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Thread: How do you identify? And can you explain why?

  1. #26
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Oct 2018
    United States, East Coast
    I've always had a feminine side on a spiritual level, but never really expressed it outwardly until this last year (a little longer, I guess). It's clicked a lot of buttons for me and if I am honest, I'd have to say 'somewhere on the spectrum'. As I am organizing my thoughts and feeling through all of this, I gather I will be shaking out non-binary as this settles in.

  2. #27
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    Nov 2014
    Eugene, Oregon, USA
    I was in my mid-50’s before I seriously allowed myself to evaluate my own gender and orientation issues. I knew before I was into my teens that I was, at the very least, bisexual. I knew I preferred playing quietly with the girls to playing rough sports with the boys. I knew the idea of sex with either gender would work for me. But I also knew that coming out as either bi or gay would have totally destroyed my relationship with my father, and that aside from not being able to be open with him about being some flavor of queer, I had a fantastic dad, and my mom was great too. I was the only son, the child expected to ‘carry on the family name’, expected to marry and have kids, expected to join his fraternal organizations... So I pretty much repressed the issue and tried to live up to everyone’s expectations, as a straight male.

    Over the decades - despite getting married, remaining faithfully monogamous, and raising a kid - a variety of feminine and/or bi impulses kept cropping up. In games where I could choose my gender, I often chose to play as females, and did it well enough that in on-line gaming, others were certain I was a cisgender woman in real life. I wrote erotic stories that included believable female and transgender characters, with more depth than most males could write. I would catch myself looking at women’s shoes or clothes, and wishing I could wear them. But I never did anything openly in real life, until after my parents and wife were all deceased.

    Once I was free of parental expectations and marriage responsibilities, I took a long, hard look at my past. And a clear pattern of feminine impulses and desires emerged. It was as if, in parallel to my male self, there was a hidden female side, yearning to live openly. So I took a chance, and tried going out in public socially as a woman. I loved it, and was very successful in being accepted. And I found it wasn’t a fetish for me, nor was it about sex, all that much. As a woman, I was more open to attentions from men, but I still generally preferred women. I just loved living openly as a woman, being able to wear the clothes, jewelry, and perfumes, and being seen and appreciated as an attractive older woman. I spent three years living socially as a woman, and only appearing as a male to those who had known me first as a male. My new friends who I met as a woman only knew the female me, though I was open about being trans. Most of those new friends were lesbians, who accepted me as ‘one of them’, since I still preferred women.

    Yet I still did not hate behaving like a male. Despite preferring to socialize as a female, I was able to switch gender roles freely, and in a perfect world, where gender role and anatomy did not matter, I could have been happy with being socially female, while living other aspects of my life as a male. In a world of love, acceptance and tolerance, I could have been okay with remaining non-binary. And besides, I thought medical transition was unreachable for me financially.

    Sadly, we don’t yet have that tolerant world. I can only get a passport that says ‘male’ or ‘female’. No non-binary option there, or in many other aspects of daily life. I came to the conclusion that my life as a male had been good overall, but that to live that life, I had for too long denied and repressed my feminine needs. It was as if, after all this time, I suddenly discovered I had a twin sister, who had been cared for and educated, but kept confined in secret, not allowed to interact with the outside world. And I knew it was time for my male aspect to set her free, by trading places with her. When I moved from Texas to Oregon, I started living openly in both gender roles, and openly bi.

    A year or so later, once I knew I could get the full medical transition, I realized I needed to become fully female. There really was no aspect of my life that I would not enjoy just as much, and likely more, if lived as a woman. There was nothing I could truly say I needed or preferred to do as a male. Accepting myself as fully female, and doing all I can to medically achieve that goal, was what would make my life the happiest, going forward. I can’t really even imagine any case in the future where I might choose to ‘cross dress in the other direction’, and interact with the world as a male again.

    So, I identify as a woman, and while I am bisexual, my orientation is primarily lesbian. I am 9 months into HRT, legally transitioned to female, and on track for GRS. And I could not be happier.
    Last edited by Ceera; 05-17-2019 at 04:48 PM.

  3. #28
    Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    Austin, TX
    First, I think you effectively dodged the need to 'duck and cover' by asking, 'how do you identify'.

    For me, I identify as a pragmatist. What I would like to be and what I can be are two very different things, so I find ways to cope that allow me to be as close to what I want while letting me stay within the bounds of what I can be.
    I have had gender issues as long as I can remember, borrowing things from my sisters as young as five or six to play dress up.
    I am one of those that, given the magic wand or the little pill, would become a woman full time without hesitation IF THERE WERE NO RAMIFICATIONS but my real world cost of that is greater than I am willing to pay, so I do the best I can.
    I wear as much female clothing as I need to to feel right; panties and a bra every day, some days I can get away with small forms(I really like those day), I wear size 9/10 Wranglers and sleep in nightgowns and often wear skirts around the house.
    I don't need to try to pass, I don't need to go out and pretend to be a woman; at 6'3", 200# and a terminal case of MIAD(man-in-a-dress), i don't have much chance of that anyway, I just need to feel right.
    Clinically, I guess you could say I identify as a woman in a mans body. Realistically, I'm just me doing the best I can to be happy


    ... I have about as much "choice" over being a crossdresser as I do in deciding my shoe size...

