Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 50

Thread: Wife doesn’t understand

  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    26

    Wife doesn’t understand

    Hi

    My wife doesn’t understand me cross dressing and doesn’t allow it. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    United States, East Coast
    Posts
    3,031
    Step one is underway, talk to us! I'm afraid I couldn't help much, my wife is understanding, but I can listen! What's the story?

    By the way, if you haven't done so, the mods require you make an introduction post in the introduction section.

  3. #3
    Twisted Sister Patience's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    The question is not “where”, but “when”.
    Posts
    1,245
    Hi, Lisa. Welcome.

    I guess your immediate options are:

    1) Stay married, never dress
    2) Stay married, dress in hiding
    3) Don't stay married.

    There may be others. Which option you choose is up to you. No one can decide what you should personally do. It's your life (and your marriage), not ours. Good luck.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    2,350
    If only we could solve your problem in a forum thread. Lol. Welcome to the forums. About 60% of the space here is used in discussions of how to navigate relationships. The only simple answer is that there are no simple answers. I suggest you start by reading through the posts that are up already. If those don’t help, or you need something more specific to your situation, please feel free to fill us in on details and we’ll help as best we can. But basically, she’s going to either accept or she isn’t and there’s not a whole lot you can do to MAKE her accepting or understanding.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    2,392
    Micki, as usual, is on the money. I think your question is very broad, and we really know nothing about you, you wife or your situation. Start of slow, with some specific and finite questions or issues that you are trying to work out. But remember this is a forum, not a counselor session. Not everyone will have a great suggestion for you.

    But good luck and unravel your thread, if you will.
    Put on a Happy Face.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia USA
    Posts
    3,079
    Yes, we need more details before any of us can even attempt to give some advice.
    Crissy

  7. #7
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,218
    Hi Lisa-blue.

    Welcome to the forum.

    There is a "sticky" at the top of this section called "Tips to an SO's acceptance". That post may be very helpful to you.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    4,519
    Lisa,

    Welcome. As others have said a bit of detail is required. So she knows but how? Did you tell her, were you discovered dressed, did she find your femme clothing or were you wearing hers? . When you say she doesn't allow it does that mean you don't or just dress when she's not there to see? Finally, how long have you been dressing? Context really helps
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  9. #9
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there
    Posts
    21,067
    Welcome.
    Micki is spot on.
    First thing you need to understand is your wife doesn't have to understand/accept if she doesn't want to.
    A marriage is a partnership its not all about you.
    A bit more concise information would help us to understand more about your situation.
    There is no right and wrong way to navigate crossdressing so no black and white answers for us to give you.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  10. #10
    Member Charona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Central Nebraska
    Posts
    318
    It isn't just wives who don't understand. I'd say anyone who isn't a crossdresser doesn't understand. For that matter, even some of us who do crossdress aren't completely sure why we feel compelled to do it.

  11. #11
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    6,510
    Hi Lisa, Welcome to the forum. That is the $64,000 dollar question. I told my wife early on when we were dating so I had the answer before we moved in together. Once married, there seems to be a power switch in most western relationships. Most you can do is go to a therapist together and hope she comes around.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    35,513
    Hi Lisa , Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

    What ever your question, There is a 99.875% chance that one or more of us will have an answer for you

    Some wives are 100% for CDing , some fall in the middle and some are 100% against CDing,

    It sounds like you drew the Short Straw It is up to you to figure out your priorities. >Orchid ...+..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member karynspanties's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Ann Arbor/Brighton, Michigan
    Posts
    704
    You will never change her mind so you need to decide....can you live the rest of your life without dressing? My quess would be no. If you secretly dress, you WILL GET FOUND OUT. What will the outcome of that be? She married a man and now that she knows you wear womens clothes.......she will never look at you or think the same way about you again. Sexual activity may even start to be less......she will be thinking of you dressed as a woman and that will turn her off. Letting the cat out of the bag is a huge crap shoot. Sometimes poop comes back and hits you in the face. If she is dead set against you wearing any female attire....no amount of counseling is going to change her mind. I would think about an attorney and how things will get divided up.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    604
    The most realistic solution is to talk about it and hope she comes around to some sort of acceptance. Even in the best situations it is wise to proceed slowly to make sure you are both "on the same page." The usual disaster involves leaping ahead.

  15. #15
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Catskill, NY
    Posts
    989
    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa-blue View Post
    Hi

    My wife doesn’t understand me cross dressing and doesn’t allow it.
    Welcome to the forums!
    Your wife would seem to be in good company, since there are many of us who don't understand our own needs to dress, or more.
    We give many reasons for why it is comfortable, or pleasing, but few of us can explain why.

