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Thread: Hares breath

  1. #1
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Hares breath

    Unusually for a Tuesday afternoon I found myself in Worksop with time to trawl all the charity shops, of which there are many. I was in male mode but wearing nothing male. I spotted a unisex barbers, with only one customer, who was just leaving, and stepped in as I had reached the “mad professor “stage (tbh I had reached this weeks ago but had been putting it off).
    The lady cut my hair and we chit chatted as you do. As an aside, like Doctors being told random ailments, people always have a problem with their homes when I say I am a Surveyor. At the end, and I am not sure how it came about, I told her that if I wasn’t thinning on top and if I didn’t end up looking like Doc Emmett from Back to the future I would wear my hair long. She asked if that is what I always wanted and I said yes. In reply she told me how the previous weekend she had watched a childrens talent show and had spent the whole time thinking one of the contestants, who had lovely curls, was a girl and had been surprised to find it was a boy. In that moment I realised she had most likely worked me out, and I was gripped by a strong urge to tell her. Why, I know not? Perhaps it is not dissimilar to the Confessional?
    After the longest pause I let it drop, paid, and said goodbye. Instantly I regretted not telling her. I even considered going back, which would have been weird. Certainly reinforces the old adage about regretting more what we don’t do than what we do do. I have no idea why it was suddenly so important to me to share this with a stranger. It would be more understandable if I didn’t have the support of my wonderful SO Maureen, who said “it will come when it’s ready” when I related this event to her. I think that may be pertinent and relates back to the times I want to confide in some of my colleagues, being convinced they too must have worked it out (and yes I am fully behind the concept that the bell cannot be unrung).
    Lastly I know it should be a “Hairs breadth”, but having got it wrong in my head, I was quite taken with it.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Helena, I feel you. Next time huh? Trust me, it's doable. And I haven't gone out full femme ever. just women's jeans with my suit jacket. some makeup and jewellery but not enough of either for people to freak out. I've actually made genuine friends of a couple of SAs who I outed myself to buying makeup.
    You'll feel good when the time does come. And your SO is right, it'll come when it comes.
    Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go - T. S. Eliot

    How glorious it is, and also how painful, to be an exception - Alfred De Musset

    Sometimes even to live is an act of courage - Seneca

    We suffer more often in imagination than in reality - Seneca

  3. #3
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I find it very interesting that so many here think strangers will care one way or another?

    Of course, they mite. Until u r out of sight!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #4
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Had my legs waxed while in girl mode, of course I was wearing pretty floral underwear - hope they didn't know my secrete
    Same shop has done my eyebrows, both in male mode and also in female mode.
    I always ask if they could do it as pretty as the model on the poster but always end up like a panda except my eyelids are red for an hour.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  5. #5
    Banned Spammer
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    Helena we have all had those kinds of interactions so its quite common.
    Some instances I have come out and some I didn't and thought I should have.
    Don't read too much into it and really strangers don't care either way what you do and what you are.

  6. #6
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    Helena,
    You'll get there , don't worry about it maybe next time as she now knows you .

    Why do we need to tell ? It's all stepping stones, the proces of coming out, accepting yourself and gaining acceptance . People are pretty good about talking about the TG issue , I've found so many times they have opened up to me about a TG friend or a close family member , sometimes people need that opening to talk about their own situation . My very good friend who runs the art group came out to me about being BI after I had revealed the truth to him about me being the lady in my painting . I've had very few if any cut me short with the revelation , it's an intriguing subject that people really do want to know more about . Let's face it people don't come across a TG person everyday .

    I had the problem of deciding how to present myself when I wanted my hair cut , the owner of the business had no problems with me going in as Teresa , popping the wig off for the trim and then back on again . I must admit it did feel odd for the few minutes sitting in the chair dressed and seeing the image of me with full make up but having my last remnants tidied up , for me it was a better compromise .

  7. #7
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Abbie- Thank you. You and are right, the moment draws closer. I hope that I could now say yes if Asked the question but still unsure about volunteering information.