  4. #29
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    May 2016
    North Carolina
    I set out to explore my feminine side! I was still "male" then! Slowly the male turned into Non-binary trangender! Then the GD said need HT! I sat on that for a while and then decided that was the way to go! I am 6 months in HT and still consider myself TG/NB! Where I will go from here is anybody's guess! Enjoying the journey! Gender me! LOL Just my $0.02! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Shelby, the only reason I am not living full time as a woman is because life got in the way. I understand obligations very well.


  6. #31
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    Pragmatically, I still identify as male so I can run into a bathroom and do my business quickly. But, if you call me ma'am as many do, I'm fine with that.

  7. #32
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Sep 2005
    Catskill, NY
    I identify as human. Because, well, when I tell folks I'm a Klingon, I get funny looks...

    As to gender identity, I label myself as a heterosexual female.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Northern Georgia
    I see myself as a man and most of the time I am happy being a man. However, I have a great admiration for all things feminine.
    When I crossdress, I still see myself as a man in a dress. I wish I could look like a beautiful woman, but I'm afraid that is impossible. That doesn't bother me because for me just wearing feminine clothing seems to release all sorts of feel good neurotransmitters.

    I believe that in my youth there might have been a period when I had gender dysphoria. If I had seen a gender therapist at that point in my life then things might have been different.

  9. #34
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    SE PA
    I identify as near-female. It feels right and after coming to terms with my identity, I am happier and more confident. I can't change my yesterdays, but I strive to enjoy day-to-day living.

  10. #35
    Always been a GIRL. Michelle1955's Avatar
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    Nov 2017
    Texas Hill Country
    Born in 1955, always wanted to be female. In my head I am female, so 98% female and maybe 2% male. By 1960 switch underwear / panties with a GG my age the panties seemed correct in my mind. Always at a very early age looked and the female, cloths, bras, panties, toys, etc in the JCP / Sears catalog. But in the 1960’s boys wearing girls cloths was nearly a death sentence. Still a mental block to me basically 55+ years later. Do I crossdress daily, but undressing will satisfy most of my needs most of the time. Wearing a bra is my pacifier, an A or B cup is all in need to fight the fog. Do I go out in the real world dressed yes, but only when the fog gets bad. If I was young again I would fully transition in a heart beat, but would identify as a lesbian. The majority of men attitudes are horrible. I been married for 40 years to the same woman, we have similar attitudes since we both grew up the 1960-70’s but we make it work the best we can.

  11. #36
    Member Jenn_8B's Avatar
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    Dec 2015
    S.E. Idaho
    I really wish I could figure out what I am. Primarily I'm male and that's how I live my life; however, I would consider gender transformation if I could.

  12. #37
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    KimberlyJean, I love all things female and maybe as a teenager wished was a girl. However, I realize that I am a male and always will be. I love wearing women's close and "always have", and always will. But I am male.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  13. #38
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    I'm a woman. I had to learn to be a boy to make my father and grandfathers happy. I did a pretty good job of it too. I wouldn't say I have a disassociated personality. I do though have two distinct "me's".

  14. #39
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    Hampshire, U.K.
    My daughter tells me that a woman and mans brains show no differences and its only upbringing and pressure from society that moulds us into acting male or female as we grow up.
    personally I am unconvinced, but seeing as I am a moron and she is a senior research scientist one has to wonder?
    Last edited by suzy1; 05-18-2019 at 03:20 AM.

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Oct 2012
    I identify as a male plain and simple.i do not think I am transgender inasmuch as I never think of myself as a female even while dressing up. I have no desire to try to present myself as a woman. I am a simple heterosexual male who happens to very much enjoy cross dressing from time to time.

  16. #41
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    New England USA
    I think your daughter is right. Modern neuroscience has dispelled many old myths. But I do wonder how the different hormones affect brain development.

  17. #42
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    San Francisco Peninsula
    I am a mirl- a male girl. I am male biologically, but feminine psychologically. I personally find that being male does not interfere with being feminine, sexually and otherwise. Of course, social gender training is that males are boys, females are girls, and therefore ....people look at me and say 'man in a dress'-rather than the more correct 'male in a dress'. I think at a deeper level they also understand that I am then a feminine type of man, rejecting elements of the male gender training. Females know very well that they can be manly and would benefit from enjoying the privileges of manliness, but the social net is very tight.

