

[Lydianne]

Thank goodness she left before you had a chance to dig yourself into a deeper hole. It takes a special kind of skill to spit in someone's face and tell them in the moment with any kind of success that it's raining.. Unless you're a Jedi, then yeah, you missed the opportunity to have used the force.

When I got caught, I pushed the button and told the person flippantly to tell whomever they like. They didn't ( or at least, it appears so ). Anyway, two outcomes could happen:

Either she tells everyone --and I assume it wouldn't be materially costly to you because you will have done your risk assessment--, and you'll be out and have your freedom, since you say you're not bothered about randoms..

or

She'll keep it to herself, and the status quo will remain.

Regardless of what you do, the final decision is in her hands.

- Lydianne.

[Sarah Louise]

Are you 100% sure she recognised you and didn't simply catch the eye of a random cross-dresser who happened to be in the same changing room? People do say hello to strangers. Alternatively she might have thought it was you but wasn't sure.

Anyway, assuming you're 100% sure, I would think she's less likely to tell anyone if you ask her not too. No guarantees though and if she does tell, you can always deny it. Where's the proof?

[Karmen]

Yes, it was quite a shock. It made my knees go soft and shaky. I can't be sure if she recognised me or not, but it seems like she did. She said hello. I don't think she would said that to random stranger in the store. But I don't know her really. I only saw her in front of her house and in a local grocery store a few times in the past and we never really spoke about anything. She is always nicely dressed and wears heels, so I remembered her because of that.

It wouldn't be materially costly to me and I don't think it would impact me at work, but it would be a big embarrassment for me and would probably impact my social life as well.

Your suggestion is to wait to see what happens? Yes, it's her work against mine, if she tells.

[Eemz]

You'll just have to wait it out. She could also be a nice person and decide to respect your privacy. They do exist
I'm guessing nothing will happen.

The main thing, as Patience said, is that you need to carry on behaving exactly like a person who hasn't done anything wrong. Because you haven't. If she meets you and you're freaking out like someone who was caught with their pants down while robbing the till, then she will follow that cue and the whole thing explodes. And if she didn't know she certainly does now. But if you're a perfectly normal person, well that's a different dynamic entirely. You can either brazen it out - wasn't me, never happened, as others have suggested - or go with the truth - yes, that was me and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone because a lot of people would not understand (you're also telling her you believe that she's a good person and therefore will understand). I don't know you so I don't know which way will work for you. But the truth is an option, and you could make a friend.

But yes. Sit tight and see how it plays out.

[~Renee~]

You are assuming she knows it's you. Perhaps that is true or not. You don't know.
Does she know your voice? I know all my neighbors but I couldn't tell their voice as I'm not with them all the time.

You have a choice say yeah and forever change your destiny or completely ignore the fact and don't react at all. It depends on your bravery and desires. Personally keeping quiet and saying nothing and outright dismissing any future comments keeps you in control. Unless she snapped a picture of you all she's got is a memory. It would be pretty easy for you over the next few days to grow out facial hair. Also if no one knew you where in the distant place how can they be sure it was you? I do not think people will blow you up on suspicion it was you. Even if they were "certain" it was you, how certain would they be if you say zip to them.

If this is a relatively close neighbors, like next door, your options are a bit different regarding their certainty.

You basically have three choices, if asked confirm or deny. If never asked then there is no need to say anything. Silence is your best option from what you've said.

Good luck.

[Macey]

No much you can do one this. If she were close, I suppose you could talk to her, but since you hardy know her and she hardly knows you then at worst she'll tell her family. "oh, guess what, know that guy that lives down the street? … "

At worst, I'd think you'd get an odd look or two and nothing more.

I suppose you could 'pre-emptively' tell everyone in your social circles and all, but you may be spilling info that wouldn't otherwise comes to light, so that would really be about you wanting to 'come out' anyway.

Anyway, it's not any one else's business. You dress how you want to dress, and tell whom you want to tell.

[Karmen]

She didn't take a picture, I'm sure. She had clothes in her hands. Phone was probably in her purse. My voice was shaky and more like a loud whisper than a normal voice, so she probably wouldn't recognised it even if she knows it. I guess keeping quiet and waiting what happens is best for now. I'm not ready to come out right now, so telling everyone by myself is not an option.

[Jean. Ann]

My opinion : you were doing nothing illegal or wrong .
With all the crazy bad things going on , who would really
care what you. choose to wear ?
Just ignore it and go on !

