Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 34

Thread: Being a good neighbour !

  1. #1
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082

    Being a good neighbour !

    Some may recall my story from about a year ago about breaking the ice with my neighbours by telling them clearly I'm TG , I also now live fulltime but do have to accept certain occasions when I have to go and see my mother or my son and grandsons in drab .

    The guy on the opposite side of the road has obviously seen me many times but on every occasion he usually disappears fairly quickly from his front garden . A couple of days ago I was just off to see my mother when I stopped to have a conversation about our gardens , I then touched on the subject of him apparently avoiding me when I'm out as Teresa . He admitted he's not comfortable with it but I do have a sneaking feeling his wife isn't comfortable and he's just complying . I then posed the question that if I had full transition would he never speak to me again ? He replied that we'd have to cross that bridge if and when it happened .

    So I spent the journey thinking should I just be a good neighbour and not dress in my front garden but then I thought no he is the one with the problem , he's an adult he'll have to deal with the issues that bother him . Besides the lady on my righthand side is so lovely , she's even asked if her granddaughter could talk to my dog and I chatted to her and her daughter for several minutes . Her granddaughter calls me a lovely lady and her daughter always refers to me as the lady next door . I must admit my neighbours on my left hand side do now choose to ignore me but they keep themsleves to themselves anyway so I'm not missing very much . I did give all of them a Xmas card thanking them for being good neighbours and gave each of them a bunch of roses , only the nice lady gave me a houseplant with a card and the guy sent me a nice card in return .

    The only question I keep asking myself is should I have appeared at all in male mode from the moment I moved in ? It is the one area where I'm having difficulties going from male to female , if they had nothing to compare me with would that problem ever of arisen ?

    It's still the niggling question who is the good neighbour ?
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-09-2019 at 07:39 AM.

  2. #2
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    3,208
    You darn well should be able to go about your own house and your own property as you please. Dressed in however you are comfortable. Sure, having good neighbors is best, and you seem to be doing everything and above to be a good neighbor. Everything else is their problem.

    There are a lot of reasons to approve or disapprove of a neighbor. My property is unkempt, and I'm sure that is stressful to them. My rooster takes to crowing at about 5:00am, but then again, certain folks in the neighborhood like fireworks on all occasions and sometimes late at night. One fellow has a motorcycle with no muffler. Meh, live and love if it is at all possible. Live and let live if love is not possible. You do you, Teresa. They're the ones who would be missing out on a good neighbor.

  3. #3
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    1,912
    The fact that you are thinking about this means you are a considerate and caring person. I would continue as you are, it is your house, you are not forcing or pushing anything.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Myrtle Beach SC
    Posts
    2,231
    Teresa. You made the first move in being a good neighbor the rest is on them. Dress as you want for what ever reason you want, let the people with "Issues" deal with it, you don't owe anyone anything.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    SE Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,875
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    should I just be a good neighbour and not dress in my front garden
    So, the guy across from you doesn't like the clothing you choose to hide your nakedness. Is that his decision to make?

  6. #6
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    s.nj near Berlin
    Posts
    3,198
    Funny you should bring up neighbors, mine are just beginning to show signs of hope. Once again we(TG,NB,CD etc..)are asked to "hide" just for the sake of others. Mine have known me as a male for along time so I understand their "confusion", but they have to realize I'm not hiding anymore and I am open to have any talk about my "change" in appearance if they are truly curious. A good neighbor? I maintain my house and yard, there's no constant police presence, I pay my taxes on time and I clean the weeds from my curb in front of my house. I guess the big question is why should you do something that is now abhorrent to you just to appease others, so you can be a good neighbor? Just continue to be yourself and a fixture in the neighborhood, they will come around. Spring is here it's time to be outside and enjoy life.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    You have done the right thing as a good neighbour, the only thing is that if you had moved in full time as a lady there would be no comparison for them to worry about. I had a comment once that if I appeared as a male in certain company everyone would be weirded out.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  8. #8
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Lisa,
    My garden isn't totally weed free but I do pride myself on making a good colourful show and keep my lawns trimmed , so no one can complain about my standards as a neighbour .