    Sherry and Tracii - You are most likely right, They probably care not one jot. But is it much different from her telling me about the cracking in her new home and me offering a little advice, and in that moment I cared that the developer was giving her the run around. At that point I felt some vibe of empathy, but equally it could fall into the camp of "why do customers feel they have to share their private lives with me"? Your replies did make me ponder. But what if it gave her day a little boost? "I had worked it out before he said anything" she might tell her coworker or even friends. What if we look at the bigger picture? It feels pretentious to use the word Ambassadorial but surely such potential micro interactions help to normalise us in the eyes of the general population

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Theresa,

    I think you are right, people often have a personal experience but need a little opening to share it.

    That must indeed be a strange experience going in to get the underpinnings trimmed.

    I had almost the reverse experience. Maureen took me to her hairdressers, with which this had been arranged, i had had male trim then she attempted to style one of my wigs, which of course I had to put on. It was helpful but I felt weird sat in male mode, straight from work, so not even any attempt at androgeny, with the wig on.

  8. #8
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    Helena,
    No it's not pretentious , your conversation could make a difference . On a slightly different note I have gained work in the past through the small talk in my barbers , I booked more than one wedding by revealing my business , sometimes it's also how good friendships start . The lady who cuts my hair is Lithuanian and I now have an insight in a country I knew very little about from the few minutes we chatted .

  9. #9
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    We tread very lightly over what we perceive as dangerous ground. Sharing this side of your life with anyone, even a stranger, could be entry to a new path for either of you. But the key is how you feel about it, not what kind of impact it may have on their day or their life. You may have gotten close enough to the flame to admire it, sense the heat and not need to go there again. Or you may be working your way around a difficult ledge in hopes of finding a new path forward. Keep your focus on your needs and interests though and best of luck.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    I’ll tell people if it’s relevant like I’m buying something where I need advice and it matters that it’s for me. Or I was getting my shoulders waxed and she said I’ll be careful not to go too far down the arms... well, actually...

    I have got past the point where telling random people has value for me, but it definitely did at the start to settle my fears of being chased down the street by villagers with burning torches.

  11. #11
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Over the years I have told others about my dilemma and the response has always been favourable and often inquiring as they are interested in how you live and present.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    OK so I had one today. At the barbers.
    I'd been out shopping and was returning home. And as I was passing a barber's I saw their sign - Beard trim and shape £3.Jeez! I figured I'd surprise Wifeling GG with an improvement in male me.
    Rob, my barber, was a chatty chap, and I overshare, so the stuff we talked about was mental.
    Big boobs. Not having been breastfed. Piriton killing libido. Swinging. Age differences. US vs UK. Me explaining 'No, Louisana is where the gators are. Not Tenessee.' My suit. My bangles.
    But for once, when we were right where I could have said 'The suit's nothing. You should see what I wear on the Weekend.' I simply didn't.
    Could have done. Easily. I now wonder if it's because he's male. Thinking about it all the SAs who know I dress are women. 🤷*♀️Who knows? Maybe next time I go for a trim or even maybe a full shave I can tell him why. Doubt my wife would approve!!

  13. #13
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Wow Abbie, you certainly cover a lot of ground. I think you have a valid point, I only tend to get the urge to tell women, except for one hairdresser I have been going to for years.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Have you seen my posts, Helena? I've clearly got verbal diarrhoea! 😬

  15. #15
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Very loquacious Abbie. I am somewhat the opposite.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Succinctly put.

  17. #17
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    I was in male mode but wearing nothing male.


    And somehow you were surprised that she caught to the fact that you might want to look more feminine???
    Did you somehow think she wouldn't notice that your outfit was women's wear? Women DO notice these things...
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

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  18. #18
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Jodie, a very valid point. I am happy about that but regretted not opening up the conversation a little. The ball was in my court and I tripped over my shoelaces.

  19. #19
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Helena, a missed opportunity, but next time you see it, you'll recognize it.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  20. #20
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Indeed Jodie.

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