Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 26 to 35 of 35

Thread: My wife's theory

  1. #26
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    It sounds like a valid theory to me.

    I have met others who think the same way.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  2. #27
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    South
    Posts
    73
    So I haven’t read everyone’s comments so this is a straight reply to your thread. And I’m glad I stumbled on it.
    I’ve explained this exact theory to my wife. I had to soul search and came to conclusion I was bisexual.
    Now at the point I came to acknowledge that, it matters to me not one bit in my marriage. I am happily married to a woman and she is only my second experience. Previous also being a woman. So I guess that means I’m bicurious. But as I’m married unless the marriage breaks down I’m not likely to experience the same sex.
    Now for the theory: when I see myself with someone of the same sex. I imagine me in the female role. I would look to find someone who does partake in cross dressing but would mainly be the lead male. So I could be the female and everything that goes with it. I imagine my life changing drastically if I ever divorced... not transition fully but definitely live as a woman 90% of the time if that makes sense???
    Last edited by Dannie1; 06-12-2019 at 01:22 PM.

  3. #28
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Virginia Beach, Va.
    Posts
    1,657
    Joyce I agree with your wife. Been there done that.

  4. #29
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Posts
    230
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    It aslo creates a problem with wives /partners where they have questioned the BI/gay aspect and you've given reassurances you aren't gay . Coming to terms with a partner's CDing is one thing but to find you've been lied to over your sexual preferenes is something else .
    I’m sure that’s true! I don’t doubt many wives dislike CDing because they’re attracted to a masculine, not a feminine partner, though others don’t find it such a problem and even have fun accepting it. But sexual preference is altogether a different kettle of fish, because it raises the specter of a husband being tempted to infidelity--with another man!

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    962
    Your wife is right in the sense that there are guys out there who will claim any crazy ass reason not to be "gay".

    My favorite one is two guys both in perfectly ordinary male clothes ... "no no, you see, *you're* gay, but I'm not. And that's why we slept together. You see?"
    Er dude... no, I don't think it works like that...

    > You don’t see a whole lot of “I have sex with men but I’m straight” around here...

    Ya I agree with Micki on that.

  6. #31
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Posts
    230
    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    I think we get falsely equated because the ignorant assume our motivation is to "seduce" or "trick" men into engaging in sex.
    That's an interesting statement I've never heard before, and well worth discussing. If that's what's in some people's minds about CDers, to me it seems a strange stereotype. Just the same...

    We all know it's not true in the least that a male who CDs is necessarily interested sexually in other men--although some are. And at the other extreme, there are indeed some CDing male prostitutes on the streets who do trick men into engaging in sex under the illusion that they're women. They do it mainly for the money, I suppose, rather than for sexual gratification per se. I remember driving in Paris many years ago with a French colleague who warned us the Bois de Boulogne was a place to be careful of, because, he said in accented English, "there are women there who are not women"--a delightfully delicate way of expressing it! I also recall a notorious and well-publicized incident 28 years ago in my own town (Phoenix), when Danny Bonaduce fell for one of these transvestite tricksters, then punched the guy out when he discovered he'd been fooled, and was arrested for it. People dubbed him "Danny Bonedunce" for falling for it and getting himself so publicly embarrassed. (Google the incident if you're interested.)

    I'm sure everybody would condemn anyone who was CDing in order to trick a man into having sex with them under false pretenses. That's immoral and wrong and stupid--and dangerous besides! Still, I never imagined that CDers in general would be stereotyped as having this motivation. Thinking this over, I have to condemn people like that all the more for getting the rest of us a bad name!

    Mind you, I don't believe it's the only reason that many people react negatively to CDing. In my mind the number one reason is that to many people it's "weird," and they just can't handle "weird." It causes them cognitive dissonance that they can't resolve. Closely allied to this is disapproval of males who crossdress, not for supposedly "abandoning what's erroneously called male privilege"--that's a fallacy--but for assuming female privilege to which males are not considered entitled.

    But "female power" of course includes sexual power over men. And it's important to distinguish between "seducing" men and "tricking" men into engaging in sex.

    To "seduce" men is one thing. And I'm sure some CDers (not all by any means!) enjoy at least the fantasy, if not the reality, of "seducing" a man who might enjoy sex with them--an enjoyment that's mutual. To trick a man into engaging in sex is quite another matter, one that should quite rightly horrify any man. I've never forgotten a scene many years ago from an obscure movie called Goodbye Gemini featuring a blackmail plot based on just such a scenario--and as a male it did strike me as horrifying when apparently "seductive women" were suddenly and shockingly revealed to be male. If some men really believe that's what CDers are trying to do, I can't blame them for reacting with horror.

