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Thread: Crossdressers Saved my Life.... Maybe.

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Crossdressers Saved my Life.... Maybe.

    Firstly sorry for the melodrama of the title.
    Those that know me, that have followed or contributed to my threads both here and in the GM sub will likely know my circumstances are far from ideal.
    As a consequence of talks with my wife I've been in a reflective mood. Just over 5 months ago was when I took the name Abigail. 5 months to the day since I joined this site. I had to check that because for some reason I was thinking that Abbie's 'birthday' was the 12th of the 12th. But no, it's in Abbie's calendar. The 5th.
    So that means.... The 12th is still important to me. It was the last time I drank alcohol.

    Let me explain. I started drinking at 17. That's late for a Brit! And in 30 years my longest abstinence was 8 weeks in the summer of 08.Two months in three decades. Two months where I claimed 'see? I can quit. No problem.' I'd had a breakdown the previous year lapping into 08. I became violent. Alcohol was a factor, naturally. And two months was the best I could do?! Fool!

    Oct 2017 is when I first wore a dress and genuinely felt pleasure from it. I've mentioned elsewhere about dressing as a hooker for a party and wearing my ex's wedding dress to work (plastic bags of sugar for boobs, not bad for a 1st attempt. Lol). But those times didn't stick. Only my current marriage had the trust and security I clearly needed.
    6 months later (Apr 2017) our fire department fitted some free smoke alarms (cool. She put 2 in the library!) and she offered to take my blood pressure (diversification!). 185/130. 3 times and the systolic and diastolic proved right. My wife, a former trauma nurse-practitioner) ejaculated an expletive and took the sphygmomanometer from the young woman, adjusted the cuff, tried herself. No dice. Same results. I was a walking miocardial infarction in waiting.
    The GP wanted me in hospital. I refused. Wife needs me. So, meds. 4 times my GPs tried to hospitalise me. More meds, increased dosages. I cut my salt intake then learned that did next to nothing. But... I didn't quit drinking. By then I was drinking more than the UK government recommends as a maximum per week almost every night. AT THE SAME TIME AS THE DAMN MEDS!

    A year into dressing I'd largely got through 'condensed girl adolescence' and found my groove (some of those early outfits, sheesh). But I wanted a home. I found this site but needed a name. And so on the 5th of December I stumbled on Abigail. 3 days later I was ready to make your lives miserable with inanity, ill-judged comments, stupid humour and my tales of woe.

    I was home.

    One week to the day after I chose Abigail I quit drinking. Cold. Didn't plan it. Wasn't thinking 'early start in Dry January'. Just STOPPED. There was no need. No desire. No pangs. Well a brief one on my birthday in March. The next day wasn't my birthday and I was still fine. And sober.
    I don't describe myself as an alcoholic but I behave as though I am in recovery. I feel pretty sure that I could control it if I chose to drink. But I don't feel the need to prove that. I simply abstain. Like a recovering alcoholic.

    So, I broke what had been a three decade constant in my life overnight.

    My BP is now averaging about 115/80. Still high but OK. Liver damage was less severe than I expected and it's on the mend. I've lost 4 inches off my waist. (my dresses from last year are too big 😫.)
    And I couldn't explain the reason I went cold turkey. Until I checked those dates and realised that Abbie and you lot came BEFORE not after I quit.

    Thanks for saving me from myself. You may have all saved my beloved from widowhood.

    And thanks for getting this far.
    Going go cry now.
    Abbie.
    Last edited by abbiedrake; 05-08-2019 at 07:00 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Congratulation on the improvements. With your smaller waist you now get to shop for better fitting dresses! Win, win.

  3. #3
    Shoes, a woman's passion! debbeelee1's Avatar
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    Wow Abbie, you're on the right track! Keep it up girl!
    Hugs and kisses,
    Debbee!

  4. #4
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    It's really stunning. My positive changes are less dramatic, but still good changes (smoking is on my list, quitting that is).

    So thrilled that you are here. Happy belated birthday, and many many more!