    Disentangling male and female anatomy from masculine and feminine gender expression will help free everyone, and increase precision in talking about gender diversity. Many transgender people say they feel they are in the wrong body, but I don't. I just thought I had the wrong underwear- at age 4! I think life would be easier if I looked like a female, since people's expectations would be more in line with what I feel, and I think it would be easier to be a tomboy than a mirl, but I am ok with expressing mirlness and letting it be what it is.
    Last edited by phili; 05-18-2019 at 08:52 AM.
    We are all beautiful...!

  18. #43
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Jun 2013
    Myrtle Beach SC
    Straight Male, because I am.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Southwest Ohio
    I have that pesky Y chromosome so physically I'm a male. At a very young age, when the boys went off to do what they wanted to do and the girls went off to do what they wanted to do, my natural inclination was to go with the girls. However, I was told that was inappropriate by teachers, parents etc. I learned to behave like a boy and recall many cases where I was told that boys don't sit like that, giggle like that, etc. so I learned the appropriate (unnatural to me, but expected by society) behavior. I never had much interest in doing most "boy" activities, so I generally stood off to the side or played by myself. It seems to me that I have a female spirit in a male body. However, since I am attracted to women and not men, the male body comes in handy.
    Last edited by GracieRose; 05-18-2019 at 01:43 PM.

  20. #45
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Boston Area
    Among people who "speak trans" I say I'm a non-binary transfeminine person, among muggles I say I'm a transgender woman but internally I identify as a third gender, not male, not female, but a gender that has been stable all my life although I had to discover it. Physically, there's little difference between me and a transsexual - I legally transitioned from male to female on almost all my documents, I socially transitioned and live day-to-day as female, medically I've had a number of surgeries that are common among MtF transsexuals -- the only real difference is that I'm not a woman. I've transitioned from a false gender (male) to my real gender even if that gender has no name in our society. Someone coined the term "transgenderal" -- I kinda like that. It used to cause me some angst that I couldn't find a precise label, but it doesn't any more.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  21. #46
    Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    Aug 2018
    Texas Gulf Coast
    I identify as totally male and see my taste in clothes from the other side of the aisle as an expansion of my masculine prerogative rather than as a turn to femininity. I see much of what's considered to be masculine/feminine as just arbitrary distinctions.

  22. #47
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    This TV commercial from the late '80s sums it up rather well for me...

    (Have to turn up the volume.)

  23. #48
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    Quote Originally Posted by suzy1 View Post
    My daughter tells me that a woman and mans brains show no differences and its only upbringing and pressure from society that moulds us into acting male or female as we grow up.
    personally I am unconvinced, but seeing as I am a moron and she is a senior research scientist one has to wonder?
    Your daughter is probably not aware of things like this...

    Though far from conclusive, there is a growing body of evidence that there are indeed observable differences between male and female brains and that there may be certain markers the correlate with gender dysphoria.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

  24. #49
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Twenty years ago I paid a counsellor a great deal of money to be told that , my gut feeling knew he was wrong , so I never went back , now I'm glad I didn't waste anymore money on him as the the proof is steadily building that we are born with the trait or whatever label people wish to use . I know my upbringing had very little influence on the start of this crazy merry-go-round , I'm so grateful I'm not still going round on it !
    The real me ,no going back.

  25. #50
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    San Diego
    I identify as a male for the most part. A male crossdresser or a transvestite. I don't dress all the time just occasionally. I enjoy my girl time and when I was younger I spent more time in female mode but it was still part time. Years ago I went to a convention, it was great fun but after 4 days of getting up in the morning getting made up casually for day time and getting into all the accoutrements to blend and pass, most of the time, I just grew tired of it and it was losing the thrill. I seemed to be passing pretty well or at least no one in the civilian world seemed to notice or care what my gender was. For the first few days I was having a great time being a girl especially with all the other gurls but when it came to outside of the convention it was just life.
    So the good news was I could pass or no one cared the other news is to me CDing was a hobby for lack of a better term. It still is a compulsion and a desire but one that I can control and deal with. This week was a perfect example. I had several days of free time. So I was excited about being a girl for a couple of days. The first day I dressed and got out visited stores even a home depot and enjoyed my girl self. The next day I started to dress and said the heck with it, no thrill so I was a boy all day and did the same things I did as Sallee on the third day I said ok I am going to dress and spent all day as Sallee. Well, I couldn't get motivated to dress until mid afternoon after about 4 hours of girl time I was ready to be a boy again I had tried on several different outfits tried a bunch of different makeup looks went out and saw a movie and then went home and became boy again and I was just tired of it and there was no thrill. It was still a bunch of fun but I felt like I did as much as Sallee wanted. So the answer is I am me with a bunch of different sides.

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