I finally outed myself to my best mate but now need to talk to my SO

[alice one day]

Today was a good day I think? During a phone conversation with a long time friend I told him I was in counselling and he congratulated me saying it was about time. People had been telling me to seek help for PTSD for years. I went round the bushes a few times but finally told him what I had discovered. The melt downs and head aches were because I was in denial about my CD.
I was surprised when he said "so what, you have to do whatever makes you happy. You have to look in the mirror in the morning and be happy with what you see. If you keep living a lie you will never be happy."
I then got a lecture for an hour about sorting my head out and then choosing my time to tell my SO. He knows my circumstances and my partner and agreed it could have serious ramifications. But it was important for me to find the right solution. Regardless of the outcome he would support me.
I hate getting emotional! Good job I have the counsellor today.

[phili]

Bravo, Alice! You are on the road to recovery. I think of it now as more of a cross between a road, a cliff, a cave, and a waterslide. Being in denial is kind of like being closeted to yourself, and once we realize we want to see ourselves in the light, it is a wonderful but incremental evolution. I have to feel our way forward as in a cave, exert huge effort to climb rocky cliffs, and avoid just running over one and falling, but the sweetness of release and the freedom feel like going down a water slide, with the pool of emotions at the bottom. I went into counseling with my wife with regard to crossdressing on the very premise that I couldn't name a feeling- my emotions were so bottled up and put away. Now I am a different person- it happens day by day.

Your SO is likely to not understand crossdressing, as she will also be in her own forms of denial and fear of change in you. So perhaps for the moment don't start there. You might want to ask her to support you learning to feel emotions and being a more well-rounded and accessible person, and to accompany you on that journey. For me, crossdressing is an expression of what I feel, not a cause.

[ReneeTD]

I've been very particular about who I've outed myself to over the last 15 years or so, prior to which only I knew. My best friend (who is now no longer with us), a former pastor (and good friend), my SO, sister and brother-in-law. Presently, I see no others in my sphere who should know or could process such info. In most cases it's been a reaction of "hey, no big deal...", except that it did have serious ramifications with my SO. We are no longer intimate, but that story is long and complicated. I tend to look for folks that I feel are mature minded about such things and even then only if there is a reason that they need to know. I wouldn't consider doing so to people who are "accepting" solely on that basis, as "accepting" doesn't necessarily include discretion. Coming out to your SO is a serious decision that will be different for everyone, I can only wish you luck.

[Beverley Sims]

It is all in your name Alice, "One day".......

When it comes I hope it is successful for you.

[Stephanie47]

Before to actually disclose your desires to wear women's clothing perhaps discuss it with your counselor. There are many different reactions possible. Are you prepared to answer her questions? Maybe she will be furious. Maybe she'll be supportive. Having known her for forty years you should be able sense some thing about her feelings. I do not recommend telling your wife everything that transpires in a counseling session. Your wife probably assumes the counseling is related to combat/warfare. My wife is well aware of my issues when it comes to my combat experiences. She has sat with me when I bared my soul to counselors. She also put her two cents when I was not being totally forthcoming. My wife knows I am a cross dresser. My wife and I have had "The Talk" a long time ago. Yes, I have cross dressing needs that are not fully met. My counselor knows nothing of my cross dressing. My counselor has met my wife. She knows of my wife's PTSD issues. She could stand some therapy also, but, refuses to engage. However, her PTSD would become worse if I were to push my cross dressing needs. Two peas in a pod? I bring this up because my "need" to cross dress is a part of my therapy. I find it relieves stress. It's a coping mechanism. It is not some "hobby" or "fantasy game." It's real down to earth daily life shit.

Talk to your counselor about how and what to say to your wife. Anticipate some of her questions. Keep in mind she has her own feelings and viewpoints on life that may be different than yours.

[Macey]

I agree with Stephanie! Talk to your councilor about coming out to your friend and how that went, and how you feel about it. Talk to your councilor about if/when/how to talk to your SO. However it all shakes out, you certainly deserve to be happy!

[Jenny22]

Stephanie, why haven't you told your counselor of your CDing? Is the counselor a therapist familiar with dressing issues? Your WIFE Has PTSD caused by .....?