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Thread: “Cross-dressing is not synonymous with being transgender”

  1. #76
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    This is a great thread, again I have been looking at this site without signing in and reading this topic, and I agree with the separate definitions.
    Like I said in my thread about crossdressers, they are people who like to dress up in the clothing of the opposite sex,
    I enjoy to dress up and feel sexy and sometimes go out but I don't wish to pass or be a women, so I am a crossdresser,

    In my opinion everyone out there who is dressing up and passing as a women wanting to pass as a women, have inner female feelings etc are not crossdressers are more in to the transsexual category, which I have no problem with.

    So all I would like to say is this is a crossdressing section of the site, so to all people who do pass, and have inner feelings etc please remember when people on here and don't pass as they are crossdresser to support them as well as us crossdressers to support you.

    The reason I say this is there are many mean people on this forum and in the LGBTQ community who are not as supporting and have to many negative comment made.

  2. #77
    Ah-May-Lee
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    I look like a woman so I can pick up straight guys in the bars.

    Labels and definitions come and go, and are fluid to change. Some definitions are vague and are interpreted by people differently. People are curious social beings and they have a need to know where they belong in the universe. So they seek out a label that fits who they are, sometimes they are wrong and sometimes they change the label with time. Probably in a few years there will be a new label to replace the old ones. If that happens would that make the old labels wrong. There is a sort of hierarchy in this world of ours and there is always someone trying to one up another by saying their label is above all others, when in fact they all belong under the same umbrella term.

    I only use labels when talking online, like on forums such as this. In the outside world I don't tell anyone who or what I am. I don't care what others think.
    In solitude where we are least alone. Byron

  3. #78
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    I think that most TGs would be pleased to grow a nice set of boobs, while a crossdresser would would be upset if this were to happen. The cross dresser may have them removed.

  4. #79
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amelie View Post
    I look like a woman so I can pick up straight guys in the bars.
    .
    And what has this to do with the thread?

  5. #80
    Ah-May-Lee
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    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Chantal View Post
    And what has this to do with the thread?
    Probably nothing, just read on the rest of my post.

    PS-Actually, I just wanted to add something silly to a silly thread. What difference does it make what the word crossdressing means to the word transgender. Why should this big such a big topic among people. This question(topic) is brought up many times over and over. How is ones life going to change cause they use the wrong word.
    Last edited by Amelie; 04-06-2019 at 08:29 PM.
    In solitude where we are least alone. Byron

  6. #81
    maxi midi closets's Avatar
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    there is a spectrum of cds. some work to pass and some don't. cds can share common goals of transgender mtf, so there is overlap b/n the two.

    but cds are not trans in that they don't identify as female and don't change legal paperwork to say so. And trans mtf do not cd b/c they consider themselves women. trans women are not cd'ing when they wear fem clothing.

  7. #82
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    On another site, this subject was brought up, except that the OP, who identifies as a transwoman, has a serious grudge about CD's/drag queens/sissies and Transpeople being 'lumped together' in the same category.
    She is of the opinion that unless you are full blown, 24/7, on hormones, and/or had surgeries, or if you get erotic thrills from wearing apparel of the opposite gender, that you are "just" a crossdresser and she is offended with being associated with you by the general public.

    Personally, I think the issue is far too intertwined to make any clear cut decisions on the issue. And I try very hard not to judge others. For me, the clothing isn't 'exciting', or erotic; they are the clothes I feel comfortable with as I slowly move along my path.
    Do I dress sexy & stereotypically fetish-y at times? Yes, but that is for the benefit of others, when I attend 'adult' parties or events. I am an adult, and do enjoy the company & attentions of the male sex, so there is that. Does that make me "merely" a crossdresser or fetish dispenser?

    BUT, on weekends, and off-work hours, I dress for my comfort. And if there was some magic that could make me wake up tomorrow with all the 'right' equipment in place, I would gladly take it.

    People seem to LOVE to put others into neat little boxes, and to feel 'more specialer' than others. We, as a competitive species, seem to thrive on establishing 'us VS them' paradigms, rather than simply allow others to be what, and as they choose.

    For instance, on these boards, I post mainly in the CD section, and not the Trans section, because I don't want to be labeled as 'less' trans than others. Even though I find myself identifying less & less with many of the members of the CD section. I'm not being judgmental here, merely stating my thoughts.

    At the end of the day, it is what makes you comfortable in your own skin that matters, and not what others think.

    As Ricky Nelson sang, in 'Garden Party'

    I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends
    A chance to share old memories and play our songs again
    When I got to the garden party, they all knew my name
    No one recognized me, I didn't look the same

    But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well
    You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  8. #83
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    The statement is true unless every crossdresser is transgender AND every transgender person is a crossdresser ( google "synonymous".) It isn't any more complicated than that.

