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Thread: Is there any solution?

  1. #1
    Junior Member TolerantCD's Avatar
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    Is there any solution?

    Hi,

    So I live with family which means I can’t get clothes of my own without them noticing (before anyone says anything, trust me, there’s no way, if I hide them they’ll be found eventually, the house is small and we often change the decoration so nothing stays put for long), so I can’t dress, and I can’t move out because I don’t make enough € to do so (yet). I also don’t plan on telling family because I’m scared and insecure at how they would see me if they knew what I like to do in my free time, and also because back in the day I used to put on my mom’s clothes and if I tell her I’m a CD she’ll know I put them on. In essence I think I wouldn’t like the sensation of imagining how much they would look down on me if they knew the real me.

    There is no solution other than one day moving out, right?

    Although it’s unlikely that I’ll ever tell them, is there a way I could summon the courage to do so if I ever wanted?

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Stashing clothes at a trusted friend's place and dressing while there might be an option. Means coming out to someone, just not family.
    If I had a trusted friend nearby I'd consider it myself. Lol

  3. #3
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Reach out to the nearest crossdressing social/support group , they may have a solution for that type of a situation. The local social group here in Winnipeg has or had storage space and lockers for members. To think of it possibly the local LGBT resource centre may have similar help as well, they used to at our local resource centre. A few super friendly drag performers have helped out a few people too!
    Last edited by Princess Chantal; 04-10-2019 at 07:28 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Sadly, you’re in a dilemma so many of us have experienced. Hopefully, some day we’ll be accepted, but around here, it won’t be soon. I’m one of the fortunate ones with an accepting wife. Yes, it took a lot of time and courage to tell her. I wish you the best whatever path you choose.

  5. #5
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Like Princess Chantal said look into local support groups, some have lockers just for such situations, you may also be able to rent a small storage locker/closet at a self storage place. You seem to be pretty thoughtful and considerate, good for you. Good luck, and be careful.

  6. #6
    Junior Member TolerantCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrendaPDX View Post
    Like Princess Chantal said look into local support groups, some have lockers just for such situations, you may also be able to rent a small storage locker/closet at a self storage place. You seem to be pretty thoughtful and considerate, good for you. Good luck, and be careful.
    What makes you think I’m thoughtful and considerate? I mean thank you of course, but in this situation I’m only thinking of myself.

    Also, that local support group thing would involve coming out to at least someone, and god knows who could see and recognize me, I live in my home town, which I guess is big but still the world’s a small place.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by NancySue View Post
    Sadly, you’re in a dilemma so many of us have experienced. Hopefully, some day we’ll be accepted, but around here, it won’t be soon. I’m one of the fortunate ones with an accepting wife. Yes, it took a lot of time and courage to tell her. I wish you the best whatever path you choose.
    That’s very kind, thank you. Lucky you have such a wife, I can only hope I one day get married a to a similar woman

  7. #7
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Look, fun and games aside, if you can’t afford to live on your own, you shouldn’t be spending money on play clothes. Get your economics together first, then everything will be easier.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Look, fun and games aside, if you can’t afford to live on your own, you shouldn’t be spending money on play clothes. Get your economics together first, then everything will be easier.
    I think this is a very practical observation. If crossdressing is important to you, then use it as a motivation to drive to successful self reliance and move on. As a parent, this is my biggest concern about my kids. Can they take care of themselves.

  9. #9
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    I went back and read some of your previous postings trying to determine your age. Seems you're out of puberty? Anyway, yes, economic security gives any person more options. If you're a young adult getting a decent education and a good job will lead to more freedom. Of course, that freedom does not mean you're going to be 100% successful in hiding your desire to wear women's clothing.

    So what do you do in the mean time? I grew up in a two bedroom apartment with an older brother (shared a bedroom), sister, mother and father. My parents were NOT accepting of gays and lesbians. Transsexuals were deemed freaks back then (1950's-1960's). Crossdressers were considered to be gay. The psychological torments on any young man were confusing. Was I gay? Of course "gay" was not a word associated with homosexuality. The words were crude and vulgar. The only clothes I was able to wear were my mothers, and, only up to a point when I outgrew her clothes. I had no opportunity to hide anything even if I had the guts to buy any clothes.

    To fulfill your current needs all I can recommend is to buy some garments that are small. Perhaps panties. Maybe some thigh high stockings. If your desires right now are running in the direction of being a 'fetish' perhaps a nice selection of panties and hosiery will be sufficient. I know it will take some guts to go out and buy panties and hosiery. My first shopping trips were at holiday times when a guy maybe would be buying garments for a girlfriend; Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. Another thing I did was to buy a garment and a birthday card at the same time. I asked for a gift box. I did this until I had the confidence to 'just buy' the clothes.

