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Thread: to be or not be a cd

  1. #1
    maxi midi closets's Avatar
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    Feb 2018

    to be or not be a cd

    if you could re-live your life with everything being the same but with ONLY 1 change - to be or not be a cd, how would you choose?

    I've always been a cd, and I know the thrill, excitement and comfort. But, I think life would be better if I wasn't a cd.

    Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal have all contributed to my shyness. I know I've missed out on life.

    If there was a pill to stop being this way, I'd try it.
    Last edited by closets; 04-14-2019 at 11:12 PM.

  2. #2
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    I'm fine, had a fun life and just want it to continue (white water rafting next week, seen some black water I wouldn't mind trying and there's a really cool parachute jump now available a few hours drive away).
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    I probably would not change, although I wonder sometimes what it would have been like not leading a dual life.

    To Rachael black water rafting is good, see all the glow worms in the caves, with absolutely no light at all.

    Good fun really, just get used to claustrophobia.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    To be truthful I don't really know another life other than a CDing one , back to the same old question , " What is normal ?" I don't feel I've missed out on life perhaps it might have been a different one but in what way ?

    My wife and I agree CDing has kept me faithful to her she knows fine I would have had affairs , so my marriage may have been over anyway . No regrets about having kids and now grandchildren . No matter what we feel inside life is what we make it , as long as we can find ways to enjoy it to the full does it really matter what clothes we choose to wear ?
    The real me ,no going back.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Since I can´t dress when I want and never have made a full transformation because of my wife, I believe it would be better if I wasn´t a CD.


  6. #6
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    No on refection I'd still CD. I've had many wonderful experiences, yes there have been moments of trepidation, heart in mouth experiences as I progressed along my journey but all in all I'd stay as I am.

    I've never hated myself for beening what I am. Pondered the whys but never let not knowing overwhelm me. Perhaps it's because I've always had a little streak of rebellion in me that's made me my own person.

    With that wonderful thing hindsight, one thing I'd do differently is come out to my SO in the very early days while we were both much younger. That I feel would have eased the path tremendously. Oh and if I could please have the internet and this site again from the very start, well icing on the cake springs to mind.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    I occasionally ask myself this question. I spend a LOT of money on my lovely clothes and there is no doubt that I would be very much better off if I was not CD. Against that is the pleasure I get from wearing these clothes - it is excellent fun so no, I would not take the pill.

  8. #8
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    I would have never dated my ex-wife, is there a pill for that. Crossdressing is nowhere on my list of regrets.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  9. #9
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Virginia USA
    This is a really tough question for me, I love my feminine side and how it makes me feel but since my own situation has gone downhill with my wife I would have to at least consider it. Like Helen said I too would come out much earlier but of course back then there was no group like this to get support and insight into things. I really do not know the answer, it would take much more pondering.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    A gay friend of mine in his late 40s told me that he would gladly have taken any magic "gay antidote" pill in there was one, many times when he was growing up. But now he's glad there wasn't because "if I had, then I wouldn't be me any more". That's sort of how I feel about this. My life might have been easier, but I wouldn't be me any more. This is part of who I am, and I like this person.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    If I could go back and not be a CD, I probably would. However the butterfly effect would still change every aspect of your life. Just think about all the time and money we have spent. I still spend about 20% of my time thinking about CDing or shopping. You could not change one thing.
    I have never felt guilt or shame about dressing. It has just been part of my. I do feel that CDing had impacted my ability to date. I never wanted a woman to have to deal with it.


  12. #12
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    It's a good question but there's no way to truly answer it. Also, there's no way to re-live one's life so... What would take the place of CDing? Would it be something more positive or something negative?

    Crossdressing is surely less harmful than than many other vices. Maybe a pill to stop feeling shame and guilt (regarding CDing) would be better.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  13. #13
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    May 2006
    Southeast WI.
    "Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal"
    I have had a great life, the above comment is the hardest for me. You think you get over it then it comes back hard.
    I would add a question how much would your life choices would chance if you didn't have CD in your DNA??