  9. #84
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    On another site, this subject was brought up, except that the OP, who identifies as a transwoman, has a serious grudge about CD's/drag queens/sissies and Transpeople being 'lumped together' in the same category.
    She is of the opinion that unless you are full blown, 24/7, on hormones, and/or had surgeries, or if you get erotic thrills from wearing apparel of the opposite gender, that you are "just" a crossdresser and she is offended with being associated with you by the general public.
    [/B][/I]
    There is nothing "just" about being a crossdresser. One is not anything "less than" for being a crossdresser. Same goes for drag queens, fetish dressers, and <insert label here> dressers. They are, however, all different, and in important ways. So it is no wonder that some of us bristle at being lumped together by others, on whom are lost all the distinctions that we understand. For transwomen, it is offensive to be seen as no different than a drag queen. Not because there's anything offensive about drag queens, but because that's not what we are nor is it how we wish to be regarded. We are women, and most of us wish to be regarded as such, nothing more nothing less. It is that regard which we seek. It's not about clothes, or hair, or makeup. Yes, those things are (to one extent or another) part of being a woman, but the satisfaction doesn't come from being dressed, as it does for some who are so often conflated by an uneducated public.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  10. #85
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    There is nothing "just" about being a crossdresser. One is not anything "less than" for being a crossdresser.
    <<SNIP<<
    I agree with most of what you said.
    But, where does it stop?
    "OH no, I'm not a crossdresser, I'm a drag queen!"
    "Oh, you are mistaken, I'm a sissy, not a crossdresser!"
    "Whups! I'm a man in a dress, not a crossdresser!"
    "Yeah, I like wearing women's clothes, it gets me horny! But I'm not looking to be a woman!"
    "Yeah, I'm a crossdresser, but have no desire to be with men. I just like the clothes"
    "I am a man (woman) trapped in a woman's (man's) body. I wear the clothing associated with my true gender!"

    I don't know your story, I don't know if you are a post-op transwoman, but let me pose this:

    Suppose you read a post where a post-operative transperson stated they were offended by being categorized with people who hadn't reached that goal?

    OMG! I'm a post-op Trans (man/woman) and I am offended to be lumped in with pre-op transpersons!

    Many crossdressers find that they are more trans as they live their lives, maybe they started by wearing panties. Then, they realized that it wasn't the clothes, but themselves that were the heart of the issue.

    I'm not looking to get into a catfight, we all have different opinions. I'm just a little dismayed that the community can be so divisive. Can we really afford to draw boundaries around each other? Forget the general populace, there is even some prejudice from the LGB community regarding T.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  11. #86
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    As I have previously stated----Cross-dressing is something different people do for different reasons----It's not a "condition" in itself but rather a "symptom" SHARED by different conditions.----A "Cough" is a symptom shared by those with a common Cold and those with Tuberculosis. Yet the two conditions and situations could not be more different. We don't group TB patients and Cold sufferers in the same group and call them "Coughers" do we? Transgender people and male heterosexuals that simply like wearing women's clothing will BOTH cross-dress. which is why we should not lump all crossdressers under a single heading. The term "Transvestite" was coined to differentiate different conditions that may share crossdressing in common.----That gave us three distinct categories--transgender, Homosexual and Transvestites to consider the special concerns of that all share crossdressing, but for different motivations and goals.-----It is never a good idea to ignore or ban words, as we speak and THINK in words. What if confused TB with Colds?--- (they are BOTH coughers anyway) we could not have a constructive conversation or make useful decisions about coughing. "Transvestite" would cover heterosexual crossdressers while Homosexual and TG who also cross-dress. even "Transvestite" covers a bit much, as we have hetero "Fetishist", "humiliation masochists", and "escapists", for example, who cross-dress under that heading. The more we break things down the better, even if they DO share a common symptom.----Different forces are at play with different objectives using the same thing for different ends.

  12. #87
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    Cross dressing falls on the gender spectrum. Perhaps cross dressing is level 1 on the spectrum where as the highest level would be SRS. I still like calling it a hobby although there is certainly a driving force sometimes to cross dress and I have never heard of a driving force to collect stamps
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  13. #88
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Reminds me of a joke I heard when I first came out 5 yrs ago and started to seriously consider WTF was "right" with me.

    Q: What's the difference between a cross dresser and a transgender?
    A: About 4 years.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  14. #89
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    I eye a big difference I love dressing up but I really am not interested in being a female 100% of the time. I look at me crossdresing as a hobby that I enjoy. It gives me a relaxing time and I do love wearing the clothing. To me it's about the smoothness and the option of the makeup which adds to the excitement. I'm not out and have no desire to be but have thought I wouldn't mind going out with a bunch of others that feel the same as I do.
    Another thought sometimes my wife used to help me on the farm. She wore boots, a western long sleeve wrangler shirt, a hat and men's type wrangler pants. I think she probably had panties on underneath but those didn't show. This out fit diesnot make her a CD nor a cowboy. It is simply a work uniform. I can argue also that it doesn't make her a farmer / rancher either. I look at it this way just because I wear ladies clothing and enjoy it I am not a transgender just a guy that enjoys the dress. Wife wears hers to help farm and I wear mine to help relax and my enjoyment.