    However, I'm not sure that's the case, and I can't help wondering if it is the power to "seduce" rather than to "trick" that gets some men (not all, but some) bent out of shape about CDers. Hey, if a man finds a CDer beautiful and erotic, and wants to have sex with "her" in his male role as if she were a woman, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as they're both happy with it. Though I do wonder exactly what kind of man is particularly attracted to CDers in that sexual way. It wouldn't appeal to me personally from a male viewpoint. So I can't help speculating that men to whom it does appeal are to some degree bisexual. If they are, sex with a CDer gives them the best of both worlds!--a partner who's male, yet with much of the beauty and femininity of a woman. And as long as such a man accepts his own sexuality and his enjoyment of sex with a CDer, that's all fine.

    Unfortunately not all men accept their own sexuality, and some aren't even fully convinced of their own "straightness," however genuine. It's "insecure" men that we have to fear. That's where that "cognitive dissonance" plays a part. They may see an attractive CDer--who by the way was not even trying to "seduce" them; not even thinking about it--and they know it's really a male, but they can't sort their own feelings out! "Should I feel sexually aroused by this person's appearance, or not? If I am, does that mean I'm 'gay'? Horrors!" It's a classic type of "projection" that when some people are disturbed and can't resolve their own feelings, they blame their feelings on the person who triggered them--as if that person were the "cause" of those feelings and was deliberately targeting them--and hate that person for supposedly doing so.

    An interesting point, and well worth thinking about, Micki!
    Last edited by Marianne S; 06-12-2019 at 03:43 PM.

  7. #32
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Marianne that statement is as old as the hills and has been discussed here many times.
    Its exactly what many people think and its nothing new.

    Years ago I had one fellow hit me up in a club and wanted to buy me a drink and wanted to talk.
    We talked for 30 min or so and he asked if I wanted to get a room.
    I said you do know I am a guy right? He said really? I said yes and asked if he was gay.
    He said no and I said well then why do you want to get a room?
    He said well you are very attractive and look so much like a woman how could having sex with you be a bad thing?
    I said have you ever been with a guy sexually? he said no.
    I declined his offer and he was fine with it and thanked me for making him think about what he was doing.
    He admitted he was surprised he was talking to a dude in a dress because it was not a gay bar.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 06-12-2019 at 03:50 PM.

  8. #33
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Banning, east of Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,571
    Quote Originally Posted by Joyce Swindell View Post
    My wife knew of my crossdressing before we we're married and is very accepting. We've been married over 10 years. The other day she said she had "figured it out". Figured what out I asked. The question of why men who crossdress that have sexual interaction with other men and don't consider themselves gay. ?
    I'm sorry to ask Joyce, where did your wife get that idea that some cders have sex with men? Are you one of them?
    Honestly, I ask because I don't see the obligated connection between cding and having sex with men.
    I'd said that for years I thought being bisexual but getting into hormones changed completely my mindset. Before that I was arriving to the conclusion I was gay because I had sex with more men than women but, that was just a "natural" expression of my femininity in a "pubertal" period of my life. In that period I interact, had friends that were cders and enjoy sex with men but never call themselves gays, mostly bisexual, most of them happily married as I was.
    What in trying to say is to arrive to the reasons of crossdressing is really hard. In my 4 years heard so many reasons but none if them being gay.
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

  9. #34
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    In the total animal soup of time
    Posts
    2,145
    This subject comes up now and then and the arguments always go around in circles. The reason being that people cannot separate the objective from the subjective. Objectively, a male bodied person having sex with another male bodied person constitutes a homosexual act. But the subjective reasons are important. Most people would consider one to be gay if they are sexually/romantically attracted to members of the same sex. Some, not many, CDs are gay in that respect. A much larger portion of CDs fantasize about and even engage in sex with other men but are not attracted to them in any way. Sometimes they characterize it as "bi when dressed" as if calling yourself bi makes the act less homosexual. What they are attracted to is, not the man but, the idea of themselves as women. They associate having sex with men with being a woman. The man is just a prop in the fantasy of being a woman or feminine. This is called autogynephilia (AGP). AGP is not gay or straight or bi. It's its own sexual orientation. I include myself in this latter group so after decades of thinking I may be a latent homosexual but wondering why I don't find any men attractive in real life, I now know I'm not gay. Sometimes I think I'd rather be gay, to tell the truth. Gay people can have healthy relationships but AGP distorts everything.

  10. #35
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,702
    Dang Stevie, that's pretty straightforward! Excellent description, and a pretty bold self assessment.

    Micki also made a good point about the perception that some have about us Surprising or Trapping guys. Works in a porn movie, probably deadly dangerous in real life.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State