JAS

[kimdl93]

I'd let it go for a while...see if anything at all happens. I wouldn't contact her unless she reaches out to you

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Karmen , The ball is in her court now, The next move is up to her. >Orchid ..OO..

[SaraLin]

Just a thought...

You recognized her, and were probably giving her a more than a casual glance.
She might have just picked up on that and just politely said "hi" to the woman who was looking at her.
There might have been no recognition at all.

I'd let it pass. Odds are you're safe.

[BettyMorgan]

"But I don't know her really."....
Then why assume she's a gossip and wants to ruin your life?
Assume instead, she thought you looked great wished more men were as brave and modern as you. : )

What's your alternative? Asking a woman you don't really know to forget what she saw and lie for you?

Don't worry so much.

[NancySue]

Yes..one never knows. It’s a small world. We had a similar experience. Living in a small, nosy town, we often go to places far away. A few months ago, we were leaving a restaurant and saw a couple we knew. Unlike your experience, we were not seen, but it shook us up...a lot. Getting caught would be a personal, social and possible economic disaster. We’ve cooled our heels ever since...frustrating, to say the least.

[Lux]

Based on what I read I completely feel she did not recognize you. Especially when I later read where you wrote; “I don’t know her really” and have only had a few brief encounters with her. Also given the fact that you were far from home, had make up and a wig on, she would have extreme difficulty placing you there. My best guess is that she is open minded, made you out as “Trans” and gave you a big hello since she was happy to see you there (not recognizing you). That would also explain why she left without further conversation as she had given you her ‘support’ and moved on. I think you’re good!

[Petra Lynn]

Just let it go, bringing it up could just turn a nonissue into an issue. About a year ago I was shopping at a mall about 20 miles from home en femme. Walking through the mall I walked past a friend’s wife, yes she knows me and would recognize me in male mode. As I walked pest her she looked me and smiled, not sure if I was clocked as a cross dresser or if she recognized me. I’ve seen both of them many times since them and nothing has come up.

Lynn

[lingerieLiz]

I wouldn't bring it up. I've lived in several places and been caught in all of them. Including where I live now. While the person/people had seen me they didn't spread it or treat me any different. I do have one neighbor who told someone about me, but he told them didn't bother him. I've been buying lingerie when I ran into someone I knew. I just acted like it was an everyday thing. I did have a girl I wanted to date that introduced me to her dad that we met at the women's store where I bought all my clothes. Took her out several times after that.

[Catherine_B]

At the end of the day, you were doing nothing wrong / illegal / criminal, YOU were being YOU, personally I think you are over thinking this one X

[Cheryl T]

I would wait and see...
Next time you see her be cordial and see if she broaches the subject. Otherwise I would just chalk it up to circumstance.

[Tracii G]

Do nothing and if she did tell someone the burden of proof is on her.
Had that happen a long time ago with an old high school friend and she told her husband who I do know.
I was not out at the time and he asked me about being dressed as a woman.
I acted like what he said was a joke and passed it off and went on to another subject.He asked again 5 minutes later and I said you were being serious?
He said yeah Betty told me she saw you in womens clothes and a wig.
I responded with "Oh yeah I dress in drag all the time". He laughed and said yeah right she must have been drinking.
I never heard another word.

I'm betting she didn't recognize you because if she did she would have not left the store.
Women are too inquisitive and have to find out all the details.

[Karmen]

I hope you're right about that and it was not more than a friendly hello to a stranger. I will definitely follow your advice and do nothing and wait what happens. When I see her next time in the store or on the street, I'll definitely be prepared if she approaches and starts a conversation about this matter.

[Stephanie47]

I find many women are cordial to other women when shopping. Men tend to ignore those around themselves. The 'hello' may have been nothing more than a cordial acknowledgement of her encounter with you. If you have noticed her in the neighborhood because she dresses smartly that does not mean she has noticed you. If you run off to her and introduce yourself to her, "Hey, I am the cross dresser you met at the mall," then you eliminate all doubt. Even if she did recognize you that does not mean she is going to start knocking on the doors in the neighborhood and spreading her assumptions about "The guy down the block wears women's clothing."

I have to somewhat chuckle at these chance encounters because they do occur. All the planning in the world goes out the window. Six decades ago when brother went on a class field trip he met our cousin from another state in the head dress of the Statue of Liberty. Another time my son-in-law was sitting with me and our family at the ball park, Safeco Field. Two rows in front of us was his next door neighbor from Chicago. You never know!

[carhill2mn]

I would not initiate any contact with her. Just let be as an encounter that happened.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with others and just let it go. Deal with it if something ever comes up, I do think it may have been a random hello.