  15. #90
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    I don't know your story, I don't know if you are a post-op transwoman, but let me pose this:

    Suppose you read a post where a post-operative transperson stated they were offended by being categorized with people who hadn't reached that goal?
    I am a transsexual. I am pre-almost-everything, having fully come to terms with my nature only recently. I am undergoing electrolysis for my facial hair and will start HRT soon. I intend to pursue all options to resolve my GD.

    You ask a fair question, to which I can honestly answer that I have never heard of such a thing (ridicule of pre-op transwomen by those post-op). I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but the fact of the matter is that anyone who's reached that point understands better than anyone what the journey involves for anyone who know that they were born with the wrong physical gender.
    On the other hand, I have heard ridicule for those whom I will call "dabblers", those who want to pursue HRT for... let's call them "purely aesthetic reasons", i.e. they just want their own boobs. I can't speak for others, but to me that is dangerous folly. HRT is dangerous. It's effects are usually permanent. It's side effects are serious, and include maybe dying. But that's ridicule of the subjects' judgement, not of their place on the spectrum. And just so we're very clear, I would not so judge someone who approached HRT with that goal in mind and who was serious enough about it to make that approach from and informed and realistic position.


    Many crossdressers find that they are more trans as they live their lives, maybe they started by wearing panties. Then, they realized that it wasn't the clothes, but themselves that were the heart of the issue.

    I'm not looking to get into a catfight, we all have different opinions. I'm just a little dismayed that the community can be so divisive. Can we really afford to draw boundaries around each other? Forget the general populace, there is even some prejudice from the LGB community regarding T.
    Ah... now we get down to where we truly agree. Until three years ago, I would have told you that I am a crossdresser. Why that changed I can't really say, but my experience has been much like you describe. I can truthfully say that I have never taken offense at those who saw me as something different, because I was. Or at least I thought I was.

    Yes, the community is often divided. In my estimation, such contention is, almost always, borne of ignorance and an insufficient regard for the challenges faced by those not quite like us. It's true, the LGB community, in general, does not understand TG issues. One friend of mine can tell you a story about a gay male acquaintance stubbornly refusing to understand the difference between her (a transwoman) and his cousin the drag queen.
    A
    This very thread is clear evidence that even those of us, who are all under the "umbrella" term "transgender", will often stubbornly insist that "in their opinion", this or that person has misused this or that label. A useful lexicon is not a matter of opinion. To be effective, it must be agreed upon by those who use it. All too many members here refuse to do that, with the predictable result of an endless stream of contentious threads, just like this one.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  16. #91
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    I was a lot more girly than my wife. We'd go to to Wendy's and she'd have two burgers. I'd have the Asian chicken salad. Not only do I have an petite hourglass figure, but I just noticed my waistline is just below my ribs, above my belly button.
    For me, there is just too much risk to benefit ratio to transitioning when you an already male fail. And always have. It would really suck to be any shorter.

  17. #92
    Junior Member Lara A's Avatar
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    Following the rules and haven't read any other posts

    ...but then I cheated and looked up Wikipedia on 'transgender': "Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their assigned sex" were the first words of that description. So by that definition at least, crossdressing might fall under the words "gender expression", if of course Wikipedia is to be believed

    However, for myself, I feel that crossdressing is just a step. Some people feel the need to take a further step, while others do not. I personally have been teetering on the next series of steps for waaay too long! Scared to take the next, but scared not to sometimes. A lot of the time I am happy to just take some time to be Lara, and some of the time I wish I could summon the courage to go further, whatever that looks like. As long in the tooth as I am, that next step gets a little further out of reach each day, and that is OK, and sometimes not OK!!!

  18. #93
    Alison Alisonforme's Avatar
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    I don’t think it’s synonymous. I’m a cross dresser and while I love and acknowledge my feminine side, which I think makes me fall on the transgender spectrum, being transgendered is much different physically and emotionally from what I experience. I think transgendered people were born in the wrong body or need to express themselves differently from traditional gender roles. I accept my traditional gender role...I just enjoy my girl too!!

  19. #94
    Aspiring Member RachelPortugal's Avatar
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    Synonymous?

    Well, synonyms are two or more words having the same meaning, such as begin, start, commence, initiate ...

    So, “Cross-dressing is not synonymous with being transgender.”, but “Cross-dressing is synonymous with transvestitism.”
    Rachel,

    As a crossdresser my personality has several facets. Therefore, I suppose I can be forgiven for being facetious.

  20. #95
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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  21. #96
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Spot on, Julie. All crossdressers are "transgender". Not all transgender are crossdressers. Why is that so hard for some to grasp?
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  22. #97
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    Spot on, Julie. All crossdressers are "transgender". Not all transgender are crossdressers. Why is that so hard for some to grasp?
    The APA agrees:
    https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender
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