latest therapy session

[Lisalove1976]

Well therapist is now really putting the pressure on me to get out and meet other girls (just for coffee and a discussion) so being that I have never actually had to go out and make friends I now myself in a situation where I am looking to see how many of you girls are in the Montreal area.

I know of 2 girls on this forum but wondering if there are more.... again I must emphasize that I am looking for friendship and NOTHING MORE.

Wow even to me this sounds corny but this is the best I can do for now.

PM me if you prefer not to divulge your location in the forum

Hugs
Lisa

[pamela7]

may I ask WHY they are putting pressure on you? Personally I found no real useful help meeting other "trans girls", instead I get all my femimime-oriented life support from GG's in my life.

[AllieSF]

I can see good reason for going out and meeting people. A lot of that adds into real life experience whether for transsesxuals or crossdressers. In the latter case, if one wants to go out and is afraid, then going out with someone else with experience can help a lot. In the case of a TS person, if they are going to eventually live full time then experience really helps, and, in my opinion, is really necessary.

If you ever make it to San Francisco, I would be happy to take you. Good luck, and I hear that Montreal is a wonderful and friendly place, especially during the warmer months!

[steftoday]

I can see good reason for going out and meeting people. A lot of that adds into real life experience whether for transsesxuals or crossdressers. In the latter case, if one wants to go out and is afraid, then going out with someone else with experience can help a lot. In the case of a TS person, if they are going to eventually live full time then experience really helps, and, in my opinion, is really necessary.

If you ever make it to San Francisco, I would be happy to take you. Good luck, and I hear that Montreal is a wonderful and friendly place, especially during the warmer months!

Take Allie up on her offer! I couldn’t go as Stef the time we met, but Allie knows some great wine bars and restaurants. She’s sweet and I had a great time

[Lisalove1976]

Hi girls,
Pamela I say pressure but she see's where I am no w and where I was say 3 years ago... basically in the same place with more dysphoria than before so she is putting "pressure" on my to get out of my confort zone cause as she puts it "how's that working for you" ... she never requires me to do anything but she highly suggests.

Allie though I have gone out dressed once and it was an ok experience it wasn't my place.. the restaurant and dinner was fine but after we went to a bar for dancing and I wasn't comfortable... I am looking for a nice meal and good conversation.. an issue I have here in Montreal is also a language issue not that french is an issue as I'm fluently bilingual but the cultures tend to clash so I'm really looking for English friends.

Steph thanks for the "referral" I'll definitely look allie up if ever I get you to San Francisco, I hear that San Francisco is also a really Trans Friendly place.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Meeting some transwomen for lunch suggested by a therapist was possibly the most telling and important moment of my "transition decision" period....

Meeting them in a casual setting and just chatting with them gave me a grounding that I had never experienced.

There was a connection that I had never experienced. There was a REALITY to it that made what I feared was impossible become possible..

I could compare myself to them and it helped me realize that what i was doing was not about dressing up or even spending quality time in a female mode..

as an aside, they did ask me alot of questions and were pretty darn harsh on some of my plans!

In your situation it would help you alot to meet successful transwomen

[LeaP]

Meeting other trans people was the strongest, fastest, surest validation I ever received. Not ALL of them, mind you ... there are some strange people out there, too, but meeting some SO like me was life changing. Nothing to do with personality, politics, or anything else other than identity and related issues, either. It’s just amazing how wide and deep the effects run and seeing them echoed in another’s life.

[Devi SM]

One of my sons is a psychologist and recommend me the same because I was sharing some issues with him ut he told me toook for my pairs. It's reasonable but I agree (you already clarify it) that pressure from your therapist is ok. I think that you're putting pressure yourself with those realizations that in 3 years you're in the same stage but more dysphoria.
Now what's the reason of your dysphoria? Frustration for not be able to go out? Or because you lack of the guts and it scares you?
In my case just learn that there's nothing to be afraid going out, even in my sometimes androgynous way not less ti g completely as a eoman8 neither a man.
The only concerns I have going out is to be in an potential danger area alone, so be with someone else would be useful.
I hope my comments can help you.

Debbie

[AllieSF]

Since this post is in the Transsexual sub-forum then you probably have or almost have identified as transsexual (who you are does not match your body). Then my comment above about being able to go out as yourself is so important. That is if you ever decide to go fulltime and live your true life as yourself. Going out as woman does not just mean going out for drinks, dinner and then dancing. It does mean going to the supermarket to get food and cleaning supplies, filling the car up with gasoline, going to work everyday and just living your life as a person,proud of your identity person every day and night. Again, feeling confident and happy when going out all the time is so very important to you. I am now full time, retired, on hormones, facial hair removal basically completed and planning the next steps for me, surgeries. I have coffee every morning at a coffee shop and visit with all my friends there. I shop, explore, ride my bicycle, hopefully golf more this summer and just live my life as me. I do love going into the city, San Francisco, stopping at a wine bar then off to dinner with friends and sometimes by myself. Very rarely do I go out dancing. So, to me going out for you will help you prepare for full time life as a woman and help you find what you like to do in your spare time on a regular basis, what you like for special occasions and as you go out more and learn to relax and enjoy the moment as any other person may do. Your tastes may change and maybe even dancing will be really something that you look forward to for a special occasion the more comfortable you become just being yourself.

All of the above relates back to the why of what your therapist may be trying to get you to do, which I think is great. IIf we were friends, I would tell you the same thing. Actually, I am telling you that and I do not even know you. That is how important I think it is for you over the long term.

The closest I may make it to Montreal, a city I would love to visit in the summer, is Detroit when I may visit family.

[Becoming Brianna]

Allie's post is brilliant and hits the nail on the head. It's not WHAT you do as a woman that matters, it's THAT you do those things AS A WOMAN. That is what is so central to our identity here. And that's what drove me back here, that moment of thinking I can't take it anymore. I need an outlet to express who I really am. I need to BE BRIANNA. That's what I suspect you're feeling here. You need an outlet to do whatever it is you feel comfortable doing as a woman not doing so will only make your dysphoria worse as it did for me.

[Lisalove1976]

Hey Brianna yes I totally get the not what but as who aspect of it all it's just wish it was an "always on" type situation... this is who I am and that's it but just when you think you got it under control the "off" switch comes on and reality sets in!
I presume that the more I become Lisa OR someone in between Lisa and Andy (shhh real name) and let go of him the easier it will become but right now it just is.....

Allie I really wish we were closer I'd definitely be over all the time, I understand that my tasts will and actually already have to some extent... I really just need to bite the bullet and come out then let the pieces fall where they may

[Becoming Brianna]

You have no idea how much your reply resonates with me. That is exactly where I am and what I'm dealing with. I know I'm a woman and it'll be easier when I actually start transitioning to become who I know myself to be but just when I resolve myself to do just that I feel pulled back. I'm sitting next to my girlfriend right now and my heart was filled with sadness knowing that I would soon have to choose then the off switch as you called it hits and I want to run away from this as far as possible but I know that's wrong for me.

[Lisalove1976]

I feel your pain Brianna and don't hesitate to PM me if needed we can share out thoughts together.