  10. #10
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    You are very much in the closet but you know that. If you go to a support group some one might recognize you. YOu can only hope because then you would have a friend who also likes to CD. All the people in support groups are there for a reason as they are if on this site. People hiding their faces these sites always surprises me. First know one cares, your family might. If they are at a support group or a gay bar or a crossing dressing event, web site, or anywhere that involves gender identity they are probably understanding and have compassion and an interest in the subject for one reason or another and you have a possible new friend
    I keep hoping I'll recognize an acquaintance at one of the above. It has happened once and he turned out to be gay and was glad to see someone he knew even if I wasn't gay. I could also explain my thing to him. Try to get out to some accepting place and there are a lot of them you will be pleasantly surprised.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    Maybe a private phone call to LGBTQ organization would help you gather information on groups in your area. That's what worked for me.

  12. #12
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Do you have your own bedroom? That would be a start. If not, you haven't many options at all.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  13. #13
    Junior Member TolerantCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    Do you have your own bedroom? That would be a start. If not, you haven't many options at all.
    I do but the house is small and it doesn’t matter. Stuff is moved around often and I have no privacy, I keep a journal and even that I fear will be discovered. I don’t talk about cross dressing in it though. Besides there just isn’t room to store clothes, there’s no hiding place

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sallee View Post
    You are very much in the closet but you know that. If you go to a support group some one might recognize you. YOu can only hope because then you would have a friend who also likes to CD. All the people in support groups are there for a reason as they are if on this site. People hiding their faces these sites always surprises me. First know one cares, your family might. If they are at a support group or a gay bar or a crossing dressing event, web site, or anywhere that involves gender identity they are probably understanding and have compassion and an interest in the subject for one reason or another and you have a possible new friend
    I keep hoping I'll recognize an acquaintance at one of the above. It has happened once and he turned out to be gay and was glad to see someone he knew even if I wasn't gay. I could also explain my thing to him. Try to get out to some accepting place and there are a lot of them you will be pleasantly surprised.
    I’m afraid that doesn’t really work for me, even if I see someone I know, maybe they’ve come out already and have nothing to hide, in which case they have the power, since they can choose to out me at any point and there’s nothing I could do about it.

  14. #14
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TolerantCD View Post
    I do but the house is small
    Perhaps a moderate sized briefcase with a combination lock on it? You could at least store maybe bra, panties, camisole which could easily be transferred to something else should you want to go to a more 'public' place of the house to pull out some other item from the briefcase so they wouldn't suspect that you're storing anything unusual in there. Do you have a laptop? One that would fit into the briefcase? That would work, because you could always leave the laptop out when you're storing the clothes. Anyone trying to look into the briefcase and mention that it's locked you'd have to ask, 'why are you trying to get into my briefcase?'.
    Way back when I lived at home with my parents, I had purchased a set of luggage with combination locks (Samsonite) and kept my stuff in the attic (but I don't know if you have an attic, basement or any storage spots to keep that in), where as under the bed is a common spot. Some people even hollow out the bottom of the box spring of the bed and store things there, attaching the lower part of cloth with velcro.
    If you do have an attic or basement with suspended ceiling or wood plank floors, those are also hiding place options.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #15
    Junior Member TolerantCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    Perhaps a moderate sized briefcase with a combination lock on it? You could at least store maybe bra, panties, camisole which could easily be transferred to something else should you want to go to a more 'public' place of the house to pull out some other item from the briefcase so they wouldn't suspect that you're storing anything unusual in there. Do you have a laptop? One that would fit into the briefcase? That would work, because you could always leave the laptop out when you're storing the clothes. Anyone trying to look into the briefcase and mention that it's locked you'd have to ask, 'why are you trying to get into my briefcase?'.
    Way back when I lived at home with my parents, I had purchased a set of luggage with combination locks (Samsonite) and kept my stuff in the attic (but I don't know if you have an attic, basement or any storage spots to keep that in), where as under the bed is a common spot. Some people even hollow out the bottom of the box spring of the bed and store things there, attaching the lower part of cloth with velcro.
    If you do have an attic or basement with suspended ceiling or wood plank floors, those are also hiding place options.
    Well thought out, I might eventually do something like this, either that or moving out or finally summoning the courage to tell my mom