  14. #14
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    That is a very difficult choice.
    On the one hand it would have made my early life so much easier to not CD. No shame, guilt, fear, hiding and questioning my sanity.
    On the other it means that had things progressed the same way I would never have married my loving wife. We would never have had all these decades together. We would not have the family we do. We would not be living this wonderful life together.

    So, I'd have to say NO. I would not want to go back and change. I'm happy with all I have and with who I am.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  15. #15
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Portland, Oregon
    I honestly don't know, I do think it would have been an easier path.
    When we pull on the treads of our life the tapestry unravels in unexpected ways. I know corny, it is a line from Star Trek

  16. #16
    MtF Transgender JeanTG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    100 km from Montreal, Quebec.
    It's made my life way too complicated, I would have preferred to be without this.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Midwest U.S.
    I wish i had not had this thing. I have been tortured emotionally and socially all my life, and a loner, who wanted to marry, but never had any chance. CDing has added to the isolation, shame and guilt, and loneliness, feeling so very different than other men, and more sensitive even, than women. I do hope for a next life and world, where most will be able to live life again, without all the evils and crazy makers of this cruel world.

  18. #18
    Member marlacd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    No. Only because something might have replaced it, that would be more detrimental to my life.

    I never looked at the money aspect of it. If I had, then I might not have married. I wasted a ton more because of that. Money can be earned, but it's just a tool for buying the fun things in life. If I buy it, then I'll have fun with it.
    I don't dress up because I want to be a woman, I dress up to make me happy.

  19. #19
    Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Whenever this question arises I am reminded of the Butterfly effect, and the law of unintended consequences. The world being what it is, there is no guarantee I would have been happier if I had not been a cross dresser. As much as I admire women, and wish to develop the feminine aspects of my personality in ways that mirror them in an honorable way, there is no way to really predict whether I would have been happier as a real woman, or a cisgendered male.

    There is always going to be something to regret in life, I would rather go forward the best I can with what I've got.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  20. #20
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    What a depressing thread.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  21. #21
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    What a daft question. I would choose to be a CD of course. How boring life would be without such guity pleasures. Simples.

  22. #22
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Southern California
    Is there a pill to do it more and start earlier? I’ll take that one.

  23. #23
    Member Julie Martin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    "Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal" "You think you get over it then it comes back hard. " "It's made my life way too complicated, I would have preferred to be without this." "I wish i had not had this thing."

    I share all of the above with the posters (see my post from last week about being discovered). If there was an antidode, I'd take it in a heartbeat. But that's just me, I know many would not. But I will not judge anyone either way for how they feel, or chastise them for raising the question....
    Last edited by Julie Martin; 04-15-2019 at 11:19 AM.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    Aug 2017
    Southwest Ohio
    What a rabbit hole to go down.

    Easy answer is "yes, of course". Then life would have been so much simpler. But I would be a different person since I would have experienced life differently, and our personalities are shaped by our experiences. (ahh, the butterfly effect; one change influences many, many other changes.) I really don't know if I would be happier with (or as) the person that I would have come to be.

    This reminds me of the many times in my life that I would wish that I had been born as a GG. ONLY 1 change, trade that pesky Y-chromosome for an X-chromosome at birth. I'd be the same person, except that I'd be a woman! But it doesn't work like that. That one change would have changes so many more things. The schools that I went to, my acquaintances, who I married, children, grandchildren. Things deviate quickly and significantly. Who knows if the overall package would have been better or not.

    I guess I'm better off looking at the glass as half full rather than half empty. (And recent research indicates that this outlook is healthier anyway). I'd better appreciate the good things that I have, not dwell on the things that I would like to have, and do what I can to satisfy my unfulfilled desires without seriously jeopardizing the good things that I already have.

    (This rabbit hole just got too deep).

  25. #25
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    San Diego
    good question I really don't know. Some times I feel sorry for people who are not CD's They are missing a bunch of cheap thrills and fun. Well, maybe not so cheap

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