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Thread: Came Out Today

  1. #1
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Came Out Today

    It has been bugging me to no end about not being upfront with my wife while I try to come to terms with my female side. I don't like keeping things from her.

    An opportunity presented itself this morning and I came out to my wife. I told her about my female side and how she laid dormant for many years and over the past several years has been trying to come out. Wifey was very supportive. She said that she always knew I had a feminine side and thought I would make a good woman. Although she thinks I would look terrible in a dress. We did not talk about me dressing specifically but from our conversation it didn't seem out of the question. We did talk about the possibility of seeking some professional help/counseling. Baby steps.

    I am glad I told her. Maybe now I can sleep at night.

    Hugs,
    Robin

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
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    Thats great so yes take it slow and don't push too hard.
    Pro help sounds like a good idea and it might help her understand a bit better.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    Robin,
    I'm so glad to hear that you got a supportive reaction. I hope this makes life a bit less stressful.
    Traci has some good advice. It would be easy to move too fast after your wife's reaction. This is a lot for her to adjust to, so give her time to get her mind around it.
    -Peace
    -Gracie

  4. #4
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    It’s a step! I’ll give you the warning. You said your discussion did not specifically address dressing, and yet she volunteered “You’d look terrible in a dress”. RED FLAG! WARNING! The snake is rattling and the klaxons are blaring.

    This comment, in all likelihood, did NOT mean that she legitimately thinks you would look bad in a dress. If she’s a woman she knows there are dresses that will compliment virtually anybody type. To me, this comment means “I don’t want you to start wearing dresses”.

    Take this as you will, but a lot of girls here tend to miss communicative subtleties.

  5. #5
    Member Stiletto Gurl's Avatar
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    Congrats!! It seems you and I both have loving accepting wives this week! I just posted a very similar outcome after telling my wife. She even offered to buy me items that she said would compliment my shape well, so I could underdress more easily.

  6. #6
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    Robin;
    You made the first big jump. That is great. Like others above said, go slow.
    Let her digest the fact. ask if you can wear panties, or a cameo under your
    regular clothes.
    My wife was OK with my dressing, as long as I never left the house. Have some rules
    the both of can live with.
    Good luck
    Rader

  7. #7
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Slow, slow, slow! Take your tine, lot's of conversations to come!

    Micki's caution is sound, but it doesn't mean that it's off the table … just means that you need to have more discussion! When I came clean with my wife, she was very supportive as well, but mentioned that she didn't particularly want me to get breast forms. I told her that I really wanted them and would likely get them anyway. Now, several months down the road, and wearing then at home quite regularly, she helped me pick out the second set I bought! Recently, I told her that I was going to try gluing them and see how it goes. It went badly, lol. When she asked how it went, I told her not good. SHE was disappointed! More so than me! A little like how bad you feel when your see a small child lose a balloon … the kid might feel bad, but your heart breaks for them! Lol.

    Anyway, things change. Love is love. If you love each other, respect each other, truly support each other, you'll be okay … even if there are times that are difficult.

  8. #8
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    Hi Robin , That is wonderful, the ball is in her court now, Just don't overwhelm her with Robin.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ...+..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  9. #9
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Robin, Congratulations! That is a big step forward! Now like others have said, take things slow. Your wife’s head is spinning and she is trying to figure out her own comfort level with the new you. There will be more conversations with more questions so just think how you will answer things. Good luck!
    Crissy

  10. #10
    Member Becoming Brianna's Avatar
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    I agree. Congratulations and take things slow! I do agree with some of the warnings posted that she may not be ready to see you fully dressed but she definitely will need time to process all of this just as my parents did. With time she may become more accepting but be prepared and willing to have those conversations and be honest with yourself. I'm sure you will be! But for now just enjoy the relief and peace of mind that she now knows you have unburdened yourself and she hasn't totally rejected you. If you can afford it and have time for it counseling would be a good idea as well. I wish you nothing but the best Robin!