    What should I do?
    That depends on:
    1 - how important is dressing to you?
    2 - how important is your marriage?

    You can not "make" her accept it or tolerate it. The two of you may be able to reach a compromise, but I would strongly suggest couples counseling.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  16. #16
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    223
    I crossdress, and like Charona said, I don’t know why I CD, and have given up trying to figure out why. I really just know how it makes me feel.The point being, it is reasonable for your wife to not understand why you crossdress.
    The not allowing part of her raises the opportunity to ask her why she doesn’t allow it, and to ask if there are things you can do - maybe panties only?, CD when she’s not home?

  17. #17
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Catskill, NY
    Posts
    989
    [QUOTE] maybe panties only?, CD when she’s not home? [QUOTE]
    This doesn't always work, or is a viable option for the spouse.

    In my own case, even though I had purged everything, and did nothing related to crossdressing or dysphoria, my ex-wife couldn't deal with the issue that there was an elephant hiding in the closet.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  18. #18
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Myrtle Beach SC
    Posts
    1,729
    I don't even understand it.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,324
    There a lot of us that are in the same boat.

    C'mon and welcome to our cruise ship. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    New Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    26
    Hi all.
    Thank you for your responses. I’ve been on and off Crossdressing for about 8 years. Recently I’ve spoke to my wife about just wearing lingerie under my normal clothes. The wife says she don’t like it and it’s not normal. So what to do ?

  21. #21
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia USA
    Posts
    3,079
    Well first thing I would do is talk some more and just go for panties not even the pretty ones. Start slow for sure, I did and it worked.
    Crissy

  22. #22
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    6,678
    Even if you can figure out why you want to crossdress, that still doesn't mean that she's going to accept it and like it. Crossdressing steps over the gender lines, and changes how your mate will see you; now, instead of a knight on a white horse, she may imagine you in a frilly dress. And that is a sexual turn off for nearly all women. Once the sexual desire is gone, so, too can the love. And once that is gone, she's going to want to replace it, and will seek out someone else instead of you. Then your marriage is done. This is, unfortunately, the path that many wind up on after coming out to our wives/SO's after the fact. FWIW, my ex admitted that had she known about my crossdressing before the marriage, she never would have married me. So it may not have mattered when your wife found out. The next step would be to find a marriage counselor who has dealt with crossdressers successfully before. Then convince your wife to go with you, even if you need to tell her that she's doing it to help you, not both of you; as she may believe that the therapist will be helping you to stop crossdressing. At least you'll get her to go, and then the therapist can take it from there, hopefully convincing her that crossdressing isn't the most awful thing in the world. Hey, it's not a perfect plan, but at least it's a way to get her to go. Maybe.

    Good luck. You're going to need it. In the meantime, consider the worst possible outcomes, and plan for that. This may include: You're coming home to find the locks changed, and her having gotten a restraining order to keep you away from her and any children you have. Closing your bank accounts and emptying them, reporting your credit cards stolen, having your car repossessed, outing you to your friends, family, co-workers, if she has any photos of you dressed as a woman she could post them on the net, The potential problems are many. Be safe. Keep a little money hidden away somewhere other than your house in case of emergency. Ask around about a lawyer in your area that handles divorce cases.

    Better to be prepared and not need it, than to not be prepared and wind up sleeping on a bench somewhere because every other option is gone.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  23. #23
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there
    Posts
    21,067
    You can't force her to accept it.
    How would you feel if she wanted to wear nothing but guy clothes and cut her hair short.
    Possibly wear a fake beard?
    Think of it all thru her eyes for a change.
    If she finds your crossdressing repulsive and not normal then you better get ready for a rough road.
    Worst scenario would be like Sometime Miss alluded to.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  24. #24
    Member Becoming Brianna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    NW Indiana
    Posts
    293
    Sometimes Miss and Tracii have hit it right on the head. Hope for the best prepare for the worst and assess just how much of this exploration you really need. Be forewarned I am single and lost a relationship with a woman I was convinced I was going to marry because of my gender issues. The path and consequences can be rough and scary. Make sure you're prepared and ready.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    15,771
    You said your wife does not understand..

    Is she willing to try and understand the need you have to crossdress.

    You say she wont allow it, Has she given you a reason why there are a lot of variations in the crossdressing world.

    If you find out her reasons there may be an option to arrange some free time when you can dress.

    Best of luck.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State