The feeling that you need to tell someone

[alice one day]

Hi Victoria, I have to go with Teresa "My counsellor was astounded how I lived with the suppression for so long , to me it was like a cork in a bottle, at some point I knew something needed to happen . While others advise being careful who you tell sometimes you feel your mind is going to explode if you don't tell someone ." I was talking to a long time friend and it came tumbling out. He was brilliant, even asking what all the fuss was about! But I would also take Teresa's advice. "To tell a wife or partner needs careful planning , I decided to write it all down , it not only helped explain it to me but also offered a clearer picture , to blurt it out unprepared and then shrug your shoulders with a series of don't knows isn't the right way ." (Clever girl!! ) Feeling so relieved by the reception by my friend I told my partner of 16 years that evening (I hadn't read Teresa's advice then) and everything I was going to say in my mind disappeared - I went blank - so write it down!
That was only a couple of weeks ago so we're still dealing with the fall out. I had known my partner for nearly 40 years and it completely changed her perception of me, macho ex squaddie now running around in women's clothes, takes a bit to get your head round. What it has meant is that we started to talk, really talk, maybe we should have talked more in the past. My counsellor was surprised and pleased as she thought I was getting suicidal - no it hadn't crossed my mind.
I'm not sure how our relationship will end up but as Teresa said (again - copy right?) "the bottom line is we cannot live with the issue indefinitely , it's mentally destructive . We have to shake off the male straightjacket and accept part of us is female , it is a very strong driving force , and it will never go away ." I know I have a lot of self discovery to do and the denial is still a problem. Watch this space! Good luck!

[Ressie]

I've told a few people throughout my life starting with a GF, then my sister 40 years ago. And I've told other GFs in my life. Other than that it's been great being en femme with others at support meetings and outings. No need to tell family members, coworkers or neighbors.

[GretchenM]

To add a little to what Tracii said about joining a group, when I was in therapy I also went to a support group. I can't say for sure, but I think I might have received more practical benefit and social comfort from the group than from the therapy. But they actually complemented each other. In therapy you learn the "theory" and how to apply it to yourself. In the support group you can apply what you learned in therapy to real situations with people who accept you and want to help support you. If I had to choose between therapy and a support group I would choose the support group.

My youngest daughter is a therapist and in that profession private therapy and support group are often both recommended for clients, but not all. In her experience, with trans clients, support group sometimes works a bit better than therapy because acceptance of who the client is tends to be the biggest problem. And support groups tend to provide that acceptance and caring. Many also welcome significant others to join in, but some groups limit who can attend, especially if it is a focused group. They often have more social meetings where anybody can come. Check it out in your local area. Perhaps you have an LGBTQ center nearby. They often know about most everything that is going on and often have details or the organization holds support groups.

[shellybme]

Tread lightly, my wife knows and that is about it. I lost a friendship because of my cross-dressing. I know that my family will not accept it, so they will never know. Pick and choose your spots. If you do it privately and its a hobby just for you no need to tell anyone else. If you are dying to be out in public and people will see you and you don't care, shout it from the mountain tops.

[Robertacd]

I am currently wrestling with the same question. This is not the first time I have felt like I need to tell someone, anyone, before I bust. Wanting to tell is one of the side effects of the "Pink Fog" that I always have after a successful outing.

My sister (who is gay) just posted on Facebook about a local GG TV reporter who is "Breaking the gender dress code for on-air presonalities" by dressing like a man.

I want so bad to send her my profile picture and show her what breaking the gender dress code is all about.

[Macey]

Roberta, some will let your secret out because of disapproval. Some will let it out because their proud of you. Either way, that would mean the secret got out. Be careful!

[sometimes_miss]

We have to shake off the male straightjacket and accept part of us is female

^Problem is, that this continues the mindset of us having split personalities, and perpetuates the concept that we can assign all the feminine feelings away from 'the real ME, all masculine MAN' that we often feel the need to believe that we are. Until you can accept that all these feminine feelings and desires are intrinsically us, there's always going to be the belief that 'oh, that's [fill in the blank with the female name you choose for yourself], it's not the 'real me'. All due to the continued belief that we shouldn't be, feel, act or dress the way females do. The first step is admitting that it is US, not some 'part' that we can assign all those non masculine, 'inferior' fem attributes to.

"We have met the enemy, and she is US". Slightly modified from Walt Kelly's Pogo

[TolerantCD]

I have this same question my friend. I certainly don’t have the courage to come out, but it would be nice to tell my mom and have her accept it as natural and not make any sort of fuss, but knowing her I think she’d make comments at some point that would make me uncomfortable because like most humans, even though she’s a fantastic person, I’m afraid she has trouble letting things be without offering input and comments that are frankly unnecessary. We just have this need to judge and think ourselves better than others.

[JaclynL61]

Victoria -

As several others have said every situation is different. Only you can judge how your family and friends would react. The fact that your wife knows is the most important thing. Don't tell anyone else without her knowledge and agreement. I understand the need to tell others, but be very sure before acting.

Jaclyn

[KymG]

Roberta, some will let your secret out because of disapproval. Some will let it out because their proud of you. Either way, that would mean the secret got out. Be careful!

My thoughts exactly.
I had close friends who are no longer close friends.

[Victoria_R]

Reading everyone's reply I think it's best for me to keep safe with me. My wife is the only person that knows and the only one I talk to about my feelings untill I found this site. Like some say I feel like I am about to explode and just want to talk to someone else about it and relate to.

[Leelou]

Victoria, welcome to the site! You've already received some great input. I agree with all those that have said that any decision to come out to anyone other than your wife should be a joint decision between the two of you. Sounds from your responses that you understand that.

It seems like you might gain a lot by talking to a counselor. Maybe ask your wife if she would support that idea. Best wishes. You are very fortunate to have an accepting wife.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi ictoria , Quick see #4 in my signature, Think about it. >Orchid ...+..