1 Step forward 2 Steps back

[Debs]

I always go to my holiday home a few days before my other, she knows i dress (not a problem), but not in front of her, anyway, things are slowly, very slowly progressing. So today we decided to go to the holiday tomorrow, She said, no problem, you can go up with me instead of a few days earlier on your own, you can dress , The her words where "I Dont care do it", I said fine, being very uncomfotable about dressing in her pressence, especially makeup. Well my daughter got back and rang us saying whoops I thing I didnt lock the sliding doors on the front. So ok I siad I would drive up now, lock it, and you join me tomorrow. So far no problem, I got to the holiday home, rang my other and said am here now, all ok, see you tomorrow, can I get changed now or wait till tomorrow, relpy was, not sure wait and see. So many mixed messages !!!!!!, am gonna blow a gasket soon, shes gonna has to accept me or leave me. I know what I am told her before marriage 20 years ago, thing ive been patienced enough !!!! Accept or not !!!!, been playing this games for two many years now in her favour.

[Tracii G]

Just dress for a while before she gets there.

[Beverley Sims]

I suggest as Tracii does, also remember why you got married in the first place.

Yes, I know it is frustrating but you do need to consider the family as well.

[Macey]

You're allowed to be happy in life sometimes. Dress if it makes you happy. Linger in your femme self for a while. Even if she turns up while you're still en femme, she might be a little uncomfortable, but it's a part of you. If you're still dressed when she arrives, tell her time got away from you and you'll go change. Be cool as a cucumber, change normally, not in a frantic rush and enjoy the transformation back just as much as being en femme. Kiss your wife. Tell her you love her. Do things for her. Make her comfortable again.

But you're also allowed to be happy sometimes.

[Eemz]

I find these threads hard to reply to because the idea of control at a distance makes me very uncomfortable, but that’s partly due to my own relationship history. Wanting control of what your spouse does when you’re not there is an unhealthy power dynamic, to me. I don’t see how what underwear you are wearing in a completely different house affects her day, except as a loss of control.

My reading of the situation is different actually. You used to have freedom for a few days even if DADT, but this time it’s you can only dress if I’m there, which you don’t really want to do. Hmmm.

[Tracii G]

Sounds like a case of control on her part and lack of fortitude on your part.
She isn't there so what can she do ? Heck with it dress anyway.
Male martyr syndrome in action again feeling guilty because you are enjoying something.

P.S. I do know what I am talking about because I went thru 2 marriages playing the martyr.
It sucks and I finally said no more I am going to do what I want when I want.

[Teresa]

Debs,
Been there and done this one ! Eventually I couldn't live with the goal posts continually moving . During my gender counselling sessions my wife said the same thing ," Go ahead and do it !" In the morning she announced she had changed her mind . I must admit it did help to get out and meet others socially and I was surprised she agreed to that but once a month just wasn't enough .

[docrobbysherry]

No offense, Debs, but you've been sucking it up for 20 years and think now you're going to put your foot down? Why?

What's suddenly changed in, or for, u?

[alwayshave]

Debs, somehow I envision Lucie snatching the ball from the ground just before Charlie Brown gets to kick it. She knows you dress, may want to give you that, but still does not like it. Therefore, waiting for her to come around may never happen.

[Debs]

ok girls, she comimg round tomorrow, gonna stay dressed, and say lets go shopping, lets see. Going to dress sensible for shoppng, maybe she will come round

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in my eyes I do pass, I go shopping a lot, very rare I get the eye, you know what I mean if you go out.

[Eemz]

Look, I think she has every right to state what she's comfortable with, or prepared to tolerate. I have no problem with that at all. And you get to decide if that works for you, if you can live with those restrictions on the time you spend together. If you can, that's one road. If not, that's another. That's all fine.

The "control at a distance" thing is what worried me, but maybe this is a one off? Only you will know that. Maybe you asking if it was ok if you dressed lead into this weird power dynamic as a one-time thing? If it's part of a wider pattern like "I must know everything you're doing every moment of the day and approve it or not" then that's something else entirely.... and bad.

Anyway, best of luck, and don't base major life decisions on the ramblings of random people on the internet, including me ...