    Bev ,
    I must admit I prefer not to appear in male mode at any of my social groups , if I wanted to drink with the lads I'd go to the local pub .



    As you can see from from these pictures , by the way the lady in the picture is my gardener ! Well she doesn't look too offensive to me .
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-09-2019 at 09:05 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    1,574
    You do you, especially since you are so out everywhere in your town, you should be most out in your own space and home. I have a set of neighbors who seem extra friendly since seeing me in a skirt and another set that are more distant and one set that seems the same. The neighbors have no influence on what I where in or around my home (that's what I have a wife for! ).

    And I always love your garden, maybe when I have older kids I might devote more time to such outdoor beauty.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,303
    Teresa raises an interesting point. Is she to be genuine and appear as a woman 100% of the time? Or appear as a male when a person feels uncomfortable with her 'female' side? The answer would seem to be obvious. On her property or going about her day it seems she is comfortable with her female side. Teresa's front yard is her front yard. A part of her life. She should be her true self.

    Then the issues arises about accommodation elsewhere. Teresa obviously by her post still appears as a male when visiting her mother, son and grandsons. This is an accommodation which stifles her self expression. Were Teresa to be invited to a street/neighborhood event/BBQ should she accommodate those who are uncomfortable with her en femme and forego her self expression for the event? She does this for her close relatives.

  11. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    North East USA
    Posts
    230
    Hi Teresa

    It sounds to me like the guy across from you (or his wife - it doesn’t really matter) is in “live and let live” mode.
    Sounds like he’s being a perfect neighbor given what are his apparent thoughts of us.
    I mean, he could be rousing the countryside, preaching sermons, and demanding that Somethhing Be Done!

    Great looking garden!

    Fran

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    734
    As my therapist said, if you're out and about as a woman (I can blend but not pass), and someone has an issue with that, it's their problem not yours, unless they elect to harass you about it. In which case you have the option to simply ignore them, or tell them their behaviour is inappropriate then walk away.

  13. #13
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Stephanie/Fran,
    You raise a good point about the thoughts of others . I mentioned the three neighbours surrounding me but many more know about me around my estate , often while I'm working in my front garden someone passing with their dog will stop and chat or at least politely say hello . To repeat an amusing story , the couple who choose to ignore me were having a BBQ , some of the neighbours had been invited , I was in my rear garden in a short skirt and Tshirt tidying up and relaxing on my recliner . A few days later I was walking my dog and met an older guy , the subject did come up , all he said was, " Don't worry you've got good enough legs in that short skirt , or so my wife tells me !!" he admitted they had all seen me through the gaps in the fence .

    Many thanks with kind comments about my garden I'll pass it on to my gardener .

  14. #14
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    4,410
    I am all for being a good neighbor, but honestly hon, it's your house and your property. If you can't live your life the way you want to there, then where can you?

    You should live your life the way want. If anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem.

    Take the high road and continue to be a good neighbor, send them Xmas cards, and be yourself. Don't change anything just for the sake of your neighbors.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 04-09-2019 at 10:56 AM.

  15. #15
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Central Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    1,433
    If my memory serves me correctly, you have been up front and honest with your neighbours from the beginning about being TG. It is impossible to please everyone, so you just have to do your best to get along with people as far as possible. You win people over by acts of kindness, that has nothing to do with how you are dressed. Being a good neighbour is keeping your property neat, tidy and to a standard that is set within the area. All your pictures show that you are keeping a high standard. Would you get upset if your neighbour didn't like you because of the football team you cheered for, or whose team colours you would wear? Treat your clothing choices the same way, because you can't please everyone! If you didn't go to their BBQ, small loss for you, big loss for them. amor vin-cit om-nia, love conquerors all!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  16. #16
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Dallas Ft Worth metro
    Posts
    5,589
    Teresa, I so relate to this as I know most of the neighbors have seen me dressed in various looks, I’m very conservative in
    what I wear but some days like today I needed to mow the yard so I put on my running skirt( no I’m not a runner) ok so walking skirt lol. I put on my ponytail extension for my hat a bit of makeup and off to the yard to mow.
    I saw my Nextdoor neighbors come home and we talked for a few minutes and yes they know I’m TG now I was not fully
    presenting but our conversation was quite normal.

