Came out a little to my mom finally.

[Allison Chaynes]

So if you feel like searching threads, you can read about how I shared with my mother in law in 2017 that I wore panties and the occasional bra. Ended up being no big deal, actually worked out well, as we have actually gone shopping together a couple times. Well, I assumed I could never have this same conversation with my mom, but on the phone today we discussed her weight loss and how to handle it. She mentioned she was visiting my brother and had some jeans she'd found, wanted to know my size. I paused, and told her I hadn't worn many means jeans since my heart surgery, explained that the vein taken out of my leg had made them uncomfortable, and I preferred an elastic style jean. I told her I made the switch to mostly women's jeans. She paused and asked what size, I told her 22 or 24 depending on brand. I told her I didn't want her to be surprised if I had any medical issues come up, so my mother in law had already been told since we live closer to her. I then told her I had switched to women's underwear because of the vein issue. I expected a laugh or "WHAT??!" but she said, "well, you have to do what works.... you're not wearing bras are you?" (She knew it had been recommended by my surgeon after the insurance refused to pay for the chest support recommended to provide support after my heart surgery). I told her yes, I did, but rarely, only when doing a fair amount of heavy lifting. She laughed and said she was kidding, but it actually made sense. Then she said something I never expected to come out of her mouth...."You know, it's crazy how women can wear men's clothes and no one cares, but men can't wear women's clothes without it being a problem." I was shocked... but happy I was finally able to get it out in the open and it doesn't seem to be a problem.

[docrobbysherry]

I wondered how u could be out, "a little bit". Now I know! I hope you'll post when u actually level with her, Allison?

She sounds less afraid of u dressing than u r to tell her!

[Rhonda Darling]

Allison:

First, great play on words with your name. Love it.

Second, I'm not sure your mom fully gets it, as you tied it all to a medical problem that was not Gender Dysphoria. I suggest you let it settle in with her for a week or two, then consider clarifying it a little. If you gently let her know that you prefer to wear women's clothes as a lifestyle choice (or preference, or compulsion, or desire), you'll head off her having an awkward conversation with your M.I.L., and you'll probably jump start a new great new relationship with your mom.

[alwayshave]

Allison, all in all it sounds like your mom was accepting. I'd roll with it.

[Crissy 107]

Allison, I agree with both Doc and Rhonda. You sort of told your Mom a few things but not really. It’s a start but you need to continue it and let her know the whole story. If she hears from your MIL it won’t be good.

[rhonda]

I think Mom probably knew already

[BTWimRobin]

It sounds like you're off to a good start and your mom is accepting. I agree with the others tha full disclosure would be appropriate.

[Bobbi46]

Yes its off to a good start but I do think mum must know more than you realise either way it matters not your side of life is coming out nicely and being accepted by your family, good luck for the future.

[abbiedrake]

Threads like this make me think it'd be kinda perversely funny to come out to my mother. My father was a closeted crossdresser (long story. Suffice to say not a topic for family chats). And it would almost be revenge for a pretty fraught mother/son relationship.
But then I haven't spoken to her in 12 years so...

Good start Allison. Good luck with the rest of the revelations. 👍

[Stephanie47]

I think most wives or mothers have some sense their husbands or sons wear women's clothing to some extent. They just refuse to confront the situation until it can no longer be ignored.

Allison has given her mother some valid reasons to wear certain female garments. That ignores the question of whether not a husband or son is trying to emulate a woman. Even her last statement really does not go into whether her son is emulating a woman. From the viewpoint of relationships, if a cross dresser's wife is accepting or just plain does care whether her husband enjoys wearing women's clothing, why should a mother be concerned?

Hope Allison comes clean with all the women in her life. It seems all would be non judgemental if not supportive.

[Angie G]

I never told my Mom. if I had I think she would have been o.k. with it. But at that time my wife didn't even know.
Angie

[Allison Chaynes]

Everyone has different opinions, and many feel that full disclosure seems to be the only way to go, but I think everyone's life situation is different. For me, my mother would never accept knowing that this was a CD thing as long as she thinks it's just a medical thing she's OK with it. The main reason I even told her is because I've spent so much time in hospitals lately, that my concern was if she was to come to visit and even help out with the kids, you know it's quite possible that if I went to the hospital suddenly I wouldn't have time to clean up the house and if she went into my bedroom for some reason, she would see things that would probably need explaining and I didn't want her to be shocked. Still I am very surprised that she took it as well as she did because when I was a kid she freaked out one time because obviously we all start somewhere, and for me it started with her underwear drawer. She never actually caught me wearing any of them but she found several pairs of her underwear in my room and embarrassed me as much as she could and made it clear it was not going to be accepted. I do have an uncle who came out of the closet about five years ago, and I wasn't sure how they were going to handle that they disagree with homosexuality in general but it doesn't seem like it's changed much as far as the relationship with him so I don't know maybe that had something to do with helping.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Allison , I am guessing that yourMother is in her 60s' and has probably seen and heard it all.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ...+..

[Beverley Sims]

I was intrigued by being a little out, so I will like to see the reaction when you are all out with your mom.

[Teresa]

Allison,
It's never an easy one to deal with and gets more difficult with age .

Last year my mum who is 89 asked who's idea was it to separate , I told her her it was a joint decision but then followed on by saying because of my problem so when she pushed by asking what problem I told her I was TG . I wasn't explicit what I wore and at the time she was OK with it . Two days later she phoned me to say I should aplogise to my wife and then said she felt guilty and it was all her fault . I told her I wasn't going to apologise to my wife and that she shouldn't feel guilty as it's no one's fault , it was just something we are born with , I didn't press that point as she might again blame herself as the mother .

She knows I go out in fact she knows I'm fulltime but decided she prefers to see the son she gave birth to , I do feel I have to respect her wishes at her age so have to accept those few hours once every two weeks when I have lunch with her . She also told my sister and she then told the rest of her family so everyone knows but no one has cut me off .

I understand the " Little out " term , as it's one thing for people to know but entirely different to be seen . For me the great thing is I've been totally accpeted by my daughter and her family in fact I've been out several time with my daughter and granddaughter , in fact next month I'm going to see a live shaw with my daughter .

I must admit it's great not to have to worry about having drawers or wordrobes opened as they will see what they expect to see which is female clothing . I personally wouldn't make the excuse of it being helpful to a medical condition , why continue to lie about it when it's gone so far .

[Cheshire girl]

Mums sense these things. Mine wasn’t shocked at all and told me to buy nice clothes and makeup. I’m glad to have followed her advice.

[Allison Chaynes]

Blue Orchid, yes, she's mid 60s.

Teresa- thanks for sharing your story. I always enjoy reading your posts and learn a lot, and have some self reflection. Your journey is a great, truthful one to follow. I appreciate how you and your mother have talked, and I hope she'll come around fully.