if you could re-live your life with everything being the same but with ONLY 1 change - to be or not be a cd, how would you choose?
I've always been a cd, and I know the thrill, excitement and comfort. But, I think life would be better if I wasn't a cd.
Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal have all contributed to my shyness. I know I've missed out on life.
If there was a pill to stop being this way, I'd try it.
Last edited by closets; 04-14-2019 at 11:12 PM.
I'm fine, had a fun life and just want it to continue (white water rafting next week, seen some black water I wouldn't mind trying and there's a really cool parachute jump now available a few hours drive away).
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
I probably would not change, although I wonder sometimes what it would have been like not leading a dual life.
To Rachael black water rafting is good, see all the glow worms in the caves, with absolutely no light at all.
Good fun really, just get used to claustrophobia.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
new kid in town
Interesting thread as I am new to all of this, just wrote my intro today. I am at a crossroads with this very idea. Should I dress or not. Will it satisfy me or bring me problems? I hope more people reply.
thanks
Thats entirely up to you and only you.Originally Posted by Charleene
new kid in town
Interesting thread as I am new to all of this, just wrote my intro today. I am at a crossroads with this very idea. Should I dress or not. Will it satisfy me or bring me problems? I hope more people reply.
thanks
Might as well give it a try have fun and experience life.
To not try will always leave you doubting yourself.
If you are the type that never sets goals and always under achieves you will never know.
I do try to experience all I can. Keeps me going all day, which I like. My biggest concern is how my actions will affect others close to me, should I reveal or be discovered. I do not live my life cautiously when my actions only affect me but tread lightly when my action affect people close to me. I think this may affect others. I shall continue to investigate my feelings for this new endeavor.
Closets,
To be truthful I don't really know another life other than a CDing one , back to the same old question , " What is normal ?" I don't feel I've missed out on life perhaps it might have been a different one but in what way ?
My wife and I agree CDing has kept me faithful to her she knows fine I would have had affairs , so my marriage may have been over anyway . No regrets about having kids and now grandchildren . No matter what we feel inside life is what we make it , as long as we can find ways to enjoy it to the full does it really matter what clothes we choose to wear ?
Since I can´t dress when I want and never have made a full transformation because of my wife, I believe it would be better if I wasn´t a CD.
Kisses
While it was somewhat stressful in my younger years, I would miss this side of my personality. It's impossible for me to say how my life would have turned out without it being a part of me. I believe it has improved my sensitivity and creativity.
"When you come to a fork in the road, Take it!" - Yogi Berra
I guess I did!
If I could change any one thing about myself it would be my aggressive driving habits. I'm at a good place with my crossdressing and trans nature other than not getting enough opportunities to fully dress. Dressing makes me happy and my wife and I are working things out in a way that seems to be working for both of us.
Closets,
No on refection I'd still CD. I've had many wonderful experiences, yes there have been moments of trepidation, heart in mouth experiences as I progressed along my journey but all in all I'd stay as I am.
I've never hated myself for beening what I am. Pondered the whys but never let not knowing overwhelm me. Perhaps it's because I've always had a little streak of rebellion in me that's made me my own person.
With that wonderful thing hindsight, one thing I'd do differently is come out to my SO in the very early days while we were both much younger. That I feel would have eased the path tremendously. Oh and if I could please have the internet and this site again from the very start, well icing on the cake springs to mind.
I occasionally ask myself this question. I spend a LOT of money on my lovely clothes and there is no doubt that I would be very much better off if I was not CD. Against that is the pleasure I get from wearing these clothes - it is excellent fun so no, I would not take the pill.
This is a really tough question for me, I love my feminine side and how it makes me feel but since my own situation has gone downhill with my wife I would have to at least consider it. Like Helen said I too would come out much earlier but of course back then there was no group like this to get support and insight into things. I really do not know the answer, it would take much more pondering.
Crissy
If I was never, ever, a CDer then I would prefer to remain that way. I wouldn't know what I was missing and my life would simpler. I would think that I would not have had a low self-esteem during my adolescence. I would have been more confident about forming romantic relationships, etc.
If I was a CDer and there was a pill to permanently cure me, then I believe that my wife would strongly encourage me to take the pill. Crossdressing really hasn't ruined my life, but it made it more complicated. I remained in the closet to have the respect of my family. I feared the disapproval of my parents. I remained in the closet to protect my children. Also crossdressing has been expensive.
However, my favorite option is always to remain a crossdresser in a world where there is nothing to fear. I wish I could openly crossdress without fear. I wish my loved ones would not only approve of my crossdressing but encourage it.
I would have never dated my ex-wife, is there a pill for that. Crossdressing is nowhere on my list of regrets.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
A gay friend of mine in his late 40s told me that he would gladly have taken any magic "gay antidote" pill in there was one, many times when he was growing up. But now he's glad there wasn't because "if I had, then I wouldn't be me any more". That's sort of how I feel about this. My life might have been easier, but I wouldn't be me any more. This is part of who I am, and I like this person.
To follow up in Helen’s excellent idea of having started earlier, I wish I had known this about myself earlier, like maybe the first day of college would have been a good time to start, instead of after I was married, had 3 kids and an established career.
On the plus side of becoming a closet CD’r, I’ve learned to appreciate much more about the diversity of sexuality and to drop judgments.
If I could go back and not be a CD, I probably would. However the butterfly effect would still change every aspect of your life. Just think about all the time and money we have spent. I still spend about 20% of my time thinking about CDing or shopping. You could not change one thing.
I have never felt guilt or shame about dressing. It has just been part of my. I do feel that CDing had impacted my ability to date. I never wanted a woman to have to deal with it.
Sara
It's a good question but there's no way to truly answer it. Also, there's no way to re-live one's life so... What would take the place of CDing? Would it be something more positive or something negative?
Crossdressing is surely less harmful than than many other vices. Maybe a pill to stop feeling shame and guilt (regarding CDing) would be better.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
"Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal"
I have had a great life, the above comment is the hardest for me. You think you get over it then it comes back hard.
I would add a question how much would your life choices would chance if you didn't have CD in your DNA??
That is a very difficult choice.
On the one hand it would have made my early life so much easier to not CD. No shame, guilt, fear, hiding and questioning my sanity.
On the other it means that had things progressed the same way I would never have married my loving wife. We would never have had all these decades together. We would not have the family we do. We would not be living this wonderful life together.
So, I'd have to say NO. I would not want to go back and change. I'm happy with all I have and with who I am.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I honestly don't know, I do think it would have been an easier path.
When we pull on the treads of our life the tapestry unravels in unexpected ways. I know corny, it is a line from Star Trek
It's made my life way too complicated, I would have preferred to be without this.
I wish i had not had this thing. I have been tortured emotionally and socially all my life, and a loner, who wanted to marry, but never had any chance. CDing has added to the isolation, shame and guilt, and loneliness, feeling so very different than other men, and more sensitive even, than women. I do hope for a next life and world, where most will be able to live life again, without all the evils and crazy makers of this cruel world.
No. Only because something might have replaced it, that would be more detrimental to my life.
I never looked at the money aspect of it. If I had, then I might not have married. I wasted a ton more because of that. Money can be earned, but it's just a tool for buying the fun things in life. If I buy it, then I'll have fun with it.
I don't dress up because I want to be a woman, I dress up to make me happy.
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