Yesterday I had a six month checkup with my doctor at the Veterans Administration health care center. (Not the doctor supervising my transition. That is being covered by a different doctor under Medicaid, while I have only asked the VA to provide a hair system for me as a transition-related treatment.) I have been at this clinic several times now since going full time as a woman, and no one - staff or Veteran clients - has ever treated me badly there. The only times I have been misgendered there were when someone was looking at records that still stated I am male. (I have submitted my name and gender changes to the VA, but that is still being processed.)
So, I am seated in the waiting area for my medical team, with my purse on my lap, and it gets down to just me and one white-haired old vet, sitting two seats away from me, in the same row of chairs. We were each minding our own business, and had not tried to chat with each other. He saw a slightly younger but similar aged friend finishing up at a nearby counter, and called out to him. His buddy came over, sat on the far side of his friend from me, and the two started to chat. Obviously they were old friends. Well, after a bit, the older one decided to tell his buddy a joke. As that joke turned out to be a ‘dirty joke’, his buddy glanced at me apologetically, looked embarrassed, and commented quietly, “I feel sorry for the poor lady on the other side of you.” Meaning me, of course. I just smiled at the buddy and then politely looked at the ceiling. The older one finished his joke, but did not look back my way. A moment later, the nurse called his name, and his buddy commented, “You take good care of him. He’s 86 years old.” He left as soon as his friend left the waiting area.
I had not been offended by the joke. In fact, I almost told them both that I thought it was a pretty good joke. But I figured it was better, and more in character as a woman, to just quietly accept that one or both of them had just accepted me at face value, as a woman.