    I do think the fact your neighbors have seen both sides can effect their perception of you but as you say it’s their issue not
    yours. As some have told me you just do you my friend

  17. #17
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    3,581
    Hi Teresa,

    Honestly, you are on your own property; you can do what ever you want. You were upfront with him and if he is the one feeling uncomfortable then it's his problem.

    Not to make light of this in any way .... on the other hand maybe he is uncomfortable because he has a female side bottled up inside him and he is afraid to let her out. Seriously, when Robin lied dormant in me I would feel very uncomfortable around other CDs or TGs.

  18. #18
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,843
    Teresa, u have issues I don't. As a closet CD, I'm not out to my neighbors and try to avoid them seeing me as I drive out to T events.

    However, if they look over the fence and see an odd looking, naked woman in my pool or in my yard? There's not much I can do about that!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    11,036
    Teresa, You are a good neighbor, it’s their problem and as hard as you try you may never win them over. Your gardens are beautiful, you have a nice dog, Lucy, who appears to be a black Lab, you don’t get much nicer then that. You have a very good attitude and you try your absolute best and if it were me I would just continue to do the same.
    Crissy

  20. #20
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Robin,
    I wish he had told me why he doesn't feel comfortable . He did put his foot in it with his wife not long after I met them . I needed someone to take care of my dog for the day and popped across in drab to ask if they could help me out but had forgotten about my nail polish , I saw him looking so I just passed it off by saying I often forget now , his wife sat next to him , so he turned to her and said I had better nails than her ! . She was about to make a coffee so I thought nothing more about it but she never came back , I feel that comment was the crux of the problem making a comparison went down like a lead balloon ! I feel now he's avoiding me because he made that one comparison so he doesn't want to see me in case he makes another comment . They both know I'm about the same age as his wife , I'm sure she doesn't want him making comparisons . I also feel this is the problem with the couple that choose to ignore me, again they are in the same age bracket and since catching sight of me in my garden and hearing the leg comment during the BBQ they are finding it easier to ignore me . As for the lovely lady on the other side she is separated so doesn't have the same problem, she loves chatting to me .

    I'd never thought about the competitive situation before until I cooked the Xmas meal for my daughter and her family as Teresa, my wife was furious and one of her comments was to accuse me of taking her place , I told her straight that being TG has nothing to do with competeing with anyone .

    It would be interesting what other people think of the problem of being compared , it's not something I'd expected to happen , that is assuming I'm correct .

  21. #21
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,630
    I’d put it to you this way: if he had said “I just don’t feel comfortable” being around someone because they were a different ethnicity what would you say or do? Would you tell your friends and family of differing ethnicity to not come over for the sake of “being a good neighbor”?”

    “I just don’t feel comfortable” usually means “I was raised prejudiced and I am unable to overcome that but I’m too emberrassed to admit I’m a bigot.”
    Last edited by Micki_Finn; 04-09-2019 at 02:52 PM.

  22. #22
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Micki,
    There's always a possibility of both elements because of his age ( 71 ) . From his comments he does appear to be a little homophobic but then he had just had the labout party canvasser call and he sent him packing saying I'm not voting for that communist . I get on with fine with him but he does appear to have a few hangups !

  23. #23
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097
    hopefully your neighbor will see that either way you are an asset to the hood,

    but i just have to compliment you on your garden and your house looks just lovely
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  24. #24
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Mykell,
    Thanks for that I do enjoy my garden , I do have some big plans for the interior of my bungalow but I do love it as a home , I just consider myself lucky to have come through my separation with a 50-50 split to give me a chance to choose a nice home , I appreciate some aren't so lucky .

  25. #25
    Sophie Sissy_in_pink's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Tamworth NSW Australia
    Posts
    353
    If he is complying to his wife it sounds like she is scared that he will get ideas and start crossdressing himself or maybe he is and she knows it but won't let him do it and doesn't want him to have any influence from you.
    Sophie Mosley

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State