  5. #5
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. Congratulations and keep up the good work. I know it is not easy, but can be done. If you get the urge reach out immediately to someone who can come and be with you and help you through those tough moments. They can also me someone to share everything with. Find the right person to be your guardian angel when in need. Hugs. I am so proud of you!

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    Is it only 5 months since you arrived Abbie? Wow.

    I had a sort of epiphany too shortly after I finally accepted that this is just who I am, and that I'm ok with it. I stopped a bunch of bad behaviors, including drink, more or less cold turkey and started to put my life back on track. It was really strange; I just didn't need to do that stuff anymore. And then I ended up here a few months later

    > 3 days later I was ready to make your lives miserable with inanity, ill-judged comments, stupid humour and my tales of woe.

    Hey stop running yourself down! I like your craziness, plus you give me a chance to rant about control issues every now and then, which does me a world of good . It's all about me, right?

  7. #7
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Abbie, thanks for sharing! We are here if you need us! I know about the old B/P! Mine for whatever reason wants to stay around 140/80! Congrats on your successes! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  8. #8
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    115/80 isn't bad at all if you are middle aged or older. Certainly better than 180/130, yikes!!!

  9. #9
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Abbie, I am glad that you are making positive steps in your life.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  10. #10
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    That is great! Mine is typically 120/80. I've lost 3 inches myself. I'm down to 25 and it isn't going to get much better than that.
    I keep saying that retail therapy is cheaper that seeing a doctor. And it is because I an buy really cute XS clothes at really deep discounts.

  11. #11
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Way to go, Abble!

    Who knew CDing could replace those 12 step programs!?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #12
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    The new recommended norm for blood pressure is 120/80 or less. It had been less than 140/90. Stress has a lot to do with blood pressure. As to excessive drinking some people have personalities which lend itself to addiction, whether it is alcohol or something else. It is possible you felt comfort in drinking and now substitute a non calorie way to relieve stress. I use to have a cold beer or two at home after work until the clerk at DMV asked if I did not want to change the weight on my driver's license. I sheepishly agreed to 215. Then I read the calories on the can and figured out how much exercise it takes to dump those calories. Switched to unsweetened ice tea in the blink of an eye. Keep up the good turn around.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Thank you all, ladies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracy Irving View Post
    Congratulation on the improvements. With your smaller waist you now get to shop for better fitting dresses! Win, win.
    Yeah, all that money I was pouring down my neck. Mind you I drank cheap crap.
    AND I've been restricting my purchases in recent months as my wife's objections to my dressing have become more apparent. 😒


    Macey, for shame. All those beautiful pics I've admired and now I have to picture a cigarette in your hand?
    Illusion shattered. It's over between us. 😁


    Allie, I've not often been able to say this but I do currently have those I can count on. Onwards and upwards.


    Quote Originally Posted by Eemz View Post
    Is it only 5 months since you arrived Abbie? Wow.

    I had a sort of epiphany too shortly after I finally accepted that this is just who I am, and that I'm ok with it. I stopped a bunch of bad behaviors, including drink, more or less cold turkey and started to put my life back on track. It was really strange; I just didn't need to do that stuff anymore. And then I ended up here a few months later

    > 3 days later I was ready to make your lives miserable with inanity, ill-judged comments, stupid humour and my tales of woe.

    Hey stop running yourself down! I like your craziness, plus you give me a chance to rant about control issues every now and then, which does me a world of good . It's all about me, right?
    Only 5 months. Yep. You lucky folks.
    Part of my Introspection lately has shown to me just how much I've learned in my short time here. I was telling my wife only Tuesday that I realised how many mistakes I'd made in that first year dressing, without the support and advice of this community.