  16. #16
    Banned Spammer
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    Well you are afraid of coming out to someone other than your family.
    Afraid to stash clothes at home and to look for a support group because someone might see you.
    What is it you want us to do if you aren't willing to find a way?
    Your fear of being found out means what to you? Please explain it in your words.
    Maybe if you discuss your fears with us here as a group we can help you overcome them.
    Just saying there is no way without even trying to find a solution seems you have given up.
    I tend to read a defeatist attitude in your words.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TolerantCD View Post
    I’m afraid that doesn’t really work for me, even if I see someone I know, maybe they’ve come out already and have nothing to hide, in which case they have the power, since they can choose to out me at any point and there’s nothing I could do about it.
    This is just ridiculous logic. If someone is there at a lgbt support group, they’re there to 1) support you or 2) be supported. No one is there to spy and out the trans girls to their families.

  18. #18
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    Absolutely correct Micki.
    Its just an excuse to not join a group nothing more.
    I'm not trying to me mean about it but just telling the truth.

  19. #19
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    Yes, there is a solution. Wait. Yes, it's a pain and it may even make you miserable, but it's the price one sometimes has to pay for being the way we are. You'll notice many crossdressers come to terms with their nature later in life. Your current situation is part of the reason.

    In other words, yes, you're right. The best workaround I can suggest is find women's pants and shoes that more or less closely resemble men's, and I trust you have an underwear drawer which is more or less private. You might be able to get away with some fem underwear designs (granny panties, I'm afraid) and if they can't mingle with your regular underwear, you can stash them inside socks.

    Finally, while you may not be able to have tons of bras like some of us, you may be able to get away with one if you hide it creatively. No skiirts for you. Sorry.
    Last edited by Patience; 04-11-2019 at 10:14 AM. Reason: Lalalala, I can't hear you!
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  20. #20
    Junior Member TolerantCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    This is just ridiculous logic. If someone is there at a lgbt support group, they’re there to 1) support you or 2) be supported. No one is there to spy and out the trans girls to their families.
    I disagree. Maybe that person has come out to others I know as well, and maybe they’ll just tell them they saw me there, maybe I don’t even know they saw me so perhaps they don’t even think they’re doing anything wrong telling others. So totally not ridiculous to me, however it may seem to you.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Okay I think I see where this is going. I don’t think you guys can help me, even if your intentions are good, because my mindset isn’t ready for what you are suggesting. It’s probably a good idea to leave things here so no one wastes their own time any longer, only I can find a way out of this, no one can take the step for me. Thank you all, truly.

  21. #21
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Tolerant, that's the rub. Ask 10 CDers, get twelve to fifteen different answers! Okay, so you feel stuck in a situation. That can be hard to surmount as you'll need to open up a bit to a lot of possibilities. Not just about CDing, but about a number of things, I think, and that can be hard just to sort through. In the mean time, I think Sometimes Miss's suggestion is best. Get ye a largish locking case that can fit under the bed. Put in it one outfit, some foundation garments, a small make kit, and possibly a wig. Shoes if they can fit.

    Let that be your stash for when you have some alone time and need to de-stress. If nothing else, it will help you unwind when pressure (from whatever source) gets to be too much.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Princess29's Avatar
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    There's no need to rush into anything. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Lay the foundations now and enjoy the success later. Play the "long game" and work out where you are at and what you want and then work out how to achieve it. Good luck

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by TolerantCD View Post
    I disagree. Maybe that person has come out to others I know as well, and maybe they’ll just tell them they saw me there, maybe I don’t even know they saw me so perhaps they don’t even think they’re doing anything wrong telling others. So totally not ridiculous to me, however it may seem to you.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Okay I think I see where this is going. I don’t think you guys can help me, even if your intentions are good, because my mindset isn’t ready for what you are suggesting. It’s probably a good idea to leave things here so no one wastes their own time any longer, only I can find a way out of this, no one can take the step for me. Thank you all, truly.
    Dear,
    You are not a waste of time, and are clearly struggling. And yes, ultimately you are the only one who can solve your problems. But others can help. The suggestion of a support group is really a great one, and less likely to leave a trail than anything else. A counselor would be even better, but there are payments and insurance to consider.

    Your fear of being outed by the support group indicates some paranoia. Technically, it could happen, but technically you could get run over crossing the street or die a thousand other ways if you get out of bed in the morning.

    Anything you do in life will have a risk. In this case, I would suggest the risk is very low, and the reward may be great.

  24. #24
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    People just are not aware that support/social groups put lots of importance on discretion.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    There are a lot of good suggestions here but I think you have to get enough money together and live independently.

    That would solve a lot of problems for you.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

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