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  1. #1
    donna misteriosa colourmannn's Avatar
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    To honour or disrespectful

    My wife is cleaning out her late mother's closet. Is it wrong to scoop a few items of her clothing?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    You need to have a conversation with your wife.

    If she does not know you cross dress then don't go anywhere near them.

    It maybe she wont want you to have them as it may upset her if your wearing her mothers clothes.

    If she agrees to you having them then go for it.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  3. #3
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I agree fully with Shelly. Those clothes have meaning to your wife. Messing with them could turn out to be an infuriating thing for your wife. Personally, I would not even consider it. Play it safe.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Shelly put it succinctly.

    Use common sense and show respect.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  5. #5
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Let them go.
    The things you see as just clothes are reminders of her mother and although she may say she's fine with you have a few, the will be fraught with memories that will cause many mixed emotions for her.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  6. #6
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    Well every situation is different, but I would predict that this is a really bad idea. Do you want to appear as your wife's mother? The number of different possible ick factors here are astounding. Plus, is she even likely to have much that isn't way back dated, matronly, or even close in size?

  7. #7
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    I'm with Meghan and Leslie on this one. The downside risks are way too high.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    I would not do it, I feel I would be betraying a trust in a way, honour your mother by remembering her for who she was but not by keeping and wearing some of her underwear.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  9. #9
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    A thrift store is a totally different thing so thats a moot point.
    You still came up with excuses to keep some of her things so you could wear them.
    You know you shouldn't.

  10. #10
    donna misteriosa colourmannn's Avatar
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    Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this topic. The intent of my post was to get a pulse of our community with respect to used clothing (I should have framed it better), from a MIL, mother, spouse or thrift store.... My CD journey started like many by wearing my mother's clothing. In my teens, I purchased my own items, and once wed, tried on some of the wife's clothing. I know it's wrong not to ask for permission, and for some unknown reason, I never felt guilty about it-it felt natural. Crossdressing for me was always about the love of women's clothing.

    My MIL was a strong, proud and elegant woman, until cancer ravaged her body. Always impeccably dressed, and always on point for special occasions-exercise clothing was only worn to workout. Our relationship was like most, respectful and loving, however I always felt like the black sheep of the family.

    The items of clothing in question are a black pencil skirt, silk blouse and a small blazer-items on my CD bucket list. As a closet CD, and presented with the opportunity to check off a few items off the list, the pink fog quickly rolled in! Once the fog subsided, the moral issue was front and centre. I'm in agreement with most of your comments, however, isn't just clothing? In other threads, ladies wondered who owned the articles of clothing they're purchasing from a thrift store, and why society questioned our desire to dress like women, where the general consensus is that it should not matter what clothing we choose to wear.

    To conclude, my MIL was a wonderful woman, however, she would not accept our/my CD lifestyle and therefore will pass on her clothing. Had our relationship been stronger, and her views on the LGBTQ community not so old school, I would have no issues with wearing her outfits. To me, owning her clothing would represent my love, respect, and admiration of her fashion style.


    Donna

  11. #11
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by colourmannn View Post
    Thank you ladies for your thoughts on this topic. The intent of my post was to get a pulse of our community with respect to used clothing (I should have framed it better), from a MIL, mother, spouse or thrift store....
    >>SNIP<<

    >>SNIP<<Once the fog subsided, the moral issue was front and centre. I'm in agreement with most of your comments, however, isn't just clothing? In other threads, ladies wondered who owned the articles of clothing they're purchasing from a thrift store, and why society questioned our desire to dress like women, where the general consensus is that it should not matter what clothing we choose to wear.

    To conclude, my MIL was a wonderful woman, however, she would not accept our/my CD lifestyle and therefore will pass on her clothing. Had our relationship been stronger, and her views on the LGBTQ community not so old school, I would have no issues with wearing her outfits. To me, owning her clothing would represent my love, respect, and admiration of her fashion style.


    Donna
    Do what you will, but your rationalization is flawed.
    When you go to the thrift store, you are buying clothes that belong to unknown persons. Unless you are deliberately buying clothing that you know was donated by a spouse or family member. So that argument is not valid.

    You are trying to justify wearing the apparel of a deceased family member. As I said, do what you will. Just don't be surprised when events & emotions from your spouse turn against you.

    If you really desire a pencil skirt, silk blouse and a woman's blazer, then go out and buy them. They aren't that difficult to find.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  12. #12
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    This exactly ^^^^^^^^.

  13. #13
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    I also agree with Shelly , you need to be respectful to both your wife and your mother in law .

    My other thought is would there be anything worth having depending on what the age gap is . If I was in a situation to be offered I think I might decline anyway wearing an older lady's clothes doesn't feel right .

  14. #14
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Regardless of whose clothing it is, Do you really want to dress a generation older than you are?

  15. #15
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    This is a REALLY, REALLY bad idea on so many levels that I don't even know where to start...

  16. #16
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    This would not end well in a lot of ways. If it's just a convenient way to get some things of your own, it may seem easy but the consequences would be huge about her finding out and the dressing up idea.

    Maybe going to a second hand store and finding something that really appeals to you would have a better value to you.

    You have the answers if you ask yourself.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    This wont end well
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Regardless of whose clothing it is, Do you really want to dress a generation older than you are?
    Oh, I readily agree this is probably a bad idea. However, if she was a collector of fine vintage lingerie/slips I can feel your desire to save them. If she had knowledge of your cross dressing and your wife approves maybe it would be alright. I'd hate to see some garments ending up at Goodwill and then sold on ebay.

  19. #19
    Non-Binary Member Krea's Avatar
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    I would say don't do it.
    Telling your wife that you would like to have some of her mother's clothes sounds risky at the best of times, but even more so at a time like this.
    "The only way is onward. There is no turning back."

  20. #20
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    Bad idea.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I wouldn't even consider it. Real bad idea.

  22. #22
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    I agree with others, bad juju

  23. #23
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    If we are voting, put me down as a 'NO'

    NO way, nada, not happening.

    There is an 'ick factor' on so many levels.

    But, you do what you want.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  24. #24
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    I agree with everyone here: This is a big big NO NO so in other words, forget about it. If you go anywhere near any of those items, you could cause a lot of unncessary friction in your marriage so don't even think of doing anything silly.

  25. #25
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    This idea kind of gives me the creeps. My vote is obviously "no". I can't think of any reason to even pursue this idea.

    However, if your wife thinks it's ok and you really want those things, it's your prerogative.

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