    As for your quitting drinking? One, well done yerself. Now if we can just find a sober Scot we'll have a new twist on the 'An Irish man, an Englishman and a Scot go into a bar' jokes. A sober Scot? Fat chance huh? Lol

    And of course I wasn't running myself down. Believe it or not I'm too self-assured to even passively crave validation. It's just self-deprecating, post-imperial humour. (including that phrase 'post-imperial' BTW &#128580.
    The craziness however (I've never been clinically diagnosed, I'll have you know!!) is not likely to cease.
    Did I mention I was a black belt in understatement? Hai-Yah!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    115/80 isn't bad at all if you are middle aged or older. Certainly better than 180/130, yikes!!!
    For some months 130 was the norm but there were spikes of over 145 for the diastolic. I chalked it up to my home monitor. If my doc had seen those I doubt she'd have let me avoid hospital a fifth time. I'm happy with the mid 80s or lower. I'm 48 and my BP is 'effective', which means 'well we dunno what's causing it'. So I'm resigned to the meds. Though I'll have to add some little blue pills on for the side effects if wife and I aren't going to go lesbian. NOT on the cards, lemme assure you. 😱


    Quote Originally Posted by Maid_Marion View Post
    That is great! Mine is typically 120/80. I've lost 3 inches myself. I'm down to 25 and it isn't going to get much better than that.
    I keep saying that retail therapy is cheaper that seeing a doctor. And it is because I an buy really cute XS clothes at really deep discounts.
    Humble bragging so unbecomes a lady, Marion. 😜
    I lost four inches but I'd put a foot on my waist (damn scientists and their genetic dabbling, wasn't the ear on the mouse's back enough?!) since remarrying! I'm now at 37in.

    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Way to go, Abble!

    Who knew CDing could replace those 12 step programs!?
    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    The new recommended norm for blood pressure is 120/80 or less. It had been less than 140/90. Stress has a lot to do with blood pressure. As to excessive drinking some people have personalities which lend itself to addiction, whether it is alcohol or something else. It is possible you felt comfort in drinking and now substitute a non calorie way to relieve stress. I use to have a cold beer or two at home after work until the clerk at DMV asked if I did not want to change the weight on my driver's license. I sheepishly agreed to 215. Then I read the calories on the can and figured out how much exercise it takes to dump those calories. Switched to unsweetened ice tea in the blink of an eye. Keep up the good turn around.
    Thing is, Sherry, Stephanie, my wife thinks I have substituted one addiction for another. And she might be right.
    But even she can't argue CDing is less damaging than the alcohol.
    And don't worry, I intend to keep it up.
    Last edited by abbiedrake; 05-09-2019 at 03:46 AM.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake;4360n000
    Let me explain. I started drinking at 17. That's late for a Brit!
    Abbie.
    Abbie,

    I use to go for a Friday lunchtime drink,............... in my school uniform! Can you believe it!

    What's also great about your abstinence is of course that you're more likely to be here to care for your SO. The loss of a partner is always hard to bear but the consequences of your premature departure as I'm sure you're aware would have additional impact. So enough of this light hearted banter.........

    It does seem that finding dressing has been a huge catalyst in your lifestyle. I know your SO isn't that keen on your dressing but given the effect it's had I'm sure she'd prefer your dressing to your drinking. From what you've written it's had a big impact not only upon your physical wellbeing but also your emotional state as well.

    Stay strong and don't fall off the wagon or else we'll have to come round and ladder all your tights!

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater View Post
    Abbie,....
    ...don't fall off the wagon or else we'll have to come round and ladder all your tights!
    Bloody hell Helen. That's a bit much isn't it?!

    Better hide my stockings just in case.
    Last edited by abbiedrake; 05-09-2019 at 05:41 AM.

  16. #16
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Abbie, 115/80 is a good bp. Less stress is always a good thing, Good you are here.
    Crissy

  17. #17
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Abbie, tell your spouse that I said she should have tried harder. I have had a few patients with BP that high. Some did not see another day.
    But... so glad that you dodged that bullet and have become happier, not to mention healthier.