  11. #11
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    Congratulations Robin! I let my wife know nearly 5 months ago now. Maybe a similar story in the lying dormant part. My wife is now supportive but she went through some ups and downs figuring out how to deal with it. Your wife may need space and time to do that. That’s really what I think taking it slow is about. One of the first things I was told was “just don’t stick it in my face”. Since then she has helped me get ready for events, even picking out clothes and critiquing makeup but she wasn’t up for that at the start. Hope your path forward continues to be good. If she’s not fundamentally unable to deal with it then I think continuous honest communication and Macey’s last paragraph are the keys to success.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Robin, that sounds like a very positive conversation. I would keep the lines of communication open and listen to her issues.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  13. #13
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It is a wonderful step when you can release all that energy that has been bottled up and even better when your wife is supportive. A couple of months after my coming out I went to therapy for a few months and also a support group. Very helpful, especially the support group. I highly recommend taking that course.

    As others have said, take it slow. It is a big step for you and one that can make us a bit preoccupied with our new found freedom. We can be occupied with ourselves and lose track of the effect of what we are doing on others. But this is very new to your wife and she needs some adjustment time just to get used to the idea that you are CD or TG. Her comment that she thinks you would look terrible in a dress indicates a bit of uncertainty on her part. Give her time to adjust and you will continue to have her support.

  14. #14
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Great first step. I can’t add anything to what’s already been posted....all good advice, especially...take it slow..best

  15. #15
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    I am very happy for you, very brave on your part. Gives those of us in closets some hope. Hope your relationship continues to grow.

  16. #16
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    Congrats Robin. That first step is the hardest. As you and others have said, baby steps.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Robin, You will have to let us know how you are doing in a week or so
    Crissy

  18. #18
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    Congratulations Robin!

    For the most part I'm happy I came out. Initially I thought my wife would dump me, it would get out I would never be employable, ect..... Fill in all of the self doubt language here..... But it was a weight off my shoulders.

    My wife and I took it very slowly. We've been married for 25 years and are still married. She was understandably shocked. She thought she married a male not this gender fluid creature that I've been struggling with all of my life. But we got through it and have moved on. We've even been to a number of TG meetings in town.

    All the best to you and your wife.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    OMG Ladies! Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I plan on taking it slow and see what additional conversations happen. I have to admit that I have been very preoccupied and I'm trying not to let it cloud my vision.
    Hugs,
    Robin

  20. #20
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I hope things work out for you!

    I am so addicted to dressing up but the wife thinks it's sick so I went back in the closet.
    I bought two dresses today and I was looking at them and the wife got home early so I ditched them.
    She thought I looked like a "Dear in the headlights" and started digging around and came so close to finding the dresses.
    She missed them by a few feet.
    She says she knows somethings up and she hates it! I wish she would accept who I am. I think I'm a pretty good person, just a little crazy!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  21. #21
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Judy, I think we are all pretty good people and at least some of us are a little bit crazy. Just the way it is.
    Crissy

  22. #22
    Member Becoming Brianna's Avatar
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    Judy, if you think you're crazy simply because you dress I have news for you: You're not. Gender non-conforming behavior is not a mental illness... All it means is that we choose to express ourselves differently from most people. It doesn't make us wrong or bad we're just different like everyone else... Not everyone likes sports, not everyone enjoys musicals, not everyone conforms perfectly to their assigned gender. It happens, it's always happened, it will continue to happen. It takes all kinds of people in this world and we're all valid.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Congrats on the big step. It's always a relief to not have to lie.
    However, I share Micki's view that your wife is quietly signalling she doesn't want you dressing. Some women are better at the theory than the practice and while they like to talk acceptance it's far from easy for some. Even if you've always known your wife to be as Liberal as they come, things take on a different complexion when it's the man she married.
    Don't want to rain on your parade, but I rather add a voice of caution that maybe helps you avoid a pitfall and a world of hurt than only call out the congrats.
    All that said, I do hope this marks a new era for you and your wife.

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    What Robin’s wife said could be as simple as she does not want him to jump into this head first.
    Crissy

  25. #25
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Hi All,

    Just to clear something up. When my wife said to me I would look terrible in a dress she meant just that. There is no hidden meaning. It's one of the qualities about her that I love. She speaks her mind and doesn't beat around the bush. Honestly, if were to just slip a dress on, it would be a pretty scary site .... add some padding, makeup, wig, and heels, we might have a small shot.

    Cheers,
    Robin

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