  18. #18
    Septuagenerian member Carole's Avatar
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    Abbie, were your BP readings from a machine or were they taken the old fashioned way? As a diabetic I have mine taken regularly and it is always in the high readings with the newer automatic machines, I always ask for a manual reading and lo and behold my BP is back into the normal range; 72/120 last time instead of an original 90/136. At age 70 I think that is a good reading...............Of course there is a theory about 'white coat syndrome' whereby your BP goes up just at the sight of the nurse and gear, and also it can vary greatly at different times of the day. In other words don't worry overly or you'll give yourself high blood pressure!!!!
    Carole

    WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies , projects or any other reasons You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum posts both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal action.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    Abbie, tell your spouse that I said she should have tried harder. I have had a few patients with BP that high. Some did not see another day.
    But... so glad that you dodged that bullet and have become happier, not to mention healthier.
    Sorry Kelly, but tried harder with?? Getting me into hospital. To be clear my wife relies on me and short notice respite wasn't an option. That my GP respected my decision was as much down to her understanding mine and my wife's situation as any reluctance to battle my apparent stubbornness. I assume that's what you me at. If not please do clarify.
    But thanks, yeah. I'm glad too. Happier, healthier, a better husband, and ironically a better man. Almost half a century in, still growing up. 😁


    Quote Originally Posted by Carole View Post
    Abbie, were your BP readings from a machine or were they taken the old fashioned way? As a diabetic I have mine taken regularly and it is always in the high readings with the newer automatic machines, I always ask for a manual reading and lo and behold my BP is back into the normal range; 72/120 last time instead of an original 90/136. At age 70 I think that is a good reading...............Of course there is a theory about 'white coat syndrome' whereby your BP goes up just at the sight of the nurse and gear, and also it can vary greatly at different times of the day. In other words don't worry overly or you'll give yourself high blood pressure!!!!
    Carol, I've had olde worlde sphygmomanometer, hospital electronic monitors, and two different home monitors. Oh and my wife checks my heart rate old skool. She doesn't trust my watch!

  20. #20
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carole View Post
    Abbie, were your BP readings from a machine or were they taken the old fashioned way? As a diabetic I have mine taken regularly and it is always in the high readings with the newer automatic machines, I always ask for a manual reading and lo and behold my BP is back into the normal range; 72/120 last time instead of an original 90/136. At age 70 I think that is a good reading...............Of course there is a theory about 'white coat syndrome' whereby your BP goes up just at the sight of the nurse and gear, and also it can vary greatly at different times of the day. In other words don't worry overly or you'll give yourself high blood pressure!!!!
    Let's remember, our blood pressure varies from moment to moment. So for an accurate assessment, it has to be measured numerous times over a period of time (hours, days, to over a month) to find out if you need medication.

    Just got sideswiped by a bus and pushed into the oncoming lane of traffic? It might be 280/150 for a minute or so. But it should go back down quick, too. The important thing is to get it down to normal the vast majority of the time. Stress can raise it significantly, even while you're feeling perfectly normal. The real danger is prolonged elevation over long periods of time; it just makes us deteriorate from the inside, out. You know, like a car's radiator hose that eventually ruptures because of the coolant becoming acidic and the pressure from within combining to weaken the hose. It's a combination of many things.

    One of the nicest ways to lower your blood pressure? Get a nice friendly dog. I'm lucky. My neighbors let me borrow theirs whenever I want, for some doggy 'therapy'.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    I'm a cat person and lost our 17 year old queen a month ago. I'm screwed. 😥😁

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Good for you Abbie, I have a friend that still goes to NC he has been off it for 20 years now.

    Pick a goal and go for it. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your positive improvements. Feel free to reach out. We're here for you.
    Robin

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Thank you Beverley, Robin, and all the others who I've not previously mentioned. Your kind words are appreciated, especially at a difficult time for my wife and I.
    I know I'm not alone here in having battled with substance abuse and violence and turmoil. The good news is we can overcome it. And become fuller people in the process. For me that includes the healthier, sober male me and the part of me that is Abbie
    Being a woman part time makes me a better man. 😁
    I think that's what I'm trying to say.
    Keep on being awesome! ❤️

  25. #25
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Abbie, I was quite moved by your story and am pleased you are moving in positive direction health wise. It is sad that your wife is becoming less understanding but hopefully that might change? I too tend towards self depreciating humour.

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